Why did he disappear?! Please respond. TIME SENSITIVE

Hello. I am new to this forum but I have a question that is making me crazy!
A guy I knew from HS recently contacted me and asked me out. I accepted and we had been texting back and forth until our date. I even met him for 5 mins the other day for a cup of coffee. Now all of a sudden...crickets! He sent me a text yesterday which I responded to and that was it! I haven't heard from him. Our date is supposed to be tonight. I hesitate to text him again because 1) I don't want to seem desperate or like I'm begging 2) if he's trying to send the message that he has changed his mind I don't want to seem stupid like I don't get it and 3) I was kinda digging this guy and I guess part of me doesn't want the rejection. I figure if I let it go maybe its not what I think it is.

What's so confusing to me is that this guy PURSUED ME! I never even really noticed him until he contacted me. I thought maybe when we met for coffee he didn't like what he saw BUT he knew what I looked like cause he saw me in person a week prior which was the reason he said he wanted to look me up?! So why has he all of a sudden disappeared?! And should I ask him about our date? Or assume its not happening? And lastly as a more general question...we are not children. Him and I are both 36 years old! If he changed his mind why not just say so? Don't men know that the "disappearing act" is not only frustrating but it's made me feel like I have done something wrong when in reality I was just responding to his advances. I was starting to like him and really wanted to go on this date and now I feel like I'm 16 and just want to cry and key his car!!! Please help! I need some kind of perspective!

Well i would just ask! Really what do you have to lose? It's just a general question. Say you haven't heard from him, and was wondering if the date was still on, so you have adequate time to prepare yourself, or make other plans. Really there is nothing wrong with asking. I just would hate sitting around, and assume the date was still on or off. If he doesn't reply you know he's a jerk and move on. lol That's just my style, if you're not honest, and can't be big enough to say what is happening. Why waste my time.

Sorry to hear that..Disappearing acts happen all the time (Male and female) i just posted something last week about the same disappearing act.. At least mine had a couple of dates...and then just poof!! not texts, no response..and yes!! we are both in our 30's.
In your case, he made the move ..(mine was the other way round) but there is a way you could go about this..send him a neutral text ..something like "hey there, how is your day going?"..or something in that range....see if he responds....and then you will know if he is still on. If he does not respond, THEN, HE HAS BAILED

I had this same situation a few weeks ago, just be blunt and ask what's going on for tonight? After all it's his loss if he blows you off!

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Originally Posted by Gabe860 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I had this same situation a few weeks ago, just be blunt and ask what's going on for tonight? After all it's his loss if he blows you off!

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I think I am going to shoot him a text and see what happens but out of curiosity...how did your situation end? I guess I'm asking cause I'm holding out hope that he's really not an a**hole! Lol

It actually was a simple misunderstanding of when we were going out and a broken cell phone. We met the next and she was very apologetic of the situation.

Ok....thinking I'm going to send this text. Do you think it's light hearted enough or is it condescending?
"Heading out for the afternoon. Are we still on for tonight or have you chickened out?"

Perfect!!!!

Go by their actions and not what they tell you, because if it doesn't feel right, then it's not. A. he might be married or have a GF, or B. he got a better offer.

Let this one go.

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Originally Posted by ccmorgan [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Ok....thinking I'm going to send this text. Do you think it's light hearted enough or is it condescending?
"Heading out for the afternoon. Are we still on for tonight or have you chickened out?"

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This is NOT "perfect." You are not framing yourself as the prize. You are clearly letting him know that you feel he is the prize and thereby giving him ALL the power in this very new and uncommitted introduction.

You do not know anything about him since you haven't seen him since highschool so don't be chasing him. If you're going to text him then just text. "I haven't heard from you, are we still meeting tonight" If you don't know where you're meeting then ask him that as well. If you do know where you're supposed to meet then don't go unless he confirms.

You'd think you were dating for months/years the way you've framed him as important to you as you have. Stop that now before you **** up your own mind even worse. He's not that important, really he's not.

