Does he only want sex?

Ever since I was little, I was told to save myself until marriage to have sexual intercourse and almost at 30, I am still a proud Virgin. Out of all of the guys I have dated or been in a relationship with, all of them have respected me and my belief and were all willing to wait. As of my current relationship status, when I first met my Boyfriend last year, I told him this and he respected me and was going to wait. But through our time together, he's brought up the sex talk, saying how he's frustrated that we can't have sexual intercourse, and he wants to do it. He's done this a few times throughout our time together. It's had me think, does all he really want is sex? Like if he really respected me like he said at the start, shouldn't he just drop the sex talk topic and accept it and just focus on me and other things about me and us? What do you think, do you think he just wants sex or that he respects me?

He probably doesn't only want sex from you, since you've been together awhile now and he has respected your wishes of virginity but you can understand why he may be feeling like he wants to be intimate with you after waiting for so long, to me that is a normal reaction for him to feel. If you still want to wait and he does not that might be a good enough reason to let each other go, so you can be with someone who wants exactly the same things you want out of a relationship. How old is he, older than you? I think it's both, obviously respects you he has waited this long. What if he proposed to you, would you still wait until your wedding day?

Yes I would wait until wedding day to have sexual intercourse. Him and I are both 28 years old.

Well in my opinion in all relationship there comes a day when opposite gender got some more attracted to you in that way .... But when this attraction changes to wrong ways then we must leave them

I think that if he's serious about this relationship, he would respect your decision. If he's not serious about the relationship, then he doesn't deserve to be with you.

Don't change your mind just to suit him, I think you should still wait. In the beginning, my ex-boyfriend told me he respected my opinion and that he would wait until I was ready, but in the end he got very impatient with me and started to treat me badly. When I said I didn't want to have sex with him, he said fine I'm leaving you. It really got me down, cause I loved him a lot. We were only 17 at the time.

So to you, I would say wait for someone who respects your opinions. If he gets mad at you for not having sex, that's ridiculous, and don't be afraid to tell him. Good luck!

This is a silly question to be coming from a 28 year old. Surely by this age, people know about sex drives.

I do know about sex drives, I just want him to respect me and if he knows I am saving myself until marriage, then don't bring up how your frustrated about not being able to have sex. NONE of my ex's ever brought up how they were sexually frustrated. They accepted it and never brought it up.

This guy obviously was hoping you would change your mind or thought he could do it....now he is struggling with it. He may need to respect your wishes, but you should understand and respect his frustration. IMO it's becoming unrealistic to keep dating him if he is feeling this way..... you should cut him loose. He isn't going to quit bringing it up, in time will end up quitting you anyways.

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BTW sex is a normal part of having a relationship. It's part of the bonding/emotional connection process...also a natural instinct to want it. Most want to see if there is sexual compatibility before investing in a marriage....just the way it is. Sex isn't just an act/having babies....it's about being able to satisfy your partner properly and everyone's turn ons and desires are different.

IMO you should find yourself a virgin that has the same values and expectations so you both will be on the same page.

Yeah I am well aware of the bonding and emotional connection and all that, thats what he keeps discussing etc. But I am standing my ground and want to wait until marriage. He knows this and says he is trying his best not to bring it up, but it is hard, he wants to be with me, and doesn't want us to break up.

ok so nothing is going to change, it is what it is....best of luck.

In my opinion i don't think he only want sex from you considering the period of time you have been together and was able to wait and respect your decision. It's normal for a your BF to feel that urge and just honest to tell about what he feels. Seems you really are firm with your decision to wait until marriage then better understand him also and be patient to respect him if he keeps asking you again and again about that sex thing. Again its normal for him to feel it and good thing is he want to do it with you.

I get he feels he wants us to do it, but I am standing my ground and want to wait until marriage, end of story. :)

The problem is, he doesn't want to wait...YOU DO. Find someone who wants to stand his ground and wait for marriage too.

But he does want to wait, he just wants to feel free to be able to express his emotions and feelings about not being able to have sex.

No he doesn't want to wait that's a load of bs he is feeding you, and that is why he keeps reminding you how frustrated he is...he wants/hopes to break you down.

I he really wants to wait he would say nothing more about it and go fix his frustration with internet porn and lotion.

