Girlfriend cheated on me, but I love her and don't want to lose her?

Ok, so I've been with my girlfriend 5 months, and we're madly in love. It's been perfect since the start, and we both swear we would never hurt one another. I trusted her completely, and i went down south to see a cousin, and she went out with her mates, got far too drunk, didn't have any money to get back, so this guy said he'd get her a taxi but his money was at his, so she went with him. She got back and he came onto her, and they had unprotected sex. She says they didn't even kiss, and that as soon as it happened she started crying her eyes out and made him get a taxi, which he did. The day after, I got home, and she just burst into tears when she saw me, she wouldn't stop saying sorry, she said that it never meant to happen, she had tried pushing him away from her multiple times throughout the night.

As you can imagine, I was fuming. But I do love her, I really do, and I feel like I can forgive her, but can I forget it?

Would you forgive and forget in this situation? Am i doing the right thing? I want a future with this girl.

Okay, if she is so innocent here...why didn't she file a complaint with authorities about it? Though he technically did not rape her, it is still taking advantage of a drunk situation...

There's more to this story, OP. Something doesn't seem right here.

No no, she's far from innocent, she did let it happen so it is her fault at the end of the day.

If she said no it's rape whether she was lying naked in bed or not.

Most girls have a code when we go out drinking.... we look out for each other. With my peeps anyone in the group gets too drunk we send them home or take them home, so we know they are safe. I doubt her GFs ditched her to fend for herself.....she hooked up with this guy. Yes she got too drunk and regretted it, but come on....playing the victim? She trying to keep in the relationship.

^^^this.

Me and my girls always watch each other when we go out. We do not let a drunk friend leave with some random guy. We watch each other and make sure everyone get home safe. I'm not buying the fact that she said he forced himself on her. She's a promiscuous drunk and that's all it is to it. She need to take responsibilty for her actions and she would if she was truly sorry.

If you want to stay with her, thats on you but you really should get rid of her ass. She's in a relationship and get drunk and go out and cant control herself and then ****s him raw? That says a lot.

You two have only been together for a very short time. If she is already having sex with other guys, that is bad. I don't think this girl makes good decisions. Where were her friends when this guy was offering to take her to his house to get her money for a taxi. Didn't anybody have an ATM machine handy? I don't buy it.

So now you have 2 problems: She's a cheat & a liar.

She lost her mates around 3am. I've spoken to them and they they confirmed this. They don't know that she cheated.

I have been in situations where I have got wild at a club. I was a stripper. I've seen it all. Never in a relationship, have I left with some guy and let him run thru me raw. (Even if I wasnt in a relationship, he wasnt running in me raw) Get serious. You're basically trying to justify her actions and if thats okay with you, then stay with her but she is nasty. I bet that wasnt her first time doing that.

Look the biggest fact is she admitted to u..if she didn't have then we call it cheating...!!

Its nothing like cheating here...if she had to cheat she would have said I want a breakup because...but she admitted her mistake...and that she she even loves u as much as u love her...

From my side forgive her she loves you truly....

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Originally Posted by Jacko157 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

She lost her mates around 3am. .

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Maybe in the age before cell phones, but not now. Nobody could call or text each other? How naive are you?

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Originally Posted by ..Arya.. [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Look the biggest fact is she admitted to u..if she didn't have then we call it cheating...!!

Its nothing like cheating here...if she had to cheat she would have said I want a breakup because...but she admitted her mistake...and that she she even loves u as much as u love her...

From my side forgive her she loves you truly....

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You probably make it easy for a guy to cheat on you. Push him in her arms, why dont ya?

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Originally Posted by Starnique [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

You probably make it easy for a guy to cheat on you. Push him in her arms, why dont ya?

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Better i don't get suggestion from whom I have not asked

Its my life better not open your shit mouth regarding that...!!

And pls dont speak anything about my life thats offensive to me very offensive for me...!!!

And reading ur reactions I'm sure u have never fallen in love true love

Give her the freedom and show that you trust her, and she will realize how great you are and want to stay with you.

Blah blah blah

Bitch stfu. I say what I wanna say, when i wanna say it and how i wanna say it. And you can't do shit about it.

Im talking to you Arya. Yeah, I have been thru that and I would never let a guy treat me like that. You simpleton.

Is that how a girl can get away with screwing some guy? Just by admitting to it? just add tears and words of regret=forgiveness.

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Originally Posted by smackie9 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Is that how a girl can get away with screwing some guy? Just by admitting to it? just add tears and words of regret=forgiveness.

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She isn't 'getting away with it', she almost destroyed the best thing that ever happened to either of us, she's more hurt from this than I am, and it made me literally sick.

It was a stupid drunken mistake, and we both love each other so we are mature enough to forget about it. This has hurt me badly but the pain won't be forever. We can be, and she makes me happy.

