What Approach Is Best..?

K, yes i have been wanting to ask this one girl out and i havent yet because i feel no rush and nor do i think it is the most appropriate time atm..( for anyone whos read my two topics and is asking, why is he still here?! :nerd:)

Some background to the situation..

So i have a class with this one girl, i got some kind of chemical reaction to her looks and i really want to ask her out. The class is only for 50 mins and meets only twice a week, we have seating charts which we cannot violate, and she sits far away ( she doesnt even know me).

What does this mean? Means i cant really interact with her or get to know her in anyway possible, so if i ask her out it would have to be as a stranger.

Now..my question is, what approach ( what things should i do) would be best if lets say i were to ask you out, what would be a nice way in your opinion? of course the obvious answer for some might be, just do it, but i really want to do this well.. here are 2 main questions..

1. WHat should i say?
2. how should i say it?

I was planning to say something that would send her the message that i think she is very cute and caught my attention without making her feel awkward and without making it seems like its a hobby of mine to ask people out this way..while also transmitting honesty and comfort...

Can you help me with the specifics?

Also, i was planning to give her my email so that she can email me if shes interested or simply forget about it if not, i just dont think that if i ask her out on the spot that i would have any kind of a shot, id give her the choice to email me...I of course wouldnt request an immediate answer, and much less HER contact info...and i wouldnt give my phone because she could be shy, email really would be key imo.

If you take your time, she may well get snapped up by another first. That's of course if she doesn't already have a boyfriend.

I'd probably respond well to something similar to "I've seen you around and I've been wanting to get to know you". And do ask for her number - it's customary for you to call/text her first.

Thanks for the input, the problem i have with asking for her number though is that i feel that since she doesnt know me, maybe asking for it would be an intrusion, so i would instead give her mine..

Its customary for me to call first i suppose because its a given to many that you should have that courtesy but wouldnt u agree it could be a bit intrusive to ask for her number when she might not be sure?

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Originally Posted by whatname [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Can you help me with the specifics?

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No. YOu have to grow up and learn how to do this all by yourself. Just imagine for a split second that you're a mature, confident adult and go from there. But that's not going to work is it because you're here asking us to detail exactly what to do.

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Originally Posted by whatname [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Thanks for the input, the problem i have with asking for her number though is that i feel that since she doesnt know me, maybe asking for it would be an intrusion, so i would instead give her mine..

Its customary for me to call first i suppose because its a given to many that you should have that courtesy but wouldnt u agree it could be a bit intrusive to ask for her number when she might not be sure?

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You suppose it's customary for you to call first? OF COURSE IT'S FRIGGIN' CUSTOMARY FOR YOU TO CALL FIRST!!! Most girls like a guy who's confident. And confidence starts with having the balls to ask for her number.

Yes, it's possible she may say "no" to you asking for her number. But if she won't give you her number, then she was never going email you anyway.

Email because she might be shy? I think you are the shy one. Just go and speak to her - about anything. Doesnt matter what you say, whats matter is the voice tone and confidence in your speech. That alone would be good start and get to know her like a classmate. Not nessesary to say straight away I like you or ask if she have a BF.

Start with breaking the ice by just simply talking to her as much as you can.


Asking her out - where would you go with her if she said yes? Im asking just for a laught.:lol:

Although i agree that in part, my way of seeing how to do this does have links with me being shy, theres more to it.

@ bois, i understand your point, but im asking for pointers in order to build ideas, just because i may be confident, and what i may consider mature, doesnt mean that what i am doing doesnt have any flaws in many areas, its a collection of ideas, if i was a bit more confident about this i would be better, but asking for help, specially the type i was thinking of is no sin.

@ basil, i said i suppose because i am against many of the socially created ideas of what someone HAS to do in order to do things right. I guess i come from a perspective where i am trying to be understandable in that she might need a bit of time to think about it instead of putting a stranger on the spot, although i think you make a point with that if i was more confident, my performance would really help, and that all of this really shows my shyness, i cant say my idea about it is invalid..I wouldnt expect her to tell me, sure we can go out, and i will give u my personal information, specially considering we are strangers, it would rely alot on my looks and confidence which i think albeit good, might be a bit risky, so i dont see why not be confident, AND give her the freedom of time for decision.

