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I'm in a relationship of 5 years with my boyfriend and he has things strange ways. Whenever a guy phones me he wants to know who it is and what the conversation about. He hates it if other guys phone me even his own friends, its so unreal. He wants to know wherever I go and with who I am constantly. Why is he so over protective when it comes to me being around other guys and he checks wherever I go. Does he do it because he feels inferior to other males or because of his insecurities.
Yes, he could have some insecurites. But personally I don't find this strange. A lot of men are like that when it comes to their girlfriends dealing with other males.
Controlling...Napolean complex maybe? or he has a lack of confidence?
Many dudes are like that. Particularly if their girl is hot and they are shorter then her. My friend is 5'7 and his girl is 5'8 he is always on top of everything she does, won't let her wear heals, and just so controlling that she has to check in all the time. He has clearly got a Napolean/short man complex and that makes him feel inferior. He is working on it though and I have tried my best to help him because she has told me he is sufforcating her.
I have actually had the opposite problem once. One of my exGFs used to check in all time (she was used to controlling guys) and let me know her every move and even asked me for permission to go out with her friends. I am not controlling at all and found this very weird and just told her I don't own you and I trust you so go have fun with your girls. No need for her to be on some GPS monitering system. I just look at it like I'm a great guy and am confident enought to know that she would be an idiot to leave me, so I never worry about it. Also, if a girl is taller than me she is an Amazon or in the WNBA...lol.
Would do you mean he wont "let" her wear heels? First of all he wouldn't be controlling what I wear.
I mean exactly that. Since he is shorter than her she cannot wear heals when they are out together. He actually makes her wear flat shoes and I have seen/heard him tell her to do so. IMHO thats terrible, girl looks so nice in a hot dress to go out in and then has to put on some nonsexy shoes.Quote:
Originally Posted by Starnique [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
I dated a girl who was 5'9-5'10 and one day we were going to a big work event/black tie affair. She was dressed to kill, but came downstairs wearing flats. I was like what the hell are you doing get some heals on. She was so happy when she came back down in heals and stood next to me and was still shorter then me. She hugged me and said your the 1st guy I can wear heals with. i just laughed.
So I guess its common for shorter guys to get mad when their girl is wearing heals.
Your boyfriend is not normal. I've experienced one person behaving just like this and he had some crazy outbursts. I guess he was justified though, since I heard him saying all these things to her and making accusations on speaker phone, in between rounds of ****ing his girlfriend.
Is there any reason he's mentioned or is apparent, that's responsible for his insecurity?
FlaCooln, you better give your boy some help. Sooner rather than later, she's gonna meet someone like me. Then he's gonna be in a real bad way.
I'm trying, but its rooted so deep in that one. I feel ya though, shes a good looking girl he better watch out I guess.Quote:
Originally Posted by BackUpOrGetStng [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
wow, some men and their insecurities lol.
But one thing about me is you not going to control what I wear because I'm not tacky and I have great control over that and you're not going to control where I go and who my friends are etc. I don't like shit like that. I'm not going to be controlled, just so he can feel better about himself. Some occassions I may let him "think" he is.:D
It's all about respect but control, no. Hell no.
And thats how it should be. No confident woman should be ruled or defined by her man. I would never stop a GF from wearing what she wants or having her own life. I love it when she looks sexy, as it makes me feel proud/lucky to be with her.Quote:
Originally Posted by Starnique [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
OP, do you get a lot of phone calls from guys? Are most of your friends dudes? That can make even a normal guy a little concerned, because guys know how other guys think about women. If you are reasonably attractive, then most of your guy friends want to bang you, and some of them may be actively working towards that under the guise of a fake friendship. Women can be really naive about their guy friends.
On the other hand, if these calls are uncommon and you have plenty of female friends too, then your guy probably is a control freak. Don't let him chase your friends off. But if you want to make this relationship (or any future relationship) last, make sure that you aren't placing your guy friends equal to or above your boyfriend.
The fact you put up with this for 5 years doesn't say a whole lot for your self worth.Quote:
Originally Posted by leandre maurice [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Firstly, not all guys are this controlling and nor is this kind of behaviour exclusive to guys
Most people get a little jealous from time to time but this level of control and distrust seems excessive to me, a little worrying even.
Having said that, depending on how many guy friends you have and how much time you spend talking with them or seeing them it may be that some adjustment is required on your part.
It's very hard to say without knowing more about your situation.
Is he nasty and aggressive in the way he expresses this distrust?
And if a man is treating his woman right in the first place, he don't have to control her. Everything he wants he can pretty much get.
Honestly, the behavior you're describing could be caused by any number of things... Have you ever tried talking to him about it? My guess is yes because you're here... And if you have, then I think you need to ask yourself, seriously, can you live with this?
Why are women such control freaks?Quote:
Originally Posted by leandre maurice [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Some sense of insecurities and Male Ego on top of it.
I think people are over reacting here.
It sounds to me like you are giving him reason to be concerned. Do you have a lot of guy friends and do they ring you a lot? If yes then I dont blame the guy for not trusting you. If I were him Id dump you. And why would his friends be ringing you? Unless its to get through to him-I find that weird. I get on well with my bf friends but I dont ring or text them or spend time alone with them.
I have never given my man a reason not to trust me and therefore he has never ever questioned me. Perhaps the problem is you?
I really have to laugh at the comments about "Male Insecurity" and "Male Ego". Society has come up with all sorts of shaming language to use on men who don't let their women mess around.
Do you ever stop to think of the psychological root of mens' needs to "keep their women in line"? In this instance as in most, there is no semblance of a rational authoritative stance. The guy WANTS and CONTROLS. No bueno!Quote:
Originally Posted by HeheMan [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
You can say the exact same thing about women who do the same things. Except in that case, nobody talks about "Female Insecurity" and "Female Ego" now do they?Quote:
Originally Posted by Love'sReject [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Pseudo-psychology for the fail.
Actually, yes, yes we do. Moot non-point for the fail.
Cool then you should have no problem citing some examples. I'll be waiting.Quote:
Originally Posted by Love'sReject [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
That's a ridiculous argument. I can give you anecdotal evidence but what's the point? I can't argue with an absurd argument. So troll on without me feeding you, bro.
Then why don't you? So far all you've done is given me an excuse not to back up your false claim.Quote:
Originally Posted by Love'sReject [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
ya my ex used to freak when i did anything or went anywhere without telling her....even though she knew i wasnt wandering.....if she knew i was out with friends shed text me constantly to the point i couldnt even stop and enjoy the time out ......it sucked....Quote:
Originally Posted by HeheMan [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
i once went out with an engaged female friend because she was the one i trusted and valued her advice the most...i didnt tell her i was going to go have some food with her because i wanted to ask her about our relationship problems....this girl was always so nice to my ex and tried her hardest to make her feel welcomed in our hometown....i told her that i was out with her once i was....she flipped "she probably told u to break up with me i know she has a bunch of friends that would like to date you".....i said "i just needed to someone to talk to"....i always kept our issues to myself.....
ughh....and for some reason this freak still has a piece of my heart and i think about it constantly
I feel you overanxious, about 8 years ago I dated a woman for about 6 months who would freak right out if she even THOUGHT I was looking at another female in a less-than-innocent way. She was a really nice girl as long as we were together, but whenever I was out, work, home, friends, anywhere, she always asked me "what were you doing?". Details and backup had to be provided. So yea, women can be like this too. I ended up leaving once I had just simply had enough. 6 months was brutal, 5 years might be a bit much for anyone. Sounds like the OPs bf isn't overbearing though, just a bit on the sketchy side.