Not Sure if I Lost Him...

Hey, everyone...

Well, I return with bad news... I very well might have lost the very love I found a few months ago (For those of you who do not know, it's in this thread: http://www.loveforum.net/threads/84842-The-Best-of-Times?p=952029#post952029 ). Sorry about the length, but my downfall is kind of complicated for me, and it's best for me to write it all out... :S

You see, it was all a change that took place over the past two weeks. Looking back, I only wish I could have prevented myself from causing it. It was his birthday this past Sunday, and we were originally planning on spending the entire weekend together, of course around a family dinner his parents planned. I told him it was fine that we plan around it and to let me know. Well, the end of the week was rolling around, and I asked him, trying to see if we could alter our plans because he couldn't give me a definite answer. Long story story short, Dave got pissed off at the situation (not at me, mind you) and that he couldn't give me an answer. And my many apologies for feeling as though I brought on pressure that caused this frustration did not help at all...only aggravated him a little more.

But he held his tongue, only telling me to reread what he last wrote as reassurance. And then the weekend came and I took him out to dinner on Friday night when he was free. He was happy and we had a good time, but we also talked about what happened during the week. And Dave expressed how my apologies make him feel. Yet, we understood each other and moved on. Then, this past Monday, all hell broke loose...

My one friend found an old profile of his on a dating app, and of course I wanted to communicate with him, so I confronted him. It was late, and I probably should have handled it better instead of asking if he was happy and if he felt anything bad about us... He insisted he wasn't cheating- that it was just an old profile he never used but would be more than thrilled to get rid of the profile (he didn't have the app on his phone-deleted it before he met me), as he would feel the same way if he were in my shoes. And Dave even apologized for the way it happened...but I didn't sleep and neither did he. Now, I'm running on practically no sleep and trying to figure this out.

This morning, I tried calling him, as I was extremely upset still and worried that everything was going to shit... Boy was I right; he didn't answer, and I tried calling a few more times even though I knew I shouldn't have. I let my bad emotions get the best of me, and I wish I could undo that moment... He finally just ended up texting me not to call him because he was already aggravated and wasn't in the mood to talk-that he'd talk to me later. After going back and forth (not an argument, just him telling me he wanted to be left alone for now and me telling him he could have told me), we apologized to each other an hour later. Then this evening, I called him because I felt bad and apologized for my actions, as I knew they were childish and I wasn't proud of them. For a half an hour, Dave and I talked about how he felt.

Apparently, he was up all night because he was thinking about us- about the age difference and about my insecurities. He said he felt like he might have been putting me at a disadvantage because I might do better with someone younger. And he told me he doesn't really do insecurities, though he knows I'm trying to work on mine. And he doesn't want me to work on them for him, but for myself, which I agree with.

Overall, he was just colder and quiet, especially when I began to pour my heart out about how I feel about us- that there's still that something special about us and that we can work. I told him what a good impact he has on me by being in my life the way he is, but he said he wasn't sure and needed to think it over. So, we agreed to put that talk on hold and continue with how things are right now... But I'm scared I lost him, even though he still says he loves me very much and misses me when I'm gone.

Is there anything I can do to help this situation? I'm already trying to help myself (not for him, but for me because I'm tired of chasing guys away with how insecure I am) by going to the free psychological services on campus tomorrow to try and conquer my insecurities. But is he already gone? He said so many positive things about how he feels about me and loves spending time with me, despite the many negatives he revealed... And I'm scared I'm going to lose him- I miss the days we were cooking together in his apartment, when we would playfully bicker that I should have a coat on in the Fall's cold every time he went out on the balcony for a cigarette...

Please help me, and if anyone has any suggestions on how to help yourself conquer insecurities, please tell me...
I apologize for the length- my mind is just a blur right now.
I miss the day the photograph in the other thread was taken.

Please, if someone could take the time to help me, I would really appreciate it..

Rowen. First of all take the basic care of yourself. Sleep well, eat 3 times a day and smile beause you deserve to. Simple things. If you cant take best care even of yourself you cant take of other things too. When shit is heavy like this these things matter a lot. Its important not to lose base under your legs. Failing at basic things will make you feel like you investing(and out of control too) and it will make you only more attracted to the guy what will not help. Easier would be by being cool.

