If he is ignoring/avoiding me, why is he constantly staring at me?

I need some help on this one guys, please tell me what you think of this situation.

This guy works in a different department at our workplace, he works the cafe and I work the registers. We have been friends for over two years. Recently, we became close friends and we saw each other almost everyday. He went out of his way to see me. It seemed like he might have liked me.

Out of the blue, I received this text from him, "sorry. you probably know why i am ignoring you, i am doing it on purpose. we were good friends before, let's keep it that way. don't think about it too much."

It was awkward. I didn't know what it was and what it meant. I texted back saying that we should talk about this - as friends and that i would like to be friends too?

He has been avoiding me and in return - I avoid him. He does not speak to me. I made an attempt to talk about why he was ignoring me. But he blew me off and through text I confronted him. He told me that I should have just approached him and that I was making this complicated.

I have made other attempts just to say "hi" and be friendly around our mutual friends. He just ignores me. Most of our friends know that when the two of us are together - its well... awkward.

He even made a sly remark when I walked away once. My girl friend was asking where I went and he responded with "she's probably making out with her ex."

Most of my good friends have told me to ignore him and that he is not worth the trouble.
This guy and I were pretty good friends, I even called him my best friend at one point. But then out of the blue he sends me that text telling me that he is ignoring me - it bothers me.

It has been a month now. My friends notice that he stares at me on multiple occasions, it is not just me seeing this. They noticed that when I moved around he shifted a bit just to keep me in his sights.

Why if he is ignoring me or avoiding me, why would he stare at me every time we encounter each other?

I'm very confused right now. I don't know if I should just ignore him still, confront him or just wait.
I mean, this guy keeps me in his sights and for what reason? It is bothering me.

I agree with your good friends about ignoring him. But in real life, the lower part of me would probably go and confront him

Maybe he think you are attractive. However guy is not a social person. At least not with girls, especial not with you. He might have simpaties for you and thats what makes it so hard to aproach you. He dont wana make mistakes, mess up, dont know what to say, too shy etc. Anyway just be cool near him. If you wana talk then talk. It could be easier to him to use FB or text to start interact with you. Anyway when guy said you should just simply aproach him its actually him who should do it. He blamed you for something that he didnt do. Its the man who should take action. Well he is not. Maybe by being akward he just shows his expierience level near you. Bet hes shy when hes ignoring you but hurt when you do. Anyway you both should just talk for few hours to end this comedy. He dont know you and you dont know him. Its just this stupid sexual tension that builds up from staring.

WERE you having ex drama? Seems odd that he'd mention something like that just out of the blue. (re: you kissing your ex) It sounds like you might have been asking him for advice about your ex at one point and you were'nt taking it so he's gotten frustrated with you? Any truth to that? Can you explain the dynamics of your "friendship" prior to receiving that text, it might give us a better idea as to what to advise you.

Just a hunch but I bet he recently started dating a girl who did not approve of your friendship and he had to choose between the two of you.

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Originally Posted by basilandthyme [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I agree with your good friends about ignoring him. But in real life, the lower part of me would probably go and confront him

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I wanted to talk to confront him but it would have been at work and unprofessional. Other than work as a location, we see each other at gathers but stay away from each other. If I were to confront with our friends around, it would make things more uncomfortable.

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Originally Posted by Wakeup [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

WERE you having ex drama? Seems odd that he'd mention something like that just out of the blue. (re: you kissing your ex) It sounds like you might have been asking him for advice about your ex at one point and you were'nt taking it so he's gotten frustrated with you? Any truth to that? Can you explain the dynamics of your "friendship" prior to receiving that text, it might give us a better idea as to what to advise you.

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I was having ex drama and I did speak to this guy about it before this whole awkwardness happened. I ended up breaking up with my ex and I from time to time, I still hang out with my ex.
Our friendship before all of this was that we were best friends, nothing ever happened more than that. We saw each other almost everyday. We talked about almost everything.

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Originally Posted by horndog [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Just a hunch but I bet he recently started dating a girl who did not approve of your friendship and he had to choose between the two of you.

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In the one month ignoring phase, recently he started hanging out with his co-worker. They are seen together quite often and with other of our friends as well. The two of them had a thing last year but nothing happened. I also know that other guys are fawning over her. She's a cute girl and nice. I am not sure how involved they are.

He was into you, and you going back and forth with your ex turned him off. So, in turn, he cut you off.

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I was having ex drama and I did speak to this guy about it before this whole awkwardness happened. I ended up breaking up with my ex and I from time to time, I still hang out with my ex. Our friendship before all of this was that we were best friends, nothing ever happened more than that. We saw each other almost everyday. We talked about almost everything.

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The more you confided in him, the more he felt valued by you and he allowed himself to become vulnerable to you. I suspect he has more than platonic feelings for you but he's smart enough to distance himself from you as long as you're still keeping a douche in your life.

Yea.. he's just sick of your bs waffling, most likely. You complain about a guy who treats you like crap but you still hang out with him. I'd ignore you and leave you to your not learning any lessons too. It gets frustrating lisntening to someone complain and then they leave but keep the same asshole in their life. That's my guess why he's avoiding you now anyway.

