IM vs Real Life

Sup every one! I just wanted to post this up because I have seen taht with great frequency many people post that they have a problem with a girl or a guy who they have IMd with for a long time and when they meet in real person things dont click. If you have that problem the answer is plain and simple: IM is not a substitute for human contact, social or physical.

So people, if you have met a person over IM and like them or atleast think that you do, you need to get that out of your head. Why does this cause such a problem if its just talking with a person? Because it leads to false conclusions about the person, what I am saying is that you instill in your head what the person is like before you have ever really get to be around them, and being with someone in person is much more different than over the internet for many reasons.

Relationships are created with socail and physical contact IN PERSON, its plain and simple you CAN NOT have a healthy relationship with someone you met on your IM. I hope this helps a bit I just thought it would be a good read for some people who are having issues with this.

Sebas

I do agree with you to a point, but it's a proven fact that many people who have met online, have also led healthy successful relationships in real life after meeting. My ex's parents are a great example, 6 years and going strong.

I think it can work both ways. My sis met her husband from just IMing him on AOL back in 98. They met and at first she wasn't really into him. Then he was persistant and they eventually got together and started dating. In '01 they married and they are still married to this day....

Now.....I have met people that I have just talked to online. Now I wouldn't go so far as to say that I have had relationships w/ people only thru IM and not meeting them in person. I usually just chat w/ them and see how well we get along. When I feel comfy w/ meeting them then I do. Before I meet them though I need to see pics. Even if i can see them on webcam....at least I know somewhat what the person looks like that I am meeting. I always insist on meeting as friends. That way there are no expectations on either side. I have met some people who were as they said they were and once I got to know them in person.....i knew a relationship would not work. Then there were some that really were who they said they were and acted no different. I do agree that you need to meet the person and actually have contact w/ them before actually considering them your bf/gf. Otherwise thats just um....weird.

I don't think meeting people from online is really unhealthy. Sometimes its hard to meet people where you are from. I know I'm usually at work or places where I really don't meet alot of guys. Most at my work are females or married men. I dont just go up to guys on the street. I like to know somewhat what their personality is like before I give them my number etc.

Yeah, not a good idea but it can work. I think it's best that if you live within driving distance to someone that you meet ASAP, if you think there is a chance of somethin happenin between the two of you.

I've never really pursued somethin online. But there is this girl I know that lives in MI, that I've been friends with for over a year. She's going to school to be a phsyical therapist.. she's really cute, sends me pics all the time, likes me a lot, and we've talked on the phone - so I know she's not really a 54 year old hairy chested man. If I ever thought of actin on somethin online it'd probably be with/for her. But that's a big "if" :P

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Originally Posted by Tone

But that's a big "if" :P

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It's all a big if.

No subsitute for the real thing. I tried the whole online dating thing once, I actually met a pretty cool girl, massage therapist. However it got old, and it kinda creeped me out.

I say human contact is best.

Yeah I definately would not start something up online for someone who lives really far away. 30 miles is the max distance......

Okay... When I was 15, I met this dude on IM... We got along really well. Met in person, and began a journey of seven years, and had a son together.. We're not together anymore.. I ended it to "find" myself. It could have worked though..

But you didn't settle cause you're Arty and you're awesome.

You should seriously be proud of that fact.. so many people wouldn't have the same courage to do that, and would just sit around for the next 5, 10, 20 years and always wonder what things could have been like...

:) But we have responsibilities. Self-fulfillment or self-less love.

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Originally Posted by Tone

But you didn't settle cause you're Arty and you're awesome.

You should seriously be proud of that fact.. so many people wouldn't have the same courage to do that, and would just sit around for the next 5, 10, 20 years and always wonder what things could have been like...

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Is thay why we have such a high divorce rate?

Probably, people don't take marriage serious IMO...

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Originally Posted by Tone

Probably, people don't take marriage serious IMO...

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Which is sad really, it's like its become the thing to do, which is lame.

If and when I do get married, it's for a damn good reason, and she'll be standing right across from me.

Yeah I hear you man.

In Hollywood if you've been together with someone for 3 months the next step in the relationship is to get married. Then 6 months later they split. So stupid.

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Originally Posted by TAVS

Is thay why we have such a high divorce rate?

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There's a thread about divorce rate.

And I don't think divorce rate is increasing, is it? Misombra, where are you?

We wouldn't have been included in the divorce rate anyway.

I have seen a big number of relationships that were set up online go very well actually,
I can say one thing.
People are less under pressure and are nervous much less when not in actual contact with the person, this makes them open up and express themselves more freely

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Originally Posted by COAD

I have seen a big number of relationships that were set up online go very well actually

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I agree. In fact, I've know several people who have met online, get married.

Regardless, it's always scary meeting someone online first, because you don't get a chance to pick up on all of their non-verbal cues. Even though they may be well spoken online, they may be awful in person. And the same goes the other way. They may be awful in a virtual settings, but amazing in person.

So, even though it can be risky, and sometimes disappointing, the important thing is to keep trying to do whatever you need to do to find that right person.

-Nanotopia
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[URL=http://www.familyresource.com/relationships/96/1098/]Online Dating Services[/URL]

First of all - Great Thread! It gets to the heart of what LF is all about!

IMO (In my opinion), I feel meeting someone from IM is very creepy. But that is because I'm very different when not online. I feel invisible when online, like I have no shell. But outside, I am very quiet and reserved.

I know others are their true selves, which makes it easier, I know two people that have met and made it work, but I like things to happen the old and traditional way.

I don't know - this is just MHO (My Humble Opinion).

i also argee with this..however, if you meet someone online, you have to get to know them outside of ther internet world to really get to know them.

raverboy

whats up with the raverboy tag line?

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Originally Posted by RSK

whats up with the raverboy tag line?

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Whats up with RSK...?
Why not use your real name?

Its a nickname!

I personally find it a lot easier to open up online, but online dating can be a risk cuz it's really easy to be someone your not. A lot of people in my family met online and had healthy relationships after, I still don't really advocate internet dating..

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Originally Posted by COAD

Whats up with RSK...?
Why not use your real name?

Its a nickname!

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hahahahahaha...

raverboy