A Year - Can I Get Him Back?

Hey everyone, I'm new to the forum and wasn't sure exactly where I wanted to post this but since it is dealing with a breakup this seemed most suitable, however feel free to direct me elsewhere if necessary.

I'm going to start with a bit of back story so I apologize in advance for the long post.

I'm 21 and my ex boyfriend is 19. We met in High School when I 16 and he was 14. I had the biggest crush on him but never acted on it because I had been in a 2 year relationship at the time. 3 years later we ended up dating. I was ecstatic about the whole thing because he had been my crush for so long. We dated for nearly a year and it was amazing, he started opening up to me in ways I had never seen before, there were whole other sides to him that I never knew existed and the more I learnt about him, the further I fell for him. We had more in common with each other than I even knew. Our relationship was great, I will admit there were some trust issues on my part but he was always happy to help me get past them.

The end of our relationship came kind of suddenly. I think we both had all these ideas about how things would go once he finished High School and of course, life had other plans. The more things would go wrong, the more I would push him away. For a while he had fought really hard for our relationship, but after some time he finally just gave in. He said he felt like he was always letting me down and to be honest I can see where he was coming from. He had just started college and I was always wanting more from him than he could give at that time.

After we broke up we still stayed extremely close. We would still text on a daily basis and talk on the phone. He would say things like "you'll always be my princess" and just generally be sweet. We hungout fairly often, went to movies or met up at the college. Things were pretty good between us until one morning before school he sent me a text saying "Hey We really need to hangout during the Christmas break, I miss you! I'll text you after class hugs and kisses" and than he just never did...

3 months go by without contact from him. I continued to send him a text a month just saying things like "Hope you're okay and that school is going well for you" but he'd never respond. He had stopped logging onto facebook as well. Finally on the third month I sent him a message and he responded saying "I'm sorry I just stopped talking to you, that was really wrong of me. Things have been really difficult for me but you do deserve a message, you didn't do anything wrong, I don't want you to think that but truthfully I'm still not ready to talk. I'm sorry" A week later he messaged me ready to talk and wanting to hangout. Again, things were good for a while until he suddenly cut contact again.

-End Back Story-

We have been broken up for over a year now and he has gone from wanting to be friends, to absolutely no contact 3 times now. We are currently talking again and have been for about a month. Things have changed a lot since we last talk 4 months ago, my mom passed away and I know he's been going through a lot of changes as well. Things genuinely feel different this time, but I don't know if it's good or bad. I just got home from hanging out with him and things were kind of weird. There is still like this little spark between us, we have so much fun when we're hanging out and it's like momentarily we stepped back in time. We are both still attracted to each other and things got a bit inappropriate and we ended up kissing and stuff but we quickly put an end to it before it got to far. He told me he hasn't been with anyone else since we broke up which sounds like a good thing, but then he said something that made it sound like he just wants to be single so now I'm not so sure :/

It's like in some ways things are better than the last time we talked, and in others they are worse. I just don't know what to do or how to act around him. After the kissing I got a bit upset and we both agreed that this visit wouldn't count, we would have a do-over sometime during the Christmas break. He also said that he wanted to communicate more and he is going to try to call me more often.

I want him back, I just don't know if I have a shot anymore. I feel like if I were to just be friends with him things could eventually lead to us dating - we have that much of a connection when we hangout I can see it leading back to that - but I find myself getting frustrated and trying to push for more, faster. There is also the fact that in the past any time he started to get close to me again he would away and stops talking, which is one of my main fears.

I'm sorry if none of this makes sense. It's 4am here and I am having trouble stringing sentences together. I'll probably come back and edit this in a few hours after I get so sleep to make it more legible.
In the mean time does anyone have any ideas about what approach I should take to getting this boy back? Is it even possible at this point?

He was the one you wanted for years & when you finally got together I think your dreams came true & its hard for you to give up on your fairy tale ending with him ~ Do you feel the growing up & school was the real reason for drifting apart?

Sounds like after the breakup you still were loving, close & best friends to me, that might have made it difficult for you both to completely move on & decided he needed to stay away from you because how close you both still remained ~ maybe he was confused about what he wanted with you?

Sorry about your mom passing away. See you meet up & you fall back into old dating behaviors, kissing etcs, this is why he avoids you, to distance his feelings & maybe move on, but he can't & obviously you can't either. Do you wonder if he is being honest about not dating anyone, he can have sex with others & it not be called dating, just hookups. Have you dated?

You have to discuss how you feel, & he has to be honest if he wants or doesn't want that with you anymore, no more in limbo. Either do it, or move on for the best of you both.

You can't get someone back that doesn't fully want to go back, find out how he feels first, is it the same way you feel, & go from there.

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Originally Posted by breathe123 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

He was the one you wanted for years & when you finally got together I think your dreams came true & its hard for you to give up on your fairy tale ending with him ~ Do you feel the growing up & school was the real reason for drifting apart?

Sounds like after the breakup you still were loving, close & best friends to me, that might have made it difficult for you both to completely move on & decided he needed to stay away from you because how close you both still remained ~ maybe he was confused about what he wanted with you?

