Does he like me, or just a player?

I started a job in a bar in September. i met a guy there who was intimidatingly good looking and cool, I'm not normally into really good looking guys so I didn't really make an effort, but as we started talking I realised we had loads in common and very similar sense of humour.

One night I was on a bar on my own but the guy kept coming in to talk to me, we both like smoking and ended up doing so after the shift and he asked me if I wanted a lift home, I said yes. He didn't drive me straight home, we drove around for over an hour exploring and smoking, then he dropped me off.

So the nights we work together go by in a similar way, though I haven't got a ride home again off him. A regular bar fly must have seen us together because the other night he warned me about the boy. He told me that he had hurt girls working there before and that I should stay away. On the same night I was told that a he and another coworker had been very close at the staff party, which I had missed. So I took both pieces of information and decided to keep away from him.

At the weekend I worked two shifts with him, the first I got put on a bar with him all night, just us two. We had the best night, he suggested us drinking lots (sort of accepted where we work its a bit of a mad house) and I agreed. We danced and smoked and I told him about my warning and he seemed hurt. He mentioned the girl at the staff party, how she had been telling him how charming he was. I said "you must have been pleased" as the girl is really stunning, she looks Egyptian and proper womanly all curves, (opposite to me as I am a size 6, very pale etc), but he said he wasn't into it at all and that she wasn't his type.

The next night was my last before Xmas so me and another girl coworker got to work a few hours early to drink and watch bands play. the guy and I got put on the same bar again and he automatically starts making me drinks and we have another great night. At the end we go out smoking and laugh a lot but my taxi turns up and I get up to leave, turn to say bye but he has his back to me and doesn't say anything.

I have been texting another guy who works there who likes me but has a girlfriend, I'm only texting him as a friend and I mentioned my crush making me drinks all night and he replies saying "that's his technique. Tried and tested"

My crush has made no effort to get my number or contact me outside work, there are moments when he could make a move but hasn't.
I'm just feeling pretty embarrassed because a few people have given me warnings about him now. I don't even know if he likes me, we just seem to really click, but maybe that's just how it seems when he turns on his charms... Our eyes always seem to meet through the crowd, the way he looks at me drives me insane

I don't want to be just another girl that fancies the only hot guy at work, but I feel like it's a bit too late. Should I just keep my distance? I have tried but it seems like he always wants to chat to me. Maybe I should just ask him to keep his distance and I am impressionable and weak willed. Please help!

Best advice I have ever been given: if you want something go for it. If you want him..go get him. Life is too short to sit around over thinking things you know?

It really made me laugh and then shake my head when I read that you got two warnings about the player he is so you decided to stay away from him. I laughed because you only stayed away from him until the opportunity arose where you were working together again and then you forgot all about your good personal boundaries and common sense and started to interact with him once again.

Listen: You know he's just going to **** you and then its on to the next newbie. Don't let your boundaries down for a cad. Don't get involved with someone you work with ESPECIALLY if he's a player. You'll have to suffer through every shift with him when he ****s you and then doesn't want much else to do with you until it's your turn to be fkd again.

If he want to be with you then let him ask you out on a proper date outside of work and YOU HAVE THE COMMON sense not to go to bed with him until he shows you in actions that you are actually the one that has made him want to give up the game. (that won't likely happen anytime soon for him when he has so much opportunity from naïve and over-trying chicks like yourself that think he's change for them)

How many more people will have to warn you before you learn to be professional and stop hanging out with him outside of the job?

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No offence but: "If you want something go get it?" Well if the only thing you want is a fvck and a chuck then yea... get on that. If you want a decent guy that doesn't think his reason to live is to accomplish the score then pass on this one.

Merry Christmas wakeup. Hope you have a great holiday! All I was basically saying is you can't go off what two random people tell you about a person. That's just hearsay. Sure there could be truth to it. But at the same time it could just be a rumor. You gotta trust your own judgment dreamon. And if you want to see what happens with the guy than go for it. Maybe you'll find out he's a dick or maybe you'll find out he's a nice guy. There's always that 50/50 no matter who you get involved with you know? Good luck on whatever you decide.

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Originally Posted by nico88 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Merry Christmas wakeup. Hope you have a great holiday! All I was basically saying is you can't go off what two random people tell you about a person. That's just hearsay. Sure there could be truth to it. But at the same time it could just be a rumor. You gotta trust your own judgment dreamon. And if you want to see what happens with the guy than go for it. Maybe you'll find out he's a dick or maybe you'll find out he's a nice guy. There's always that 50/50 no matter who you get involved with you know? Good luck on whatever you decide.

