Is time a great healer, really?

It's been 9 months, which I know in the grand scheme of things isn't a lot, but by now I was expecting a little more clarity than I am feeling right now. On a day to day basis, life does go on, but I sort of feel sometimes like I'm existing rather than living life. Sometimes little things remind me, and I can shake it off but other times, I just feel heartbroken all over again. My dreams eased off but now they're back more frequently and vividly than anything and I don't understand because I think about him less now than I did in the past really. They're always about how he made a mistake leaving me, and he did leave me for someone else but when it came down to it, it was a mistake and he wants me back. I'm just fed up now I want to move to the next stage, I don't think I want him back I think I would just like to feel wanted again, don't get me wrong if he came begging for me back I'm not sure what I'd say, but I feel like I am moving forward but it's taking so long!

Throwing yourself into life, going no contact, deleting their number etc is the only way....you are still in communication....stop it!

Time does heal believe me....but you do have to cut all contact as hard as it is.... I've been there and clutched at any bit of contact whatever the reason....as smackie9 says...Stop it....it will go took me 12 months to get over my last relationship....it will happen...good luck...get online start talking to other people it helps you realise that there are many people who like you and want to chat to you...and who knows what might happen...."the only way is up" as a well know 80's song used to say for those that remember the 80's...

It takes a LOT of time & we're used to everything being instant these days.

Keep yourself busy. It's the best antidote.

Nine months isn't really that long. It took me years to actually cut my ex out of my life and move on. I hate to tell you, but it took me about 5 years until I felt 'nothing' and some people never even make it to the point where they feel nothing. You met someone who shared a portion of your life and made an emotional impact....some people are better at shutting that off than others.

No contact is key, and like the above post said stay BUSY. Hang out with friends and family, fill your life with great people that make you forget.

I know from experience that cutting all contact is the best way to go. I tried to be friends with my ex and lets just say it doesn't work (especially if she lies and says she's single and she's not). So I removed her from fb and all forms of communication and I actually feel better and should be ready to find the right girl for me soon. Remove all forms of contact and especially pictures of you together and some more time and you'll be fine. Also just chatting to other guys and flirting with guys will keep your mind busy and create some new ideas and hopes in your head and you'll soon forget about them

i know what you mean. heartbreak is one of the hardest things to get over but i promise...when you have let enough time go by youll find someone new and thats what will help you move forward completely

In time feelings generally dull down but it can take a while depending on circumstances. guilt for the relationship breakdown can also make you heal slower

Im feeling the exact same way. It's only been a month for me since my breakup, and I totally feel like i'm just existing rather than living. Try and stay busy and go do things for yourself like go out on dates! You may not like the people like you liked your ex, but a new fling is always fun and helps revive your life

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Originally Posted by bluesummer [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Nine months isn't really that long. It took me years to actually cut my ex out of my life and move on. I hate to tell you, but it took me about 5 years until I felt 'nothing' and some people never even make it to the point where they feel nothing. You met someone who shared a portion of your life and made an emotional impact....some people are better at shutting that off than others.

No contact is key, and like the above post said stay BUSY. Hang out with friends and family, fill your life with great people that make you forget.

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been 13 for me...and it hasnt happened yet.....i still mull over the mistakes i made...it cost me dearly....i realize nobody is perfect but i loved her....even harder finding an old card from her i had totally forgotten about...opened it up and it brought me to tears....why didnt i kiss her all the time and make her feel loved...why didnt i do special little things for her....why didnt i tell her how beautiful she is everyday....what if she really did love me as much as she said she did.....what if i blew the only thing that would make me happy....what if i never feel like that again

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Originally Posted by overanxious [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

been 13 for me...and it hasnt happened yet.....i still mull over the mistakes i made...it cost me dearly....i realize nobody is perfect but i loved her....even harder finding an old card from her i had totally forgotten about...opened it up and it brought me to tears....why didnt i kiss her all the time and make her feel loved...why didnt i do special little things for her....why didnt i tell her how beautiful she is everyday....what if she really did love me as much as she said she did.....what if i blew the only thing that would make me happy....what if i never feel like that again

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Dwelling on it doesn't make it better, it just makes you feel worse. I figure if you don't have that person in your life but you recognize the things that you did wrong you can now focus what you've learned on another person and you will be so much happier (and you WILL slowly forget the other person). Why would you want to dig yourself into a hole of despair and regret your whole life over someone you will never get back? There are so many amazing people in the world. You say "what if I never feel that way again", but honestly you're not even giving yourself the opportunity to.

