Girl with boyfriend..

Hi everyone,

First of all I want to say that I've never asked something about love on a public forum, but the situation I'm in now is a bit complicated and I think I could use some good advice.
I also want to make clear that I'm not that kind of guy that wants to destroy relationships or steal girlfriends from other guys. This is the main reason I'm posting my story here. Oh, and my English is not that good so don't freak out when it is impossible to understand :)

About a year ago, I was at an event with some of my friends. There was a guy that I didn't know yet, but my friends did, so it was just a matter of time before I got to know him better. He had brought his girlfriend with him, but I wasn't able to speak a word to her. That night, I caught her staring at me a few times. I didn't really do anything to it because she was in a relationship already. However, at some point is was walking by her and when our eyes met, something weird happened. It was like we both had that 'wow' experience. Her eyes became bigger and mine did too, I could feel it. It only lasted for a second or two, but it felt really good. I haven't talked to her that so we didn't really got to know each other, except from the way we look.

A few months later I spotted the couple at another event. They were standing side by side and were talking to some people. I was standing 30 feet away from them, talking with some other people. When I looked at the two, the girl made eye contact. She was smiling big time, I mean a smile from ear to ear and not just a 'hey' smile. I smiled back because I wasn't expecting it at all. She looked very happy when she did this. She really looked like a cute, happy en lovely girl.I really wasn't expecting this kind of salutation from a girl I've only seen once and never spoke to. I had to leave the event a few seconds after this happened, so I did not talk to her.

Again, a few months later I spotted the two at some event. This time we were standing a little bit closer to each other, about 15 feet. They were in a conversation with some people and I was too, with some other people. When our eyes met, we were looking at each other for a long time. Her big smile was involved and she started to blush. I answered this by laughing back at her and probably blushing as well. I knew this could not take long because it was just a matter of time before the boyfriend would spot me looking at her. The weird thing was that she was leaning on her boyfriend all the time. I knew you could not sit down during the event, so she could probably just lean to rest, but I don't think so. When I started a conversation with somebody close to her, I noticed she was very busy with her hair and her clothes. After her hair and clothes where on point, she started leaning again. I had to leave the event so again I wasn't able to talk to her.

So far I didn't know what to think about it. I noticed she had liked my Facebook page so she clearly knew what my interests are.
As you might have noticed, I don't see the girl very often. Maybe 4 times in one year, so there is not a lot of opportunity to talk to her.

Last week I spotted both of them at another event where me and one of my friends were. At the end of the day me and my friend were talking and she and her boyfriend joined. I didn't really say much because her boyfriend and my friend were having a conversation and I didn't know a lot about the subject in question. The girl didn't say a lot either. She looked bored, but when we made eye contact, that was a think of the past. When her boyfriend and my friend looked the other way for a while, we had some very long eye contact. It was very intense, and I had to look away occassionally to make sure her boyfriend wasn't watching us.I can still remember the happy, flirty and 'in love' look she gave me. From that point on I caught her looking at me very often that day, even when her boyfriend was just standing beside me. The days after this had happened I had a weird feeling in my stomach and was thinking about her all the time. I thought to myself; dude, for the first time in your live, you are in love.
She also started to like every FB update I did since then.

So at this point I thought this could be something serious and I was very happy to see her a few days later. Her boyfriend and my friend where playing soccer and this gave me the change to talk to her since her boyfriend wasn't around. One big problem, the dad of her boyfriend was standing next to her so I decided not to talk. When dad was looking the other way, we looked at each other for a few times and she still gave me that look and lovely smile. When the match was over, we walked towards the canteen. I was walking a few feet in front of her when I looked over my shoulder to look where the dad was. He was nowhere to be seen, so this could be my chance to be alone with her. She looked over her shoulder as well and after that started to smile and we both knew what was going on. She walked towards me and instantly started to give me compliments about the work I did for my FB page. She also asked a ton of questions which I answered as normal as I possibly could. I was affraid to give the wrong answer. By the time I wanted to ask her questions about herself, we had reached the boyfriend so I ended up asking nothing at all, which gave me a really bad feeling. During the conversations we had with us two, the boyfriend, his dad and a lot of other socces players involved she looked very bored. I noticed she didn't look at me as much anymore. I thought I had screwed it during our conversation. I caught her smiling at me, but it wasn't as intense as before. I was really woried.

That evening I noticed the boyfriend had changed his profile picture to one without his girlfriend, but this swapped back after a hour or so. A few hours later the girl posted a few hearts on his FB page, so I got the sense it wasn't to stable between the two of them and I also thought I screwed up big time.