Sorry about your mom passing away. See you meet up & you fall back into old dating behaviors, kissing etcs, this is why he avoids you, to distance his feelings & maybe move on, but he can't & obviously you can't either. Do you wonder if he is being honest about not dating anyone, he can have sex with others & it not be called dating, just hookups. Have you dated?

You have to discuss how you feel, & he has to be honest if he wants or doesn't want that with you anymore, no more in limbo. Either do it, or move on for the best of you both.

You can't get someone back that doesn't fully want to go back, find out how he feels first, is it the same way you feel, & go from there.

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Thank you for the reply. 3 days after we hung out he cut contact again and I found out that not only did he make a whole new facebook which I am blocked from, he has been in a relationship with another girl for the past FOUR months... Meaning not only did he lie to me about his relationship status and deleting facebook, but he cheated on her with me! I checked out her facebook and she posted a photo of them the day after me and him hooked up last :/ That explains why things felt different between us this time.

I am absolutely shocked. He has never been a cheater. I really don't understand.

To answer your questions, no I don't think it was growing up and school that caused us to drift apart. I'm fairly certain it was my insecurities (which college made worse), and the fact that I didn't appreciate him as much as I should have. When we broke up he said that he felt like he was constantly letting me down because we couldn't see each other as much anymore, that he didn't feel like he was making me happy, and that he "couldn't balance his life"

I was going through a lot at the time and I didn't feel like I deserved him. I was scared he would meet someone better and leave me and when these thoughts entered my mind I would panic and pull the "we should just break up" or "your going to meet someone better" card (I think I thought it would hurt less if it was my choice) and every time he would fight for us.

Once he started college things obviously changed between us because we couldn't spend time with each other the same way as we used to and I acted like a spoiled brat about it, accusing him of not wanting to spend time with me even though I knew otherwise.

He bent over backwards to prove to me that he loved me and wanted to be with me, and by the end his school grades were suffering pretty badly for it. I think he just couldn't do it anymore, and I honestly don't blame him. Its not that I didn't care about him, or that I didn't appreciate him. It was that he was always so eager to please me that when I got insecure and threw false accusations at him I never really realized the toll it was having on him.

To my surprise I woke up this morning to a text from him. I hadn't expected this from him at all. He usually puts at MINIMUM a month between contact so this is new. I haven't responded yet.
Not really sure what to do at this point.

Wow, read all your story. He sounds real sketchy to me, you should always guess if quiet for a long time and years they never were there is another chick in the picture, even if he denies, people lie all the time.

Did you both only kiss or have sex too? You said he cheated with you, but I only read that you kissed???

Did he block you after because he was scared you'd out what you did even if by innocence to the new gal? Remember sketchy does things to protect their sketchiness.

What did his new text tell you? Obviously he doesn't know you know the new info yet, or does he?

If he'll cheat with you, he'll cheat on you, remember that fact always. Maybe better to move on from each other now, can you ONLY be his friend without romantic feels?

@ Xox-Zip-xoX I knew it, that another girl was involved when he took a vacation from talking to you ~ Are you going to let him know you know the truth now & he boldface LIED to you when you asked him if he was with any one else.

Yes, like anya_may21 asked you, what did his new text say to you, and why do you hesitate to reply, are you disappointed, or angry at him right now?

I'd let him know you know & make him say why he lied & what is going on with him and if in a new relationship why kiss and hook up with you?

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Originally Posted by anya_may21 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Wow, read all your story. He sounds real sketchy to me, you should always guess if quiet for a long time and years they never were there is another chick in the picture, even if he denies, people lie all the time.

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I honestly believe this is the first girl who has been in the picture, just because the entire year things have been pretty much the same. I noticed there was a significant change in his behavior starting when they started dating. Never clued into why until a few days later when I was told he has a new girlfriend.

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Originally Posted by anya_may21 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Did he block you after because he was scared you'd out what you did even if by innocence to the new gal? Remember sketchy does things to protect their sketchiness.

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No, he deleted his old Facebook and created a whole new one 2 months BEFORE he asked me to be friends again. Right now he has no idea that I know about the new facebook, or the new girlfriend

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Originally Posted by anya_may21 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

What did his new text tell you? Obviously he doesn't know you know the new info yet, or does he?

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It was just a morning message apologizing for not saying anything sooner and telling me he had sent his phone in to be repaired (it actually was broken when we hungout)

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Originally Posted by anya_may21 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

If he'll cheat with you, he'll cheat on you, remember that fact always. Maybe better to move on from each other now, can you ONLY be his friend without romantic feels?

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I have always hated that accusation. I DO believe that if your guy has cheated on you once, he will cheat on you again. I don't however believe that said guy will cheat on every girl he dates thereafter. (unless they are a sociopath and serial cheat) I am wondering if emotional/personality disorders could lead to cheating?

I don't think I would ever trust having a relationship with him again, but I do still want him in my life as a friend.

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Originally Posted by breathe123 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

@ Xox-Zip-xoX I knew it, that another girl was involved when he took a vacation from talking to you

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He has cut contact with me on several occasions over the past year without another girl being involved.

Did you delete your reply, Xox ~ says you quoted me in my notifications & posted in reply to me but there is no new message here from you.

