It happens to us all...and most of us more than once.

The reason I came to this forum over 3 years ago was because I was dumped, hurt, and didn't know how to handle it. I was dumped in a harsh way and my emotions were all over the place. A few months later, I met someone new, and we have been together since.

In nearly three years, our fights have been countable on one hand. We share lots of commonalities, as well as lots of differences. We have been on some amazing vacations and had some amazing times. We live together and have for almost a year now and we have (seemingly) had no problems. And this is where this story turns sour...

Tonight, we ordered in and watched a movie. It was a quieter-than-normal Saturday night, but a nice relaxing evening. After the movie, she pours a drink and heads in to the bedroom. I head to the office to shut down for the night and get ready for bed. Out of nowhere, she walks in to the office as I'm writing an email and point blank says "I love you, and I respect you, but I am not in love with you, and haven't been for some time. I'm going to a friends for a couple of days to figure myself out". I realize she already has a bag packed and she is ready to leave. She starts to cry, gives me a hug, and then walks out the door.

I am completely shocked. I have no words for what happened or why, just that it did. I hope that in her time alone over the next few days she comes to a realization that three years in, the honeymoon phase is over and the long term relationship has begun. Perhaps she is mistaking steadiness with a loss of emotion. I don't know.

There is no question here, just letting those of you who are hurting know that it happens to everyone. Sometimes you can see it coming, other times it just hits you from the blind side.

I'm sorry Cerby. Hope she comes around. Was this her first long-term relationship?

(((hugs))) to you Cerbs

Aww, jeez. It's so awful to be blind-sided. Do you have friends/family nearby to keep you busy?

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Originally Posted by Cerby [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I am completely shocked. I have no words for what happened or why, just that it did. I hope that in her time alone over the next few days she comes to a realization that three years in, the honeymoon phase is over and the long term relationship has begun. Perhaps she is mistaking steadiness with a loss of emotion. I don't know.

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Man, getting blind-sided is so awful! I had a girlfriend pull this one, but without telling me. Just one night, she decided to not come home. Turned her phone off, no Facebook, no call, nothing. Left the dog outside. Scared me to death. Drove up and down the highway all night looking for an accident.

She ended up staying at a motel for a while, also to "figure [her]self out". You can rest assured that it's pretty much over. The damage done from suggesting breakup is nearly irreversible anyway.

Go buy yourself a nice pair of running shoes. Exercise will be your savior in the next 6 months.

Sorry to hear, man.

It's over, without a doubt. Probably some other guy already is emotionally if not physically connected to her. It sucks, but I'm sure that there were signs that you ignored or just didn't pick up on. "Settling in" isn't a good term imo. A great relationship always feels fresh to a large degree.

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Originally Posted by vashti [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Aww, jeez. It's so awful to be blind-sided. Do you have friends/family nearby to keep you busy?

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Yea, they're not super close, but not so far that I can't drive out there or have them visit.

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Originally Posted by haxan [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

It's over, without a doubt. Probably some other guy already is emotionally if not physically connected to her. It sucks, but I'm sure that there were signs that you ignored or just didn't pick up on. "Settling in" isn't a good term imo. A great relationship always feels fresh to a large degree.

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Emotionally maybe, but she has more integrity than that. Last long-term relationship that she was in she just "ended" it the same way because she didn't think it was fair to keep it going, not because there was someone else. This looks like the same situation. It's funny, only 6 months ago we were selling off all of her stuff in storage because she was convinced that we were set in stone. **Edit - In hindsight, some clues WERE there, but I didn't take them seriously. She asked a couple of months back if I wanted to see a counsellor with her to talk about our compatibility for the long term. I agreed, but she never brought it up again.

Heartbreak sucks, but this isn't new any more. No desperate drunken calls or pathetic texts, no begging or pleading, just reality. When she comes to take her stuff we'll probably talk it out and decide to finally part ways.

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Originally Posted by KingZ [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Go buy yourself a nice pair of running shoes. Exercise will be your savior in the next 6 months.

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Yep, it is time to double up the mileage on my feet for a bit, maybe lose the 10lbs that I gained over the past few years.

Cerby why shouldnt you trow pride to the side and go to her to get this clear. Like does she went to someOne or shes alone? Does she know about loveforum? If so I can PM her and ask instead of you. What is your both age and previous relationship background before?

I remember you said she pays her rent share and dont do much with her life. At least shes not boss like you. Maybe reaching for her valet to pay rent was what made her pussy dry up for you.
Could you become lazy in relationship and stoped to do crazy things? If she havent cheated you could work harder and actually get her back.

