she's not attracted to me but wants to date

I (27) recently met a girl (22) and I was very honest with her. I set a date and she accepted. the catch is she claims shes not attracted to me (she says she cant get attracted to me instantly). I offered to cancel the date if she doesn't find me so, but she insisted that we should do the date. anyway she has been texting me non stop since and always telling me stuff about her day. also i have flirted with her quite a lot over text which i recently stopped just to save some for the face to face dateً. I don't want to be just friends with her. I'm also confused that she doesn't like me but wants to go on the date. she claims she only had 1 boyfriend and never really went on a date. also a note we only met last week and met only twice once for a friendly dinner and another time briefly.

should i continue the response to her texting? i dont want to be friends or her male girlfriend. are we wasting eachothers time? did i come accross too strong by asking her out as soon as we only met eachother once? she says i seem to tell her whats on my mind too easily.

thanks

Sometimes it does take a bit of time for people to get to know you. Relationships aren't all about the initial attractions because that would be based solely on image and impressions. She may be wanting to play it safe because of possibly being hurt previously.
You have already made intentions clear about where you are going. Just keep communicating because she is seeking a confirmation that you are the right person.

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Originally Posted by emotionaid [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Sometimes it does take a bit of time for people to get to know you. Relationships aren't all about the initial attractions because that would be based solely on image and impressions. She may be wanting to play it safe because of possibly being hurt previously.
You have already made intentions clear about where you are going. Just keep communicating because she is seeking a confirmation that you are the right person.

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yes i thought of that too but she never really makes any effort for any sort of romantic topics of conversations. its mostly about her day and what she is up to.

usually when i feel the communication is so one sided i take it as a sign of disinterest and walk away.

Yes it can be quite deterrent when it's one sided but at the end of the day she's telling you a lot about herself and sharing her day with you in a way. It's ok to not rush things. Give it a little more time and see how it goes. At the same time keep your options open meet other people and make sure you make it clear that you are doing so.

She's trying to get to know you over text which a crappy way to get to know one another. I think you should go on the date and if you have fun, then ask her out again within a short period of time, a couple of days later at most so that she gets to know YOU in person rather then through the superficial route she appears to want to travel down.

If you don't have fun... well then... that's that.

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Originally Posted by Wakeup [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

She's trying to get to know you over text which a crappy way to get to know one another. I think you should go on the date and if you have fun, then ask her out again within a short period of time, a couple of days later at most so that she gets to know YOU in person rather then through the superficial route she appears to want to travel down.

If you don't have fun... well then... that's that.

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so we went on couple dates. only one went well. the other two she got pissed off cause she said i was too pushy. i only asked her for feedback because i was scared of being led on. she said she doesnt know me long enough still to tell me whether she likes me or not. im not sure what to do at this stage. back odd or cut contact or be nice and try to forget the bad date?

also for some reason i feel too shy to break the touch barrier with this girl. never really happened to me before, but i did hug and hold her few times and she did not protest. wondering if i should continue, but i feel scared by her recent anger at me.

Personally, I think you can do better then to continue on with someone that has already told you she's not attracted to you and then has a temper tantrum when you wonder if she's still not feeling you.

You're also too timid to even make a romantic advance because she's got your confidence so low. I say next her and set your sights on someone who is more into you from the get go.

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Originally Posted by Alopolo [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

so we went on couple dates. only one went well. the other two she got pissed off cause she said i was too pushy. i only asked her for feedback because i was scared of being led on. she said she doesnt know me long enough still to tell me whether she likes me or not. im not sure what to do at this stage. back odd or cut contact or be nice and try to forget the bad date?

also for some reason i feel too shy to break the touch barrier with this girl. never really happened to me before, but i did hug and hold her few times and she did not protest. wondering if i should continue, but i feel scared by her recent anger at me.

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She's not leading you on. So it doesn't make sense that you're scared of this with her. If she were leading you on, she'd be saying all kinds of things to make you think there's a future. And given that she's not leading you on, I can understand her getting cranky when you are worrying about it.

Does she ever contact you first? I'd be looking at how keen she is to see you and gauge things from that.

All that being said, if you want a girlfriend who is attracted to you from the outset, then she's not right for you. And this is OK.

also for some reason i feel too shy to break the touch barrier with this girl.

Ok, so if you are an ugly mofo, don't expect her (or any women) to be physically attracted to you from the get go. Be grateful that she isn't all about physical attraction. Maybe she prefer someone that she has an intellectual and emotional connection with rather than a strong physical attraction. You need to chill and not worry so much about being in the friendzone. The strongest relationships starts from a friendship.

