Why has he turned me into a booty call?

I have to say that it hurts going from dating to turning into a booty call since he has texted me late for the fifth time and wants me to come over. I used to hear from him during the day but I don't anymore same thing as I used to see him during the day but now he only texts late. Not so long ago about three weeks ago he was telling me that he wants to do this and that, activities during the day. I barley text him and it bothered him, so we didn't talk for very long then he stopped inviting me out and started booty calling me. I have texted him during the day recently and he was up for it but still.. I did not sleep with him right away I was very strict with everything sexual but I gave in recently when he texted me late and came to pick me up, now I kind of regret it but it was just one time after dating for three months. Anyways how come he decided to turn me into an attempt to a booty call? I don't want to be a booty call but somehow I ended up here.

Well, I cannot read minds any better than you can, so I can't really tell you why he suddenly is treating you like a friend with benefits after you've been dating for months. All I can do is speculate. To be honest, my first guess would be he decided he didn't feel that you two hit it off well enough that he wanted to continue the relationship, but he was hoping to still "get his" out of keeping you around anyway.

Bottom line, unless you've agreed you are cool with that, it is not okay at all. He should just be a man and be honest with you. So, I think my personal advice to you would be to end it. Even so, if you so desire, you could talk to him about it first. Just explain that if you two don't hit it off well enough, you'd prefer to just go your separate ways. That you are not okay with just being his late night booty call. It is all or nothing for you.

If he cannot commit to you beyond a friends with benefits type situation, then best for you to move on and find somebody else. Good luck to you.

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Originally Posted by clairere [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I have to say that it hurts going from dating to turning into a booty call since he has texted me late for the fifth time and wants me to come over. I used to hear from him during the day but I don't anymore same thing as I used to see him during the day but now he only texts late. Not so long ago about three weeks ago he was telling me that he wants to do this and that, activities during the day. I barley text him and it bothered him, so we didn't talk for very long then he stopped inviting me out and started booty calling me. I have texted him during the day recently and he was up for it but still.. I did not sleep with him right away I was very strict with everything sexual but I gave in recently when he texted me late and came to pick me up, now I kind of regret it but it was just one time after dating for three months. Anyways how come he decided to turn me into an attempt to a booty call? I don't want to be a booty call but somehow I ended up here.

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Just tell him no when he contacts you late at night and tell him you're available to do lunch the next day if he is. If he doesn't respond or turns you down then you just tell him not to call you anymore. He's not turned you into a "booty call" unless you agree to be a booty call.

If he's interested in you for more then an orgasm then he'll meet you for lunch or he'll make an alternate OUTSIDE THE BEDROOM date with you if lunch the next day doesn't work for him.

I would speculate that he is attracted to you but the feelings aren't there to turn it into a relationship. You say he's hit you up for a late night booty call *5* times? Girl... it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out why he keeps doing it- you keep letting him!

If this isn't what you're after, do not respond to his booty calls/texts. Call him the next morning, say "Oh sorry I missed your text last night I was sleeping. Do you want to hang out this afternoon?" If he's interested, he will hang out with you outside of the bedroom, during the day. If he just wants you for sex, he will only offer to meet you late night for sex. Then you'll know. If you don't want to be just a hook up, quit sleeping with him outside of a real relationship. Simple.

There's a echo in here.

I try not to read the other comments before posting to keep neutral. Sorry.

These ladies are right.

If you don't want to be booty then don't be booty. Clear communication works well with men. Its like if you don't say nothing and accept it and keep these feelings to yourself, he'll assume that you're okay with it. Follow the advice that you were given. Teach people how to treat you.

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Originally Posted by Nicolelong [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I try not to read the other comments before posting to keep neutral. Sorry.

