Gone off sex =/

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08-07-05, 08:17 PM
---beatingheart

Gone off sex =/

Hiya, I'm new to the forum, so puh-leese bear with me =D

Basically, my boyfriend and I have been together for about 4 months, and I've totally lost all interest in sex/masterbating etc! Now, I know this happens in the majority of relationships, but what makes it strange, is that he and I haven't even had sex yet =/ He's a virgin.

He's always felt bad about it, because he knows I'm not, and he always thought that our little 'tease sessions' were a huge anti-climax for me, but it never bothered me too much, I just respected his opinion and that was that. I did always hope though, that he would one day decide he'd like to bite the bullet. But now suddenly, I've completely lost my drive =/ I thought that the opposite would happen, but apparently not =D

I don't even have any desires for the "extras" =/ My boyfriend hasn't any idea of this, and I was advised not to mention it in case he thought it was some sort of 'manipulation/reverse psychology' to get into his pants =/

I just don't know what to do to get it back. I've tried everything from talking to people, masterbating (even though I didn't feel like it), porn etc. You name it, it's been tried. Now what?! Any ideas why it may have happened? I can't recall a time when it did with my ex =/ Help!

Thank you in advance!
08-07-05, 08:26 PM
whaywardj

How old are you and your b/f?
09-07-05, 02:30 AM
marcus23

Did you ever hear for bipolarism?
09-07-05, 02:49 AM
shh!

I am not particularly alarmed at a 20 year old girl with not much sex drive - your interest won't even reach its peak for another 10 years, at which time you will walk around feeling like a dog in heat. For now, the question should not be about whether or not you walk around all day thinking about and wishing for sex, but rather whether or not your interest level can be aroused given the right circumstances. If you know your boyfriend is not going to be boinking you, then there is not much point in becoming aroused.
09-07-05, 02:57 AM
whaywardj

Quote:

Originally Posted by shh!

If you know your boyfriend is not going to be boinking you, then there is not much point in becoming aroused.

Women are soo practical that way. Like they've got this this on/off switch..."Sigh! No opportunity. *Click.* Off with the desire. Aha! THAT looks nice. *Click.* On with the hormones." In dry times, us guys just walk around with our hats hanging on our laps, tugging at our pants trying to untangle our underwear.
09-07-05, 03:11 AM
Tone

LMAO Hayward!
09-07-05, 03:17 AM
artyemi

I agree with shh! in this "If you know your boyfriend is not going to be boinking you, then there is not much point in becoming aroused."

And perhaps, your mind is already expecting this so after a while, you're just like "eh."
09-07-05, 03:17 AM
whaywardj

Why are you laughing, Tone? It's TRUE, isn't it? ;-)
09-07-05, 04:04 AM
Tone

Sure is LoL
09-07-05, 05:58 AM
artyemi

I don't know. We can turn off, but it does affect us somehow. Maybe psychologically.
13-07-05, 08:08 AM
loverboy1

Quote:

Originally Posted by artyemi

I don't know. We can turn off, but it does affect us somehow. Maybe psychologically.

brain power.
13-07-05, 08:15 AM
misombra

mind over matter.
13-07-05, 09:05 AM
TenorTwo

Women can control, but if you get a girl aroused when she's not expecting it... it's like a hurricane that the radars didn't pick up. You better be prepared to perform or run very fast.
13-07-05, 10:49 PM
Tone

hahaha Tenor
15-08-05, 01:25 PM
Ellynn

Some birth control pills can cause you to be less interested in sex. Also stress can do that as well. Sometimes I can go a long time without the slightest interest....but Im only 23 and I hear women reach their sexual peaks in their 30s and early 40s.. Now theres something to look forward to....:)
16-08-05, 12:52 AM
RoxyFoxy

Quote:

Originally Posted by ---beatingheart

Hiya, I'm new to the forum, so puh-leese bear with me =D

Basically, my boyfriend and I have been together for about 4 months, and I've totally lost all interest in sex/masterbating etc! Now, I know this happens in the majority of relationships, but what makes it strange, is that he and I haven't even had sex yet =/ He's a virgin.

He's always felt bad about it, because he knows I'm not, and he always thought that our little 'tease sessions' were a huge anti-climax for me, but it never bothered me too much, I just respected his opinion and that was that. I did always hope though, that he would one day decide he'd like to bite the bullet. But now suddenly, I've completely lost my drive =/ I thought that the opposite would happen, but apparently not =D

I don't even have any desires for the "extras" =/ My boyfriend hasn't any idea of this, and I was advised not to mention it in case he thought it was some sort of 'manipulation/reverse psychology' to get into his pants =/

I just don't know what to do to get it back. I've tried everything from talking to people, masterbating (even though I didn't feel like it), porn etc. You name it, it's been tried. Now what?! Any ideas why it may have happened? I can't recall a time when it did with my ex =/ Help!

Thank you in advance!

I'd like to start by saying that i'm from Manchester, England. I had a similar problem, aside fromt the whole boyfriend being a virgin and all. After talking to my boyfriend, we sort of made a long term compromise as far as sex goes.

His sexual peak was from 18 to 25, now he's 26 going to 27. My sexual peak is going to be from 28 to 36, i'm only 20 as of now. Clearly his cravings for sex are going down. He's busy with work and his other problems. But I would like him to have time for "me" later on, in ten years from now. I know that when I was 18, I was dating someone who was 20. He would simply push to have sex all the time. I was just not in the mood, but I knew it made him happy, and that's really just why I did it. But after a while, you start to feel that it's unfair, and you lose all drive to have sex. After talking with my current boyfriend, I realized that this is because I lacked the security of knowing that if i'm haveing sex when i'm not in the mood to make him happy now, will he do the same for me later on.