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Originally Posted by Cerby [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

In hindsight, some clues WERE there, but I didn't take them seriously. She asked a couple of months back if I wanted to see a counsellor with her to talk about our compatibility for the long term.

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I HATE this. There's that stage where you're going to overanalyze every aspect of the relationship and realize that the red flags were there. Then you feel really stupid for not seeing it before.

It's funny, how you always think you're the exception, and her break-up patterns will somehow stop with you.

That sucks. Strange that not fighting very often doesnt preclude a breakup. At least she was honest. If you are in love with her it might be time for her to hear that.


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And a new day will dawn for those who stand long,
And the forests will echo with laughter.

Cerby this story reminds storie from MensHealth magazine. Basicaly guy get dumped and he realized how far he had slipped from school rugby years so he got back in shape and got himself new fantastic girlfriend. Then he wanted to shake his ex hand cause his life went on so much better without her. Sucsess is best revenge.

She came and went. We talked for about 30 minutes today about what is happening and where she is. This is the second longest relationship she has been in, and the most serious by a margin.

She just wants time to think. She is at a friends place right now and will be until she decides. She doesn't know what she feels, she was bawling and struggling to speak, but her message was clear - "Give me time to sort myself out, I'll let you when I know what is happening with my emotions. Don't wait for me, I don't know how much time I need."

She took a week worth of clothing and all her lady stuff. I walked her to her car, she said she "loves me" who knows how many times, and said that right now, she "just doesn't know if that is enough".

I'm not one to be left on the hook. I need time to figure myself out too. I didn't see this coming, so I missed something along the way. But reality can be a bitch, and I'll survive.

Okay in the end of the day girls are silly and you realy have to stay grounded. She might want you but once she got all of you she get bored. So chasing her wont do much good. Cerby, Best you can do is thank all the posts above and watch first video in my break up guide and then just go back doing things that used to give you strenght.

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Originally Posted by pcmaster [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Okay in the end of the day girls are silly and you realy have to stay grounded. She might want you but once she got all of you she get bored. So chasing her wont do much good. Cerby, Best you can do is thank all the posts above and watch first video in my break up guide and then just go back doing things that used to give you strenght.

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Yep, I've been here before. Luckily the co-dependence factor isn't a part of the situation, I've grown past that. This is her making a decision that she needs to make, and she is mature enough to make the right one. *whatever it may be.

Thanks for all the input LF, I'll hurt for a bit, but I'll work past it and be stronger once I recover.

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Originally Posted by Cerby [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

The reason I came to this forum over 3 years ago was because I was dumped, hurt, and didn't know how to handle it. I was dumped in a harsh way and my emotions were all over the place. A few months later, I met someone new, and we have been together since.

In nearly three years, our fights have been countable on one hand. We share lots of commonalities, as well as lots of differences. We have been on some amazing vacations and had some amazing times. We live together and have for almost a year now and we have (seemingly) had no problems. And this is where this story turns sour...

Tonight, we ordered in and watched a movie. It was a quieter-than-normal Saturday night, but a nice relaxing evening. After the movie, she pours a drink and heads in to the bedroom. I head to the office to shut down for the night and get ready for bed. Out of nowhere, she walks in to the office as I'm writing an email and point blank says "I love you, and I respect you, but I am not in love with you, and haven't been for some time. I'm going to a friends for a couple of days to figure myself out". I realize she already has a bag packed and she is ready to leave. She starts to cry, gives me a hug, and then walks out the door.

I am completely shocked. I have no words for what happened or why, just that it did. I hope that in her time alone over the next few days she comes to a realization that three years in, the honeymoon phase is over and the long term relationship has begun. Perhaps she is mistaking steadiness with a loss of emotion. I don't know.

There is no question here, just letting those of you who are hurting know that it happens to everyone. Sometimes you can see it coming, other times it just hits you from the blind side.

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Oh man, that so sucks. I'm really sorry to hear this.

IMNSO, Hollywood has ruined another relationship with unreasonable expectations.

I'm very sorry to hear, Cerby. It's never easy watching the person you love walk away and not really knowing why.

It could just be that she's upset with her own direction and her own life at this time (I think you said she's done this before?) I feel like maybe you should just reach out to her in a few days and let her know that you're there to support her and that running away from a relationship isn't going to solve whatever issues she's going through.