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Echo is a good thing Nicole :D

LOL Seriously? I read the other comments after and felt like a tool

Sometimes some of us post at the same time and come out with nearly identical advice. I reckon it's 'great minds thinking alike'

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Originally Posted by Nicolelong [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

LOL Seriously? I read the other comments after and felt like a tool

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No need to feel toolish :) It's clear that there really is only one answer for this Op so we are all going to have the same advice. I was just surprised that we both thought about a next day date.

That is very helpful but what do you mean I let him? I said no until the fifth time I could not controll myself when he offered me, I do regret it. I feel like I ruined everything now I mean is there a way to start seeing each other again? It would be so awkward to text him again after sleeping with him when we're not exclusive and be like let's take a coffee. It's been three days and so far I haven't heard anything from him. What I don't understand though is why did he decide to booty call me in the first place when we were doing great, it's not something he would ever do before until now suddenly.

YOU didn't ruin anything. If he's seeing you as a booty call, then nothing you did or do is going to change that for him. Yes, you could put boundaries for yourself, but if you do that, you'll either end up as booty call or ex. Thing is, if he wanted a relationship with you, then you wouldn't be having this dilemma.

If you give yourself any blame, it should only be for not looking out for yourself enough. But I remember being young and thinking that the guy fooling around with me wanted a relationship....but he didn't. I was just good for fun. Many of us here have probably experienced something similar.

Thing is, the only way you can ascertain that you're not a casual thing is to have the discussion about whether or not you're actually an item. Now, I have taken risks in this area by getting intimate without having figured out the relationship status first. Some have paid off (my now partner of many years) and some didn't. But if you take this route, it's important to accept the risks and be able to roll with the punches. If you can't roll with it, then you need a bit more discussion before you sleep with a guy.

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Originally Posted by clairere [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

That is very helpful but what do you mean I let him? I said no until the fifth time

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You should have not said yes at all to a booty call (late night invite to come over and hang) If you were horny, then you should have invited him to do something with you the next day and if he declined, then that is your clue that he is wanting you for sex without commitment.

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I could not controll myself when he offered me, I do regret it.

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You could have controlled yourself had you been educated enough to realize that you have to not be booty call if you don't want to be just booty. You know yourself enough now to know that booty call sex without the companionship of a true partner is not something you want to do so now you go forth, leaving this guy behind, and you will be that much more dating savvy in the future. You should not regret the fact that you are a sexual/sensual being who enjoys sex. Had you not gone for just sex, it's most likely that he would just fade on you eventually.

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I feel like I ruined everything now I mean is there a way to start seeing each other again? It would be so awkward to text him again after sleeping with him when we're not exclusive and be like let's take a coffee.

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Why would you feel awkward? It's your expectations that sex should lead to a relationship and you know that it has not in this case that makes you feel ackward. Just text him and say can you meet me tomorrow at 1:00 at (name place) and then tell him if that's not convenient when would be a better time for him. If he turns you down and doesn't make another time or he outright ignores you then you know enough to remove his contact information and stop wondering about him.

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It's been three days and so far I haven't heard anything from him.

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Well, he hasn't heard anything from you either. What is your point?

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What I don't understand though is why did he decide to booty call me in the first place when we were doing great, it's not something he would ever do before until now suddenly.

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You may have been doing great but he had not committed or even agreed to be exclusive with you. It's not uncommon for people to not become exclusive when they are first dating if while they are getting to know one another it is decided that there is not enough in common to become committed/exclusive, bf/gf. It would appear that He is fond of you and enjoys your sexual times together but he's not wanting anything further. You'd be smart to find out if he likes you for more then booty by inviting him to do something else with you outside the bedroom and if he doesn't jump at the chance then that's your closure and you can write him off as an experience that will keep you from thinking that sex automatically leads to a relationship.

You'll be fine no matter which way it goes. Just learn from it or you will find yourself in this situation many times before you find someone that you mesh with enough to keep it going.