To be honest I didnt comment on your pic back then because there was two fat fcks in there. Only that guy is older and look much shitier than you. You can find a better one.

Its importand not to stop life now. Dont give him that much value. "You cant solve the problem with the same mindset that created it". Try new things find positive emotions elswere and if he sees that you are okay without him you will be able to easy get him back. Also steping away from problem and not thinking about it can help find solution on its own.

To be honest with you I think you are great guy, one of the smartest guys on here. More than 30% of your posts are thanked. Theres just a few peeps like this on this forum. You could give advice to yourself !

Also dont make such a big thing about what both of you had together. Look at the quote of the month for example "When two people kiss they create realy long tube with @ssholes on both ends."

I hope these beautiful words helped you. Or at least made you smile.

Thank you, PC, for all your kind words... :S You're right that I need to take care of myself, and I will. But on top of that, I did see the counselor on campus today, and she put me on the waiting list for counseling. Yet, I also sought out (through the college) an office about two miles away that they said might be able to help me. I'm hoping to book the first appointment tomorrow...

As for Dave, I don't care about his looks. He looks beautiful to me just the way he is..and I want to try to attract him back. Could I maybe be cool about everything by giving him his space? Usually, if I don't text him, he'll text me eventually (He's has not ever made it go a full day where we don't talk before, but I'm not so sure about today.). Could that maybe work, along with my general mannerism when I talk to him? Taking it step by step?

Do you think he would come to me?

I have no idea...and I wish there was just one thing that I could do to fix it all, you know?

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Originally Posted by Rowen [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I have no idea...and I wish there was just one thing that I could do to fix it all, you know?

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Have you tried buy him flowers? Im not a gay but I like flowers and peole think if you are guy you dont need them. It makes person feel beautiful I think.


Can you go somwhere where sunny? Like go to holiday for few days chill out and come back stronger than ever. Its importand to show that theres some life in you even if no one will see what you do there will be some good effect from loving yourself. Something good you need, like sunshine you need.

Church can help too. I been in shit and came out of church happy. It depend a lot on preacher too thought.

^^PC Master, you are trip. I like you, but you are a damn trip.

Rowen, just consider it over and give him a lot of space. You've already tried "helping" the situation, and you see how badly that turned out. Work on being the person that he or a guy like him would be attracted to and want to stay with.

Insecurities ruin relationships- even the best of relationships. You sound like you're a great guy, and you shouldn't beat yourself up for having insecurities. Instead of focusing so much on your insecurities, find a hobby or something to distract yourself. Dave sounds like he loves you very much, but remember that a person can only handle so much. You need to help yourself before you get into any kind of relationship. I don't really believe in taking "breaks" from the person you love, but it honestly sounds to me that you need to help yourself and focus on you before you be with someone again. Unless Dave can help you, that is, but I don't know how much you can help yourself when you're with him.

Do not contact him. You need to give him his space right now. Giving him his space shows that you have enough self-control and enough respect to let him think to himself for a little bit. Do not overwhelm him with how you feel about him and your relationship with him. If he ends up contacting you (which I am sure he will), take everything he says with a grain of salt. Because trust me, he does love you. He doesn't want to be away from you, but he doesn't want to be with you because he feels like he can't help your insecurities. Don't try to convince him to come back to you if he says you need to take a break. The more you convince him to stay with you, the more that shows him that you are not willing to help yourself.

If you guys do not get together right away, I am almost positive you will in the future. In the meantime, please help yourself. You are a beautiful person. Nobody should beat themselves up like that, especially when they don't deserve it. Good luck.

Thank you to all of you that responded. I'm going to try to hit all the points you've all made:

PC, going somewhere warm right now isn't necessarily an option for me, as my university semester is in session. And my roommate keeps the room ice cold; I've seriously even asked him to keep the windows closed and locked at night when he goes to bed without success.
As for Dave, I know he's isn't really into flowers, so I'm not sure that would work. But I'm going to try backing off as Backup (Thank you, Backup) suggested and try to go from there.. :S Aside from that, I just have to keep myself busy and happy and motivated to work through my problem with a therapist. I already booked my first session for tomorrow at 11:30 AM.