To add: Why haven't you completely cut your ex out of your life. If he's so bad that you have to complain to other guys about him, why keep him around?

I never said my ex was a bad guy. We had a mutual break up. I confided in this guy about the actual break up. So it was not truly "drama". I hang out with my ex from time to time, we wanted to keep our friendship.

It probably could be the reason, but I have been focusing on school recently so I have not seen much of the ex. How would the guy know that I was hanging out with my ex if he is ignoring me anyway?

According to another friend of mine... he is not ignoring me... some of my friends noticed that he is ignoring me. So I don't know what to believe now.
It is that whole "he said.... she said...." thing.

I did try to make an attempt to talk to him but he blew me off, countless times.

Still confused...

You said: "yes I was having ex drama" Now you're saying "it was not truely drama" anyway

You can tell by his actions if he's ignoring you. what has what other people have to say have to do with anything. By his actions, is he ignoring you?

He blew you off so he's done with your particular drama no matter what the reason is. My guess is STILL that he doesn't appreciate girls who break up and still hang around an ex. I'd not hang around you either if I had feelings for you and you're still sniffing around a past lover's butt. ;)

Only one who can tell you whats up is him and if he's not talking to you then I'd not be talking to him back. If you catch him staring at you, wave and then turn away and get on with your work don't linger for any acknowledgement of your wave. A I don't give a fk attitude is your best defense against feeling hurt that you're out of his loop.

Why are you bothered with him at all? Do you like him? What does he have that makes you think about him? Hes "maybe" attention or something else?

Good question, PC.

This guy has fallen in love with you, and his world came crashing down when you talked to him about your ex. When he made that comment about you were probably making out with your ex, was pure jealousy. What made it worse for him is you said "I would like to be friends too". That confirmed it for him that he is friend zoned. In his mind he needs to get over you by ignoring you. It's kind of like a break up for him, needing to go no contact. Poor guy can't help but stare at you because he is obsessively in love with you. I bet money on it that he thinks you know he is in love with you and you purposely talked about your ex to send him a message that "it's not going to happen". He's a weirdo, you are best to stay away from him.

I only spoke about my ex to him once. Sure, we are friends, but that is all. What's wrong with staying friends with an ex?
He started ignoring me quite a while after the break up and we never really spoke about my ex after the first time.
Honestly, can we please stray from the ex talk. Does this have anything to do with him?

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Originally Posted by pcmaster [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

...Why are you bothered with him at all?...

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AGAIN, I am bothered by this because at one point, we were good friends. I wish I could have his friendship back. But I am not sure its worth it anymore since he began ignoring me. I have tried to make it mutual and tried talking to him, but it has failed.

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Originally Posted by smackie9 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

...you said "I would like to be friends too". That confirmed it for him that he is friend zoned. In his mind he needs to get over you by ignoring you. It's kind of like a break up for him, needing to go no contact. Poor guy can't help but stare at you because he is obsessively in love with you. ...He's a weirdo, you are best to stay away from him.

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Okay, if "I would like to be friends too," made it worse why did he send me that first "I'm ignoring you text and I want to be friends." Technically, didn't he friendzone me.... please re-read that again. But would he honestly be in love with me? Shouldn't he do something while we both practically ignore each other to death?
Why is he a weirdo?


Again, I am confused as to why this guy is staring; furthermore, what was it that we had before that could have changed him and started ignoring me?


Something weird happened recently, one of our mutual friends came to me and asked me "why don't you just make up with him?"
He kept trying to convince me to go with them to the club and I would be the "guest of honor." Whatever that means??

Ha I know what I'm talking about. Guys that obsess and find themselves in the friend zone find it very hard to let go. He will alway have the desire to have you in his life, but for now he is trying to fall out of love for you.

I told you why he is ignoring you, he found out he is friend zoned. Guys like him lack a lot of confidence. There is no way he's gonna try to tell you his feelings, because he fears rejection.

They all know he is crushing on you, that's why they say for you two to "make up". It's an inside joke.

How did he know that I friendzoned him? I feel that with that text, he friendzoned me. So maybe he did it first so I didn't friendzone him?

Should I confront him about this matter?
Should I just "make up" with him?

If he was liking me, then why not talk to me or return to our normal friendship? Will it hurt him if it does?

I already told you he fears rejection. Anyways maybe someone told him in order to have you like him is to ignore you and see if that creats any desire. Anyways what we all said is just speculation. If you want any real answers you are going to have to get them from him.

I would like some answers from him of course. But he's the type that won't talk to me.

Some friends and I played tennis just now and he just showed up.
We played on the same court. I was being nice and having fun with it. I was giving his partner easy ones because she was not experienced. But he gave me the fast ones. I missed them every time.
I was laughing and having fun. I fell a few times and cracked a lot of jokes.
My friends were saying he was being "mister-stone-face."

I was ignored when I was just trying to talk about the game a bit.

So its like why come to tennis if I am going to be there?
I play tennis every Tuesday and Thursday with our group of friends. And he just showed up.
There is tension that everyone can feel.