@ pcmaster well theres no way for me to talk to her in class, or before it, only way is after class as she heads out, although i think it isnt neccessary to say i like her, i think its obvious and can only help if transmitted correctly, no?

Well this is in college, i wouldnt tell her any specifics although i would imply going out to a starbucks or some lounge or food place in the campus..:D

My scenario was ask her out and get a response later, but i suppose the more accepted scenario here is either wait for an immediate answer?

Actually a place to eat is good for first date cause if you cant talk you can at least eat.

However looks like your best option is to catch her after the class. Again not nessesary ask her out in your first sentence break the ice first. She might be confused at first(imagine that nice girl sudennly starts to talk with you - is she talking to me?) Give her a random compliment and she will understand why are you talking to her. As long as she keeps smiling keep going. But if she turns her shoulder or back against you and not smiling anymore than shes getting cold on you.

Ya, the university we go to has a very nice hall where people can sit and watch tv, eat, use the internet, play billiards, etc, we could peacefully sit and talk in one of the nice seats or something..

Yes it is the best option to ask her after class mainly because it is the only option.

A random compliment? Indeed, I was planning to introduce my self, compliment her so that she understands why im there, and talk to her in a comfortable way until she understands my intent...

Stop thinking so much. Just go for it.. Be confident. Say "hey my name is _____, can i walk you to your next class? Smile, chat, ask "are you doing anything later?" If she says no- "would you like to go ______ with me"? If she says yes, say "thats a pity, can I get your number and we can try to make plans for another night?"

You have nothing to lose-its either a yes or no. Just do it!

Whatname, ok don't ask for her number. But don't be surprised if she doesn't initiate contact with you.

if you don't ask for her number how are you ever gonna start talking to her? it isn't an intrusion, that's how people get to know each other and make plans for dates. and if she says no, ok it might be a little bit of a blow and you'll feel bad but at least you'll know she isn't interested instead of obsessing and worrying about it. and if she says yes that's good! either way you won't find out unless you try :]

OK this will be easy. You do have opportunity between classes, so all you have to do is fight for position. Outside of class rush past her, but make sure you lightly bump into her, get in front of her turn, say sorry, turn away, then do a double take, smile at her say hi, and then say hey you are in my class, what's your name? There that's your first initial contact. If you can't figure it out from there, then you need to go practice on some other girls to build confidence. Girls are attracted to confidence.

Tip: never think that you are out of a girl's league. You will be surprised that these hot girls are just like everyone else.

Im not willing to wait a million years to try out with others just to try out on her. I can build enough confidence to ask her out plain and simple, your approach might work if i was some kind of matt damon hunk but im not THAT either...coming up to her and asking her out in some good way is the best option for me perhaps.

But to faint a situation like that and then proceed to ask her out like that perhaps is a bit too far for me, I'm a 7/10 in looks and not the best in that form of communication, dont think i have the exact tools for that kind of feint.

First thing you should do before you ever talk to her, when you see her and she looks at you, smile at her. That tells her right away without words you are "friendly" toward her. Don't do anything else then, and leave it at that. Next time you see her you can do a bit more. Eye contact and a nice smile, very important. Make sure she sees the spark in your tooth...lol.

It could work but, she sits like 50 feet from me, if she sees me looking at her like that she could get creeped out...the argument is she wouldnt get creeped out if i was attractive in the first place or that im overthinking, but...i just dont think looking at her like that would do too much to help. It Could... but id be lucky if she looks my way in the first place, the class does have like 80 students..

Did you not read my post? I said you should never think you are out of a girl's league. Stop putting her up on a pedestal, she is just like everyone else, not some goddess that would only settle for a 10. You have to change the way you think about how you see yourself to others.....you blow it all out of proportion. Already with my suggestions you quivering like a little girl. Bottom line: there is no way around it, you have to have confidence in yourself in order to get with this girl. You can't do it from afar doing baby steps.

