Falling out with Friend/Family..Advice

Hi Everyone. :)

I had a bad fallen out with my cousin, who is also one of my best friends. Our mothers are sisters and we grew up together and have always been close. Over the years (as we have gotten older, we are the same age and a few months apart) I have noticed her "all about me" attitude and prideful behavior. A lot of people say that she is funny acting and I always ignore it because I know her and it used to be not as offensive to me because that's just how she is. However, it has been bothering me lately and I sort of flipped out on her this past weekend.

What lead up to this is because once, I was having an issue with my abusive Ex and his sister and I had gotten into it really bad. My Ex had come by my house to see the baby with his sister and she was being really confrontational saying that I needed to grow up and we got into a bad argument. My cousin came to my house in the midst of all of this (I didn't know she was coming but she seen my Ex and his sister standing by their car and I was on the porch going back and forth with them) and my cousin just rolled her eyes pulled back off as if she didn't have time for the drama. I can understand that but I had just had my son at the time (he was about 8 weeks old) and she didn't even bother to ask was I okay or was these people harassing me or did she need to call the cops or anything. We didn't speak for a couple of month because when I confronted her about it, she said she didn't have time for it and whatever. We eventually start talking again after I initiated it and she never apologized or anything. We just moved past it. Another incident was this past year, my birthday which was in October, Me, her and another friend had planned to go out to eat and maybe to a bar on my birthday since it was a week day. My Birthday comes and I don't get a call, a text or anything from her. During this time, my other best friend asked my cousin to meet us at a restaurant along with some other friends and my cousin said that she had to work. I knew that was a lie because she was the one who had made the plans for us to go out on my bday but then I never heard anything from her. I don't know what that was all about. A few days later, she calls me as if nothing happened. :astonish: I got over it and moved passed it but all the while I'm starting to think she is real shady.

Fast forward, this past weekend we were supposed to go to a guy friend's of mine get together because he is moving out of the country soon for a few months. (not the one you all told me to stay away from) My friends agreed to go with me and mingle with some of his friends and basically be my company for the night. We all get dressed nice and go to the get together. She pulls up in her car and said she would be in soon and 20 minutes go by, she is still not in. I go ask her is she coming in and said no, she wasn't coming in. I had a few drinks in my system and I just went off on her. I told her that she was shady and I was so sick of her and her bullshit. I am always there for her and she is never there, she doesn't realize her faults and I just went lost it on her because she was being so lame as usual. I later found out that we had other family members in town that she is close with and that was the reason for her not coming in because she was about to go meet them. I put two and two together.

She texted me this morning and said that she was blocking me because she didnt have time for me being petty. I was thinking, what the hell? She has the nerve to blame me. I basically told her to **** off and we were through. She said that I needed to be a grown woman and I didn't need her to be with me and basically she acted as if I was mad at her over a guy. I told her she was so dumb and simple to think that I would be mad over a man. I told her that I was just tired of her consistently shady and bad, one sided friendship and if she didn't get it, then we didn't need to be friends. I don't feel bad about it but I just wonder if I handled it wrong or did she deserve it? I am not going to apologize so don't advise me to do so but I just want others input on it. Am I being petty? I know it seems petty but as I get older I have no time for BS so I'm getting them out of my life.

Has anyone ever fallen out with family/friends and if so how did you handle it? I'm starting to wonder if I even need friends at this point...

Are they really that important?

You are a crazy bitch, and I can see why she is sick of your constant drama.

She did nothing, and you flipped out on her. You are ****ing crazy.

How so? What are you talking about? I was hoping to get some serious input but I can see that might not happen.

The girl was sitting in her car minding her business, and you came and started yelling at her. I seriously doubt anyone will take your side, so if that qualifies as not serious, then yes.

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Originally Posted by BackUpOrGetStng [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

You are a crazy bitch, and I can see why she is sick of your constant drama.

She did nothing, and you flipped out on her. You are ****ing crazy.

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That's the point. She never does nothing. I only named a few incidents. There have been several. I'm getting verbally attacked by my Ex and his sister. Nothing. My birthday, after she planned it? Nothing. She comes to the gathering? Sits in her car for twenty minutes after she planned to come. Nothing.
I always apologize to her and get nothing in return.

She's an idiot and I'm tired of her idiotic behavior. You don't think so?