And thank you, imadesklamp. What you said really makes sense, and it truly puts it into perspective for me. I mean, why would he stick around for so long if he didn't care? So, I can see your point. Also, you're right in the fact that what I would be doing without focusing on my problem would be self-destructive of the relationship because it'd be trying to convince him to hold onto hope for something that's hopeless. After talking to HIA for a while, he reached the same conclusion, so I've ultimately decided I'm going to go through with my counseling/therapy session by session and walk into it with the positive mindset that it's going to help me. I'm going to make it through this, and it's going to be for me because I don't want to be the guy who causes a lot of conflict in his relationships anymore. And, if I can help it, I'd like to salvage what is between Dave and I after conquering my problem. It may not happen over night, but I'm in it..

Yet, as for Dave being with me, HIA kind of brought up similar points as well, imadesklamp. And I'd like to stick with him while I go through this to have him as support if anything, as I could remind myself constantly this guy loves me and feels the way imadesklamp suggested. I feel like that would motivate me because I don't want to make anyone feel like that anymore. And when I conquer my problem, I feel like this could possibly be good for both of us. But I won't get ahead of myself...There's still a lot of road left to travel.

But for now, I'm giving him space. I haven't received any texts or calls from him today, but he did go through my Facebook page and "like" a few photos/photo albums and even commented on the one. I'm not suggesting this is grounds as contact, so I did not text/call him as I figured it best for him to come to me. I just commented on the album back and I think if I don't hear from him by tomorrow afternoon, I'll send him one text seeing how his day is going. And we'll just kind of go from there, hopefully...? :S

Rowen, how do you feel mate? Do you see the light in the tunnel already? You know maybe not everything is lost yet.
As someone said "When you experience love, the love for that person will never go away. It will be to the grave and beyond. Don't stop believing that it's out there."

Post here on how its going, keep us updated. We are here for you. This is your thread you can post here anything.

As regards the counseling, don't forget that psychology is a soft science - nothing is quantifiable, which in my opinion makes it an art, not science... and some artists are better than others. If you don't like your therapist, try a different one.

Oh, and personally I'd stay away from a "psychiatrist". That's an M.D. that has a little training in the mind. They're likely to prescribe a pill and get you out of their office.

^^ I went to a psychiatrist to help myself because most of the posters here said I should go see one and get recommended medications for myself. I did just that and got told to take two medications which are causing me issues now :( but they also suggested talk therapy and gave me a name of a man to talk to weekly. I find the talk therapy is more helpful. Do you think a lot of your relationship insecurities stem from your past dating experiences or goes further back to childhood issues? Talking to an unbiased person can really help you on both. Give you coping skills when issues crop up for you. Just tell your partner, sorry and that you love them and are going to do something to help yourself and hope they are still supportive to you, even as a friend during. My boyfriend wasn't supportive, I wish better for you.

http://www.uncommonhelp.me/articles/overcoming-insecurity-in-relationships/

I thank you all for all your support. I meant to get back to you earlier, but this was the first chance I got (I'm on my phone.).

Today, I went for my first session, and it was a bitch trying to get there because my transportation got screwed up. Next time, I'll walk. But when I was introduced to Dr. Kravchuck, his tone set me at ease a little. He started with questions to get to know me as a person as he led me to his office, and once inside, we got started. It was very relaxing to just sit there and be able to talk this out to someone who seems to want to help me. There were points that we were able to kind of laugh and all, and I made sure he knew I was doing this for me. And as I was leaving, he gave me some parting words: "Self assurance roots within." He told me that by putting my job of assuring myself on others, that's when I overwhelm them and push them away because they can't give me what I need internally.

Other than that, I asked about EFT and he told me that we could look into that later on after we get more in depth into my case. But he said it really depends on me, and in the meantime, we'll meet some more and develop a plan together. So, in answer to your question, PC, it was pretty cool and really gave me a glimmer of hope for my problem and even this situation. I was all too happy telling my cousin and my one friend about it.