Not being close enough to the situation, I can't say for sure.... but I do lean towards agreeing with Wakeup. Unless you asked way too much, or in some other way were really overdoing it with asking her to share how she was feeling, then I don't see how her reaction was mature or warranted. It would be one thing if you kept asking over and over, but I didn't necessarily get that impression. So, unless I misinterpret, she sounds kind of immature and hot-tempered.

As others have pointed out, sometimes attraction isn't instant..... but what kind of jack@$$ just voluntarily says to somebody "Oh, I don't find you attractive, but what the Hell? I'll give you a shot." That's the sort of thing you keep in the back of your mind. Jeez, she might as well have said "Well, I find you repulsive, but I'm open to seeing if maybe I can tolerate you slightly more once I know you better."

To be honest, I think that would have been a red flag to me right off the bat.... but I couldn't blame you if you wanted to still possibly give it a chance anyway. Now, though, you've already had a few pretty bad dates in which she has lost her temper at you, and seemingly with little provocation. Is that really somebody you want to pursue any further? In my personal opinion, this seems like a good time to cut your losses, break up with her, and find somebody who will actually give you a fair chance. Sounds like she never gave you a legit chance right from the start.

You're not really dating her. You're paying for her dinner in exchange for the privilege of sitting by her. Yes, that sounds like dating, but in this case you haven't been given any reason to hope for more, so why are you still buying her dinner?

There are plenty of other girls to date. Don't call this one again.

If she isn't attracted to you, then don't pursue it any further. Speaking from experience, those types of relationships never go well, but they can work out as an exception. I'd tell her to cut the bullshit and ask her what her feelings about you actually are. I personally wouldn't waste my time with someone like that, but it's up to you.

I agree. I mean, certainly attraction can grow once you get to know somebody better. However, if somebody is actively NOT attracted to you, that is unlikely to change. Why even bother to give her a chance. She may not find you attractive, but another gal will. You deserve to be with somebody who finds you attractive, not somebody who acts like they are lowering their standards to be with you.

ok i think theres a misunderstanding here.

firstly, im not pursing her, im only responding to her. as i said in my first post i felt that i should not go out with this girl because of her saying she doesnt find me attractive, however her insistence on a date was confusing and hence why i made this post. usually if i feel a woman doesnt like me then i move on because she doesnt deserve my attention.

secondly, let me give some background. she is the one that initiates contact and asks to hang out. the first time i met her was when she drove all the way to my house to borrow a tool which she later admitted she never used. she got my number through a friend of mine and she saw me at a party but we never communicated. it was after that night that i said "hey it was nice meeting you last night, i really liked you let me know if you wanna grab a drink some time". that was it and long behold she was blowing up my phone and said that she doesnt find me attractive but wants to date thing. now at the same time i was going on few dates with another girl i met but i did not like her, so i decided to give this chick a shot.

anyway yesterday she messages me and said she wants to give 'us' another shot which i agreed to. the date went nicely and we enjoyed dinner and did some activites like go karting (she paid for herself) and going for a walk on the boardwalk. however when i was dropping her home she gave me the cheek when i went for the kiss (after she hugged me). this instantly told me its time to move on. however she started blowing up my phone that night for another date and i told her that i see no point in another date if she does not find me appealing enough for a simple kiss after 3 dates. she admitted she has not grown fond of me but i think she just doesnt want to lose me, and she tells me she doesnt want to be friends! wtf!? she also added that im the best date she ever had....and she doesnt wanna make a decision too soon.

Anyway i asked her to call me if she want to go on a serious date and if she changes her mind about me. im not interested in being friends or text buddies. to this she replied with a violent tone saying she will get out of my life then...i told her i did not want her ro think ill of me and its just that i cant be around her as a friend because i want her romantically.

also i never constantly asked her for feedback regarding her feelings for me, and i only asked once and never pursued the subject again due to her poor behaviour.

im moving on to date other women.

ps. i never heard of this relationship through friendship phenomenon. i have always managed to secure a kiss by second date latest. i also dont know anyone who was friends with a girl before they became romantically engaged. so im not sure how this friendship thing works? it also sounds too risky.