It took me 2 years to get over my wife leaving me so 9 months isnt all that long. Sometimes it helps spending time wiith someone else other times it doesnt. Your needs have to come first and the way it sounds you still need some to grieve. You'll get past this, its just going to take some "time"

Time is definitely a healer. But, there are things that you can do to help quicken the process. When I have had this happen to me, I would work out more. Working out changes your brain chemistry. I also volunteered for different things where people and animals needed my help. Helping others takes your mind off of your problems. I wish you luck.

I'm not in communication! The last time I spoke to him was the end of May when I finally finished uni and left the flat we were baring to move back home!

I always consider the mature thing after a break up is to see the person , maybe not stay friends but to work things out , so both people can seek happiness and there is no bad blood between them. I know for some people is extremely important to delete everything( U can't delete your memories right, except like in the movie Ethernal Sunishine on the Spotless mind). Memories always stay even if they fade away with time, there is a chance you will meet in the street. Better to share a coffee rather than turn a blind eye. Again if a heart is broken , it means u loved somebody so much u let it happen. I always suggest you step in the other person's shoes. Still i don't understand people who say deleting everything, forgetting, moving on etc is the key. It means u will hurt yourself more, yes u will have more fun in the process, but still it is damaging to the new people u meet.
The mature thing to do is to clarify everything Face 2Face with the person. No other way for me.
I highly doubt the people who closed their eyes and feelings and took the time to forget love (no matter days, months ,years) they don't regret it.
They do. It is psychological placebo effect to tell themselves they did the right thing.
All in all in order to live life, there is no need to forget, there is a need to forgive.
Best advice I can give u, rather than all the cutting the rope you are hanging on to.

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Originally Posted by Constantinesbr [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I always consider the mature thing after a break up is to see the person , maybe not stay friends but to work things out , so both people can seek happiness and there is no bad blood between them. I know for some people is extremely important to delete everything( U can't delete your memories right, except like in the movie Ethernal Sunishine on the Spotless mind). Memories always stay even if they fade away with time, there is a chance you will meet in the street. Better to share a coffee rather than turn a blind eye. Again if a heart is broken , it means u loved somebody so much u let it happen. I always suggest you step in the other person's shoes. Still i don't understand people who say deleting everything, forgetting, moving on etc is the key. It means u will hurt yourself more, yes u will have more fun in the process, but still it is damaging to the new people u meet.
The mature thing to do is to clarify everything Face 2Face with the person. No other way for me.
I highly doubt the people who closed their eyes and feelings and took the time to forget love (no matter days, months ,years) they don't regret it.
They do. It is psychological placebo effect to tell themselves they did the right thing.
All in all in order to live life, there is no need to forget, there is a need to forgive.
Best advice I can give u, rather than all the cutting the rope you are hanging on to.

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if the breakup is done right....it shouldnt be much of a problem....even if one side is hurt alot more by it....like u said....see the person talk it out and be honest...even if it is going to hurt someone at least u did it the right way and honestly.....but in many of these situations someone is cheating or going behind peoples backs and then disgarding them rather than doing it right.....and in many cases this is done by abusive people or people with personality disorders.....

i know if my ex hadnt been planning a new relationship behind my back before ending it with me....id have been great friends with her....in cases like that its best to delete everything

Yeah I feel like he had met someone first before he finished with me, not long before and he might not have done anything with her but I find it hard to believe he'd meet someone so quickly after finishing with me. Ill never know and tbh I don't really want to know. But I don't think we'd have been friends either way, he's too immature for that - spends too much time doing over-exaggerated things that he thinks should be done in a break up situation (like making the point of calling me MATE) all the time. Even though he said he'd want to be friends if we ever split up, moron haha.

time does heal everything...unfortuntaely, the deeper in love u are with someone, the longer it takes to heal...hang in there :)

Sure. You will know how silly it was wasting time on someone who was no longer love you.

Keep yourself busy, do your best not to dwell on the past.