The next day she did like a FB update so I though all wasn't lost just yet.

I'm really worried about the way she thinks about me and I can't wait to see her again so I can see the look she gives me. What should I do? Could you please help?

Thanks!

don't be a dog and wait for them to break up, if they do.
Maybe she is just really friendly girl.
Plus if shes got a boyfriend and your scared to talk to her because he will find out that you like her than it proves your a coward.
Sorry if Im being a bit harsh but just imagine if the tables were turned, your chasing the wrong chick bro. And if you wern't that desperate than you wouldn't be so in love with her. Go and date other girls to get your mind off her and eventually she might break up. Don't wait for her, do your own thing and what happens, happens.

Let's pretend for a second that she didn't have a boyfriend already. ...You've made eye contact and smiled at each other several times, yet other than that really never talked. Even if she WAS interested, eventually she would tire of waiting or lose interest. That, or it would just wind up being too late because she'd find somebody else. IF she didn't have a boyfriend, my suggestion to you would have been to just find an excuse to talk to her. Nothing will ever come of it if you don't try.

..... Here's the thing though.... SHE DOES HAVE A BOYFRIEND. So, honestly, that right there should have told you she is off-limits. Believe me, I'm not blaming you for crushing on her. Sometimes you just can't help who you like. There's something about her you probably can't even explain yourself that just sparked something in you. You can't help that. However, she's currently in a relationship. So, the right thing to do, both for her AND for yourself, would be to forget it. Move on and look for a relationship elsewhere. Believe me, I understand that can be hard when you've been smitten by somebody, but if you allowed yourself to move on, that feeling would eventually fade and you'd find some other girl deserving of that attention.

Are her and her boyfriend in a rocky relationship that is inevitably going to end? Maybe, maybe not. How would you know? Frankly, for all you know, they could just as easily be madly in love and bound to get engaged/married at any point. As Mike pointed out, maybe she just happens to be a friendly person. Some people do just smile because they are actually nice people. Sure, nice/friendly people are a rarity these days, but they do exist.

So, as Mike said, my advice would be to forget her for now and move on. Look for other women to date. Hell, if you found out tomorrow or next week that she broke up with her boyfriend and is available then fine, maybe think of asking her out then (or at least after giving her some reasonable "recovery" time). For now, though, just operate on the assumption that she is NOT available.

Believe me, that is easier said than done, but in time your feelings for her will fade and allow you to look for other women to date. If she happens to become single in such a time that you still are as well, then great. Let fate decide if that should happen. Meanwhile, you may be missing out on a great gal who IS available because you are stuck on one who is not.

Good luck to you.

I think it is best if you leave the girl with her boyfriend. And as I understand she is close to the family of her boyfriend already. They already have a deeper understanding with each other already. You better look for another girl. Focus your attention to another one and stop thinking that she want you too. She maybe like you as a friend but not more than that. It is always not good to get involve with someone in a relationship already. Try to put yourself in that situation for sure you wouldn't want someone to take away your girl from you.

Definitely a good point I would reiterate. Imagine yourself on the other side. Imagine you have a girlfriend and some other guy takes her away from you. How do you think that would make you feel? Don't do that to some other guy. If they happen to break up, that is between them. You should never influence that, or try to convince a gal to leave her fella for you.

Good luck to you, though. I hope you do find somebody. Whether it turns out she does eventually become single and you two get that chance, or whether it turns out your true match is somewhere else.

"I also want to make clear that I'm not that kind of guy that wants to destroy relationships or steal girlfriends from other guys." So don't be that guy, then. Also, you sound like one of those guys from Dateline, who see a woman a few times without speaking to her, and suddenly think you're in love. She could be a nice person, who smiles a lot, have you ever thought of that? You don't know anything about her, or her relationship, so I suggest you get over yourself and move on. You sound like a stalker. Get a grip, find a woman who is not in a relationship with someone else, and move on.

To play the devil's advocate: "all is fair in love and war".

I think you should tell the girl you are interested in dating her if she ever loses the boyfriend. That way, you establish your interest in her, and your lack of interest in being a third party. If she loves her boyfriend, your interest won't matter.

^ is terrible advice. Don't get involved with someone who is already involved with someone else. That means keeping your feelings about them to yourself. It's not fair to her to tell her you're interested in dating her if she breaks up with her BF. It's also not fair to her current BF. There are enough people out there who are interesting, attractive, and SINGLE. Pick one of them and move on from this person. You don't even know her at all, so when you say you are "in love", you are being foolish and naive.