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Originally Posted by breathe123 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Did you delete your reply, Xox ~ says you quoted me in my notifications & posted in reply to me but there is no new message here from you.

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No! I'm not sure what happened to it. When I posted it said that it would need a mods approval before showing up. Not entirely sure why :/ maybe it has to do with the number of quotes I used?

That isn't good if it ate your post ~ what did you do about his text, have you replied yet? Maybe you could see each other over the holiday & discuss it all in person.

He's not a bad guy, he's a very confused guy. It's obvious he is still hung up on you so bad even tho he tried to move on with this other girl, it wasn't enough to stop him from seeing you. This girl he is seeing is just a rebound, you are the one he wants to be with. The trouble is you have been so indecisive, insecure, up and down with him, it has him pretty messed up. I bet his friends have been telling him to move on, go out date girls but he can't help himself. He's not a cheating lying bastard, being some kind of player, not at all. People in love get desperate, don't make the best decisions....He's desperate, you make him desperate, desperate for things to be as they were, and keeps living on that hope. Hope is why he won't tell you about this girl. He doesn't want to mess anything up if there is any hope getting back together. Remember this is the state of mind he is in.

So I have to ask you, Xox-Zip-xoX I, What do you truly want? What do you want with him? What do you want in life? Where do you see yourself 1, 2 3 years from now? Do you really have any idea or direction? You need to get your s hit together on this. Make up your bloody mind, and communicate with him, and stop playing games. If you know about this other girl, just confront him about it, but do it with understanding that he is confused. if you talk it out, you can work it out.

Oh, your post didn't post? Did you want to re reply or forget it?

It will be hard for you to be friends only if you still love him a lot, I know in the past I couldn't and had to just totally move on, as heartbreaking as it was.

Hope he tells you the truth next chat and you have a nice Xmas, sorry about your mom, lost mine this year too but they are still watching over us.

This is what I originally posted.

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Originally Posted by anya_may21 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Did he block you after because he was scared you'd out what you did even if by innocence to the new gal? Remember sketchy does things to protect their sketchiness.

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No, he deactivated his old Facebook several months before he contacted me again, than created a completely new one that I am blocked from.

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What did his new text tell you? Obviously he doesn't know you know the new info yet, or does he?

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He basically just sent a morning text and explained that the reason he hadn't text me was because he had to send his phone in to get repaired (it actually was on it's last leg when I hung out with him) As far as I am aware he has no idea that I know about the facebook or this new girl.

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If he'll cheat with you, he'll cheat on you, remember that fact always. Maybe better to move on from each other now, can you ONLY be his friend without romantic feels?

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Its actually kind funny, I never used to believe in accusations like this. I USED to believe that if a guy cheats on a girl once, he will cheat on the same girl again, however, I DIDN'T believe that said guy would cheat on every girl he is with after that - being in the situation makes me question those believes though. I don't know what I think anymore.

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@ Xox-Zip-xoX I knew it, that another girl was involved when he took a vacation from talking to you

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[MENTION=78034]breathe123[/MENTION] - The thing is he has cut contact from me several times in the past, and I am certain there was no other girls involved during those times so I didn't really see it coming this time, however I knew this time was different just by the way he was acting. He didn't seem like his usual happy self.


I know this might sound crazy, but I didn't expect him to text me again for a while, in the past he wouldn't have text me for a few months, so the fact that he did is a big deal for me.

This is what I originally posted.

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Originally Posted by anya_may21 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Did he block you after because he was scared you'd out what you did even if by innocence to the new gal? Remember sketchy does things to protect their sketchiness.

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No, he deactivated his old Facebook several months before he contacted me again, than created a completely new one that I am blocked from.

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What did his new text tell you? Obviously he doesn't know you know the new info yet, or does he?

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He basically just sent a morning text and explained that the reason he hadn't text me was because he had to send his phone in to get repaired (it actually was on it's last leg when I hung out with him) As far as I am aware he has no idea that I know about the facebook or this new girl.

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If he'll cheat with you, he'll cheat on you, remember that fact always. Maybe better to move on from each other now, can you ONLY be his friend without romantic feels?

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Its actually kind funny, I never used to believe in accusations like this. I USED to believe that if a guy cheats on a girl once, he will cheat on the same girl again, however, I DIDN'T believe that said guy would cheat on every girl he is with after that - being in the situation makes me question those believes though. I don't know what I think anymore.

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@ Xox-Zip-xoX I knew it, that another girl was involved when he took a vacation from talking to you

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[MENTION=78034]breathe123[/MENTION] - The thing is he has cut contact from me several times in the past, and I am certain there was no other girls involved during those times so I didn't really see it coming this time, however I knew this time was different just by the way he was acting. He didn't seem like his usual happy self.


I know this might sound crazy, but I didn't expect him to text me again for a while, in the past he wouldn't have text me for a few months, so the fact that he did is a big deal for me.

This is what I originally posted.

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Originally Posted by anya_may21 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

1 . Did he block you after because he was scared you'd out what you did even if by innocence to the new gal? Remember sketchy does things to protect their sketchiness.

2. What did his new text tell you? Obviously he doesn't know you know the new info yet, or does he?

3. If he'll cheat with you, he'll cheat on you, remember that fact always. Maybe better to move on from each other now, can you ONLY be his friend without romantic feels?

