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I have been with my bf for 5 months,we have a long distance relationship,he has stopped telling me he loves me,I asked him why he stopped telling me that he loves me he told me not to worry about it and that he loves me,but yet he still hasen't said it still.
Maybe hes just lazy thats why. I am the same way. Would say it few times and then stop cause these words are not so effective if you use them often, kinda it loses its meaning. Where the silence is its his love.
Yeah, could be laziness. But I'm guessing that due to the distance, he's not feeling it anymore. Or perhaps he's got interest in someone local to him.
How often do the two of you see each other? And what are your plans for living near each other?
Do you tell him you love him and he doesn't respond at all?
^^ good question Wakeup
yes,that's exactly what he does,when I tell him that I love him.Quote:
Originally Posted by Wakeup [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
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he comes when he can,depending on when he can get 2 days off,he's going to be moving to Michigan,his work is relocating him there,he will be working full time,I thought he wanted me to come with him.Quote:
Originally Posted by basilandthyme [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
I think he's not responding because he doesn't want a long distance relationship and would more likely then not, want to get a girlfriend where he lives. He's probably stopped telling you he loves you because he's emotionally distancing himself before he leaves to go live where he got a job.
Sorry. I'm sure that's not what you wanted to hear but its a likely scenario. Only he can really tell you why but I'm sure you know something is up since his moving was basically kept a secret from you according to your post in another thread.
Find someone where you live and don't put your hopes on moving in with someone when you've only known them for five months. Moving and moving in with someone that early on would have been a huge mistake you would have been making.
yes,it would have been a huge mistake,I understand that,but I have known him all my life,not just for 5 months.Quote:
Originally Posted by Wakeup [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Knowing someone and attempting to see if they will make a good romantic lifemate are two completely different dynamics. If I were to convert a friendship into something of a romantic nature then I certainly wouldn't move in with them within a 5 month period of getting to actually know them romantically. It takes a longer period of time then less then half a year of dating to figure out who you're doing is compatible enough with you sexually, romantically, financially etc which wouldn't be known during anything platonic.
Anyway, the bottom line is he didn't value you enough to even tell you that he got a job that would require him to move and he didn't take your consideration into that at all. That's not conducive of someone who wants you to move in with them anytime soon. I'm sorry.
Most people would say it at end of phone talks or even texts or if LDR skype talks. Stop telling him it until he shares his feelings of love back to you, see if he wonders too like you did, then discuss it again.
Only people I know who stop saying it are people not feeling it anymore & don't want to make that promise anymore, have a big face to face about it, even if on Skype.
My husband doesn't return the "I love you" when he's at work. However, he doesn't hesitate if we're at home. I'd be very dubious about his love if he couldn't return the sentiment when he's alone.
With this in mind, I'd look at the context of who's around your bf when you say "I love you".
He said I love you to me last night.
Well, that's all fine and dandy but words without actions to back them up are just words, so keep that in mind as you remember that he didn't include you in on the fact that he moved somewhere without telling you or seeing what you thought of perhaps living there one day.Quote:
Originally Posted by butterfly712 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
"I love You" are three precious words that have become waaay overused and with this, they lose some meaning if said every time or too often.
Perhaps your man is old school in that the words will not be pushed or cornered into and when he does say them, they are truly and genuinely meant
You know, I've seen two schools of thought on the whole "I love you" thing. YES, they can, for sure, be over-used. At the same time, though, I do not think it is something a couple should ever stop saying. Those words, used properly, can mean the world to somebody. I do agree they shouldn't be over-used. At the same time, though, I feel like a truly loving couple should say them to each other on a fairly regular basis.
To me, if the concern is they lose meaning, I think that kind of misses the point. Honestly, it isn't so hard to make them have more meaning. There is a difference between the typical daily "I love you" as you leave for work or whatever, and a more meaningful, stop, look deep into their eyes, put your hand on their arm and say "I love you." Not too hard to put some true feeling into it now and then and MAKE it mean something.
I think too many people lose sight of the power those words can have. That can just be nice to hear now and then. Of course, at the same time, just because somebody doesn't always say it doesn't necessarily mean they don't mean it. A lot of folks just aren't all that open about that stuff. He may just feel he doesn't always need to say it because instead he wants to SHOW it. In reality, that is much more important than the words. So, it certainly would be nice if he'd say it sometimes, but if he at least does make the effort to show it, then I wouldn't worry quite so much. My ex used to say it all the time, but after a while the words lost their meaning because she didn't show it. She could say it until she was blue in the face, but she never showed me any respect or appreciation in the slightest, and your lovely words don't mean horse manure when you don't prove it. I am much better off without her, as would be anybody in a situation like that.
If he literally NEVER says it, then I would maybe take some issue with it if I were you. Maybe that is just me. If he does SHOW it, though, I think that is more important. Still, again, those words are nice to hear now and then. I think all couples should make the effort at least to say them from time to time.
He did tell me that he was going to be moving,he just didn't tell me exactly when he was going to until now.Quote:
Originally Posted by Wakeup [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Butterfly, you are making excuses for him so that it appear to you in your own mind that you mean more to him then he's acting.Quote:
Originally Posted by butterfly712 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
This it what you said:and even if he told you that he would be moving there, he didn't tell you he was going there before he went nor did he tell you when he would be moving there. In otherwords, he is not including you in on life changing events that will affect YOU as well as him. Love, marriage and even just living together entail being joint partners in life and him including you in on such important matters.Quote:
my bf is the same way,he went to Michigan and didn't tell me he was going to be going,he did tell me that he's going to be moving there,he got a job position there working at the company he works for,now he told me that he's going to be moving there sooner,I tried asking him when he's going to be moving there,he didn't answer me.
Unless you are Indian and just expected to do what your male partner does regardless of your own wishes, then I recommend that you don't discount red flags as being red because it appeases you to do so. You're talking about your LIFE and emotional security so make sure you know, without a doubt where you stand and that you have a say in your own life.
Even if you are okay to move wherever the fk he takes you, you should still be advised of his plans as he is made aware of them himself. Five months is like five days when it comes to long distant relationship because you don't see one another very often and the majority of your relationship is based on words without actual action to back them up. If he does keep you in his life after he moves then best keep in mind you don't even yet know who he really is and you couldn't possibly in a short five days.
Good luck.
Agreed with everything Wakeup has to say here. If you two are boyfriend and girlfriend, then there is absolutely no reason he shouldn't have at least talked to you about the possibility that he may move. Heck, if it meant you two wouldn't work out, then that would be something you would have to explore at the time. If he truly cared about you, though, he would want to talk to you about it to at least hear your thoughts and feelings on the idea. If he truly cared, he should at least want to take you opinion into account. Granted, that doesn't mean you should get ultimate veto power. If he wants to move for his own personal reasons, but that doesn't work for you, then it could perhaps mean that you two may not work out. That would be a shame, but at least you'd come to the decision together.
Without telling you first, (and without even telling you if/when this is actually happening) he didn't allow you to weight in at all. Personally, if I were you, that would make me feel like he didn't care how I felt about it one way or the other.
If you two haven't been together for very long and aren't really "boyfriend and girlfriend" yet, that is perhaps a slightly different story. Still, I think if I were dating somebody I'd at least tell them when I started thinking about moving. Why not bring it up early in the dating relationship? If it would wind up being make or break, it would be better to know that before you got too serious.
You should talk to him about this as if he loves you or not ask him...If still he didin't give you any answer then you should move on...as you are wasting your time and feeling to a wrong guy.