I love it when my boyfriend goes down on me, but he doesn't seem to want to do it enough. And that's not the half of it. He wants to have sex all the time, but lately he's been getting distracted with other things. I've told him that up to this point, i've only been acting like i've been enjoying sex with him. I wouldn't fake orgasms or anything of that nature, but I would just act like I was in the mood, when I really wasn't. To my good fortune, he didn't take this the wrong way at all. He was hurt a little bit, but he found it very sweet of me and considerate. He also told me that later on, he would do the same for me. Which he has done once so far, when he was really not in the mood to.

But you said that your boyfriend is a virgin. That sounds great, until the part where you mentioned that you would tease him. Men hate pointless teaseing. In fact, they loath it. I know it's fun to tease guys, but when you tease him in a way that you "know" turns him on, and just leave it at that, they all get frustrated, wheather they admit it or not. The fact that your boyfriend is a virgin and that he knows that you've had sex, and you tease him makes matters very complicated. He might be getting very angry at you, but doesn't show it yet. Men are great at hideing how they feel. Four months might not be long for me and you, but for a guy, it could seem like years. I don't know if being a virgin makes it worst. I would think it would be though. It's like having a new car, but knowing you can't drive it. You have your license, but there's no gas in it. But you want to drive! So, there's only so much you can wait, and 4 months for a guy who's a virgin is a long time. So I would worry about him going and renting an other car.

You should either stop teasing him, or try to take care of his need. After all, he is your boyfriend, but then again, I don't know how close you are to him, so maybe the second option might not even be up for consideration. I could see how you would be put off though. If he's a virgin, you think, (you're right), that he wants to have sex, for himself only. It's true. And not very appealing. I think all women here can relate. But try to think of it on a more mutual level. If you help him reach that milestone in his life, he will want to do the same for you, when he's really not, how do I put this, "up" to it.
16-08-05, 08:04 AM
Aaron Blanc

Quote:

Originally Posted by RoxyFoxy

His sexual peak was from 18 to 25, now he's 26 going to 27. My sexual peak is going to be from 28 to 36, i'm only 20 as of now. Clearly his cravings for sex are going down. He's busy with work and his other problems. But I would like him to have time for "me" later on, in ten years from now. I know that when I was 18, I was dating someone who was 20. He would simply push to have sex all the time. I was just not in the mood, but I knew it made him happy, and that's really just why I did it. But after a while, you start to feel that it's unfair, and you lose all drive to have sex. After talking with my current boyfriend, I realized that this is because I lacked the security of knowing that if i'm haveing sex when i'm not in the mood to make him happy now, will he do the same for me later on.

RoxyFoxy, I have to correct you, your peak will actually go on to age 42. I'm impressed with your change in attitude. It seams like you are starting to make things better b/w you and your boyfriend. But sex should not be all "compromise". Sex can be great. If you really love your parter, and plan to spend the rest of yuor life with them, what is more important than "pretending" is "understanding". Are you going to pretend your whole life? Try to let your partner understand what turns you on, what feels good, and do the same for him. Men think that anything they do will make women feel good. The same goes for women. It is not safe to assume that everything you do will make him feel good. I'm more than positive that your boyfriend fakes it sometimes to. I know alot of my friends who are now married, and they tell me how bad their wives are at either sex, or oral, or even foreplay. They still go along with it, and pretend to enjoy it. I encourage the opposite. If you don't enjoy it, that doesn't mean your should fake it, "or" for that matter, stop doing it. It means that this is the time to tell your partner in a polite way, to try doing something different. What is better is if you already know what pushed you over the edge. This way, you can tell him/her what to do. Once again, nobody is born ready to know what makes you feel great. It's a learning process. And if you are teaching the wrong things, then you are forever stuck accepting the wrong results, and having to fake it.
16-08-05, 09:53 AM
Ellynn

I never fake it.....but that doesn't mean I don't have a good time!

I figure whats the point of faking it? Then the guy will never learn what really pleases you. I hate it when your almost there and then he changes what hes doing and it completely throws you off and then you never get there. Sigh.... Then if you tell him to go back its just not the same! Wish it were easier for us women.
16-08-05, 03:44 PM
Only-virgins

I hate stupid ass thread like this. If you DO NOT have the urge to have sex then DO NOT have sex. It is REALLY that simple. If I do not want to have sex then their shall be no sex.

Her : "you dont please me no more!"
Me: "were the **** were you when I was 21?"
17-08-05, 01:01 AM
GrkScorp

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ellynn

I hate it when your almost there and then he changes what hes doing and it completely throws you off and then you never get there.

wow.. i know exactly what you mean... and i'm a guy...
17-08-05, 10:27 AM
RoxyFoxy

Quote:

Originally Posted by GrkScorp

wow.. i know exactly what you mean... and i'm a guy...

Really Scorp? So tell me, do you hate it when "he" changes positions on you?

I'm only teasing you dear. But I still refuse to believe that you're being honest about it. I've never met a man that can last longer than 6 minutes inside me. I was down on someone for nearly 15 minutes and that was including the time "after" they were finished. It is nothing to be ashamed about as a guy. It's not your fault nature made men that way. As a girl, I get flattered when I know that I can get my guy to that "phase". Then again, i'm not too flattered when I can take them express, and they "miss" my stop.