I lean towards agreeing with melancholia on that. No offense, but I don't think it would be a good idea to tell somebody who is in a relationship that you'd be interested in them if their relationship ends. I don't know, maybe it is just me, but that almost sounds insulting. Both to the person and their significant other. That's almost like implying they inevitably will break up. Who knows if they will or not?

I don't know. Maybe it is just me, but it just feels slimy. It just doesn't seem fair to lay that on somebody. What do you expect them to do with such information? It would be one thing if you didn't know somebody was in a relationship and you ask them out only for them to tell you they are. In that case, it isn't like you knew, so no harm no foul. In this case, though, you blatantly know she has a boyfriend, so that should be all you need to know to know she is currently not available. Leave it at that. If she happens to become single on her own, maybe you can consider asking her out, otherwise you should just move on and look for somebody else.

She is not her boyfriend's property. If she wants to move on, she is allowed. Until you are married, there is no oath that is taken... she is there by consent, and she is free to change her mind.

Sorry, to those of you who would like to think having a boyfriend or girlfriend removes their options.

She's not her boyfriend's property. For sure, that is correct. That doesn't change the fact that it is disrespectful trying to mess with somebody's relationship. Again, I definitely do agree with you that if she wants to move on, that is perfectly within her rights. ...The thing is, who said she wants to move on? From what I gather, it doesn't sound like EasyDeuce knows. For all he knows, they could be bound for an inevitable break up any day now..... or they could be bound to get engaged any day now.

If she has a boyfriend, she has a boyfriend. Unless that changes, it would not be appropriate to pursue her. (I mean, unless they have an "open relationship," or something like that.) Sure, she isn't married, so technically she'd be perfectly free to mess around on her boyfriend if she wanted.... that doesn't make it right.

I did not advocate "pursuing" her. I advocated making a statement of interest, and then letting it go. These are very different.

Fair enough. I still don't personally think I'd agree with doing that since he KNOWS she has a boyfriend. I could be wrong though. Maybe it is just me, but I think saying something like that could very possibly give a negative impression. Especially if it were to turn out that her and her current fella are perfectly happy together.

Of course, being a guy, I guess I can't say for sure. I mean, if I think about it, if I had a girlfriend and a gal said something like that to me even though she knew I had a girlfriend, I think I'd probably be flattered, at least. I mean, I think I'd still find it kind of an inappropriate comment given she knew I had somebody, but I don't think I'd be offended or think it rude. At least as long as it was not put in a forward/rude way sort of like "Ditch the zero and get with a hero" kind of thing. LOL!

Maybe if there are any of our other female members following this thread, they can share what they'd think if a guy did something like that to them.

Thanks for the replies everyone!
Some time has passed since I posted on this forum and things haven't got any better. Since we talked I thought it would be nice to wish her good luck on her exams( she told me about it ) so I did this by using FB messenger. This started a series of conversations by texting, but we did not text every day. I did this on purpose because I wanted to stay at a distance from their relationship like you guys told me to do, but still don't act like I forgot about her.

Now, the reason I came back to this thread is the following: I cannot get this girl out of my head!! It is easy to say I shouldn't have fallen in love with her in the first place, but I could not prevent that from happening. I still think it's strange there was such a strong connection right from the first time we spotted each other and the fact that the feeling is so strong while I don't even know her that well. Normally a guy cares about the way a girl looks, acts and behaves but this time I feel like I don't care about the looks. I mean, she's very hot but it isn't the first thing that comes to mind when I think about her.

I want to know how to get rid of feelings like this without breaking contact. I mean, I can't just avoid her all of a sudden. Listening to songs is very hard since I recognize everything they say, I can't concentrate on my work anymore and I don't enjoy things as much as I used to.
I once saw a pic of both of them and it somehow hurt me badly, like someone stabbed me in my heart ( I know this sounds overdone but I couldn't describe it in a different way). Since then I started thinking I was mentally destroying myself. I want to get rid of this feeling before I start to do things I should not do.

What do you guys think, should I tell her about the way I feel and if not, what else should I do?

Just because you are admiring each other from a distance doesn't promise a relationship will ensue. We will go through life crushing on people....and that is all it is a crush and never act on it. She isn't acting on it because she loves her BF plain and simple. Stop fantasizing/obsessing about her and accept the reality that she is not going to leave her BF for you.

Move forward, ask other girls out, keep busy.

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BTW she is just digging the attention and nothing more.

