Sleeping with my boss....HELP!

I relocated to a new town to accept a job at a medical practice. I am the only employee at this point. My boss is the doc and is my age. We are both single and the chemistry is so thick you can cut it with a knife! After only a few weeks we couldn't hold back any longer and things started getting physical. It's been about 5 months now and I'm madly in love with this man. We spend sunrise to sunset together. We have a ton of fun, we got out for dinner and drinks regularly. We go hiking and to the gun range. We go shopping together and watch movies together. I stay the night with him generally a few nights a week.

I've been careful to keep the work portion separate from the 'friendship, intimate' portion of our relationship by being respectful at work, being on time, working hard etc., which I would do anyway....

So he's apparently having a hard time with people knowing we're intimate (especially in the tight-knit medical community) as he relies on referrals from other doctors to keep busy. However, he has no problem spending time with me outside of work, in public. He buys me dinner and drinks regularly. He's not affectionate in public, however.

He's said on several occasions that we're just friends, he cares about me, but this 'thing' we've got going on won't develop into a relationship. He's not seeing anyone else. He's not sleeping with anyone else. I know this for sure, we spend day-in, day-out with each other, he's not protective of his phone, email etc.

Should I let it go? Should I back off and not be so eager to spend time with him outside of work? Generally I'm the one who initiates sex, but he has zero problem with it....please help!!!

Sounds like a player. then again you seem to be his exclusive playmate. I think theres something about his past or present that you dont know. Dont seems like a guy who talks a lot about his feelings. I think you should just have fun while it lasts and dont read into it.

This video could help you come down on earth.

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End it. He's using you as a temporary companion until he finds someone suitable that he can present in public. Additionally, you should know better as we'll not to have a relationship with your boss. What happens when the so called "friendship" goes sour? Are you going to leave your job? What happens when he falls for another woman and you see him with her. Have you thought about how to deal with this possible scenarios?

I do know better than to sleep with my boss, however, the scenario initially seemed perfect. We're the same age, have similar interests, are attracted to one another, and are both single. There are certain times that it does work, and I was gambling on that. However, I'm sure you're right. :(

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Originally Posted by countrygirl1 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Should I let it go? Should I back off and not be so eager to spend time with him outside of work? Generally I'm the one who initiates sex, but he has zero problem with it....please help!!!

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What do you hope that will accomplish?

ask him softly, what you want and what you think about him if he says that there is nothing with both of then leave other wise you will regret in future. regards.

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Originally Posted by countrygirl1 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I do know better than to sleep with my boss, however, the scenario initially seemed perfect. We're the same age, have similar interests, are attracted to one another, and are both single. There are certain times that it does work, and I was gambling on that. However, I'm sure you're right. :(

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It only will work if he's not hiding your relationship behind the closet. If he truly has feelings for you, there's no reason why he never asked you to be his GF and introduce you properly in the community as his GF.

Guys are pretty straight forward with their intensions, you are friends like he has told you over and over. You better pull your emotions out of it before you get yourself hurt and out of a job.

Tip: Don't ever dip your pen in the company ink as they say. Sleeping with your boss....you may as well put a gun to your head, it's a bad choice that you will regret.

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How convenient for him to have a piece of tail at work everyday.

You're right Smackie9. Men are pretty black and white with their intentions. How come then, in this scenario, it's not just about the sex? I'd understand more if he wasn't spending all this time with me...I'm sure he is hesitant to get into a relationship b/c of the working together reason, but what's the difference between what we're doing and a relationship? Simply him telling people we're together? That's why I feel like if I just lay low it'll develop into a relationship. I don't know, I know I'm being stupid. I appreciate all the feedback. It gives me more confidence to let it go.

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What do I hope letting it go will accomplish? I guess I'm not sure of the question...

@smackie9, my darling all relationship once starts with friendship.

I think what you need to figure out first is what you want to come out of this. Are you looking for a long-term, committed, public, "official" relationship with this man? If so, I think you two have reached a level of intimacy where it would be appropriate to just be open with your wants and needs.

He's probably a smart guy. There's no reason that if you expressed your desire as well as your fear about losing your job that the two of you shouldn't be able to explore the options and come up with a much better solution than a bunch of Internet people will be able to give you.

After all, we're just giving you suggestions based on an assumed conclusion to this story, which is something you yourself have yet to attain.

If he had any intension of wanting a committed relationship, he would come forward, but he has not, this is why it's not feeling right. IMO he is just enjoying the free ride when it is offered, and is careful to not ask for it.

You are at a cross roads it's time to "clear the air" if you want answers.....why wait? If it's a bust 3 months down the road it's gonna hit you even harder.