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If this guy wasn't a player he would have done the good man thing of:
1. Not plying her with booze everytime they are within 10 feet of one another.
2. He would have asked her out on a proper date by now if he had an inkling of real interest in her past the physical.
3. Not have people talking smack about him behind his back.
4. Not try to ingratiate himself with insubstantial interaction before asking her out which has led her to believe she has some kind of feeling for him... which is exactly what most players M.O. happens to be.

I guess the bottom line is that if a guy actually wants to be with you he doesn't do the things this guy is doing and he doesn't get random "bad press" like this one is getting and that the Op would do well to keep her distance, stop drinking with this guy and hanging around him because they "both like to smoke." That way, if he does ask her out on a proper date, she'll know its because he is respecting her in a good guy way and not a player asshole way.

Up to her what she does after reading two, very different takes on her scenario... Op: If you do go out with this guy, remember you work together and think about the negative connotations of that should things not go well.

Merry Christmas to you as well Nico... All the best in 2015.

I worked in a night club for 4 years. Listen to what they tell you, what your gut tells you, and stay away from him. Think about it, what player guy is going to mess things up on getting some by coming out and admit that yes he is just trying to get into you pants by putting these moves on you....seriously DUH! Don't date people that work in a bar, period. I did it, and it was the stupidest mistake I ever made....I didn't follow my policy of not dating people I work with, and regretted my decision to ignore it.

Think about it:
a) He is incredibly good looking
b) is a bartender
c) has access to unlimited women/ drunk women
d)makes first contact with you, the new girl
e)you don't really don't know him, which an advantage to him

Ding, ding, ding.....we have a play'a

What incredibly attractive guy in his right mind would throw away all this to be in a committed relationship....none.

Hey guys, merry Christmas! Hope you're all having a good one :)

Thank you all for your answers you definitely speak a lot of sense. I know it sounds terrible that I gave up on my vow of staying away so soon, I guess I'm just having a hard time outside of work with uni stuff and he is fun to be around. I'm off work for a week now so it's been great being away from it all.

Reading your comments I'm quite embarrassed about the way I come across.. I am not going to drink at work any more... Except for New Years, going to have a mad one! But a mad one with my friends and not with that guy. After New Years I'm going to be professional and focus on myself.

I really needed to hear everything you said so thanks again. I hope 2015 is an amazing year for you all :) xxx

That's the one thing I never did and that was drink on the job, at the job or after closing. Never got drunk at the Christmas parties either.

I remember one New years eve, the shooter bar girl got sloshed and was promptly fired at the stroke of midnight. Don't be that girl.

I know I never normally even drink! But we are allowed to drink on New Years, the place is a little unorthodox.. After that Im going to be good! X

Mine was player in real

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Originally Posted by Dreamon [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I know I never normally even drink! But we are allowed to drink on New Years, the place is a little unorthodox.. After that Im going to be good! X

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Well, we haven't heard from you since 12/26 so
I guess you have been thrown in jail for drunk and disorderly? :emot46:

Yea, this guy is most likely a player. So don't think you would have anything serious with him. But if you are looking for just a little bit of fun with a good looking guy, go for it. When I see a stunning guy, my first thought is fun, not a relationship. I mean, the guy is a bartender! You want to go for someone better for long term anyways.

If you can't help yourself, you can either continue flirting with him until things get hot and heavy, go for the kill (or sex). Or, if you are not into having a one night stand/casual sex thing, but into just flirting, then just flirt but distance yourself when you find yourself falling a bit into him. But both options requires someone with more experience and emotional distance so I don't think you are a good candidate for them.

Ha! You know I am just about to post another question about the same guy.
I think maybe a day after my last post on here the guy got my number from someone and has been non stop texting me since. But now a new strange problem has arisen. If you fancy looking/helping that would be great!

New years was fantastic by the way I worked 7.30 - 5.30 and got very drunk, was asked to be in a threesome by a a married couple,did some dancing and a little bit of work too. :) hope you had a great one! x

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& apologies for my late reply, I hadn't received any notifications in my email!

hey I've tried to post another question but it said it needed to be checked and since then hasn't been posted, the other one got posted straight away... Did i do something wrong or does it sometimes take a while?xx

Dreamon,

Your initial post is older now but I do hope you've held strong and ditched the prick. He has player written all over him. All over every inch of his probable gorgeous body and dreamy eyes, every inch a player.

If you did tell him to keep his distance I really hope you didn't say it was because you are impressionable and week willed as your initial post implied. Yikes. Don't say that!
Just ignore him.
Why get wrapped up in a guy like this. Your co workers have even warned you about him.
I know it is nice to receive attention but you must be careful as to what kind of attentions your getting. He has an agenda and your honor is not one of them.
Remember, there are so many wonderful, kind and good men out there; good men that are handsome inside and out.. You must set your bar higher.