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My husband got me and the kids for the last 8 months now abandoned, and refuse to go back because I was on hold for a woman he just met, therefore, I and my children have been and heel-Suffering has been fighting, but I decided to make every effort to make sure my family get together as before, then went online ai there I saw many good talk about this pitcher spell whose name is clintron, so I had to contact him through his email [email]clintonmaggs@gmail.com[/email] and in just three days as I promised, my husband came home and his behavior was completely changed, he knew I was the one he fell inlove with. I am so happy that God used this spell caster to get my love back to me and I can not thank enough this spell caster for what I did for me, I am very grateful. Contact him and see what you get out of your heart desires.

....Okay, so with the further details you have shared I have to say she sounds like she is bat$h*t frigging crazy. She tells you that she does not find you attractive.... yet SHE is the one trying to pursue you? How does that make any sense? I still am not sure I get why you gave her a chance at that point. Imagine trying to ask a girl out like that. "Hey, I don't find you attractive, but you wanna go on a date anyway and see if maybe there's a spark?"

Still, you decided it was worth giving it a shot and I don't blame you for that. That was your decision. To be honest, I think you'd had enough evidence that she wasn't worth your time just within the first couple dates, but if it wasn't sufficient enough for you then, I hope it is now after this last date and the events after. You respectfully break things off because it is going nowhere and yet again she loses her temper at you like a petulant child. Glad to hear you broke it off with her. Personally, my advice would be to NEVER think twice about that. Stick to it and remove this gal from your life permanently. It was perhaps a worthwhile experiment, but one that is not worth continuing. Good luck to you.

EDIT:

For the record, starting as friends and later becoming more certainly can, has, and sometimes does happen. It isn't necessarily the best way to go about it, especially because you run the risk of falling into what people call the "friend zone." However, it certainly can work. I wouldn't recommend it as a method for trying to go out with somebody to try befriending them first, though. More so, if it works, it usually works because the two started as friends before they even thought of dating, or at a time when one or both of them was not available.

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Originally Posted by TheEvilJester [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

....Okay, so with the further details you have shared I have to say she sounds like she is bat$h*t frigging crazy. She tells you that she does not find you attractive.... yet SHE is the one trying to pursue you? How does that make any sense? I still am not sure I get why you gave her a chance at that point. Imagine trying to ask a girl out like that. "Hey, I don't find you attractive, but you wanna go on a date anyway and see if maybe there's a spark?"

Still, you decided it was worth giving it a shot and I don't blame you for that. That was your decision. To be honest, I think you'd had enough evidence that she wasn't worth your time just within the first couple dates, but if it wasn't sufficient enough for you then, I hope it is now after this last date and the events after. You respectfully break things off because it is going nowhere and yet again she loses her temper at you like a petulant child. Glad to hear you broke it off with her. Personally, my advice would be to NEVER think twice about that. Stick to it and remove this gal from your life permanently. It was perhaps a worthwhile experiment, but one that is not worth continuing. Good luck to you.

EDIT:

For the record, starting as friends and later becoming more certainly can, has, and sometimes does happen. It isn't necessarily the best way to go about it, especially because you run the risk of falling into what people call the "friend zone." However, it certainly can work. I wouldn't recommend it as a method for trying to go out with somebody to try befriending them first, though. More so, if it works, it usually works because the two started as friends before they even thought of dating, or at a time when one or both of them was not available.

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Yes I did ask her out as I said but that was that just one simple text and it was after she came to me. Yet she would call and text regularly. After the denial of intimate contact (kiss test) I knew it was a waste of time.

Yes I can only see friendship working in case of unavailability since most 'successfull' women generally do not date friends.

Nobody ever dates their friends. People who say that are kidding themselves. Once you cross the boundary from platonic friendship to a sexual relationship, it changes the dynamics of that relationship and you can't come back from it. Sometimes it turns out well, other times, not so much.

If you have decided it's a waste of time, then that is what it is and I suggest you move on. There are far better things to focus your attention on than someone who doesn't have enough interest in dating you.

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Originally Posted by Alopolo [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

ps. i never heard of this relationship through friendship phenomenon. i have always managed to secure a kiss by second date latest. i also dont know anyone who was friends with a girl before they became romantically engaged. so im not sure how this friendship thing works? it also sounds too risky.

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My fiance was my friend for years before we started dating. I was that girl who always thought that I am either attracted to a guy or I am not and that it doesn't change. But then, my fiance kept pursuing me even though he knew that and that is what changed my mind about these sort of situations. Yes, it is risky. I mean, many guys don't manage to change a girl's mind but it can also go the other way. Honestly, right now, me and my fiance decide to have sex after we get married but these days leading up to that, my attraction for him grew. I think for some girls, as they became more comfortable with a guy and more secure, their attraction can grow.