You have gotten some fantastic advice here OP! There's nothing more I can add that hasn't been said LOL Take this as a learning experience, regardless of the outcome. We all make missteps in relationships, especially when we're inexperienced. Keep your mind open to the suggestions made, I think they all would be very very helpful for you to consider. It's really not as complicated as you think :-)

Heck, when it comes right down to it, there would be nothing inherently wrong with him just wanting to have you as his late night booty call...... IF he was honest about that and you were okay with that. For you two to be dating, and then him to suddenly only call you up when he wants to "get it on" (Are the kids still saying that these days?) is NOT okay. As others have said, you should just reiterate that you are looking for a relationship, not a hook-up. I wouldn't necessarily say that right off the bat. Instead, as others have said, when he calls up for a late night hook-up, you just re-direct for an actual date. If he keeps refusing and/or keeps just trying to hook-up, then that tells you all you need to know. Then, that is a good time to tell him that you appreciate the time you did share already, but you are looking for something serious and not just an F buddy. No harm, no foul, but you need to move on. Good luck to you either way.

I'm thankful for the advice! So far I haven't reached out to him but he reached out for me during the day actually saying that he never heard from me? He wants me to start reaching out for him, I was happy about that. Recently I sent him a snap because that's how we start conversations sometimes but he didn't even reply and he usually does.. He snaps other though as I saw his points going up which means that he is using it. Am I overreacting? He just told me that he wants to hear from me but doesn't even reply. Personally I do that to people I find no interest in.

Perhaps I'm showing my age here, but I don't think that a snapchat thing counts for much in the way of 'reaching out'. It's just so lazy. If either of you was really serious about spending time with each other, you'd use far more intent in your communications.

Well that is true but since he reached out for me that way I figured I could do the same.

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Originally Posted by clairere [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Well that is true but since he reached out for me that way I figured I could do the same.

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My point is that his method of contacting you is lazy. It's not the action of a man who really wants to impress. And it's this laziness which is quite possibly behind his motivation to downgrade you to casual sex partner.

Oh I see. He used text me that before but now he used snapchat instead. Another reason that I have downgraded I think, I mean how come? I'm actually sad about it.

See, I think his most recent actions are just furthering the point all of us are making. He tells you he wants to hear from you more..... then when you try to reach out again he doesn't bother to respond. I do agree with basil about SnapChat, though. To me, that is not really the appropriate method for having/starting an actual conversation with somebody. Even just a text message would have made more sense to that end.

Still, I think he's told you all you need to know. He pretends to be interested, but then it seems like as soon as you show interest he can't be bothered to give you his time. Trust me, I know how you feel in saying that part of you still wants to keep trying. The thing is, you are probably just wasting your time, and you don't deserve that. Cut this guy loose and find yourself somebody who is ready to take a serious chance at building a meaningful relationship. Good luck to you.

Downgrade him to HISTORY. This guy is not interested in anything serious with you. It's very clear in his lack of actions and unmotivation to be with you.

I'm sorry.

Nothing left to dissect here. Just relegate him to history and do the mental work you need to do to get on with your dating life without him. If he contacts you in two or three weeks DON'T respond. He's just trying to hoover you back for more hook ups. It's clear now... should be to you as well. No need to be sad. Just learn from this and keep your heart off your sleeve. Don't be a booty call if you don't want to be booty.

This is even more confusing. Look after that snapchat I decided to text him just something casual and he starts flirting with me right away.. Once again he hits me up later on and wants me to come over as I was out, it was late, I came over. I slept with him and we stayed up talking through the night. I really felt closer to him after this? Maybe I'm just getting myself into a huge mess but he seriously seems to be into me. He laugh way too hard at my jokes, he keeps intense eye contact with me, he teases me, he notice the little changes about me and let me borrow his jacket when it's cold. He cuddled me the whole night even wanted me to sleep on his chest. I tried sleeping with him again but he just wanted to hug me. He did not kick me out in the morning, we cuddled then he offered me breakfast. He told me that night that it's sad how I never reach out for him, he said "no really but you rarely reach out for me". I'm very confused? It's been three days and I haven't heard anything so far and I want him to reach out for me now. It just really seemed like he was crushing on me so yeah..