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1. No, he deactivated his old Facebook several months before he contacted me again, than created a completely new one that I am blocked from.

2. He basically just sent a morning text and explained that the reason he hadn't text me was because he had to send his phone in to get repaired (it actually was on it's last leg when I hung out with him) As far as I am aware he has no idea that I know about the facebook or this new girl.

3. Its actually kind funny, I never used to believe in accusations like this. I USED to believe that if a guy cheats on a girl once, he will cheat on the same girl again, however, I DIDN'T believe that said guy would cheat on every girl he is with after that - being in the situation makes me question those believes though. I don't know what I think anymore.

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@ Xox-Zip-xoX I knew it, that another girl was involved when he took a vacation from talking to you

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[MENTION=78034]breathe123[/MENTION] - The thing is he has cut contact from me several times in the past, and I am certain there was no other girls involved during those times so I didn't really see it coming this time, however I knew this time was different just by the way he was acting. He didn't seem like his usual happy self.


I know this might sound crazy, but I didn't expect him to text me again for a while, in the past he wouldn't have text me for a few months, so the fact that he did is a big deal for me.

This is what I originally posted.

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1 . Did he block you after because he was scared you'd out what you did even if by innocence to the new gal? Remember sketchy does things to protect their sketchiness.

2. What did his new text tell you? Obviously he doesn't know you know the new info yet, or does he?

3. If he'll cheat with you, he'll cheat on you, remember that fact always. Maybe better to move on from each other now, can you ONLY be his friend without romantic feels?

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1. No, he deactivated his old Facebook several months before he contacted me again, than created a completely new one that I am blocked from.

2. He basically just sent a morning text and explained that the reason he hadn't text me was because he had to send his phone in to get repaired (it actually was on it's last leg when I hung out with him) As far as I am aware he has no idea that I know about the facebook or this new girl.

3. Its actually kind funny, I never used to believe in accusations like this. I USED to believe that if a guy cheats on a girl once, he will cheat on the same girl again, however, I DIDN'T believe that said guy would cheat on every girl he is with after that - being in the situation makes me question those believes though. I don't know what I think anymore.

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@ Xox-Zip-xoX I knew it, that another girl was involved when he took a vacation from talking to you

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[MENTION=78034]breathe123[/MENTION] - The thing is he has cut contact from me several times in the past, and I am certain there was no other girls involved during those times so I didn't really see it coming this time, however I knew this time was different just by the way he was acting. He didn't seem like his usual happy self.


I know this might sound crazy, but I didn't expect him to text me again for a while, in the past he wouldn't have text me for a few months, so the fact that he did is a big deal for me.

It keeps eating my postssss D:

- - - Updated - - -

This is what I originally posted.
[MENTION=76419]anya_may21[/MENTION]
1 Did he block you after becase he was scared you'd out what you did even if by innocence to the new gal? Remember sketchy does things to protect their sketchiness.
No, he deactivated his old Facebook several months before he contacted me again, than created a completely new one that I am blocked from.

2. What did his new text tell you? Obviously he doesn't know you know the new info yet, or does he?
He basically just sent a morning text and explained that the reason he hadn't text me was because he had to send his phone in to get repaired (it actually was on it's last leg when I hung out with him) As far as I am aware he has no idea that I know about the facebook or this new girl.

3. If he'll cheat with you, he'll cheat on you, remember that fact always. Maybe better to move on from each other now, can you ONLY be his friend without romantic feels?
Its actually kind funny, I never used to believe in accusations like this. I USED to believe that if a guy cheats on a girl once, he will cheat on the same girl again, however, I DIDN'T believe that said guy would cheat on every girl he is with after that - being in the situation makes me question those believes though. I don't know what I think anymore.

Breathe Said: I knew it, that another girl was involved when he took a vacation from talking to you
[MENTION=78034]breathe123[/MENTION] - The thing is he has cut contact from me several times in the past, and I am certain there was no other girls involved during those times so I didn't really see it coming this time, however I knew this time was different just by the way he was acting. He didn't seem like his usual happy self.


I know this might sound crazy, but I didn't expect him to text me again for a while, so the fact that he did really is a big deal for me. I still haven't responded to him, though a part of me feels like I should simply because it seems like he's making an effort by keeping in contact this time around, but than there is the fact that he lied. I'm torn.

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Originally Posted by smackie9 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

He's not a bad guy, he's a very confused guy. It's obvious he is still hung up on you so bad even tho he tried to move on with this other girl, it wasn't enough to stop him from seeing you. This girl he is seeing is just a rebound, you are the one he wants to be with. The trouble is you have been so indecisive, insecure, up and down with him, it has him pretty messed up. I bet his friends have been telling him to move on, go out date girls but he can't help himself. He's not a cheating lying bastard, being some kind of player, not at all. People in love get desperate, don't make the best decisions....He's desperate, you make him desperate, desperate for things to be as they were, and keeps living on that hope. Hope is why he won't tell you about this girl. He doesn't want to mess anything up if there is any hope getting back together. Remember this is the state of mind he is in.