I feel good about the counseling overall, but I'm a little unsure about Dave. I sent a text to him in the way we would normally talk to each other (Usually, that involves either a heart or text affection and a pet name), but he didn't respond till he was home from work (something odd because he usually texts me during work). I figured I'd give him the benefit of the doubt that he was just busy in the training for his new job, but when he finally responded, he made conversation but didn't really talk in the normal manner... It kind of made me feel like he was treating me as a friend, as he didn't even call me a pet name like he normally does. :S Could that be a case of him pulling away, or just that it was his way of easing back into talking (yesterday was silent save for the Facebook stuff)? He didn't answer my reply yet, but maybe he's asleep on the couch... :S I did ask about this weekend (we originally planned on spending it together), though, if that means anything?

And thank you for the kind words; I have to remind myself he does love me. It's hard sometimes because of my problem, but I need to do it. Because that will get me in trouble with him otherwise... And, HIA, I can see your point. I felt good about Dr. Kravchuck, but I'll need to see how the next couple sessions go before deciding if I'll stick with his office.

And thank you joanna1 for your kind thoughts. I'm sorry that you didn't have that support behind you, but please remember that you'll find someone better. As for me, I'm thinking I should wait till things stable out a little more before telling Dave... And even then I'm going to make sure he knows it's for me. This is something I want to do for me because I want to be different.
Yet I'm hoping this tale isn't over yet for us. :S

EDIT: Should I try texting/calling him? Or should I wait and see if he comes to me...? I'm not so certain that he will... :S

Sorry for your heartache, Rowen.

Tbh, from what your wrote you don't sound to me like an extremely annoying insecure guy... Wanting to know more about his birthday weekend and a few days later asking about an old online profile a friend of yours found don't seem to me to be reasons for a break-up. Maybe he's been having doubts about the age gap and the different priorities you can each have in life for some time now. Do his parents agree with your relationship? I just think that you're not having all the elements yet of what provoked this crises and you shouldn't blame yourself completely. You will only be able to understand more about what's happening as soon as he will decide to reveal what he feels, and hopefully he will do that soon.

Maybe you shouldn't contact him again, he seems to need his time to think and reach a decision, find his balance again. So maybe you should give it to him and meanwhile do your best to find your own balance and remember that even the most wonderful love partners can fail sometimes, temporarily or permanently, and relationships simply go through ups and downs, it's a fact of life and you have to be strong for yourself. Also you've already proved to him how much you want to fix this, so maybe you should stop showing him that you are fully concentrated on him, detach or pretend you do, try to have a bit of fun on your own, it's not the end of the world really, and let him chase you a bit for a change, which he will if he's really interested - remember, you don't deserve any less.

Thats too bad, I wrote on your other thread that you made about him. Sometimes these things can be worked on and worked out, if BOTH parties want a relationship still -- if only one wants it, it can't.

Yeah, call him ONCE or text him ONCE about how you feel again, but only once and keep it simple not too detailed. Then ball is in his court and you work on you.

Thank you both for responding. To be honest, though, the signs were kind of there for me. You see, when we were in our first few weeks of being dedicated to one another, that was when I cried in his arms (Not sure exactly when but it was around there). And a lot of why I cried was because I was so happy about the things he was saying and I never thought a man would say them to me. And I kept apologizing as he just kept holding me close and telling me he had me and wasn't letting go. But then he told me that I never have to apologize on the level that I do ever again. That he never wants me to be sorry. Well, I was doing good for a while, but eventually I started overly apologizing again and again. And it just sorta kept going despite Dave telling me otherwise. So I can see the progression myself because I remember how he was when I'd put my talents/efforts down. :S And as for his family, his mother is the only one who knows my age, and Dave told me when he told her, she didn't say anything and they haven't talked about it since.

However, today is much better, as he did text me this morning just as he normally would. And he was flirtatious and excited to hear from me. So I think the space helped-that and my manner when I texted him. Does that make sense?

And he was thrilled to hear I'm at my cousin's which is in the same town as his training for work. So in a half an hour or so, I'm going to text him asking if he wants to get together. And I hope we'll be able to spend this weekend together. Wish me luck!

Good luck !

