Her past is bothering me

Me and my girlfriend have been together for 6 months but I love her so much. I've been in longer relationships but have never loved any of them this much. Of course with love comes jealousy. I cannot get over my girls past. When I'm with her I'm fine but when I'm not and have time on my hands I can't stop thinking about it. She has been with 2 people in high school and her first year of college she was with 4 ppl. They weren't one night stands, they were actually people she thought she would end up being with. She's not the type to be with anyone if there not going to make a commitment because she stopped talking to them for that reason. Me and her had sex after a little over a week but we were literally hanging out for about 5 hours everyday before we did. I need help getting over her past... Its not really the 2 in high school that bothers me. It is the 4 people she was with her freshman year of college that bothers me. 6 is not a high number but i still get jealous. Someone please help me.

Why are you jealous of something that's in the past? She isn't talking to them anymore... at least according to what you are telling us. You shouldn't have anything to worry about.

Dont be jelous !

I hear in radio that penis shape is perfectly made for pumping out previous male sperm out of vagina.

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Originally Posted by pcmaster [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Dont be jelous !

I hear in radio that penis shape is perfectly made for pumping out previous male sperm out of vagina.

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Thumbs up for that comment. lol

Only you can help yourself by just accepting her past. If you can't accept the fact that she has a past then there's nothing you can do but break up. Everyone has a past...so its unrealisic to think you'll find someone without one..if you like everythig else about her you need to just learn to accept it happened before your time with her.

The past is the past. Why should you care about it. You love her for who she is. I was in the sane position as you, I was finding it hard to get over my gf past. But I realised what she did before is nothing to with me. And you should think the same. Your into her and sane applies to her. Not like she even talks to them. So just move on and enjoy your time with her

She wasnt having one night stands, shes not a slut so i really dont see an issue.. I just hope ur not one of those hypocritical losers who thinks its alright for you to have a past but not her.

Hmn...I do not agree with anyone here. The past, though not always, can be good indication of the future. History does tend to repeat itself. 4 people just in college is not a small number for a girl - one dude per year. I say for a girl, because girls are naturally supposed to be less promiscuous than guys, if anything, because the outcome of getting pregnant for a girl caries a heavier toll.

I don't know much about your relationship, but you have a good reason to question this. A guy's worst nightmare is ending up with a "slut". Guys will have sex with a girl like that, they will respond to her, but no guy has respect for a girl like that.
I'm not saying she is like this, but if she is, the ramifications of her being like that at the least spell the end of your relationship. You have to really think about this.

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Originally Posted by toknow [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Hmn...I do not agree with anyone here. The past, though not always, can be good indication of the future. History does tend to repeat itself. 4 people just in college is not a small number for a girl - one dude per year. I say for a girl, because girls are naturally supposed to be less promiscuous than guys, if anything, because the outcome of getting pregnant for a girl caries a heavier toll.

I don't know much about your relationship, but you have a good reason to question this. A guy's worst nightmare is ending up with a "slut". Guys will have sex with a girl like that, they will respond to her, but no guy has respect for a girl like that.
I'm not saying she is like this, but if she is, the ramifications of her being like that at the least spell the end of your relationship. You have to really think about this.

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Huge generalisations you're making there.

If it's true that a guy's worst nightmare is ending up with a 'slut', why was my husband so happy with me...despite me having had about 15 partners by the time I was 24? And why does he respect me? Oh - and I should add that our 20 year union was the result of a one night stand - so it's not like I pretended to be something I wasn't. And he has very high self esteem....more so than many men I've known.

Please explain

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Originally Posted by basilandthyme [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Huge generalisations you're making there.

If it's true that a guy's worst nightmare is ending up with a 'slut', why was my husband so happy with me...despite me having had about 15 partners by the time I was 24? And why does he respect me?Please explain

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If he is ok with you being a "slut" he doesn't care about you much. And you and he might think he respects you as a "slut" then what does that say about him and is that really respect.

Fact is, girls, if your guy doesn't care about this, you should be very worried about how much he values you, and the state of your relationship. Huge red flag, and I would not be proud of it if I were you.

I have to make what I wrote in my previous post more clear: A guy's worst nightmare is ending up with a "slut"...if he actually values her.

If a car has a broken part in it, but it drives well and no one notices, does it really matter. Not, at the moment it doesn't, but in time it will. Just because something looks healthy and good, doesn't mean it is, but in time it does manifest itself one way or another.

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Originally Posted by toknow [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

If he is ok with you being a "slut" he doesn't care about you much. And you and he might think he respects you as a "slut" then what does that say about him and is that really respect..

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If he doesn't care about me or respect me much, why does he treat me so well? Why does he give credence to my opinions and trust me to be primary carer of our children? Why do we laugh together and enjoy each other's company?

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Originally Posted by basilandthyme [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

If he doesn't care about me or respect me much, why does he treat me so well? Why does he give credence to my opinions and trust me to be primary carer of our children? Why do we laugh together and enjoy each other's company?