I only say this because I've done it myself. Walked away from something completely amazing thinking that it was for the best and that it was what was making me miserable, when in fact, it was just myself. I will regret that for the rest of my life, I think, but I did learn from it and learned how to recognize when a problem is me or another person. I also think that if he had stuck around a bit longer, I might have realized it sooner than I did- when it was too late to mend what I had broken.

Considering she just up and left without any real reason behind it, I feel like this might be the case and I don't think you ought to throw in the towel just yet on her. It's really easy to give up on someone when you're hurt, but since you still don't really know the cause, try not to let it get to you so much and focus on trying to be supportive of her- at least for a little while. Obviously, you can't wait around forever, but given all the time you've spent with her, I think a little bit more couldn't hurt anything.

The fact that you barely fight is worrisome as well. Is she maybe the type that just holds everything inside? Never really complains? She's always the one helping other people? I don't know anything about your relationship, but I find the whole thing bizarre and I don't think it has as much to do with you as you might think it does.

Please keep us posted! I really hope that you two can work it all out- her crying and being so upset is a clear indication that she loves you more than anything, so I feel like it really IS her (lamest excuse in the book, I know!) Best of luck to you both, and my sincere advice is to not give up on her just yet x

Sorry to hear the news Cerby. I'm totally shocked, how devastated you must feel. I hope things will turn for the better, if not I hope you get the closure you deserve. peace friend x

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Originally Posted by cookies27 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I'm very sorry to hear, Cerby. It's never easy watching the person you love walk away and not really knowing why.

It could just be that she's upset with her own direction and her own life at this time (I think you said she's done this before?) I feel like maybe you should just reach out to her in a few days and let her know that you're there to support her and that running away from a relationship isn't going to solve whatever issues she's going through.

I only say this because I've done it myself. Walked away from something completely amazing thinking that it was for the best and that it was what was making me miserable, when in fact, it was just myself. I will regret that for the rest of my life, I think, but I did learn from it and learned how to recognize when a problem is me or another person. I also think that if he had stuck around a bit longer, I might have realized it sooner than I did- when it was too late to mend what I had broken.

Considering she just up and left without any real reason behind it, I feel like this might be the case and I don't think you ought to throw in the towel just yet on her. It's really easy to give up on someone when you're hurt, but since you still don't really know the cause, try not to let it get to you so much and focus on trying to be supportive of her- at least for a little while. Obviously, you can't wait around forever, but given all the time you've spent with her, I think a little bit more couldn't hurt anything.

The fact that you barely fight is worrisome as well. Is she maybe the type that just holds everything inside? Never really complains? She's always the one helping other people? I don't know anything about your relationship, but I find the whole thing bizarre and I don't think it has as much to do with you as you might think it does.

Please keep us posted! I really hope that you two can work it all out- her crying and being so upset is a clear indication that she loves you more than anything, so I feel like it really IS her (lamest excuse in the book, I know!) Best of luck to you both, and my sincere advice is to not give up on her just yet x

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Thanks for the insightful post. She hasn't done this before. Your comment about her life may be spot on though. She is actually much better off now than ever before, she has a better job and more confidence, and is stronger than ever before. I can't discount that maybe she has just outgrown the relationship.

I'll do just as you say, I'll be patient for now and see where the chips fall. I hope it is just a phase for her, but hope is usually a mistake...I'll keep the updates coming as they unfold. For now I wait.

Could be she's just getting ahead of herself and is afraid, too. It's scary when all of the pieces finally come together and can be a really overwhelming feeling! It is, again, really obvious from what you've said that she does love you very much so I am hopeful that she'll just take a breather, realize how awesome you are and come back with an open heart and mind :)

Women are fickle creatures lol. I think you two will be ok- I'll keep you in my thoughts! Best x

I can only help but imagine how you feeling right now, your thoughts, fear, future, emotions, e.t.c. I hope and pray God gives you the Hope and Strength to move past this one. 3 years is a long time! Stay strong, i know its easier said than done. But i hope you find strength and courage to keep yourself busy so you wouldn't have to think a lot.

Well, the update came swift, she just called me. Haxan had it right, she did cheat on me. So now my sadness is a complete rage. I guess that is that. She had her ex pick me up FROM MY HOUSE...so it was pre-meditated. She was crying and said she made a mistake and that although we have things she wants us to work on, I didn't deserve this.

Cerby moves forward. Unbelievable.

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Originally Posted by pcmaster [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

And a new day will dawn for those who stand long,
And the forests will echo with laughter.

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No Stairway To Heaven!!!