Wow I don't know why I feel so bad because all my exes say I have no feelings. Lol I guess it's because I know insecurities are probably the number one reason why people have problems not only in relationships but life in general. On top of that they are so hard to resolve because they are usually deep rooted. With that said you know you have to get yours under control or you are going to keep posting the original post over and over again. Good luck man.

Thanks, PC and okwhat, but it didn't happen. I texted asking him, and he never responded. So I guess maybe I'll just see what happens with conversation tomorrow? :S I hope giving him his space will work.

And you're exactly right, okwhat. If I don't do this, it will be the same post over and over again. I just have to take it a day at a time and keep working at it. I was good today, though, and did not over text or anything. He was training in a bank a block away from my cousin's house, and I did not go in to try to talk to him. Instead, I just preoccupied myself with taking care of my cousin's dog while she was at work, listening to music, reading, and talking to HIA. So I hope I'm improving this situation with him while I work on myself.

Now that I think about it, the way he was so joyed to talk to me this morning is a reminder that I don't want what happened in the past to be what happens to him.

Best of luck, Rowen. Don't push too hard but always let him know you love and care in little ways still so he knows you are there to talk and work through things. He needs to be as supportive to you also. Thank you for what you said back to me in your other post *hugs* Thing about talking on phones over texting you can actually tell if someone loves you. :)

Dear Rowen
REad your first post regarding this and a little of the one above.
Stop apologizing so much.. Why would one need to apologize for being a thoughtful and sensitive soul. Don't forget who you are and the love you have to offer.

In my opinion, many of us go on this site due to a certain type of need. A need to express, a need to be shown a level of compassion that perhaps many of us aren't receiving from our partners. This in and of itself is sort of sad.

You sound like a swell fella and if I could say one thing that may resonate it would be this; he is lucky to have you in his life. Stop saying your sorry so often. Embrace your wonderful self and know you are special.

Thank you, joanna1 and Woody. Your kind words are very much appreciated. I still would like to try showing him I still love him and always will. I can't tell you how many times this weekend I thought about writing another love letter to him (I usually do at random times just because of the distance so he could have something to read again whenever we get lonely. He keeps my letters on the shelf of his headboard...or at least he did. :S I hope he still does...along with the toothbrush I forgot in his apartment in the dish by the sink. :S ). But I don't want the letter to be too suffocating and push him away so I'm not sure entirely if I should write one, as usually they're very intimate and passionate. Do you think I should, or should I wait a few days? What should I say if I do? ...Do you think he would have put the letters and the toothbrush away?

And as for my manner, I'm trying, Woody. But it stems from something inside me; I know that because it's been going on for years. So I need to confront it, but in the meantime as I work towards confronting and conquering it, you're right. I haven't been apologetic or clingy to him today. I merely texted him once, waited till he replied, and texted again. But I guess he wanted his space because he never responded. So tomorrow I'm going to just leave the ball in his court.. As far as luck goes, though, we were both very lucky to find one another. He's grown to be such a meaningful part of my life in so few months. But you're right that I need to remind myself he's lucky to have me too. If we didn't have each other, our lives would be a whole lot different.

Yet what words keep flowing through my head are Dave's-specifically those from an old text I saved. It reads: "I love you so much, Will, and I want the best for us. Together there won't be anything we haven't shared, experienced, learned from, bested, conquered, overcome, and won." And as they do, I feel those are words of truth, so I refuse to give up and will keep trying as you all have suggested. For me, I'll walk the line, so to speak, with him in mind. And as HIA suggested to me in our talks, I will tell Dave about my therapy as soon as our talks get a little more stable. I don't want to chase this one away, and I will honor every promise I ever made to him when I poured my heart out to him in the past. But for now, I guess I'll keep trying to give the space and hope it'll help me. It's hard at times, but I have to, just as you all have told me.

And thank you all for supporting me so far. I hope I can keep this up. :S

Well, friends, thank you for your support. Yesterday morning surprisingly, Dave an I made up. He kept telling me how much he missed me and that he was sorry for how he acted during the week- that it was a case of where he was feeling like crap because he was sick anyway and that he let it get the best of him because usually he likes his space whenever he's sick (He's prone to ear infections.). I accepted his apology, as he told me that he would never doubt me and never wanted me to feel unloved and that he hoped I knew I was, and I told him that I didn't handle it as well as I should have either. I suggested we just work past it together, and he told me it was a misunderstanding- that he felt there was nothing to work past but to learn from in the future so it doesn't happen again. And that's when I told him about my therapy.