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Your relationship with your children and your husband is nothing unusual or special (it's what's beyond the norm that makes it so). It's normal. That's how you are supposed to act to reproduce. You can carry on reproducing and all the natural functions, and still have a broken relationship or just a normal one. As I pointed out above just because something seems right, doesn't mean it necessarily is. Ignorance is not bliss. Ignorance is temporary bliss.

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Originally Posted by basilandthyme [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

If he doesn't care about me or respect me much, why does he treat me so well? Why does he give credence to my opinions and trust me to be primary carer of our children? Why do we laugh together and enjoy each other's company?

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You poor delusional lost soul. Don't you know that if he respected and valued you he would've blown you off for being a slut and never bothered with you? I'm so sorry you had to live this lie for all these years, how heartbreaking :(


Just know that we're all here for you when this 25-30+ year time bomb finally goes off. Always and forever.

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Originally Posted by toknow [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Your relationship with your children and your husband is nothing unusual or special (it's what's beyond the norm that makes it so). It's normal. That's how you are supposed to act to reproduce. You can carry on reproducing and all the natural functions, and still have a broken relationship or just a normal one. As I pointed out above just because something seems right, doesn't mean it necessarily is. Ignorance is not bliss. Ignorance is temporary bliss.

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You can be pure as the driven snow and still be in a train wreck of a relationship. People that were never promiscuous, can turn promiscuous....it can happen to anyone at any time, all ages, all walks of life, men and women, gay or straight.

But this thread isn't about promiscuity, this is about insecurity which happens to most everyone when they fall in love.....it will pass just like everything else. Get off your holier than tho soapbox you ass. You are making this about your views and none of your crap is helping the OP.

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Originally Posted by smackie9 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

You can be pure as the driven snow and still be in a train wreck of a relationship. People that were never promiscuous, can turn promiscuous....it can happen to anyone at any time, all ages, all walks of life, men and women, gay or straight.

But this thread isn't about promiscuity, this is about insecurity which happens to most everyone when they fall in love.....it will pass just like everything else. Get off your holier than tho soapbox you ass. You are making this about your views and none of your crap is helping the OP.

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You're joking, right? You mean you really can't see how raving against women having more than 1 or 2 partners her entire life and tapping into his unrivaled soothsaying skills to diagnose the hidden cancers in basilandthyme's marriage that she, her husband, and everyone else in the world have been blissfully ignorant of for 20 years will solve all of OP's problems?

Not only did he diagnose these hidden cancers, he did so with virtually no information and no leads of any kind. I mean, holy shit man, even a team of the world's best doctors have to run tests and depending on what the problem is it could still take months to figure out even with the world's most advanced technology. And sometimes they STILL can't figure it all out. But toknow, he barely has to blink to figure out the diagnosis. You mean to tell me that you're going to question someone who possesses that level of omniscience?

Nobody recognizes Godlike intuition when they see it these days.

I think a gals worse nightmare is ending up with someone like toknow.

Op: If you love this girl and she's showing you that she loves you, then do your best to forget before and just concentrate on now.

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Originally Posted by Wakeup [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Op: If you love this girl and she's showing you that she loves you, then do your best to forget before and just concentrate on now.

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No, he's going to contiunue obsessing about it and we all know it don't we?
Nice example of hypocracy. He's probably happy that he's banging her but doesn't like the idea that he's not been the first person to play 'hide the sausage' with her.

Funny how the question 'how many people were you with before me' causes so much drama when people are in their twenties. After 30, no one even bothers to ask this question anymore. All you want is someone nice who wants to dedicate to a relationship and if there are any worries, they are about any possible emotional attachment your partner might still have towards a previous one.

I hear so many stories about people how had one or two partners before meeting their last one but a part of them is still longing for someone they used to know and end up ruining their relationship, that it becomes obvious what really intoxicates things between two people. Or girls that after several years with their first partner ask for a separation because they suddenly realise they can't and don't want to continue being committed to just one person for the rest of their lives.

Lover97, your girlfriend could have been a virgin but not been able to totally fall in love with you, respect you or treat you right, be very compatible with you or fantasise about others. If you or anyone else thinks that is a preferable situation than maybe that's something that should be experienced in order to learn to appreciate and respect a girl that really loves you and gives her best in the relationship with you disregarding how many partners she had before meeting you.

If you are so disappointed she's not the Sleeping Beauty, then maybe she shouldn't give you a chance because you're not her prince in a shining armour either!

LOL...I am flattered about all the posts focused on me and my entertainment reading them, but this is not about me right now. It's about OP and the truth. To you it might be fine to be a "slut" and to marry one. I might change my mind later on in life, but at the moment I don't think it's a good idea. To simply close your eyes before something as crucial to the stability of the relationship is stupid at best.

And here we are back at toknow's 'truth'. Fact is, truth very often looks different to the different parties involved. Two people can look at the same issue and have very different versions of the 'truth' - and both honestly believe their versions.