Sounds like you got it all figured out. What did you come here for?

What if she is pregnant?

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Originally Posted by BackUpOrGetStng [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Sounds like you got it all figured out. What did you come here for?

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To find out other people's opinions

As Brandy put it, almost doesn't count. Nothing was destroyed and she has gotten away with it, and I bet she could get away with it again too. It wasn't a drunken mistake, but a series of willful acts. She wasn't kidnapped. Seems like everyone has the same opinion but you. Doesn't make us right though. You should run along and go make this thing work. Come back and update us.

This story makes me chuckle.

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Originally Posted by Jacko157 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

She isn't 'getting away with it', she almost destroyed the best thing that ever happened to either of us, she's more hurt from this than I am, and it made me literally sick.

It was a stupid drunken mistake, and we both love each other so we are mature enough to forget about it. This has hurt me badly but the pain won't be forever. We can be, and she makes me happy.

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Do you even read the shit you're posting, OP? I'm going to guess that you don't, and therefore, I'd like to highlight the word ALMOST....as in you already made up your mind before starting this thread. Not to mention, how are you going to ever trust her again? What if she says to you, "Hey, baby, I'm gonna go get shit faced with my friends"? Are you going to tag along to make sure she doesn't hop on some guy's dick? My guess is not....

Oh, wait, I get it now! You're going to have her on a leash! That way you'll never have to worry about trusting her again...idiot.

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Originally Posted by Jacko157 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

To find out other people's opinions

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No, you clearly came here because you thought we'd all take the situation at face value and not use our brains, telling you that, yes, it is capable to forgive your girl for shoving another man's dick in her pussy and begging for more and just forget it ever happened. You came here for reassurance; be honest.

And now that we're not giving you what you want, you're getting mad. But we're using OUR brainpower and OUR experiences to tell you what usually happens. I can't count the number of times I've heard the same story about how she/he "didn't mean it" and how they're just going to frolic around thinking everything is okay and the world is made of buttercups and rainbows only to come back two weeks later crying their eyes out to say they broke up because of the lack of trust.

There, I'm through. *feels so much better*

It's going to make you feel sick about it forever bud......it's tainted everything you ever thought of her. She better get tested for STDs.

Damn Rowen. You really told him off. =)

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Originally Posted by ..Arya.. [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Look the biggest fact is she admitted to u..if she didn't have then we call it cheating...!!

Its nothing like cheating here...if she had to cheat she would have said I want a breakup because...but she admitted her mistake...and that she she even loves u as much as u love her...

From my side forgive her she loves you truly....

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This is what I call a serious doormat! Lmfao!! If the admit it, its not cheating.. what planet do you live on?

OP its your life and your choice whether you want to forgive her or not but 5months in and shes already cheating.. major red flag! She will do it again and being drunk is not an excuse. All the sorrys in the world or tears does not fix this. So my advice is to get out now and find a girl you can trust. 5 weeks, 5months, 5 years, 25 years.. doesnt really matter. Cheating is cheating and no matter how much i loved someone-i would not forgive this but thats me.. do what you want

just remember this does not give you a free pass to cheat on her and your also not allowed check up on her every 5minutes or throw it in her face. You chose to stay. You dont have a chain around your neck

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Originally Posted by Starnique [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Damn Rowen. You really told him off. =)

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lol Thanks, Star. No idea where that all came from. I guess it's just the stupidity I've been seeing on the forums lately. haha

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Originally Posted by michelle23 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

This is what I call a serious doormat! Lmfao!! If the admit it, its not cheating.. what planet do you live on?

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Damn it! I was going to say doormat too.....

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Originally Posted by Jacko157 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

She isn't 'getting away with it', she almost destroyed the best thing that ever happened to either of us, she's more hurt from this than I am, and it made me literally sick.

It was a stupid drunken mistake, and we both love each other so we are mature enough to forget about it. This has hurt me badly but the pain won't be forever. We can be, and she makes me happy.

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Listen to your body. Her behavior made you physically ill.

The pain may be forever. She did it once. She's going to do it again because she makes poor decisions. If she had drunk less, brought enough money for a cab, not lost her friends, called her friends, called you, waited outside (not gone to this guy's apartment alone) . . . all of those decision points change the outcome. You don't see this but you will when she does it again.

For your sake, I hope we're wrong but I doubt we are. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Who do you really think the fool is in your relationship? You are talking about a woman you have only known for a short time; based on her behavior I doubt she loves you & I wonder why you still love her.

We can waggle our finger at him all we want, but if he wants to believe her then that is his choice. I'm not sure why he needed to come here....I'm sure he knew what kind of response we would give him, and I'm pretty sure his friends and family (if they knew) would have felt the same way. I guess love is blind and he wanted validation that he was making the right decision, and now he stand alone willing to see if this relationship will survive the test of time. Now it's time for us to just let it go....I think we all have said enough.