KingZ: If only it were that easy....your advice is completely logical. I wish, however, that he'd follow it....I do know what I want out of this, and it is a long-term, committed, official relationship. I just feel that if I broach the subject right now, he'll clam up and say forget it all....then I'll have blown my chance. I sound whiney and immature and self-doubting. Ugh. I guess I was just looking for some feedback from people that were completely uninvolved in the situation. Of course talking to my girlfriends, they all say forget him, but they're trying to protect me. I know in some sense they're right. But I have this gut-deep feeling that he is 'the one', and because of that, it seems I'm more patient. Thoughts??

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Wow...you're right on smackie9! He IS enjoying the free ride while it lasts (no pun intended) :) while being careful not to ask for it. I think I'll just back off and see if he comes around. Do you think that? Or think I should have a heart-to-heart with him?

Take smackies advice. She said to talk to the guy and find out his intention. Only then you'll know. Time to call his hand

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Originally Posted by countrygirl1 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

KingZ: If only it were that easy....your advice is completely logical. I wish, however, that he'd follow it....I do know what I want out of this, and it is a long-term, committed, official relationship. I just feel that if I broach the subject right now, he'll clam up and say forget it all....then I'll have blown my chance. I sound whiney and immature and self-doubting. Ugh. I guess I was just looking for some feedback from people that were completely uninvolved in the situation. Of course talking to my girlfriends, they all say forget him, but they're trying to protect me. I know in some sense they're right. But I have this gut-deep feeling that he is 'the one', and because of that, it seems I'm more patient. Thoughts??

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This is one of the few times I'll ever agree with a Canadian. Smackie is right.

However, I want to specifically address something you said:

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Originally Posted by countrygirl1 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I just feel that if I broach the subject right now, he'll clam up and say forget it all....then I'll have blown my chance.

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This is misleading. Whether or not you have a chance is already decided; it's independent of your actions at this point. This isn't flirting/dating; you've already had sex, you spend an enormous amount of time together and often sleep in the same bed. For all intents and purposes, you are essentially in a relationship with this man.

What you're trying to figure out at this point is boundaries and the roadmap moving forward. He already knows how far he's going to let this go, and nothing you do at this point (good or bad) will change his mind. That's why I think your best bet is to just be forward, have a heart-to-heart, and get the information you're looking for. You can't blow your "chance" because it's already locked in.

The envelope is sealed; you just need to open it and read the letter.

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Originally Posted by countrygirl1 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

KingZ: If only it were that easy....your advice is completely logical. I wish, however, that he'd follow it....I do know what I want out of this, and it is a long-term, committed, official relationship. I just feel that if I broach the subject right now, he'll clam up and say forget it all....then I'll have blown my chance. I sound whiney and immature and self-doubting. Ugh. I guess I was just looking for some feedback from people that were completely uninvolved in the situation. Of course talking to my girlfriends, they all say forget him, but they're trying to protect me. I know in some sense they're right. But I have this gut-deep feeling that he is 'the one', and because of that, it seems I'm more patient. Thoughts??

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Wow...you're right on smackie9! He IS enjoying the free ride while it lasts (no pun intended) :) while being careful not to ask for it. I think I'll just back off and see if he comes around. Do you think that? Or think I should have a heart-to-heart with him?

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Countrygirl, I know that it's difficult for you to see being that you are involved in the situation. Seeing it from the outside, it's very clear and transparent that this guy wants nothing more than what it is right now. If something would develop, it would have happened by now (after 5 months of being intimate). You've been having a sexual relationship with a guy who clearly doesn't want any commitment. Why should he? He can have you anytime he wants plus the advantage of dating other women because you are not in a committed relationship.

Trust your friends and trust me, your not scaring him or pushing him away. He is a smart guy and knows exactly what he wants and made it very clear to you where he stands.

And it isn't your gut telling you "he is the one", it is your love for him that is blinding you from seeing the situation for what it actually is.

Ok all...I'm in tears here because I know what you're saying is right. I'm in tears because I AM in love with him and it IS blinding me. I'm in tears because I want to believe that he feels the same way. But, he doesn't. Like you said KingZ, his feelings are already 'locked in', I just need to open the envelope and read it. To me then, a heart-to-heart would do nothing more than make me ugly cry in front of him and put me in a more vulnerable position than I'm already in. This sucks. I appreciate the feedback and support though, honestly. I've never posted in a forum before and I feel like you're all sort of rooting for me, it's nice.