Surprisingly, instead of telling me that he thought it was a joke like I knew many others from my past would have, he told me whatever I needed I had.. That he fully supported my decision to work on myself because he already views me as a strong and emotionally free personality he loves being with already but that he'd like to see be a little more emotionally secure on my own by his side. Dave did add, though, that if I decided not to do this, he still supported me. He just wanted me to know how much he loves me and that he thinks of me as the most amazing guy he's ever met- that my happiness, to him, is the most important thing in where we stand right now.

We're going to continue taking it slow, just as we have, working towards what we both want for us. And I asked him about if he deleted the account, to which he told me he didn't get a chance yet but it'll be gone immediately because he has no reason to look for someone else. He told me that he is happy with me and that he never wants me to get hurt from us...that it wouldn't be worth cheating on me because he knows he would lose me for good. We even talked on the phone, to which he assured me again that I would never have anything to worry about with him because he wants us to work out as much as I do. Just thinking back on those talks right now make me smile. :) I will continue my therapy, and I will beat my insecurities because I want to be a stronger person. And I want it for Dave and I, as well, so he is never pushed away. :)

In short, if any of you ever have a thread you're really broken up about and need someone's help, support, or just an ear to listen, just know that I will ALWAYS put in a reply if I see it (You can even send me the link if you're really torn up about it.)- no matter how long you make your posts in it. I will be there because I'm very grateful right now that all of you have taken the time to respond and support me. Seriously, thank you.

As for me, I'm in love with a man twenty one years older than I, friends, but it feels like we've known each other our whole lives.
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Glad it all worked out bro...I've really needed a heart warming story lately :D

LOL Rowen this is funny. Especially because you are gays. You look happy btw. To be honest I actualy was 80% joking when quoted your signature and later felt sorry cause that was evil thing to do.
But love proved again that impossible is possible. Quess Dave never had a reason to quit thats why he came back.

Its like you been the bich in this relationship. But I bet it will be Dave who naturaly will take bich role. Since you Rowen do more for your future and have higher value things that money cant buy. Once you realise your worth confidence wont be a problem.

I remember you once said that people are able to recieve only that much love as they believe to deserve.
This is actually first time when I see people coming back together on this forum.

Great news and pic, Rowen. So happy for you :)

Thank you, everyone! :)

I'm glad as well that this story continues onward in happiness. I would have been devastated if he had chose to leave me.

It's all good, PC. lol Yeah, I think Dave came to his senses and remembered how many excellent memories we shared together. Either that or he just chose me, but nevertheless I'm glad he's back. I certainly missed him. :) And thank you for that faith that I'll be able to conquer this. I know I can, and your support is very much appreciated.

As for Dave being "the bitch" in the relationship, I think we're both the bitch at some point. Haha He has his moments of weakness just as I have mine, but at the end of the day, he's still the strong man I've always admired. And I'm really grateful that things have worked. I know what you mean about the forums; it seems that so many come here too late. But, together as advice givers, we must try to help as we can with our suggestions as to what to do. If we do that, I'm sure many others can have happy endings to their tales too. :)

Thanks, Valixy! :) He's a really special guy. :)

Really happy for you Rowen, really happy for you.
Now don't forget this special fact: He is lucky to have you too.
I know I've said that before but often we must create a self mantra of reassuring re pore.
He does sound like a lovely fellow and so do you. WE're all human here and everyone needs time and space once and awhile. This is not rejection but simply one's need to create an area to better themselves, re boot if you will so when they are with their S.O their 'clear' and feeling good.

Embrace this wonderful journey and never, ever forget who you are and all you have to offer. Self love babe. Self love.

Thank you, Woody, for those kind words. I'll definitely continue to try to remind myself that. It's just tough sometimes because I wonder if he's pulling away because he's unhappy or that I did something wrong... :S I love him dearly, but for me, I sometimes have to battle these thoughts because always in the past, it meant the guy wanted nothing to do with me. That's why it kind of blindsided me when we admitted to each other that we love one another; I never expected it. It just sort of popped out in a conversation we were having as he held me close. And I know he loves me very much...I just hope I can win against this and that we'll have a good relationship together.

