Wife wants new ring for upcoming 10 year Anniversary

I know may not seem like a biggie. She came home today with ideas of getting a new ring for our soon upcoming anniversary. The rings she is interested in are around 7000-8000$. I know I can afford financially but it just bugs me the thought of having to replace the engagement ring I picked out for her when I proposed. To me it means more than just the cost it is the meaning attached to it. I explained to her how I was feeling and why don't we take a nice trip or something. She just retaliated with "why are you making me feel like I'm a bad person." Now we are just avoiding each other for most of the day. I did try to talk to her but she seems stand offish. It's not like we had a huge blow out...I'm just feeling like blah and somewhat surprised she is behaving like this. Anyway any feedback thoughts would be greatly appreciated. Thank you kindly

I would much prefer a vacation together over another ring but I guess your wife is different. now shes pouting about it? sounds like a snob.

As money isn't the issue, why not suggest an eternity ring? An eternity ring is worn with the engagement and wedding set. Truth be told, I've never heard of replacing an engagement ring.

Out of curiosity, what exactly did you say before she said you made her feel like a bad person? Did you tell her she was stupid or selfish....or is she a drama queen when you disagree?

Would an acceptable compromise be, buying the ring. But not as a replacement to the engagement ring. Having it be in addition to the engagement ring.

Wish I could afford to blow that kind of money on a small piece of metal. Your wife sounds like a spoiled bitch.

If that is what makes her happy and you can afford it, then why not. You might prefer a vacation instead but she might not want that. I agree with LCM. Maybe instead of replacing it, why not have it as an addition.

Happy wife, happy life. If you can afford it, even if it IS silly, then why not? You can't take it with you...

Yes she was pouting...I was kind of shocked...Yes I could afford the ring but a vacation I think where we could share together would be ideal.

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Originally Posted by basilandthyme [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

As money isn't the issue, why not suggest an eternity ring? An eternity ring is worn with the engagement and wedding set. Truth be told, I've never heard of replacing an engagement ring.

Out of curiosity, what exactly did you say before she said you made her feel like a bad person? Did you tell her she was stupid or selfish....or is she a drama queen when you disagree?

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I said " It bugs me that you feel the need to replace the ring that I proposed to you with" .... her response was why are you making me feel like a pad person.

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Originally Posted by vashti [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Happy wife, happy life. If you can afford it, even if it IS silly, then why not? You can't take it with you...

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Lol phrase is so true...

I know lots of people take the engagement ring and incorporate it into a customized ring so you have the best of both worlds.

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Originally Posted by Boisdevie [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Wish I could afford to blow that kind of money on a small piece of metal. Your wife sounds like a spoiled bitch.

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I could pull it off but could not afford a vacation or another big purchase for a while.

Thank you for all the responses everyone.

Jeez, there are people homeless, starving on this planet whilst some are getting all pouty because they want another shiny bauble. Somewhere our values are going down the toilet.

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Originally Posted by Boisdevie [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Jeez, there are people homeless, starving on this planet whilst some are getting all pouty because they want another shiny bauble. Somewhere our values are going down the toilet.

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Very valid point...I may seem like I'm leaning towards believing my wife is being selfish but I think there is value in this point. Sure I can't take it to the grave with me but commercialism has killed society. Some days I just feel like getting rid of all my toys etc and living on an island. The only materialistic thing I would care to keep would be my bike and running shoes but they are things that I can put to good use.

Compromise. If you have children buy her a stunning Family Ring with yours hers and your child(rens) birthstones and give it to her in Hawaii. What will SHE be buying YOU?

P.S. Please learn to say NO.

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Originally Posted by Wakeup [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Compromise. If you have children buy her a stunning Family Ring with yours hers and your child(rens) birthstones and give it to her in Hawaii. What will SHE be buying YOU?

P.S. Please learn to say NO.

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I usually don't get anything from her on our anniversary. Yes I'm not the best at saying NO and I have to get better...would sure help me manage at work better as well. Thanks

Maybe this will help: :)

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/communication-success/201202/seven-ways-say-no-and-keep-good-relations

Good luck.