But hey, if you have other options and if you decide she isn't worth the risk, then all the power to you.

im sorry but your fiance probably had no other choice. im not trying to be mean, but no man finding worth of his time would pursue a woman for 3 years. i had a friend who did something similar and he has 2 kids with her now but at the cost of 4 years of failure in college and potential career lost in exchange for love on welfare. to each his own way but i went a different route and i still think friendzone is dangerous.

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Originally Posted by Alopolo [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

im sorry but your fiance probably had no other choice. im not trying to be mean, but no man finding worth of his time would pursue a woman for 3 years. i had a friend who did something similar and he has 2 kids with her now but at the cost of 4 years of failure in college and potential career lost in exchange for love on welfare. to each his own way but i went a different route and i still think friendzone is dangerous.

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Is it that bad to be someone's friend before you date them? I was friends with my girlfriend before becoming her boyfriend. It's dangerous from your experience with it but one bad experience doesn't mean it's bad for everyone?

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Originally Posted by benfletcher82 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Is it that bad to be someone's friend before you date them? I was friends with my girlfriend before becoming her boyfriend. It's dangerous from your experience with it but one bad experience doesn't mean it's bad for everyone?

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sure it does. im just saying you can get hurt and waste time a lot more if you become friends first and then find yourself in the unescapable and often inevitable friendzone. as long as there is mutual respect, love and happiness any relarionship is fine. my longest relationship was with a girl which i asked to go out with me within 15 minutes of meeting me and letting her know i don't want to be just friends. but im sure being friends first is also healthy except not sure how it exactly works.

I think those saying it NEVER works are making things WAY too black and white. Life isn't black and white. Life isn't square. It comes in many shapes and it comes in many colors. Friends CAN go from being friends to being more. Heck, sometimes that can lead to the best kind of relationship. After all, you should practically be best friends with your significant other anyway, so why wouldn't it sometimes be good to wind up dating a friend?

I definitely do agree, though, that it is NOT a good idea to intentionally try to make that happen. In other words, it is NOT a good idea to become friends with somebody you like as more than friends just hoping that it will lead to something more. I think in the cases where a transition like that DOES work, more often than not it is because the two really did just start as friends and it later became more. In other words, it isn't like one of them was secretly hanging around HOPING it would become more. THOSE are the situations that, more often than not, end in heart-break. Which also isn't to say they NEVER work either, it's just really not a good idea to intentionally enter into such a situation.

Yes, there is danger in dating a friend. If it doesn't work out, it is nearly impossible to go back to being just friends. Again, nothing is 100% impossible, but more likely than not the friendship would be lost as well. So, again, I wouldn't call that an ideal situation like you should intentionally try to date a friend, I'm just saying I think it is too simplistic to say it never works.

All that said.... to be honest, I think it is irrelevant to this particular case. In this case, I don't even think Alopolo should bother being friends with this particular woman. Maybe it is just me, but I don't even see the value of having somebody like this in your life, regardless of the capacity. Again, though, to each his/her own. Whatever seems right/best to you is what you should do. Good luck.

im not seeing it as black and white im just saying its not a good idea to friendzone a girl you like.

anyway as an update I ended up goin out with her couple more times and we ended up having amazing sex. Even still she doesnt seem to be into me. it seems like she does make the effort to go on dates with me and makeout but she doesnt want to get serious. sometimes she tells me about guys she finds hot which i just agree with so i dont give her any leverage in case its her tests. sometimes she tells me type of guys she likes which is not me which i simply laugh at. she also doesnt initiate contact as much as i do. so im thinking she only wants to have a purely sexual relationship. never met any girl like this and im thinking if theres any chance now to get into a proper relationship with a girl that has sex with me only? she only goes out on dates with me. however i will say a lot of progress has been made since the first date when she wouldnt even kiss me. it just bothers me the days when we are not on a date she never says anything nice to me or doesnt compliments me. correction - she never compliments me. she also has a lot of guy friends that she spends time with.

I certainly agree that life, relationships, and love are not black and white. I think the more important question you should be asking yourself, is whether or not you feel like you are wasting your time with this woman. If she isn't capable of giving you what you need from a relationship, why would you bother? You could be missing out on a chance to be with someone who values you, and who appreciates what you have to offer them. If you are happy to keep things where they are at with this person, and if you feel like she is putting the same level of effort in as you are, then you're on the right track. But if you feel like you are the only one who is reaching out, or the only one to take chances and ask for what you want/need, then she may not be the right person for you.