So I have to ask you, Xox-Zip-xoX I, What do you truly want? What do you want with him? What do you want in life? Where do you see yourself 1, 2 3 years from now? Do you really have any idea or direction? You need to get your s hit together on this. Make up your bloody mind, and communicate with him, and stop playing games. If you know about this other girl, just confront him about it, but do it with understanding that he is confused. if you talk it out, you can work it out.

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THIS!
This is what I have felt the entire time, however I have had so many people telling me that he is no good, or that "once a cheater always a cheater' that I am starting to second guess everything. I honestly believe he is just confused. When my mom was still alive she would tell me the same thing. I feel like if people were to see the situation from my perspective, after being in the relationship they would view it this way as well.

I don't think I have been indecisive. I've known what I wanted from the beginning, but that doesn't necessarily mean he does, or that he knew I did. There have been times were he has cut contact, than got back in contact and things honestly seemed like we were going to get back together, but time would go by, and he wouldn't make that next move and so I'd get impatient and upset and very visibly pull away from him.

The very problem is, is that you don't communicate with him. See him and lay it all out on the line with him. Confront him about everything, this girl, his behavior, etc. You can't have a bunch of strangers on the net answer your questions properly. You have to directly go to the source and that is him. You don't need us.

I'm not sure why but it keeps eating all of my posts with quotes in them. :/

It shows a lot of deleted posts in my quotes, not sure why it keeps doing that to your posts.

Maybe write your posts in notepad and just copy paste it into the forum reply box after and put @ to each person you want to address, it shouldn't delete that because not using quote functions then.

Have you had a good chat with him?

Okay, lets try this again. What I have been trying to say is...

[MENTION=76419]anya_may21[/MENTION]

1. "Did he block you after because he was scared you'd out what you did even if by innocence to the new gal?"
No. He deactivated his old facebook a few months ago during one of our no-contact periods and then made a new one that I am blocked from. All of this went down before he contacted me again.

2. "What did his new text tell you? Obviously he doesn't know you know the new info yet, or does he?"
It was just a good morning text and him apologizing for not texting me the couple days earlier. He said he had to send his phone in to get repaired (It actually was on it's last leg when we hung out)
As far as I know he has no idea that I know about the new girl or the facebook

3. "If he cheats with you, he'll cheat on you. Remember that fact."
You know, prior to this whole situation I would have said that I hate accusations like that. I believed that if a guy cheated on a girl, he would cheat on said girl again - yeah. However, I didn't believe that it necessarily meant he would cheat on every girl he was with after that - Of course, being in the situation completely changes your perspective. I don't know what my thoughts on cheating are any more.

[MENTION=78034]breathe123[/MENTION]
"I knew it, that there was another girl involved when he took a vacation from talking to you."
The thing is he has been doing this for a year and I am CERTAIN there was no one else involved any of the past times. The only thing that tipped me off that someone else was involved this time around was the the way he was acting the last time we hung out - it was significantly different any of the past times him and I got together, he didn't seem like his usual happy self. He was just off and I couldn't put my finger on it.

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a year - can i get him back?

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... No ...

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Originally Posted by Xox-Zip-xoX [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Okay, lets try this again. What I have been trying to say is...

[MENTION=76419]anya_may21[/MENTION]

1. "Did he block you after because he was scared you'd out what you did even if by innocence to the new gal?"
No. He deactivated his old facebook a few months ago during one of our no-contact periods and then made a new one that I am blocked from. All of this went down before he contacted me again.

2. "What did his new text tell you? Obviously he doesn't know you know the new info yet, or does he?"
It was just a good morning text and him apologizing for not texting me the couple days earlier. He said he had to send his phone in to get repaired (It actually was on it's last leg when we hung out)
As far as I know he has no idea that I know about the new girl or the facebook

3. "If he cheats with you, he'll cheat on you. Remember that fact."
You know, prior to this whole situation I would have said that I hate accusations like that. I believed that if a guy cheated on a girl, he would cheat on said girl again - yeah. However, I didn't believe that it necessarily meant he would cheat on every girl he was with after that - Of course, being in the situation completely changes your perspective. I don't know what my thoughts on cheating are any more.

[MENTION=78034]breathe123[/MENTION]
"I knew it, that there was another girl involved when he took a vacation from talking to you."
The thing is he has been doing this for a year and I am CERTAIN there was no one else involved any of the past times. The only thing that tipped me off that someone else was involved this time around was the the way he was acting the last time we hung out - it was significantly different any of the past times him and I got together, he didn't seem like his usual happy self. He was just off and I couldn't put my finger on it.

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So obviously you haven't taken my advice. Stop wasting your time justifying, or answering peoples quotes....you are just dragging your heels. If you want answers go confront him. Whatever the results, at least you cleared the air and you can go forward or move on.

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Originally Posted by anya_may21 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

It shows a lot of deleted posts in my quotes, not sure why it keeps doing that to your posts.

Maybe write your posts in notepad and just copy paste it into the forum reply box after and put @ to each person you want to address, it shouldn't delete that because not using quote functions then.

Have you had a good chat with him?