Wonderful news, for you both, Rowen. I am pleased it all worked out and resolved so quickly although it probably felt like forever for you because you love him so much. I don't think love should consider itself with age, maybe you are an old soul in a young mans body and you understand your boyfriend better than most his age would or have. Much future happiness.

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Originally Posted by Rowen [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Thank you, Woody, for those kind words. I'll definitely continue to try to remind myself that. It's just tough sometimes because I wonder if he's pulling away because he's unhappy or that I did something wrong... :S I love him dearly, but for me, I sometimes have to battle these thoughts because always in the past, it meant the guy wanted nothing to do with me. That's why it kind of blindsided me when we admitted to each other that we love one another; I never expected it. It just sort of popped out in a conversation we were having as he held me close. And I know he loves me very much...I just hope I can win against this and that we'll have a good relationship together.

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Ro, when you say "I know he loves me very much...I just hope I can 'win' against this" what do you mean by that? Win against it?
May I say that it sounds like you deem yourself unworthy when you say things like this. Don't think that notion doesn't manifest itself. Rowen, you need to drive it on home; the self love we spoke of earlier. What happened to you that makes you think like this?
You need to accept the fact that your a lovable man; that you deserve to be loved and to love. Please.

good news for you and dave, rowen. bet from here on out your guys relationship will be stronger. nice pic of you too also.

My apologies for the late reply; I was at my parents' house for the entire weekend without my laptop. Not to dig up an old thread, but in answer to your question, Woody, what I meant was that I'm hoping to win against the insecurities within me and thus drive them away. I feel as though it's a lot easier with Dave's support, but it's under no circumstance for him.

You're correct that I've deemed myself unworthy of him, though. I was speaking with HIA about this today, in fact. The way you have told me and he has told me, I think I'm starting to grasp ideas on how to keep reminding myself I am worthy of him. Part of it is not putting myself down anymore. But as for why I thought I wasn't worthy of it is probably the fact that he could have chosen any guy who was better looking and smarter and funnier and just more fun all around. When I was younger, I was never really the guy that fit into social situations, and I'm still not. I'd like to be there, and I'm trying as all hell... But all along, I guess I thought that I wasn't kind enough or fun enough or could make someone happy. It all sort of roots from childhood, I think, because my one grandfather always put me down and I just sort of grew to believe it.
As for accepting the fact that I am a lovable guy and deserve to both love and be loved, you're absolutely right. I need to not question it and simply believe it by telling myself everyday that I am. This, I think, will eventually sink in. Thank you.

And thank you, Exeter. I'm certainly hoping so. Tonight, he told me he needs to think about some things as far as what he wants, but I'm going to reassure myself that our love is strong enough for everything to work out.

Rowen, something doesn't seem right to me here, I hope that's not the case.

The problem I see with the way he reacted is that his impatience shows lack of love. His reaction to what you did was way too disproportionate.

I think being strong can really help you because as far as I see, he still loves you but he might need some time alone and figure out what is good for him. Trust me he will come back as long as you stop begging and following him or make any effort to contact him. You need to play a mind game if you want him back.

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Originally Posted by toknow [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Rowen, something doesn't seem right to me here, I hope that's not the case.

The problem I see with the way he reacted is that his impatience shows lack of love. His reaction to what you did was way too disproportionate.

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I'm not so sure it was a sudden lack of patience. See, with him, it was a case where he was very patient in the beginning and through the middle with my insecurities. He kept assuring me over and over that I need not be sorry, that it's okay. But he gets a bit irritable when he's sick, and that combined with his patience starting to run thin. I don't really think there's a lack of love- just that he let those two factors mix when he knows they shouldn't have.... Does that make sense?

And sajib, I'm really not into mind games with him. He isn't into them either. But I think that giving him some space will help him work it out, and I'll continue to act as though we're alright. I admit his feelings this week that he needs to think are due to poor actions on my part last week after we made up. But he knows now where I stand and what I want in terms of us. He only wants to be fair to me and know for sure he wants the same. :S