And for what it's worth, I'd never use the word 'slut' to describe someone. And I'd never marry a person who was judgemental enough to have that word in his vocab.

Completely incorrect. The truth is one, how people interpret it is a different story. There is no such thing as different versions of it.

Never say never.

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Originally Posted by toknow [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Completely incorrect. The truth is one, how people interpret it is a different story. There is no such thing as different versions of it.

Never say never.

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Each person believes their interpretation is the truth. Therefore, it is the truth *to them*.

And yes, I can safely say I'd never follow your path of judgement - nor would I associate with someone who judges as you do.

Maybe thats why you are not single like toknow.

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Originally Posted by basilandthyme [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

And yes, I can safely say I'd never follow your path of judgement - nor would I associate with someone who judges as you do.

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LOL...And I can safely say I couldn't care less. You should understand the difference when someone tells you something to judge you, and when they say it because it's the truth, and the truth has to be told, period. And I'm not going to tell you lies to spare your feelings. It wouldn't be fair to you.

Pcmaster, how are you so sure you know me so well, as you barely know yourself. Hilarious.

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Originally Posted by toknow [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

LOL...I am flattered about all the posts focused on me and my entertainment reading them,

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One word: Narcissist.

Guys, I'm not here to insult you, understand this. If you don't believe what I'm saying skip over it.

You talk in riddles like Yoda on crack. Believe you? Whats to believe?

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Originally Posted by toknow [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

You should understand the difference when someone tells you something to judge you, and when they say it because it's the truth

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Everyone here understands this just fine, what you don't seem to understand is the difference between an objective truth and your opinion.

Had you simply said "I wouldn't want to marry someone who has been with more than xxx partners", plenty of people here would disagree with you but only a few are irrational enough to get their panties tied in a knot over it. And if anyone overreacted I would be the first to call them out on it.

Instead you attempted to diagnose a healthy, long term marriage that's been going on for longer than a lot of posters here have been alive and that NOBODY has seen any real problems with and tried to impose a bunch of made-up bullshit into this marriage that you know absolutely NOTHING about, all in some roundabout effort to make your opinion - which happened not to add up in this scenario - appear to be factual. Everyone here saw right through it.

In layman's terms, you were talking completely out of your ass. Instead of accepting that you delude yourself into thinking that your unsubstantiated diagnosis (that has literally rock-bottom zero in terms of evidence to support it) is some sort of set-in-stone truth that is above the perception of anyone who doesn't accept it as end-all-be-all. And in the midst of all this it's some grand mystery to you why everyone is calling you out on your bullshit?

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Originally Posted by dickriculous [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Instead you attempted to diagnose a healthy, long term marriage that's been going on for longer than a lot of posters here have been alive and that NOBODY has seen any real problems with and tried to impose a bunch of made-up bullshit into this marriage that you know absolutely NOTHING about, all in some roundabout effort to make your opinion - which happened not to add up in this scenario - appear to be factual. Everyone here saw right through it.

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And may I add, he only came up with this idea when it became apparent that I'm not my husband's worst nightmare.

For what it's worth, 8:10 marriages who have an autistic child end in divorce. So between surviving those terrible odds and now toknow's ticking time bomb, I think we're doing pretty bloody good.

I think that Lover97 and toknow should work together to create a time machine. Then they can travel back into the past to defend the virginity of Lover97's girlfriend. Oh, and assassinate Hitler before 1938, because that's what any good time traveler should do.

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Originally Posted by VincenzoG91 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I think that Lover97 and toknow should work together to create a time machine. Then they can travel back into the past to defend the virginity of Lover97's girlfriend. Oh, and assassinate Hitler before 1938, because that's what any good time traveler should do.

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And see Rachel Welch in that furry bikini fighting dinosaurs.

LOL...people, stop crying already!

We're not crying. We're laughing

A person's previous relationships are part of what make them the person they are. So chances are, some of the things you like about this girl are a product of those relationships.

Should she be jealous about your previous relationships? And if not, why not?

If the reason not is because those relationships don't compare with the one you're in now then you should allow yourself to believe the same of her.

I think the comments about sluts in previous posts are simply ridiculous and bordering on misogyny. There is no justification for the view that it's ok for a guy to have multiple partners but not for a girl - that kind of hypocrisy should have gone out with the ark.

The only time it's acceptable for you to hold someone to high standards is if you are prepared to hold yourself up to the same.

Bottom line, if you expect her to accept that you have a romantic and sexual past then you have to accept that she has one too.

She is with *you* now and you say you love her a great deal. If she says she loves you then that is a wonderful thing and you should count yourself a lucky guy to have her. Challenge those jealous feelings every time they come up, don't give in to them because if you do they'll destroy your relationship - and it will be your insecurity doing that, not her past.

Oh no, I gave Richard thanks ....and out of the corner of my eye I saw something about 'deducting thanks'. Did I read right? Mods, can you please reverse if it went as a negative?