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I actually tried that in one of the third time I tried posting it and I got a pop up saying that the post was waiting for mod approval before being posted. I contacted a mod and it looks like it has gone through now though :)

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Originally Posted by smackie9 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

So obviously you haven't taken my advice. Stop wasting your time justifying, or answering peoples quotes....you are just dragging your heels. If you want answers go confront him. Whatever the results, at least you cleared the air and you can go forward or move on.

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I'm not sure why you are so quick to assume I haven't taken your advice. I posted that along with several variations of the same post over a week ago BEFORE you ever joined the conversation. None of them went through until now - It's not a new post. Even if it were a new post, I'm not just going to ignore other peoples questions or responses just because you have given me advice. I want all the help I can get, and I am going to take all the advice I can.

Talk - action = 0

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Originally Posted by Wakeup [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

... No ...

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Agree with this.

In reading, it's possible after a year break up you might but why go backwards, should go forward with another guy but if you want try to salvage a friendship with your ex.

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Originally Posted by dollhouse [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

In reading, it's possible after a year break up you might but why go backwards, should go forward with another guy but if you want try to salvage a friendship with your ex.

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Never settle for a friendship when you want more.
Never lower yourself to accept being demoted from lover-and-friend-and equal partner to "just friend" that's a very sure way for you to lose all motivation to find a man that will give you it all.

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Originally Posted by Xox-Zip-xoX [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Okay, lets try this again. What I have been trying to say is...

[MENTION=76419]anya_may21[/MENTION]

1. "Did he block you after because he was scared you'd out what you did even if by innocence to the new gal?"
No. He deactivated his old facebook a few months ago during one of our no-contact periods and then made a new one that I am blocked from. All of this went down before he contacted me again.

2. "What did his new text tell you? Obviously he doesn't know you know the new info yet, or does he?"
It was just a good morning text and him apologizing for not texting me the couple days earlier. He said he had to send his phone in to get repaired (It actually was on it's last leg when we hung out)
As far as I know he has no idea that I know about the new girl or the facebook

3. "If he cheats with you, he'll cheat on you. Remember that fact."
You know, prior to this whole situation I would have said that I hate accusations like that. I believed that if a guy cheated on a girl, he would cheat on said girl again - yeah. However, I didn't believe that it necessarily meant he would cheat on every girl he was with after that - Of course, being in the situation completely changes your perspective. I don't know what my thoughts on cheating are any more.

[MENTION=78034]breathe123[/MENTION]
"I knew it, that there was another girl involved when he took a vacation from talking to you."
The thing is he has been doing this for a year and I am CERTAIN there was no one else involved any of the past times. The only thing that tipped me off that someone else was involved this time around was the the way he was acting the last time we hung out - it was significantly different any of the past times him and I got together, he didn't seem like his usual happy self. He was just off and I couldn't put my finger on it.

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Did the admin tell you why your quotes won't go through? Maybe you can only quote so many until you make regular user here?

Does it hurt you when he goes silent for long periods, do you ever reach out & he ignores or you give him space then & don't try until he contacts again?

How do you now feel he cheated with you, change your feelings on him, strengthens them, the same feelings? Next time you both see each in person, let him know you know, o-k? lay out all of it, clear the air.

[MENTION=52694]Wakeup[/MENTION]
They didn't have a bad break up, or a cheater involved so they can move on, unlike say, me and my situation( we won't ever be friends)I did say when it comes to dating him again, don't but friends if they can work it out, is possible. It is never settling if you want that as well.
Hope it works out in whichever way.

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Originally Posted by dollhouse [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

[MENTION=52694]Wakeup[/MENTION]
They didn't have a bad break up, or a cheater involved so they can move on, unlike say, me and my situation( we won't ever be friends)I did say when it comes to dating him again, don't but friends if they can work it out, is possible. It is never settling if you want that as well.
Hope it works out in whichever way.

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She wants to know if she can "get him back" which is clear indication that she wants more then just friends and more likely then not will always want more then that so there is no point going through her life, stagnating herself from being open enough in heart and mind to really connect emotionally to someone new. Not to mention that more times then not, any new man in her life WILL NOT take kindly to her still frantanizing with someone she once had a sexual or a romantic relationship with. Why SETTLE to be demoted. Whether or not she "wants" to be just a friend is neither her nor there when you dissect it down to the nitty gritty and what usually ends up happening when you settle to be demoted.

Okay, first thing I want to say, just to make sure everyone is clear, is that he is currently out of the country. We are going to talk when he returns. I feel like this is something I should talk to him about face to face. I know that he is the type of person who can avoid his problems until HE feels ready to face them so I'm worried that if I just text him that I know everything he's not going to respond. If I am telling him I know everything than I want to actually talk it out.


[MENTION=78034]breathe123[/MENTION]
I think it may have been because I would quote someone, than copy the HTML to a word document and write it all out there (so I could quote everyone - I don't know how to multi quote here :( ), after that I would try to copying and paste it here. Maybe the forum was flagging it as non-human because it wasn't typed?

At this point I think I have kind of gotten used to him going silent. Whenever we are talking I'm always anticipating it. It hurts a little, but not as much as you would expect, probably because I have been through it so many times with him. As far as how I react, it varies. I will explain.