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Originally Posted by countrygirl1 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Ok all...I'm in tears here because I know what you're saying is right. I'm in tears because I AM in love with him and it IS blinding me. I'm in tears because I want to believe that he feels the same way. But, he doesn't. Like you said KingZ, his feelings are already 'locked in', I just need to open the envelope and read it. To me then, a heart-to-heart would do nothing more than make me ugly cry in front of him and put me in a more vulnerable position than I'm already in. This sucks. I appreciate the feedback and support though, honestly. I've never posted in a forum before and I feel like you're all sort of rooting for me, it's nice.

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Best for you to take yourself out of that ugly situation...For your own sake.

Thanks chinagirl....wish me luck...no, strength, that's what I need now. A broken heart IS the worst feeling in the entire world....I've avoided one for years now, but here we go again.

Good luck... You've done it once, you can do it again.

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Originally Posted by countrygirl1 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Thanks chinagirl....wish me luck...no, strength, that's what I need now. A broken heart IS the worst feeling in the entire world....I've avoided one for years now, but here we go again.

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You need to change up your mating strategy. Another broken heart wouldn't happen (before a relationship of substance was even formed) it you did.

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Originally Posted by countrygirl1 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

What do I hope letting it go will accomplish? I guess I'm not sure of the question...

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I think what you need to figure out first is what you want to come out of this

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Kingz has clarified What he says is the gist of my question. You implied by withdrawing and withholding that it might lead to something but all that is, is another game that won't tell you anything other then what he figures out you'll want to hear in order to keep the clandestine, non-committed excitement of tail at work going.

You really need to tell him that you want to be his partner in life and not just his partner in bed. If he outright tells you (once again) that he's not going to be doing that, then it will make it much easier for you to move on emotionally from him if you know he's definitely not on the same page instead of continuing on and hoping or just ending it and wondering and pining away and caving once again to his "charm" You'll be working with him afterall (or do you plan on quitting your job as well if he's not going to commit?)

Next time, don't sleep with a guy who isn't interested in committed relationships of the LIFEmate kind and everything that they entail. You're "shredding" your own heart and you're hoping that the sex will lead to a relationship. No one can count on sex cementing feeelings that you're the one they'll give up their perceived freedom for.

Good luck, bite the bullet and have a heart felt conversation with him about your wants and needs. Its the only way now.

Poor countrygirl. I'm rooting for you!

Let us know how it goes, girl. Just don't torture yourself by settling to be his little secret if he tells you he's not committing. That is one recipe for you to miss out on a good man that will want what you want together.

Thanks guys. So, he is coming with me to my family's cattle branding this coming weekend at my parent's ranch. We'll have the weekend together in my 'territory' and comfort zone...I don't mean for that to sound manipulative, but maybe this weekend is the time to have a heart-to-heart???

Do it on the last day; ideally before you leave. It would suck if the conversation went poorly and the rest of the weekend was ruined.

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Originally Posted by countrygirl1 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Thanks guys. So, he is coming with me to my family's cattle branding this coming weekend at my parent's ranch. We'll have the weekend together in my 'territory' and comfort zone...I don't mean for that to sound manipulative, but maybe this weekend is the time to have a heart-to-heart???

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Its easy to see why you're so confused if he's meeting your parents and spending weekends at their home then WTF is his deal. He's a Stupid ****tard... Okay, now I'm responding emotionally... lolzzz

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Originally Posted by Wakeup [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Its easy to see why you're so confused if he's meeting your parents and spending weekends at their home then WTF is his deal. He's a Stupid ****tard... Okay, now I'm responding emotionally... lolzzz

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Yeah....exactly my point. He's spent time with my family (met my three sisters, hung out with my bro-in-law apart from me on multiple occasions). It doesn't make a lot of sense. He's even mentioned I'll go with him to his parents' house in Seattle to go snowmobiling and to float the river in the summertime.

Geez. The advice here is...interesting. I had a girl last year who liked me a lot. It was nice being friends at the beginning. We got on OK. Problem was that I was a lot more special to her than she was to me. Its nice to be liked by someone. It felt good. I knew i could keep her hopes up and continue hanging out with her, sex etc...But honestly I didn't want to trick her. I never asked for anything from her. She initiated most things with me so I never felt despicable or predatory. When I had the talk with her to calm things down, I felt sorry for her. I wish I liked her more so I could have put in more effort and not be so selfish, but i just didn't feel for her that way. I had just been getting out of a long term relationship with my ex before, so that may have had something to do with it.

I think what I'm trying to say is, sometimes we don't know why we do things, or act a certain way. He maybe crazy in love with u but conflicted, or he may be using you straight up. Either way... You can either sit and wait out the good times and maybe you'll both realise ur great for each other, or u can confront him and maybe agree to become a couple or break up...

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