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She realy dont deserve to be with you Cerby. Looks like ex was contacting her and sparklet up old feelings then just used her for sex and dumped, making her cry. At least thats my guess. Now she lost everything by her stupidity and if you wouldnt dump her eventualy it would be her to leave first.

After all life is fair everyone gets what they plovs so now she can blame herself.

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Originally Posted by Cerby [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Well, the update came swift, she just called me. Haxan had it right, she did cheat on me. So now my sadness is a complete rage. I guess that is that. She had her ex pick me up FROM MY HOUSE...so it was pre-meditated. She was crying and said she made a mistake and that although we have things she wants us to work on, I didn't deserve this.

Cerby moves forward. Unbelievable.

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Aw, man. :/ I suspected this was the case, but I didn't want to assume the worst. This is almost exactly what happened to me a year ago. The difference is that you're older now than I was at the time, and you're handling this much, much more maturely than I did.

If there's one thing I regret, it was not cutting off communication. Looking back a year ago, I almost want to beat the shit out of myself for having continued to give this woman the time of day. Not being blinded by love now, I can really see what an awful, toxic cancer of a person she was.

You need to NOT communicate with her any more than is absolutely necessary. Doing so not only hurts you emotionally and adds to the time it takes to heal, but it also gives her power. Keep it for yourself.

As you know, this is going to suck. Take it one day at a time. Each month gets just a little bit easier. The thing that helped me the most was battling the inevitable depression and setting up little achievements for myself. Make a list of things you want to accomplish, short-term and long-term, and get those motherfu​ckers done.

Things I can do now that I couldn't do a year ago: walk outside (right now!) and run 13.1 miles in a pointless circle, play several advanced classical pieces on the piano, and a whole list of other things. The most important one is that I can say, for the first time in my life, that I'm actually very happy. And single.

I hope the same for you. There's a lot of work to do now. Get to it!

Cerby, I'm sorry to hear all this. I for one enjoy reading your posts which show compassion, wisdom and honesty. I hope you find peace in the days to come.

Cerby,

I think it's important that you keep in mind that this isn't your fault. It's easy to fall into the trap of wondering what you did that made her cheat on you - you didn't. This wasn't some mistake or character flaw of yours that made her cheat, it was a flaw of hers. Don't beat yourself up about it.

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Originally Posted by Cerby [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Well, the update came swift, she just called me. Haxan had it right, she did cheat on me. So now my sadness is a complete rage. I guess that is that. She had her ex pick me up FROM MY HOUSE...so it was pre-meditated. She was crying and said she made a mistake and that although we have things she wants us to work on, I didn't deserve this.

Cerby moves forward. Unbelievable.

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I had a feeling that she did but I wasn't about to add to your devastation. God you must feel so gutted. She's a f uckin coward geez.......No worries karma will work it's magic and she will have to live with her mistake.

Fuking. Bitch.


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Oh no :( I'm SO sorry to hear, Cerby!

At least she was decent enough to tell you. I hope that you can move on swiftly from this- she clearly doesn't deserve you at all. All the best to you x

Getting here late on this one, Cerby. Just want to say sorry for what's happened and wish you a speedy trail to indifference.

Sorry, Cerby. People never just randomly move on. It's human nature to have something waiting before making the leap. If it makes you feel better, everyone in your position, the person who left them had someone else there or waiting. Whether the person ever finds out or admits it to themselves is another story. So what happened to you happens to everyone. It sucks and doesn't feel good, but I promise you there's TONS of single women in your age group looking. They may have some baggage, but we all do at some point in life. Move forward, she wasn't 'the one'. No biggie, someone else can be now.

Saying sorry is not the only way to handle a break up. You have to search out the real cause. What made your partner so annoyed that your partner decided to smash up?

Try to solve the matter by ending up the real problem whether it belongs to your behavior, or habits. Try to give time to your partner as it brings the two close to each other.

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Originally Posted by moneyspills [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Saying sorry is not the only way to handle a break up. You have to search out the real cause. What made your partner so annoyed that your partner decided to smash up?

Try to solve the matter by ending up the real problem whether it belongs to your behavior, or habits. Try to give time to your partner as it brings the two close to each other.

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you are frickin clueless.

You're a spam.

That doesn't change anything, yer still frickin clueless.

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Originally Posted by goodmorning [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

You're a spam.

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So does that mean she's a can of salty, greasy ham composite, or just a slice?

Or am I advertisment that shows up randomly in everyone's email.....

Cartman is a dirty girl........

you're a spam taco.

tacos espamos tontos.

I was aiming for spamalicious or spamtastic.