Thanks for your message... I wish I could confirm that I stayed away, but I did not. I'm going to copy my other post in here because for some reason it's not appearing on the main forum even though I posted it twice:


Ok back story - I crushed mega hard for a co worker (I work in a bar), he has a crazy reputation but I thought that we just clicked - we can't stop laughing when we're together etc, but I thought he didnt notice me in that way so I was on loveforum christmas time asking advice. A few days later I woke up to a text from him - he must have asked for my number off someone.

From then we were just texting non stop, chatting away, he'd send me about 4 messages at a time every time.. Anyway our conversations just confirmed my thoughts about us getting on but I was sort of keeping my distance for a while - I'm mega busy with uni work and still wary of his reputation. Anyway I had a free night last Friday and I'd just handed in an awful essay and really wanted to just let loose and I thought he was the most fun person I know so we made plans to do something.

During the week running up our text message conversation turned a little dirty - definitely my fault as he was wanting something to watch and i was like watch some porn that's always fun, joking thinking he'd just lol or something - but he ran with it and the conversation went on for ages and seriously he said some crazy obscene stuff - I honestly hardly said anything.
OK another incriminating thing I did was ask to stay at his house Friday - partly because I genuinely needed somewhere to stay partly because I felt like I just wanted to have sex with him (I've liked him since September and it seems like we have a connection of some sort, plus never been with such an experienced/confident guy).

Ok so Friday we decide to just hang at his have a smoke and a drink to save money spending in bars. I went round, it was fun we didn't kiss for absolutely ages and when we did he told me how he'd been wanting to do that for so long.. so the night progressed and we were kissing but I got so nervous (it was really apparent how experienced he was in comparison to me) - so I said I know our texts were pretty full on but now that you're here in front of me I'm so nervous I don't think I can have sex with you, so we just went to sleep. On the Saturday we went for a meal, had a really lovely time - we were working together that night and he said he really wanted me to stay again, I was like "you sure after last nights failure?" he was like yeah, so we had a fun night at work and then I went back to his.

OK so this is it.. We went back to his hung out started kissing and then I got nervous again and I said
"Listen, I had a really bad sexual experience a few years ago that makes me sort of freeze up with new people, I know we had that text thing and then I genuinely thought I was over my issues but now I can see that I'm not over it and I don't think we'll be able to have sex, you make me feel really nervous" He assumed I'd been raped - (not exactly but along those lines). Any way then I turned to go to sleep, and he puts his laptop right next to me in bed, sits up and starts watching porn, touching himself and sort of laughing in a weird way. I felt so uncomfortable I kept asking if he'd rather I'd leave the room he was like noo, but in the end I was like "listen I'm leaving" and he turned it off. I fell asleep and was woken up to him asking "can I watch you touching yourself" and I was like "are you serious" then after a bit of tossing and turning he said "I'm sorry can we just forget this happened?" and I said no.

The next day it was so awkward, he was apologising but I just wanted to leave. I ended up walking around in the snow miserable as hell! I did buy some new clothes to cheer me up though. I had work that night without him and it was a really good night. He didn't text me until Monday morning just sort of chit chatting, I'd realised that I'd left some stuff at him I needed before getting my train out of town, so I popped to his Monday morning and he apologised again, seemed really down, as i was leaving he was being attacked by his kitten and he said something like "now I know how you feel being attacked in bed" so I just left and text him saying I didn't want to see him again, how I'd taken a risk with him and he'd confirmed too soon that it was a mistake.

He text me saying that no one has made him nervous like I do, that he was so ashamed and really wanted to show me how he actually felt. I don't know... He keeps texting me and I can feel myself thawing, but I've just been ignoring his last few texts - I don't know whether to just block his number. I asked a male friend about what happened and he said it was the most disrespectful thing he could have done given what I'd told him.

A part of me really likes him still, I don't think I've gotten on with anyone so well, however I keep remembering how he made me feel in bed, that plus the fact I'm doing a masters and it's really crucial I do well and I'm planning on leaving town in September anyway so maybe it'd be better to just block him, get over the awkwardness at work and forget.

What are your thoughts on what happened? and should I block his number?

sorry for the mammoth text!

Okay, so this guy has never asked for your number or any source of contact outside of work, never made a move when he had plenty of chances, you're getting warnings from other people, never said bye with back turned, let alone hasn't asked you on a date?
Hate to say it girl, but sounds like you're being played. I would be careful. Sounds like a trying and testing deal(what one of the PPs said). If you want to know what this guy is really like, get to know him more, ask the girls that have dealt with him, about what he's like. If you get very similar stories(especially from this Egyptian co worker) this guy has to be bad news. Doesn't sound like he's investing anything in you accept alcohol and smoking and trying to be nice. But of course he would be, especially if he's a player. I wouldn't just talk to only him about it because more than likely he's not telling you info he doesn't think you want to hear. And if he seemed hurt over what other people said about him, than seems like he has a guilty cons