The first time it happened I would text him every now and then something along the lines of "Hope you're alright and that schools going good." he would never respond. Finally I sent him one that was almost exactly the same, the only difference was that I added "If I did anything wrong, I would really like to know" to the end and he text back immediately apologizing and saying that it was wrong of him to ignore me like that, but I hadn't done anything wrong and he didn't want me to ever think that. He still wasn't ready to talk yet though. A week later he messaged me again wanting to get together and catch up.

The second time, I didn't try texting him at all. One day he sent me a text just saying "Hey, How have you been" and I ignored it. He went through my facebook and liked a ton of pictures and eventually commented on one saying "You look great" I didn't like or respond to his comment either. Two weeks pass and I get another random text from him saying "I miss the way things used to be (insert list of all the things we did as a couple) You know, when everything was simpler, when we used to be great friends" (None of the thing he listed we did as friends though, only bf/gf) I still didn't respond. Within hours he had messaged me on facebook as well, AND posted a status saying "Things used to be simple" (he hadn't used facebook since we had broken up) he was getting visibly desperate and I was going to continue no contact but my mom advised me not to go to long and make him give up all together so a few days later I replied "Hey, sorry I've been busy how have you been?"

The third time (this time) I didn't say anything either, there was one night I sent him a text and tried calling him when he had first deleted his facebook but I couldn't get through. A few months later he posted a status on a different social networking site saying "I still want to be friends" I didn't notice the status until a few days after he posted it, but when I checked it out he had commented on it saying "You know who you are. you can ext me if you want" I decided to post my own status to see what he would do and wrote "I wish you words were meant for me" he imediatly posted a status saying "My last post was about you ____" he kept pushing me to text him and I thought about it all day. finally that night I text him.

Its sad and completely funny at the same time how you justify his piss poor behaviour of you.

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Originally Posted by Wakeup [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Its sad and completely funny at the same time how you justify his piss poor behaviour of you.

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What did I justify though?

For the record, for anyone who isn't aware, if you read my first couple of posts you will notice that the title, and wanting to know if I could "get him back" was BEFORE I learnt about the lies, new gf, and the cheating. that's why I'm the one who ignored HIS text afterwards.

Good, forum is working better for you now, Xox-Zip-xoX.

I read you said you cannot talk with him 1 on 1 because he is out of your country, so I agree don't text or VM him, wait until home and make it a in-person talk.

Do you no longer want to get him back but just maintain a friendship?

Best of Luck.

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Originally Posted by Xox-Zip-xoX [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Okay, first thing I want to say, just to make sure everyone is clear, is that he is currently out of the country. We are going to talk when he returns. I feel like this is something I should talk to him about face to face. I know that he is the type of person who can avoid his problems until HE feels ready to face them so I'm worried that if I just text him that I know everything he's not going to respond. If I am telling him I know everything than I want to actually talk it out.


[MENTION=78034]breathe123[/MENTION]
I think it may have been because I would quote someone, than copy the HTML to a word document and write it all out there (so I could quote everyone - I don't know how to multi quote here :( ), after that I would try to copying and paste it here. Maybe the forum was flagging it as non-human because it wasn't typed?

At this point I think I have kind of gotten used to him going silent. Whenever we are talking I'm always anticipating it. It hurts a little, but not as much as you would expect, probably because I have been through it so many times with him. As far as how I react, it varies. I will explain.

The first time it happened I would text him every now and then something along the lines of "Hope you're alright and that schools going good." he would never respond. Finally I sent him one that was almost exactly the same, the only difference was that I added "If I did anything wrong, I would really like to know" to the end and he text back immediately apologizing and saying that it was wrong of him to ignore me like that, but I hadn't done anything wrong and he didn't want me to ever think that. He still wasn't ready to talk yet though. A week later he messaged me again wanting to get together and catch up.

The second time, I didn't try texting him at all. One day he sent me a text just saying "Hey, How have you been" and I ignored it. He went through my facebook and liked a ton of pictures and eventually commented on one saying "You look great" I didn't like or respond to his comment either. Two weeks pass and I get another random text from him saying "I miss the way things used to be (insert list of all the things we did as a couple) You know, when everything was simpler, when we used to be great friends" (None of the thing he listed we did as friends though, only bf/gf) I still didn't respond. Within hours he had messaged me on facebook as well, AND posted a status saying "Things used to be simple" (he hadn't used facebook since we had broken up) he was getting visibly desperate and I was going to continue no contact but my mom advised me not to go to long and make him give up all together so a few days later I replied "Hey, sorry I've been busy how have you been?"

The third time (this time) I didn't say anything either, there was one night I sent him a text and tried calling him when he had first deleted his facebook but I couldn't get through. A few months later he posted a status on a different social networking site saying "I still want to be friends" I didn't notice the status until a few days after he posted it, but when I checked it out he had commented on it saying "You know who you are. you can ext me if you want" I decided to post my own status to see what he would do and wrote "I wish you words were meant for me" he imediatly posted a status saying "My last post was about you ____" he kept pushing me to text him and I thought about it all day. finally that night I text him.

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The first time you mentioned above sounded like he was going through something & wanted space or not to discuss his life, so he ignored you & your texts, but if a good friend he shouldn't ignore you when you reach out, but just my opinion ~You have feelings & he should respect you, I wonder who elses texts he ignored in that time frame too.