^^^^^ Looks like you want to be a booty call then because you just invited yourself to be booty. Don't get upset when it doesn't turn into more. You just volunteered so don't be blaming him for what YOU have willingly participated in.

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BTW: He's into you for the free, no strings attached sex. That doesn't mean he's into you enough to make you more then booty.

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Originally Posted by clairere [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

This is even more confusing. Look after that snapchat I decided to text him just something casual and he starts flirting with me right away.. Once again he hits me up later on and wants me to come over as I was out, it was late, I came over. I slept with him and we stayed up talking through the night. I really felt closer to him after this? Maybe I'm just getting myself into a huge mess but he seriously seems to be into me. He laugh way too hard at my jokes, he keeps intense eye contact with me, he teases me, he notice the little changes about me and let me borrow his jacket when it's cold. He cuddled me the whole night even wanted me to sleep on his chest. I tried sleeping with him again but he just wanted to hug me. He did not kick me out in the morning, we cuddled then he offered me breakfast. He told me that night that it's sad how I never reach out for him, he said "no really but you rarely reach out for me". I'm very confused? It's been three days and I haven't heard anything so far and I want him to reach out for me now. It just really seemed like he was crushing on me so yeah..

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You mention nothing about him wanting actually leave the house with you. Without this, you are still nothing more than a booty call.

The fact that he's happy, snuggly and flirty during a booty call means nothing. He's enjoying your body and your company, but it doesn't mean that he wants more than that.

Agreed with the others. He's done nothing to prove he has any intention of being serious about your relationship. Of course he acts all lovey dovey and cuddly when you are together. He knows that works. Heck, it's possible we could all be wrong, but he certainly hasn't done anything to prove us wrong in everything you've shared with us so far.

Believe me, I understand how you feel and I understand why part of you is still clinging to this "relationship" and hoping something can be made of it. The thing is, it certainly doesn't seem like he has any intention of taking it seriously, and unless that changes you are wasting your time. You don't deserve to be with a guy who cannot commit to taking your relationship to the next level. You obviously want a real relationship, and that does not seem to be what he wants.

At this point, he either needs to prove to you that our assumptions are wrong, or you need to move on and let him find a gal who won't mind being his late night booty call because he'll be hers as well. You need to find yourself a guy who will realize how lucky he is to have you and want more and more of that. If that isn't going to be this guy then don't waste your time. You are wasting valuable time that you could be with a guy who will make you feel the way you deserve to feel, and not constantly give you this anxiety and confusion over whether he really wants to be with you or not.

Good luck to you.

Well, I'm aware that I could be wasting my time the only reason I hang onto this is because we used to date like "normal" before. We did those typical dating stuff but he had to do all the work, I just went with the flow and already back then he complained about not hearing from me and that he was disappointed in my lack of communication. He definitely was more about building some sort of relationship back then. I mean I could go a week without talking to him and he would be upset about it, then two weeks without seeing each other but when we do meet nothing's wrong. After this, after three months total he made it his "mission" to sleep with me then all this started happening. I may have come off as really uninterested in him but that's because I'm scared mostly.

Okay, fair enough. So maybe you weren't attentive enough at first. I wouldn't know, you would. If that is the case, then it is great that you can admit that. So, sure, it could be understandable why he'd sort of drift away if that was the case....

The thing is, that still doesn't make his present actions okay. So, now suddenly you are trying to be more attentive and he just pulls a 180. How does that make sense, and how is that fair? Is it like some game for him, like he thinks he used to feel like you didn't offer him enough attention, so now that you are trying he is going to show you how it felt? Unless I miss my guess, you didn't mean anything careless or malicious when you felt perhaps you weren't giving him enough attention. Unless I misunderstand, it wasn't as though you blatantly didn't care to be attentive, it's just maybe he progressed more quickly than you did. That can happen. You didn't owe him anything at the time, and by your own admission, when he made it clear he wanted more you did try to make the effort.