You will never get a date with anyone unless you are willing to go up to them and ask them for their number. Try practicing in the mirror this weekend then give it a go on her next week.

Oh here is something you can try...make up a fake survey that is part of a project you are working on, and ask her to be a part of it. All you need is a made up form on a clipboard. Make sure it's an easy topic that she can relate to....try to make it funny. Or is that too frightening to do?

Great idea smackie. You can make her laugh and then youll have an excuse to talk to her again once you realize shes not intimidating

I get your point of confidence and frame of thinking, and i understand that you mean that i should take power and initiative, and i will do so then...But one of the reasons that i sometimes object to idea like going through acts like the one you mention about the clipboard is that id rather be more direct, and get it over with, and i assume you treat this as frightening from my part?

I dont know but if confidence and assurance is key id just rather walk up to her, compliment her and just do it..these procedures that u give dont appetize me in the same way, you understand?

Then why are you here? Just go up to her, tell her you think she is cute and should go out with you....then ask for her number.

As for my suggestions....I'm giving you a female perspective on this. This sort of thing works on us, that is why I made these very simple easy to do suggestions. If you can't cope doing something of the likes of these then you keep doing what you have been doing....nothing.

My suggestions are to just get you known to her, to get your foot in the door so to speak.....what you do after is up to you.

Yet another one who's come to get his opinion validated. Yippee.

Here's a tip: There will always be rejection no matter what. We have all gone through it, even us girls. If you fear rejection, you will never be able to ask a girl out. If you don't ask a girl out, you will never have a GF, etc. If you accept the fact reject may happen and you won't let that stop you from trying, then you are ahead of the game.

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Originally Posted by whatname [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I dont know but if confidence and assurance is key id just rather walk up to her, compliment her and just do it..

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I wish you would too....

Nonono no need to be narrow minded about the issue, im here to get opinions, thoughts, and etc..

I of course give you my first though opinion about the issue, i believe that i told you that i understand the meaning behind your advice but there could be other ways to get the point accross to me and my self while doing other things, your ideas to help and they are taken into account and i could do them..

Im not a narrow minded guy who came here to simply get validated by taking other opinions down and making my being here seem contradictory, thats not the reality here.

I understand that i have to take the initiative, take control, and do something good because women in general like that, and that any doubt about it should be erased in a way because its not helpful.

Ok so i have to do it, i am aware of this that is why in the o.p that right now might noe be the most appropriate time to do it because im not entirely at the most confident levels, and i undertstand that..

Im not trying to be a smart ass i want to make that known.

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Originally Posted by whatname [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Nonono no need to be narrow minded about the issue, im here to get opinions, thoughts, and etc..

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So why argue with the opinions expressed? Especially when they're overwhelmingly congruent?

There is no "appropriate" time. That is an insecure guy making excuses. Just go right up to her after class, introduce yourself, compliment her and say you would like her number. If she says no she says no.....it doesn't matter on timing, it's was going to happen anyways.

You can keep talking in circles around this, but it doesn't change what you have to do....

Now if she rejects you, don't get douchey or whiny....just tell her ok and it was nice to meet her. She will remember that and possibly recommend you to a friend of hers.

I get it, and ill do so, ill be confident and just do it, i get it.

And ya i am not the type that will take it up the butt in that sense.

Even if she says no you be proud of yourself for stepping up and doing it.

When I get approached (I'm married) I always make sure they get a compliment from me for their effort. I know this is a nerve racking thing for guys, but it doesn't have to be if you change your attitude about it. We don't bite. You would be surprised at the complaints I get from women about how guys don't ask them out. I tell them to make it damn easier for them and ask them out lol.

Find out what she's interested in hobbywise and just casually approach her during one break /outside class and say - "Hey, you like XXX don't you? So do I. Do you want to swap numbers and maybe we can go sometime/ next week/ etc?" That way it's pretty casual but shows you've taken an interest in her to find out what she likes doing. She'll be flattered, won't think you're too needy and her curiosity raised. She'll probably swap numbers with you there and then and she may actually call you!