You really do NEED to start framing yourself as the prize and if he's not wanting to see whats inside of you (getting to know you well) then you're better off without the assclown.

On edit. DO listen to smackie and find out if he's married before you get any more involved with him. Don't screw him unless its at his house. He'll have you there quick enough if he's not married or living with someone.

Wow! Glad I didn't send it yet lol. I know he's not married. We live in the same town and have the same friends etc. Its kind of part of the reason I was so confused. I see him all the time. Literally see him 5 days a week. He is a cop in our town that patrols drop off at school in the mornings. So I'm so bewildered on why he would behave this way when he can't truly just avoid me. I can move on to the next but don't want our "sightings" of each other to be uncomfortable.

We'll the fact that he was perusing you at first means there is some sort of feeling. So you perusing him for a follow up text on dinner is not that big of a deal AT ALL. Follow your heart.

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So I'm so bewildered on why he would behave this way

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What way? He's not done anything wrong yet. You have expectations that you've never voiced to him and you're upset because he's not living up to them.

If he doesn't contact you about your date, then so what? At this point, he owes you nothing but the courtesy to tell you that he's not making your date. At this point you should have zero expectations from him except common courtesy.

You'll find out soon enough and if it doesn't turn out the way you "expected" it to, then your sightings only have to be "uncomfortable" if you're silly enough to let them be that way... its your emotional response to whats happening or whats happened that YOU need to work on.

You can still be friendly when you see him. "Hi how ya doin" You would just be a complete door mat if you actually went out with him again after he's been inconsiderate and without courtesy towards you.

On edit:

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I never even really noticed him until he contacted me. I thought maybe when we met for coffee he didn't like what he saw BUT he knew what I looked like cause he saw me in person a week prior

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Now I'm confused. If you see him everyday then why would you even think "he didn't like what he saw?" You're waaaaaaaay tooooo much in your own head.

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Follow your heart.

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At this point you should not be following your heart because your expectations are ruling you. You should follow your logical brain. If you want to contact him to ask what's up then do so, just don't be framing him as some pedestal god that you can't live without. "A simple. Are we still on for tonight. If so, what time and where? :)"

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Originally Posted by Gabe860 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

We'll the fact that he was perusing you at first means there is some sort of feeling. So you perusing him for a follow up text on dinner is not that big of a deal AT ALL. Follow your heart.

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err..follow your heart??
At this point, bad idea..
Follow your head (expect nothing except common courtesy)...

Wait till 2 hours before your date and send him something more direct...."are we still on for tonight (date/dinner)?" This is perfectly normal as i have had dates that the ladies had to check a couple of hours prior to ensure that it is still on. You are an adult. I GUARANTEE YOU, HE WILL RESPOND....except he is childish..then that will tell you a lot...

It's going to be what's its going to be. I just thought he was a cool guy, he put in the work to get me interested and it worked. Was just looking for some insight as to whether him sort of "dropping the ball" was me being paranoid or a sign that he changed his mind. I am recently (less than year) separated and haven't been in this dating game in a long time.

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I do have to say this though...I appreciate your harsh to the point response. It's making me feel less insecure and more F*** Him!

Thanks!

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It's making me feel less insecure and more F*** Him!

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Well congratulations for starting to frame yourself as the prize instead of framing him as the prize and leaving your sanity and happiness in his hands ~ He who has yet to earn any of that from you.

Let us know how it goes.. if you actually get together on your "date." At this point it doesn't matter if you contact him to see whats up, if he doesn't respond then you know just how little he does value you. Don't believe any bullshit excuse either (if he contacts you after the date night and apologizes) It takes two seconds to text someone with "don't be mad but I can't make it tonight. Will call you tomorrow..."

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Originally Posted by smackie9 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Go by their actions and not what they tell you, because if it doesn't feel right, then it's not. A. he might be married or have a GF, or B. he got a better offer.

Let this one go.

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@Smackie9 I choose your A. Hear this one...