I got angry reading your problem... Why doesnt she buy you a nice car just for a change...

Anyway serious talking, a present is something you appreciate, not something you demand - and even worse don't talk to the other one if you don t get it...

I m sorry but since you have achieved money not being a problem, you now have a more difficult goal - to find a woman that isn't a problem.

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Originally Posted by sssspanos [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I got angry reading your problem... Why doesnt she buy you a nice car just for a change...

Anyway serious talking, a present is something you appreciate, not something you demand - and even worse don't talk to the other one if you don t get it...

I m sorry but since you have achieved money not being a problem, you now have a more difficult goal - to find a woman that isn't a problem.

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Thank you for your reply....today has been a somewhat upsetting day.

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Originally Posted by Wakeup [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Maybe this will help: :)


Good luck.

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Thank you for the link.

The correct response to this is, "No."

What do YOU want to get her, if anything?

And the responses saying "If you can afford it, why not?" are absurd. Yeah, he's got eight grand lying around, so he should spend it on a toy for his demanding wife. Gimme a break.

What is his wife getting for him, since being married is about a partnership?

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Originally Posted by 999999 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Thank you for your reply....today has been a somewhat upsetting day.

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what's going on?

This sounds like a test of some sort. Does she have any reason to doubt your love? Have there been any problems in the relationship recently? Could she be feeling inferior to a friend or family member? There are many possibilities. But I would tend to agree that spending that much money on a ring is irrational. Especially considering the price of diamonds are deliberately manipulated by the diamond cartel.

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Originally Posted by fearoflove [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

If that is what makes her happy and you can afford it, then why not. You might prefer a vacation instead but she might not want that. I agree with LCM. Maybe instead of replacing it, why not have it as an addition.

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***This***. I would never replace the ring. But whats wrong with an addition?

Edited to add: I do think its selfish for her to not ever get you anything.

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Originally Posted by 999999 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I usually don't get anything from her on our anniversary.

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Assuming this is true (which is nearly impossible to believe), I wonder what you have ASKED her for? Men can be very difficult to buy gifts for, and I know that any time my ex even HINTED at wanting something, I would buy it for him, regardless of cost, because it was a rarity that he ever wanted anything.

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Originally Posted by vashti [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Assuming this is true (which is nearly impossible to believe), I wonder what you have ASKED her for? Men can be very difficult to buy gifts for, and I know that any time my ex even HINTED at wanting something, I would buy it for him, regardless of cost, because it was a rarity that he ever wanted anything.

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It's nearly, impossible to believe person is selfish and entitled enough to expect a gift without giving one in return? I think the nature of the situation leads at least some credibility to the OP.

Just because you are not an entitled bitch, doesn't mean his wife isn't. You think it's fair she demands an $8K ring, without so much as attempting to pick out a gift. Even you had to know this is bullshit, as you were typing it.

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Originally Posted by 999999 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I could pull it off but could not afford a vacation or another big purchase for a while.

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ummmm.....that statement says you cant afford it. You need to explain this to your wife.

Spending on luxury items inst something you "pull off" ! I think you need to read some books on personal finance and budgeting

Thank you everyone for all the responses greatly appreciated. To be honest I'm really pissed at the whole situation. Yes I've told her how I feel and stated I do not agree with request. I've asked around at work the opinion of others "So my wife and I will be married 10 years---what should I get her" Surprisingly I got responses from a box of chocolates, vacation, dinner and no ring responses. Of course I don't mind getting a gift for my wife---but now it just feels F##king awkward and to top it off our Wedding Anniversary is on Valentines day.

I don't think there is another an issue of trust or relationship issue--I will have to have one of those good old deep conversations.

F##K marriage is a lot of work some time......

If you'd asked me what to buy for a 10year anniversary, I would have suggested an eternity ring. But a new ring - not a replacement for the engagement ring.

I also don't see that an eternity ring should be necessarily tied to prior gift giving. My hubby and I have never given anniversary gifts, but I did eventually get an eternity ring. Mind you, I did have to mention it to him after about 18 years! We bought it with a good bonus he got one year.