I know what everyone is saying. Before I met this girl, I always said I'd finish it straight away if I got cheated on, and I know I'd tell me mates to finish it if they came to me in this situation. But I couldn't bring myself to lose her. Maybe I am just that in love with her, maybe I'm just scared of having no one, because I know what that feels like, and it's not nice, or maybe it's both. But whatever it is, my guy feeling is that she is truly sorry, I know this, I've never seen anyone as upset as she has been. She's still my girl, and I love her.

Thank you all for giving me your opinions though, I guess I did come here knowing in my heart that I could never end it, but I just thought some people may be on my side and that it could give me reassurance that what I'm doing is right.

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Originally Posted by Rowen [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

lol Thanks, Star. No idea where that all came from. I guess it's just the stupidity I've been seeing on the forums lately. haha

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I hear you lol. Sometimes I get frustrated answering the same question a million times to a million different people. The OM/OW in emotional affairs pisses me off the most with their innane blindness and stupidity. But I gotta remind myself this is a new idiot so try to be constructive.. ive learned though you cant help these blind fools. They gotta learn their lesson the hard way

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Originally Posted by Jacko157 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I know what everyone is saying. Before I met this girl, I always said I'd finish it straight away if I got cheated on, and I know I'd tell me mates to finish it if they came to me in this situation. But I couldn't bring myself to lose her. Maybe I am just that in love with her, maybe I'm just scared of having no one, because I know what that feels like, and it's not nice, or maybe it's both. But whatever it is, my guy feeling is that she is truly sorry, I know this, I've never seen anyone as upset as she has been. She's still my girl, and I love her.

Thank you all for giving me your opinions though, I guess I did come here knowing in my heart that I could never end it, but I just thought some people may be on my side and that it could give me reassurance that what I'm doing is right.

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Your not the first person to say you will end it if... but then do the opposite and you wont be the last. Its your life, your choice and you gotta do what you think is best.

I will just warn you though that its hard to forgive-even harder to forget and usually results in a dysfunctional mess with trust issues, fights, possessiveness, jealousy, insecurity, anxiety..

You need to know when to walk so if this all gets too much for you in a week, a month, a year just remember it is okay to walk away. Just dont turn this into tit for tat and seek revenge etc. Keep your dignity

good luck

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Originally Posted by Jacko157 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

But I couldn't bring myself to lose her.

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Okay, OP, time for "big bad Row" (Yes, I'm aware of what a bitch I appeared to be.) to share with you a personal story.. I dated a guy about three years ago now (Wow, it will be 3 years we've been broken up this week... O.o). Anyway, I thought he was brilliant for me in the beginning. He took me out on a date or two, kept telling me how much he cared, etc etc... And I believed it. Then he started cheating on me with friends of his- both girls and guys. And every time he would tell me how it was never meant to happen- that it was just a product of being extremely lonely and being without me or that he was drunk, etc etc... And every time I took him back, only be used as a doormat for him to wipe his feet on whenever he decided he wasn't satisfied with me. He ended up making my birthday that year probably one of the most terrible days I never want to remember and then dumped me a week before Christmas... And after that, I thought I'd never be in that again...until the next guy came along, led me on, and then got a boyfriend behind my back because he knew I wouldn't have the guts to walk away- just make up excuses for him and keep trying to build a relationship with him.

So, the reason I feel so strongly about this is because you very much so remind me of how I was back then. I know that you love her, but don't just think about her and put her on a pedestal. Think of yourself and what is best for you, aside from the fact that you love her. And look at your past too-a lot of times, if we've been hurt in the past (like a doormat especially) we can use those feelings we remember to look at our current position.

In short, don't settle for someone who will hurt you over and over just because you love them. That's my whole take on it.

That's the thing, I don't have a proper past, or any experience, I'm 19 and she's my first proper girlfriend, my first love and the girl I lost my virginity to. At first I thought I could forgive but not forget. I've forgiven her, and to stop myself remembering it, I have a rubber band on my wrist, and if that night comes up in my mind, I snap it, and it stings like a ****er, and it does work, it's helped a lot and will continue to help. As for thinking it's ok because she's done it to me, that's really not me. I know 100% I could never hurt this girl no matter how badly she hurt me. I've spoken with her about where we're going, and we agreed that if by January we're not happy with our progression, we will break it off and remain friends.

And I'm sorry that happened to you Rowen, what happened to you sounds a lot worse than what I'm going through.

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Lol.. first love is puppy love. 5 months is nothing. Try 5 years.. anyway im not gonna try to change your mind. Good luck