I started talking with this guy on-line about a month. He had a nice profile, really nice profile, single, has kids ( But, might want more kids ) according to his profile. We shared pictures. He cancelled the first Date, because of some illness, which am sure was true. So, he apologize and ask for a second Date. On the day we were supposed to meet the second time, he called me befor noon to cancel the Date, saying he is at the doctor and it might be that he will have to stay over night. So, he promised to call in the evening of that same day, which he never did.

Normally i would have just forget about him and not even bothered to call. But i was a bit worried, because he said he was with the doctor, so i thought it will be nice to write and ask if all went well. So, i wrote to ask how he was doing and if all went well with his second doctor's appointment. I didn't get any reply.

Waited for a couple of days, then i wrote him again, still didn't get no reply. At this time, i wasn't even thinking about the "Date", but i was a bit worried if his visit to the doctor went well or not. On the tenth day, after hearing nothing from him. Today, i decided to use his mail address name to find him on Facebook ( I didn't even know if he uses Facebook or not ). Just wanted to know if all is well with him so i can stop contacting him.

I found out that this guy who put up a Profile on this dating site is not a single man, as he stated. His relationship Status in Facebook shows he is "In A Relationship" and he has 4 kids! And since the day he called me to cancel the second Date, he has been active on Facebook, sending messages his friends, to his kids and girlfriend, sharing pictures, e.t.c till hours ago.

I was not just disappointed, but i actually did feel sorry for his girlfriend and his 4 kids who had no ideal what daddy is doing. His profile was good and well written. That he is looking forward to settle down, for long term-relationship.

So, why would someone who has 4 children and a girlfriend set up a Profile in a dating website?

Because he is in the process of wanting to have an affair but couldn't go through with it. There might be boredom in the relationship so he felt that maybe spicing up things for his ego he wanted to see what he could catch out there. After he was "that close" to going through with it he probably realized what was at stake so on the day you were to be together he showed his appreciation to all these people in his life.

If it were me I would send him a message that he should work on his relationship with his GF instead of cheating.

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Originally Posted by smackie9 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

If it were me I would send him a message that he should work on his relationship with his GF instead of cheating.

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This was exactly what i thought, i was going to do. To ask him, why he would want to hurt his 4 kids and his girlfriend, i see him as a blessed man. All he needs to work on the relationship.

And i am so happy and excited that he cancelled the two Dates. I felt so relieved!

(I would only send him the message if he did write back someday. Being that i already found out myself, am glad he is well and okay and wouldn't bother contacting him. )

I wouldn't ask him anything, just the fact that you know. By doing so you could be responsible for saving a relationship and keeping a family together.

Thanks for the input everyone. My guy finally did text me back saying that his daughter is now spending the night with him. I don't know if I believe it or not and after days of not communicating and suddenly having a sleepover with his daughter I'm not really interested in finding out. In my opinion he has sent the message loud and clear at this point. I replied to his message with "Ok. Have fun" and now heading out with my girlfriends tonight ( not about to waste a babysitter! Lol) when I see him Monday morning I will kill him with kindness. On to the next!

hahaha...how convenient.....if it moves like a duck, quacks like a duck...IT IS A DUCK!!

He just bailed

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Originally Posted by Smila [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

.....if it moves like a duck, quacks like a duck...IT IS A DUCK!! He just bailed

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lol:emot15:

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Originally Posted by ccmorgan [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

. My guy finally did text me back

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Does that mean that you did have to text him to find out if you were still on?
He didn't contact you to let you know?

Doesn't matter anyway, the guys a dick. Don't let him hoover you back in.

Yes I did text him. Short and sweet asked if we were still on. He replied many hours later with. Babe (insert daughters name) is coming home with me tonight :(. I responded have fun and deleted him from my phone before I texted him about how I'm NOT his "babe". Now I know why he's single! I'm lucky I dodged the bullet since he showed his true colors so early on. I didn't even have to waste a cute outfit on him!