Its annoying. I kinda wanna punch him...

Well punching in a face sounds good. Seriously show some character. One think is when you act like stupid blonde and laught when he dont even try to make you laught. Other thing is when he sees you as a challenge. Anyway hes not giving what you need but you act like hes the man. I wouldnt see that kinda girl as a challenge or valuable pair. Its just too easy and my ego would be boosted on her cost while shes trying to entertain me.You can try this few more times but if its not working then just punch him in the face or call him gay laudly. Thats how you will show that he feels something and get under his skin. Bad emotions is good too. If you stop giving him this attention and positive emotions then he will understand how good you were before and value it, wanting you to be good for him again. Its importand to let all of your emotions out - good and bad. Full range of emotions thats what makes person addicted to you. Dont be afraid to lose him cause you dont have him and hes emotional value is that of a rock now, Hes just not emotionaly available. Actually you could back up for few weeks, let him miss you, just dont try to talk with him or look at him in this way giving him less value and importance and showing that you really are ok on your own, If he dont wana be part of your happy world then you dont need him in your bubble.

I'm sorry, what you're saying makes sense and it doesn't at the same time. Your grammar needs a little work, sorry to say.

But having fun and laughing - making a fool out of myself is how I am. I like to have fun and make everyone laugh. Everyone knows me as this. I am not just going to stop being myself when he is around. He doesn't have the power to change how I act in front of him.

If I am playing tennis with him and my friends, I can't just ignore him - that would mean I am a poor sport and I can't even have a good game. That is not what I am about. I am about having fun with my friends and having a laugh while we are at it. I am a team player.

We've practically been ignoring each other for a month. I have tried to make a few attempts and just being a friend toward him but alas - nothing. And its fine. But when he's there playing tennis with us - I can't just ignore him. That's just rude and it means that I am not the bigger person.

Well maybe you are trying too hard while not noticing whats going on around you. From other perspective you could try be even more direct. Like put your hand on his hip or shoulder and stand straight in front of him ask whats up why are hes not smiling. It could be he thinks you putting this happy mask near friends and thats not actually your true feelings for him. Seriously show some balls do something outside the box. You want big change - you do extreme things.

I mean I could confront him but what would it do?
I've been thinking that I should wait for him to come to me to talk about it however, he will not do it. I know he won't.
Because I have tried to just be normal with him but he just brushes me off.
I just don't think its worth it to talk to him about it.

He cut me off for a reason right? It just doesn't make sense why anyone would just ignore me out of the blue like that...

Maybe he is that one person out of many people that will dislike me and everything I do.

I have been trying to ignore this situation but he keeps showing his face around me when I just want to ignore him back so I stop thinking about this. I am hurt by this because I once thought of him as my best friend.

He won't listen to me.

I don't know what kind of thing will be out of the box enough to make him understand.

I guess I am not ready to be the bigger person and confront him about this yet. I don't know how to approach him if I did and I don't know what to expect.

He dont respect you thats for sure. Maybe you are short girl and he naturally dont respect you(he might not even know why). Are you fat? Maybe you are friking ugly? Do you have breasts at all?

Could be you talk alot with your friends but when you talk to him he feels like you are giving him only bits of attention - like its all he is worth. He might see you as a verbal slut so your words are cheap.

What I mean with being direct is steps 8 and 10. Maybe even 4. It will be 100 times more effective than steps 2 and 3.

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Seriously, thats not something you ask anyone.
I am not short. I am not fat, I play tennis obviously all the time.

You're rude and disrespectful yourself.

Don't judge by looks.

Your words are cheap and not worthy.

It could make a huge impact if you show that you are not afraid of him at all. When you put your hands on him it will be much easier to answer to you, there will be no escape or complete ignorance. Look I edited previous post. You didnt answered about breasts but its okay. Finaly I get some emotion out from you.. Now you are a challenge.

Like I said looks do not matter.
Stop judging.
I don't like people like you.
Who cares about height or breast size, you douche.

Looks like we done all we can for you....best of luck.

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Originally Posted by soumariochan [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I only spoke about my ex to him once. Sure, we are friends, but that is all. What's wrong with staying friends with an ex?

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It causes new relationship drama. Wasn't the reason that it isn't a grand idea to stay friends with an ex obvious to you?

Anyway... stop looking at him and you won't even know when he's staring at you.

Not responding to your talking is a rought rejection and best you can do is walk by and talk to next person. Doesnt matter you wana be his friend or more its not worth spend timeon someone who dont even talk. Someone who dont even reflect energy given to him.

When you are being just yourself there will be lot of people who will like you just the way you are. As more you will be yourself as more they gona like you but there always will be proportion of peple who wont like you. Thats why its not worth it to try be everyones friend. What I wanted to say is as more you gona be yourself as more people will hate you but those who will like you will like you even more.

Thanks for your help guys.
I will still try to think of my next step. But as of this moment, I will continue to ignore him. Its pretty much the only thing I can do because of the way he is acting.

Until the time comes for me to lay out my cards, I thank you for your help.