How many times has she seen you and your ex arguing in the front yard? I'm willing to guess, more than once. How can you be 100% sure she wasn't called into work on your birthday? Have you ever thought that maybe your clingyness, combined with you being a magnet for drama, have made her want to distance herself from you? Maybe she wanted you to have a nice birthday, but didn't want to be there for the part when you got too drunk and started acting like a moron, since I imagine you do that quite often.

You sound like a selfish, entitled princess. She doesn't owe you anything. I can't see why she is an idiot from anything you have described. You get nothing in return when you apologize, because she has nothing to apologize for.

It blows my mind that you think you are justified in all this. She's allowed to do what she wants, and should be able to, without being harassed or interrogated by you about it. I imagine you are a very difficult person to be around, and she is probably relieved she doesn't have to deal with you anymore.

This has been a funny read. I do think that you come off sort of crazy but I think that some of your cousin's behavior has been questionable. Girl drama is different and sometimes guys don't get it or read between the lines and try to figure out what the real issue is. For her to not call or text on your birthday is strange to me. I think she lied about having to work because if that was the case, she would've called. Maybe she was expecting you to call her first which is crazy because it was your birthday. Also, the party. I mean, she could've been straight up about it. I just know how it is with some chics and girls have different attitudes which can cause problems. That's why I don't have a lot of friends. If you really feel in your heart that everything is one sided about her and she is not as good a friend to you then its nothing wrong with severing them ties. As you get older and see things for what they really are and learn how to properly read people and if their shady, its nothing wrong with cutting them squares up out your circle.

Stop being clingy. Learn to accept it for what it is. She can do whatever she wants to but that doesn't make it right but you have to accept it and move on, like **** it. Friends are lovely to have but also learn to stand on your own.

I think I got a pretty good grip on it. I agree, she probably wasn't at work. I think she cares about the OP, but is sick of her and didn't want to go to the birthday event, but knew it would be World War 3 if she told the OP she wasn't coming.

I recently had to cut a close friend off and she was family too. It was always something with her. Even if it wasn't big, it was always something.

I remember a few years, I was out with her and I got into a little altercation with two other girls. We were young and probably had too much to drink and were probably a little blazed. I don't know what happened. I just remember arguing with this chic and she ran up in my face and that was it. I don't condone violence and I say walk away if you can but don't come in my face because that makes me feel threatened. At least back then it did. I was a wild one. Not to brag, but I was kicking her ass and her friend jumped in. So we, three girls going at it, pulling hair, getting it in outside this bar, dresses all up, thongs showing. It was a mess and the two chics start getting me a little but they couldn't even get me on the ground so I still say, I was the champion because it took two of them to do it. I look around for my cousin and she just sitting in the car looking stupid and careless. I think she was scared. She said she wasn't but she has funny ways also and I know deep down she was scared. That's one thing but then to act indignant about it. Bitch please. In fact, it was another girl with us and they just watched and thought they was going to ride home in my car. I don't think so. Walk home bitches! I'm not proud of that moment but it happens. I forgave her and we moved on but in the back of mind, I know if something pops off, not to count on her. You just got to take it for what it is. I kind of understand what you're saying and other people may not but if you have a friend and they have funny ways and you start feeling like its always something with them, then it may not be a bad idea to keep distance between you two. Sometimes you outgrow people. Like I said, I cut her off because even after that incident, its always something.

I agree with Backup. There are doctors for things like this.

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Originally Posted by Rowen [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I agree with Backup. There are doctors for things like this.

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Sadly, she can't conceive of a world where she's done anything wrong, so I doubt she'd see a doctor. Meanwhile, all her friends seem to be cutting ties with her.

Chloe, I think you're making mountains out of molehills.

1. I think it was sensible for your cousin to have left when you were having an argument with your ex. She would have felt like an intruder and extremely uncomfortable....and as Backup suggested, she's probably seen it all before anyway.

2. Perhaps she legitimately got caught up at the time of your birthday

3. So what if she didn't get out of the car immediately? Yes, it was a little odd, but hardly worth giving her a bollocking over.

Pub

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Originally Posted by BackUpOrGetStng [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

The girl was sitting in her car minding her business, and you came and started yelling at her. I seriously doubt anyone will take your side, so if that qualifies as not serious, then yes.