I know this is not the advice you want to hear, but I wouldn't be giving good advice if I gave advice in which I didn't personally believe.... Unfortunately, from the way you are describing your situation, it seems to me like keeping your distance, or even breaking contact completely, is your best bet.

It would be entirely different if you could set aside your feelings for her and accept being just friends, since nothing else is currently possible. If you could honestly, legitimately do that, then I'd say stay friends with her. Because, Hell, you never do know. In time, maybe she'd become single, maybe you'd still be single too, and maybe that would be the opportunity for you to ask her out. Or, maybe you'd remain friends and eventually you'd find somebody else, but at least you'd still have her as a friend.

The thing is, it sounds like remaining her friend is not only keeping your desire for more alive.... it is also hurting you. Unfortunately, it sounds to me like you don't really want to just be her friend, you want to be more. Right now, though, that isn't possible because she has somebody. You don't know if that will last or if it will end tomorrow. You can't wait around forever, putting your life on hold, for something that may never happen. What if you waited around and months or years down the road, they wind up getting engaged?

I know this is so much easier said than done, but if being close to her is hurting too much because you only want to be even closer, than it may be for your own best to just keep your distance. Again, she's done nothing wrong, so it isn't like you should be rude to her or anything. But, you don't deserve the hurt that this situation brings you, nor do you deserve to be stuck in limbo. You could miss the person with whom you are really meant to be because you are stuck on one you cannot have.

Good luck to you.

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I understand that breaking contact completely will be the best option, but there is a small problem. Her boyfriend and me share the same interests, so I would have to give up on my hobby to prevent seeing the girl. This is not what I want to do so probably it's best to just stay friends.

However, there is a thing worth mentioning ( I think ). I asked one of her close friends if this girl is a 'big flirt'. I wanted to know if she flirts with other guys too while in a relationship, just for the fun. He answered she really isn't that kind of girl. She hates it when other guys try to hook up with her or show signs of interests and she tries to ignore it. I did not recognize any of this in the situation I'm in right now. I mean, I can hardly speak to someone else and I can see her looking at me in the corner of my eyes.

There was this moment when she walked around the corner where I was talking to someone. When our eyes met there was that instant startled look quickly followed by a big smile and very friendly face saying 'Hi'. I noticed I looked startled for a very short amount of time too, ofcourse followed by a big smile and a 'Hi' as well. That startled look probably happens automatically when you see someone you really like unexpected, at least that's my reason.

I don't know, but this stuff prevents me from giving up on her.

I think at this point, you do need to cut contact with her. Clearly you can't bring yourself to stop these feelings you have for her, and it's not fair to sit idly by and pretend like your intentions are strictly platonic when they aren't. Since you can't stop the feelings you have, you don't really have a choice but to cut contact. Otherwise nothing will ever change and you will lose your chance at meeting someone else, who is available for a relationship with you. Get yourself together. Move on, move forward, and give yourself the opportunity to meet new people so you can get over it.

I used to be in the same boat as you bro, "loving" a girl for years without much talking and just these sweet little things that makes me think she's flirting or interested..

It feels good sometimes but very horrible most of the times and we never dated. Then when she suddenly married this guy after a few months they met at a club, I woke up from the insanity and DECIDED to learn all I can about dealing with women.

I never fell into this "trap" again.

I hope you don't end up like me waiting for "your" girl to get married before realizing this craziness. You have it in you to know and do better with women.

Good luck!

As many of us have said, the fact is she has a boyfriend. IF you can see being just friends with her, then go ahead and do that. However, I have to say that, from what you say, it doesn't sound like you can do that and still be fair to yourself. It sounds like you want more than a friendship with her. It sounds like, by remaining her friend, you are only making it harder on yourself to move on and find somebody else. Honestly, you never know. Maybe her and her fella will eventually break up. IF that does happen, you could consider asking her out then if you happen to also still be single.

HOWEVER, you shouldn't wait around, putting your own life in limbo, just hoping that will happen. Maybe it never will. Maybe they are madly in love and destined to get married. Then you'd be waiting around and depriving yourself of finding the real thing because you are waiting on something that will never happen. If you two should wind up together, let fate allow that to become possible.

For now, it sounds like you would be better off removing her from your life. Again, you don't have to be mean or rude to her. She didn't do anything wrong. But, it likely is not good for you to remain her friend, because that is only keeping you stuck wanting more.

Good luck to you. I know how you are feeling right now. Believe me, in time it will pass. In time you will find somebody who will make you very happy. Maybe fate will decide that actually will be her, but if not, it will be somebody who will make you realize a million times over why you should have never waited for something that seemed unlikely.