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Originally Posted by melancholia [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I certainly agree that life, relationships, and love are not black and white. I think the more important question you should be asking yourself, is whether or not you feel like you are wasting your time with this woman. If she isn't capable of giving you what you need from a relationship, why would you bother? You could be missing out on a chance to be with someone who values you, and who appreciates what you have to offer them. If you are happy to keep things where they are at with this person, and if you feel like she is putting the same level of effort in as you are, then you're on the right track. But if you feel like you are the only one who is reaching out, or the only one to take chances and ask for what you want/need, then she may not be the right person for you.

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i agree i spoke about this to her. she says I don't understand her and I am too intense and the word 'date' stresses her out. However she wants to go out with me? I don't understand what this means and when I asked her to call me to talk about this she declined. Therefore I told her there is no point for us to continue this and i don't want to be friends either. To this she replied that I am giving up and she doesn't want us to end! WTF? I'm not sure whether she wants to date or not?? i have learned that women don't like to reason or use logic to talk about their feelings so I did not pursue the conversation further. Even still she randomly texts me through out the day and tells me about herself....i have never been so confused.

It's no wonder you are so confused! It sounds like this person has no idea what she wants. Clearly, this has become too confusing, and too challenging for you to carry forward. I think you should call it a loss and try and move on. Please, try not to assume that every woman thinks like this particular woman. It is not true at all that "all women don't like to use logic or talk about their feelings". There are plenty of women out there who know what they want (and what they don't want), and who are logical, able to discuss their feelings, and be clear when it comes to communicating those things. I think you should take some time for yourself. Just focus on things you enjoy doing. When we focus our energy on positive things that bring us joy, it boosts our confidence and makes us feel more positive. It can be hard when we are sad, frustrated, or confused... but don't give up! You deserve better than what this person has to offer you (which is nothing). I believe there are plenty of women out there who would be lucky to date you. You just need to take your time to find them.

Best of luck to you, OP!

Big Love,
Melancholia

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Originally Posted by melancholia [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

It's no wonder you are so confused! It sounds like this person has no idea what she wants. Clearly, this has become too confusing, and too challenging for you to carry forward. I think you should call it a loss and try and move on. Please, try not to assume that every woman thinks like this particular woman. It is not true at all that "all women don't like to use logic or talk about their feelings". There are plenty of women out there who know what they want (and what they don't want), and who are logical, able to discuss their feelings, and be clear when it comes to communicating those things. I think you should take some time for yourself. Just focus on things you enjoy doing. When we focus our energy on positive things that bring us joy, it boosts our confidence and makes us feel more positive. It can be hard when we are sad, frustrated, or confused... but don't give up! You deserve better than what this person has to offer you (which is nothing). I believe there are plenty of women out there who would be lucky to date you. You just need to take your time to find them.

Best of luck to you, OP!

Big Love,
Melancholia

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Thank you Melancholia, I have actually given up on this today. I actually have no more feelings for her and only thing i regret is the time and money I spent past few months with her. I'm going to simply ignore any text messages she sends my way.

Sounds insane

Frankly, I think that was the best decision you could make. In all of what you shared with his, I honestly do not see what you even saw in her. Hell, honestly her completely non-committal and relationship averse attitude would even be okay if she were with somebody equally on board with such a plan. You obviously were not, and there is nothing wrong with that either. I think good for you for wanting more. From everything you've shared with us, it seemed glaringly obvious from pretty much the word GO that she was never going to provide that.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not trying to say I don't understand how you could have kept trying, as I certainly DO understand. Sometimes the heart wants what the heart wants and we can't help but go for it even when we know we shouldn't. Sometimes you think you like somebody so you try to convince yourself that if you just take a shot, maybe they'll change. So, don't get me wrong. I certainly understand it being difficult for you to come to this conclusion. I am glad you finally have, though.

Good luck to you. Find yourself a gal who will be falling all over herself with joy to be with you, not one that you practically have to convince you are worth their time.

P.S. On a side note, no two people are alike, so not ALL women are like this for sure...... but in general women usually ARE more open and honest about their emotions than your typical guy. So this gal not being open to that is NOT the norm at all. Again, not that there is anything wrong with that, I'm just saying don't assume because she is like that it means that all women are like that.