There is a difference between being disrespectful toward your desire to wait, and voicing one's own desires about sex. Clearly he does respect your desire to wait, because he is still with you. However, he has needs, too. It's important for him to be able to communicate that with you, and for you to listen and respect his needs as well. It doesn't mean you have to give in and have sex before you are ready, but it does mean that you need to acknowledge his position here. You are in a relationship together, so both of you have needs and expectations, and it's important that you both put effort in to make the other person feel like their needs are important.

Yeah well my needs is that he shut up and not mention how he is sexually frustrated period. NONE of my previous guys ever mentioned how they were sexually frustrated. Don't you see that point of view, of where I am coming from here and how I don't want him to mention it? If he mentions it, it just upsets me, and yes I have told him this and yet it keeps happening. I just don't know what to do.

If he's been toughing it all this time he must love you, because most guys wouldn't wait that long otherwise. How do you show him you appreciate him waiting?

I tell him I love you, I would like to show him I love him by us doing intimate things but he doesn't come over so we can't do anything without him being here physically.

What kinds of intimate things do you want to do with him? Why doesn't he come over to your place?

Him and I have done intimate acts, oral sex, hand jobs, fingered, made out, kissed, held hands, hugged, cuddled, etc. But him and I don't be intimate that much anymore, it went from him and I seeing each other once a week, every week to us being now, of only seeing each other once a month, or twice a month. He says he doesn't want to come over and see me, because he doesn't like my attitude, and negative attitude, and he feels stressed, drained, pressured, and he doesn't like us fighting everyday and hearing me crying everyday. If he would just come over and see me, instead of telling me no alll the time I wouldn't upset all the time.

He says he can't come over nowadays because he is trying to save money. He has to save money to have a future with me, so him saving money from his on and off jobs, towards saving for us getting a house or apartment. I don't work, I have been applying to places, and waiting to get a call for an interview.

He says he knows I want to wait to have sex, and wait until marriage to do that, he understands. But he says his point of view is this, if we have sex, he wants that close-ness and bonding that sex brings with your partner, and that relationship. He says if there isn't sex in the relationship, at least his viewing points, then there is no relationship.

I get his point, he wants that bonding and close-ness I get that but he still has to wait it out so. Him and I were doing fine after our talk on May 6th, but the same patterns crept up as of yesturday and will probably keep on going too. He says he wants us to break up, but then again he wants us to be together, he says hes frustrated and this and that etc. I just don't know what to do, I want us to work I really do. But part of me is already wanting to give up.

Not sure why you would put up with a guy that is selfishly badgering you constantly. IMO he doesn't respect you, or care about how it makes you feel. I think you should take a break from each other to teach him if he doesn't shut up, he won't have a GF anymore. It's a drastic measure but if he isn't willing to change his ways through normal means of communication then what else are ya gonna a do.

a 30 yo virgin? You will find it harder and harder to date as you continue. This is entering midlife. At this point we get past the insecurities and weirdness of dating. We learn how great a true relationship is, and we get better at sex, and learn how amazing it can be when you love the person and how close it brings you. Why would a midlife man waste time? Honestly, to me, as a man, it sounds like you are using sex as a carrot. Also, people suck at it to begin. I am 43, I would not want to have to teach someone how to do it. I want to move forward. I think you need to really think what s holding you up. You may be scarred, and it will get harder and harder as you get older. Also, on a side note, you could perform oral sex on him.

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Originally Posted by mikumiku [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Yeah well my needs is that he shut up and not mention how he is sexually frustrated period. NONE of my previous guys ever mentioned how they were sexually frustrated. Don't you see that point of view, of where I am coming from here and how I don't want him to mention it? If he mentions it, it just upsets me, and yes I have told him this and yet it keeps happening. I just don't know what to do.

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How many "previous guys" have you gone through? You're 30 years old and you're still without a committed lifemate. Maybe your expectations are a little outdated in this day and age. If you can talk like you do and not even be the least bit tempted then Its arguable that you're going to be a cold and lack sensuality/sexuality/desire should you ever become this man's (any man's) bride.

If I were him, I'd add myself to the "previous guys" growing list and find someone who likes to get down. He currently is with you for more then sex but my guess is he's getting tired of this wall you have up. Do you do anything sexual with him like blow jobs or hand jobs, oral for you? Anything? If you do, then I agree he should just shut up and wait to enter you until he figures out if he wants to marry you and gets that done.

Ya they do other stuff....read this in one of her many threads. He just wants the emotional connection with having vaginal sex. I doubt that it is true, he just wants to make sure the sex will be good before committing to a marriage. I don't blame him for trying, but I do blame him for being so stupid for wasting his time with this crap.