The second time looks like he missed you & realized ignoring you wasn't right & then felt how you felt being ignored when reaching out. A real friend is there for you, to talk whenever you need it, not only when they need it.
Why do you think the 2nd time he reached out LOTS more than usual, do you know if something bad happened in that time to him? he clearly needed to talk with you. Your mom liked you & him together obviously.

The hot & cold he is must annoy you a lot? He wants you there when he needs you but not when you need him? Do you feel he is selfish? I have a friend exactly like him & I stopped reaching out was too hurtful & he wasn't ever a ex for me, only a long time good friend who always disappointed me. Sometimes you have to let go & give up on people :(

Sorry for the delay in posting, apparently the forum isn't working much better for me, today is the first day since my last post that Ive even been able to get the site to load on my laptop.
[MENTION=76419]anya_may21[/MENTION] To be honest, I'm not really sure what I want. I still have really strong feelings for him. It's frustrating, over the past year, every thing that has gone down between me and him, my feelings haven't changed at all. It really scares me that I haven't made any progress in getting over him, even during our NC periods.

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Originally Posted by breathe123 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

The first time you mentioned above sounded like he was going through something & wanted space or not to discuss his life, so he ignored you & your texts, but if a good friend he shouldn't ignore you when you reach out, but just my opinion ~You have feelings & he should respect you, I wonder who elses texts he ignored in that time frame too.

The second time looks like he missed you & realized ignoring you wasn't right & then felt how you felt being ignored when reaching out. A real friend is there for you, to talk whenever you need it, not only when they need it.
Why do you think the 2nd time he reached out LOTS more than usual, do you know if something bad happened in that time to him? he clearly needed to talk with you. Your mom liked you & him together obviously.

The hot & cold he is must annoy you a lot? He wants you there when he needs you but not when you need him? Do you feel he is selfish? I have a friend exactly like him & I stopped reaching out was too hurtful & he wasn't ever a ex for me, only a long time good friend who always disappointed me. Sometimes you have to let go & give up on people :(

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When we were dating, no I didn't feel he was selfish. He compromised a lot throughout our relationship to make me happy. Maybe that's why he is the way he is now.

He was going through some stuff. He never really told me specifically what had been going on until we got back into contact but his life had definitely gotten flipped upside down.

My mom and I had been talking shortly after he reached out to me the first time and her opinion was that maybe he cut contact the first time out of guilt. He had started college 6 months before me (the college is in the same city we live in so no long distance or anything) and after we broke up (before he ever cut contact) we would always hangout and he would kiss me on the forhead and say things like "things will be better once you're here" and he made me a promise that when I started he would help me find all my classes. He cut contact a month before I started and didn't speak to me again for 3 months. When he did contact me again I found out that he had been going through some stuff, and he couldn't continue going to college. He had to do it correspondence (online) because of time management issues or something. It went with something he told me when we broke up about how I made him feel bad whenever he had to "let me down" when it came to plans he couldn't keep (I would get really upset when plans him and I made wouldn't work out and take it out on him even if it was something beyond his control) - The pormise to show me around, and that things would be better when we were at the school together was just another thing he had "let me down" about.

That's o-k, Xox, the forum was being spammed & was giving errors.

Do you still want a happy ever after with him, do you still see him through young love eyes or current eyes? Maybe just keep a friendly relationship where you catch up every so often & support the other if needed. Do you wonder why he didn't tell you who he was so close with what he was going through but instead cut contact? He doesn't need to feel guilty anymore, because you broke up & are only friends, should make that clear to him.

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Originally Posted by breathe123 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

That's o-k, Xox, the forum was being spammed & was giving errors.

Do you still want a happy ever after with him, do you still see him through young love eyes or current eyes? Maybe just keep a friendly relationship where you catch up every so often & support the other if needed. Do you wonder why he didn't tell you who he was so close with what he was going through but instead cut contact? He doesn't need to feel guilty anymore, because you broke up & are only friends, should make that clear to him.

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I'm not sure to be honest. There is a huge part of me that wishes him and I could have worked out and had our "happily ever after" I still can't see myself with anyone else to be truthful, but there is another part of me that realizes it's probably not realistic, and if my assumptions about his supposed new relationship are right, and he did in fact cheat, than I would be really stupid for even thinking about him in that way still.

I wondered about it a little bit, but at the same time he's always been kind of weird about that. He's not the type to talk about his problems but rather keep them to himself (He opened up to me a lot through out our relationship though) when we were dating he mentioned that he "tries to make his life look better than it is" and I think that's a huge part of the reason he doesn't talk about his personal life. I can remember in high school he had to move and he didn't tell anyone he was moving until after the fact...

But it seems you have not been able to discuss it all with him yet & maybe the ' did he cheat with you ' q. & why should be first asked if it is one of the thoughts that bothers you most right now regrading him & how you two can be in the future. Maybe he missed you as much as you him & in that moment chose you, so to him he wasn't cheating with you when you were the one he was choosing consciously (( does that make sense???)), you won't know until he can be honest about it.

So he's always been secretive ~ then what he's done not telling you about the girl & going silent is him being him for the most part, but still annoying because he should grow out of this at some point as he grows older, you'd wish.