Haha... I think Alopolo is becoming a favorite poster real quick. :D

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Originally Posted by TheEvilJester [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Frankly, I think that was the best decision you could make. In all of what you shared with his, I honestly do not see what you even saw in her. Hell, honestly her completely non-committal and relationship averse attitude would even be okay if she were with somebody equally on board with such a plan. You obviously were not, and there is nothing wrong with that either. I think good for you for wanting more. From everything you've shared with us, it seemed glaringly obvious from pretty much the word GO that she was never going to provide that.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not trying to say I don't understand how you could have kept trying, as I certainly DO understand. Sometimes the heart wants what the heart wants and we can't help but go for it even when we know we shouldn't. Sometimes you think you like somebody so you try to convince yourself that if you just take a shot, maybe they'll change. So, don't get me wrong. I certainly understand it being difficult for you to come to this conclusion. I am glad you finally have, though.

Good luck to you. Find yourself a gal who will be falling all over herself with joy to be with you, not one that you practically have to convince you are worth their time.

P.S. On a side note, no two people are alike, so not ALL women are like this for sure...... but in general women usually ARE more open and honest about their emotions than your typical guy. So this gal not being open to that is NOT the norm at all. Again, not that there is anything wrong with that, I'm just saying don't assume because she is like that it means that all women are like that.

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i completely agree with what you are saying. i do not usually pursue women since i left high school. i learned this in college that women have to earn your trust to fall in love and so i thought maybe she needed more time. no matter how hard i chased girls in college if they were not attracted it did not work and if they were attracted they would be turned off. however in this case it was different a bit because she responded positively to pursuit. even though she slept with me i think it was clear that she was only doing that to make me crazy about her. i think she got a massive satisfaction from the pursuit and since this was the first time i met a woman who had sex with me BEFORE she fell in love, i fell into the trap. i learned a great deal from this experience and ill add the excuse that im relatively young and inexperienced in my 20s.

It isn't like I'd know from experience (the monster never gets the happy ending) but I don't think it would be true to say that no women like the pursuit. I think it is more so the case that they are either interested in you, or they are not. If they are not interested in you, it is HIGHLY unlikely that any amount of pursuit will change that. Frankly, even if it DID, I'd personally ponder whether it was worth it anyway. Would you really want to be somebody you basically had to drag into a relationship kicking and screaming?

Anyway, you made a mistake, but a mistake A LOT of guys make. Heck, at least you got it out of the way at a young age. Hopefully now you can have better luck in pursuing the correct women. Good luck to you. I wish you the best and hope you find somebody who will want to be with you as much as you want to be with her. You should never have to convince somebody of your worth, and if you do, maybe THEY never deserved YOU in the first place.

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Originally Posted by TheEvilJester [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

It isn't like I'd know from experience (the monster never gets the happy ending) but I don't think it would be true to say that no women like the pursuit. I think it is more so the case that they are either interested in you, or they are not. If they are not interested in you, it is HIGHLY unlikely that any amount of pursuit will change that. Frankly, even if it DID, I'd personally ponder whether it was worth it anyway. Would you really want to be somebody you basically had to drag into a relationship kicking and screaming?

Anyway, you made a mistake, but a mistake A LOT of guys make. Heck, at least you got it out of the way at a young age. Hopefully now you can have better luck in pursuing the correct women. Good luck to you. I wish you the best and hope you find somebody who will want to be with you as much as you want to be with her. You should never have to convince somebody of your worth, and if you do, maybe THEY never deserved YOU in the first place.

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yes i agree. i did not really try to convince her to like me, i just went out with her to do fun stuff and at end of day we would end up either in my car or my house. after 3rd date we ended up sleeping together. growing up i was always told when a man and a woman really love eachother blah blah happens lol. i had no idea the action was casual, never really knew women do that thats why i got a bit attached :\

It CAN be casual. I mean, personally I never feel it should be and I would not personally do it casually. To me, personally, that should be how a relationship becomes MORE serious, not just something where you hop into bed with anybody willing.

But, these days that honestly puts me in the minority. No judgment on my part for people who do consider it more casually. That is up to them. It's just not for me.

There are still people, though, that agree with your method of thinking. So, just don't settle for a gal who is ready to hop into bed before you two are even serious. Heck, there's nothing wrong with that if that is really what she wants, but if that doesn't work for you, then a gal like that isn't right for you. Good luck. (I say that a lot, but I do sincerely mean it.)