So, bottom line, at this point he owes it to you either to give you two a serious try, or to let you go if he no longer wishes to pursue a serious relationship with you. And you owe it to yourself not to allow yourself to be strung along. Maybe you weren't as attentive to him as you should have been at first. I can't know that without being him or you. However, that certainly doesn't mean you deserve to be played with like this.

If he can be willing to get back to giving your relationship a serious chance, then awesome.... go for it. It's just, if he's not going to allow that, then don't waste your time. You don't deserve that. Nobody would.

So you think that showing him more attention with your vagina is going to make things okay with him again? Really?

Why didn't you tell him: "I'd like to see you but it is too late to go to the park and would you like to meet for lunch or a quick bite to eat for dinner tomorrow instead?" If he turned you down and didn't make another REAL DATE to see you when it would be more convenient for him then you would know for sure that you are just a piece of ass when it's convenient for him. You're too easily persuaded into his bed for him to make any effort outside of it.

Why not talk to him about where you two are going? Is it a relationship you want or be his booty call?

No that's not why I slept with him. I do it because I want to and I want to date him too. If we didn't start out as dating in the first place I would not be spreading my legs for him, call it easy if you want but I made the decision to sleep with him even though "this" is going on.

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I haven't really had the guts to. I like casually seeing but of course I want this to head towards a relationship not backwards to a booty call.

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No I didn't mean anything bad towards him when I wasn't texting and making plans. I wasn't attentive no but I wanted to take things really slow although I didn't tell him that, I thin I headed towards the opposite by not showing interest. I do agree with you know that you say it that his actions isn't right, I don't understand why he made it his mission to sleep with me suddenly. It's a mess, I don't know what to do.

You need to talk with him and find out how he's feeling about this. No amount of guesswork and analysis can replace an actual conversation.

Perhaps I'm old school, but I always think that if you know someone well enough to have sex with them, you should be able to have a conversation with them too.

Well, first off, I don't think you are a mess. I think most people know what it is like to want to be with somebody who doesn't want us in the same way, or to feel hung up on somebody when maybe you really should just move on. It happens to all of us at some point or another. In a way, I think it is kind of a good thing. It shows that, in your heart, you still really want that deep connection with somebody. Trust me, I've experienced the alternative. I've lost hope, hit rock bottom, and given up on the idea of ever finding anybody. I've shut down and decided to just close off to the world before. It sucks. It feels so empty and meaningless.

As much as it sucks to be crazy about somebody when they don't seem to feel the same, and/or be crazy about somebody when you know maybe you shouldn't.... it is nothing compared to the soul-crushing feeling of having given up. The thing is, I just think it is time for you to realize that connection you want so badly seems like it just isn't going to happen with this guy. You gave it a shot and he chose to play games and use you as his late night booty call instead of take the relationship seriously.

Now, you say at first you were trying to take it slow. You know something? Exactly what is wrong with that? You had every right to try to take it slow if that was what you felt was right at the time. Now, maybe he didn't want to take it slow, but it sounds like once he made that clear, you tried to make more of an effort.

I mean, if it would make you happy, then I hope I am wrong in my estimation of him. I hope he isn't intentionally playing with you and that talking to him you could actually get things back on track. It's just that what I hope even more is that if that doesn't turn out to be the case, I hope you'll care enough about yourself to realize that this is not the right match for you. If it works out with him, then great, but don't waste your time waiting for somebody who is only going to play games with you.

I think we all understand how hard it can be to get over somebody when you really thought there could have been something special there, but believe me, you will find somebody who will make you feel that all over again. A million times more, even, and they will actually feel the same way, rather than stringing you along like this. Once again, good luck to you.