Remember happy wife happy life.....lol

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Originally Posted by 999999 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I've asked around at work the opinion of others "So my wife and I will be married 10 years---what should I get her" Surprisingly I got responses from a box of chocolates, vacation, dinner and no ring responses.

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Oh, so what? I know a lot of women who DID get jewelry for a 10th anniversary. That has more to do with socioeconomics than whether or not your wife deserves a ring.

To be honest, the more you whine about this, the more I think she probably deserves the ring. Still, I think you should give her something you can give with joy, because if you actually DID give her the gift she wants, you'd make her suffer for it.

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Originally Posted by vashti [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Oh, so what? I know a lot of women who DID get jewelry for a 10th anniversary. That has more to do with socioeconomics than whether or not your wife deserves a ring.

To be honest, the more you whine about this, the more I think she probably deserves the ring. Still, I think you should give her something you can give with joy, because if you actually DID give her the gift she wants, you'd make her suffer for it.

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Yep. He should shut the **** up and be grateful he's not single. OK, shes a selfish bitch with a sense of entitlement and she wants something that represents for many people on the planet more than they can earn in a year but that's OK. So get him to empty his wallet for you because you're so worth it aren't you.
And if she doesn't get him a present well that's ok isn't it. After all, he's only a guy.

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Originally Posted by Boisdevie [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Yep. He should shut the **** up and be grateful he's not single. OK, shes a selfish bitch with a sense of entitlement

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Well, HE married her, not me.

This is the thing about men: they CLAIM they want down-to-earth, non-materialistic women, but that's not what they marry. You can't expect a lioness to act like a lamb, just because you put a ring on her finger.

My advice is aimed towards keeping her happy, assuming it is financially feasible, and yes, the way to stay married IS to try to keep your spouse happy. This is a milestone anniversary, coupled with Valentine's Day. A lot of women would hope for something extra-special, and a lot of men wouldn't mind.

Also, he said she doesn't ALWAYS get him a present, which means sometimes she does. Since their anniversary hasn't happened yet, we don't know whether or not she did, but for a tenth anniversary, I'd be surprised if she didn't.

And if she were here complaining about what HE wanted, I would be telling her the same thing.

Unfortunately, vashti is right. This thread does not concern fairness.

Marriage does require both parties to be happy. If it makes her happy and he can afford it, he should either buy it, or expect an unhappy wife.

The fact that not buying it would lead to an unhappy wife IS his own fault for marrying her. He made his bed, and now he needs to lay in it.

Or, y'know, shut up and divorce her for being selfish and materialistic.

Well I would just get her a nice ring! Doesn't matter how big or small! Garnets, Sapphire's, Emeralds. Lots of pretty stones. Just go to the jewelry store and see what they have and catches your eye.

The OP cant afford it. Why is this thread running 3 pages?

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Originally Posted by Mattiemae [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Well I would just get her a nice ring! Doesn't matter how big or small! Garnets, Sapphire's, Emeralds. Lots of pretty stones. Just go to the jewelry store and see what they have and catches your eye.

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If this cunt got anything other than a diamond, there would be hell to pay.

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Originally Posted by 999999 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I know may not seem like a biggie. She came home today with ideas of getting a new ring for our soon upcoming anniversary. The rings she is interested in are around 7000-8000$. I know I can afford financially but it just bugs me the thought of having to replace the engagement ring I picked out for her when I proposed. To me it means more than just the cost it is the meaning attached to it. I explained to her how I was feeling and why don't we take a nice trip or something. She just retaliated with "why are you making me feel like I'm a bad person." Now we are just avoiding each other for most of the day. I did try to talk to her but she seems stand offish. It's not like we had a huge blow out...I'm just feeling like blah and somewhat surprised she is behaving like this. Anyway any feedback thoughts would be greatly appreciated. Thank you kindly

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If she wants it then she should pay for half of it, it is rude imo to ask for a new ring since the one she wears was the one blessed at your wedding.