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That's not how it happened. I went outside and asked her and asked her was she going to come in. She said no. I asked her why and she just sat there looking blank. I told her we all planned to come together as friends. She replied that she didn't want to talk to any of the guys at the party. I told her that she was my company and just because she's there doesn't mean she have to talk to guys in that way. She said something smart that she was aware of that and I did Lose it at that point. I think it was all bottled up and I just exploded. I just always go out my way for her but she never does the same. I'm not the only person who feels as if she's not a genuine person. When I found out she went out with other friends, I wasn't mad at that but I was mad because, she lied about it or covered it up. It wouldn't have killed her to join me if even for a half hour. It's always all about her and she has fell out with everyone in the family just about and never admits her wrong doings. I'm not sure where you got that I had fallen out with others. I haven't.

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Originally Posted by Rowen [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I agree with Backup. There are doctors for things like this.

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For things like what Rowen? Did I miss something?

Nothing in that explanation is reasonable grounds for you to "lose it" on her, and act a fool. If she is such a bad person, why do you insist she come out with you all the time. It sounds as though she has been trying to avoid you. Another thing that makes you sound crazy, is that you flipped out on her again and told her that you're through with her, AFTER she was already telling you not to contact her. I still don't see what "wrong doings" she has to apologize for. You are the one who won't apologize for publicly berating her. YOU. DON'T. OWN. HER...She doesn't owe you 30 minutes or even 30 seconds if she doesn't feel like it, nor does she owe you an explanation.


Rowen, told you she wouldn't get it.

Sighs.

I never said that it was a reason for me to explode on her. I simply told you what happened. You made it seem as if I was a psycho. It was just years of dealing with her shit and I lost it. There has been several times where I have been there for her. My son and her daughter are the same age and I have her daughter just about every weekend. I loan her money, have yet to get it back. She's stayed with me. I've done a lot for her and I don't expect anything out of it because that's what friends are for. Its deeper then what I told on here and I'm hurt but more mad at her constant indignant, all about me attitude. We are family and I try not to hold grudges but this last issue got the best of me.

I can admit that I do have issues I need to work out and I probably did take my fustration out on her. It's just I'm over people trying to get over on me and I get nothing in return. So yes I let her have it and I'm going to be like this from now on if necessary. I'm going to be honest with myself and others.

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Originally Posted by BackUpOrGetStng [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

How many times has she seen you and your ex arguing in the front yard?.

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You make us sound like trailer trash. Not hardly.

I'm not making it seem like you're psycho, nor making it sound like you're trailer trash. I repeated back what you told me happened. I simply wanted to know if your cousin had ever seen that situation before, since you were so angry she didn't stop. So, how many times have you fought with your ex in the front yard? Zero times? This one time? More than this one time?

Now that you've explained, and I have the full picture, you still sound pretty psycho to me. I remember your other threads, and you sounded pretty delusional in those too. You also said in your other thread, you can be all about yourself , which is on full display right now, and I think that also colors your view of things.

Anyway, it sounds like you don't benefit from your friendship with her, so it's probably for the best.

I just found out from my brother that my cousin has went around this past week and told several lies about me and what happened. We have some family in town and my brother has been over some other family member of ours home. I am just getting off of work and I called my brother to see how the visit was going. He then told me that he had offered for one of guy cousins who is around his age to hang out this weekend. My cousins (the one I fell out with) mother asked was I going to be joining them because I was really having some issues and that I had flipped out on my cousin. She told them that she told me that she didn't want to sit around a bunch of guys and be harassed and that I have been constantly calling her and she blocked me. That is a lie. Thankfully, my brother who I am very close with, cleared it up. It made him upset because he knew that wasn't the truth. He said that they made it seem as if I was sitting around very mad about what happened. I am very busy with school, work and my son. When I get off or out of school, I may hit the gym, help my son with homework and I'm just too busy to care about that. It's all behind me. I am just glad my brother was there to set the record straight. I am going over there to see my family that's in town but I don't like how she tried to manipulate the situation and I know chances are that she will be there. I am really considering confronting her but I know it will turn sour and I want to avoid the confrontation because I hate to lose it in front of the family. At this point, my mother is even upset. Any advice on how I should handle it?

How many times have you fought with your ex in the front yard or in public?

Beat her ass and get it over with Chloe. Jump dead on that ass soon as you walk in. That'll stop her from running her mouth.

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Originally Posted by ChloeGirl [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

For things like what Rowen? Did I miss something?

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...Apparently.

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Originally Posted by ChloeGirl [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

For things like what Rowen? Did I miss something?

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Oye.... For acting loony the way you described in your post.

I'll tell you what- I have an appointment with my therapist booked for next week. Why don't you go instead? It'll be on me and my insurance. *shakes head* (But seriously, it might do you some good to see a therapist.)