Ex gf with depression

Hello, first time posting but I have been trolling for two weeks now. My problem is that my girlfriend and I broke up about 3 weeks ago because as she said for the last month before our break she lost all feelings with life. She even said when she is with her kids she feels nothing, so of course that means no feelings towards me either. So I suggested we take a break and she would get some help through a therapist and get on medication such as Zoloft for her depression. The good news is that she wanted to meet me for lunch this past Friday, and that was the first time I have seen her since the break and everything seems to be going good for her. Of course I had to ask her how much more time does she need from me and she said maybe another month, so I agree. She just wanted to be sure the medication is really helping and to be sure the feelings for me again is real. I also asked her if she wanted me to wait for her and she said it was up to me, which I said I will.

Now the question for you guys, anyone have been or knows someone who went through this and did the two of you get back together? Is depression just a sickness that has nothing to do with what the heart feels, and that she just lost feelings for me? I ttold her if we get back together I don't want to go through this again, what is the success rate of Zoloft in that she will not have another episode with this?

Basically I leave it up to her to decide our future, unlike most people here that their bf or gf broke up with them, I can deal with it. i see it as if you don't want to be with me, then have a nice life. But our breakup isn't like normal breaks where she knows she doesn't want to be with me, it could be her sickness that is making that decsion, so if anyone has any feedback i am more than happy to hear it.

Btw, when we left after our lunch on Friday, she called me 15 minuted later and said that she still wanted to talk with me and after I left she started missing me like she used to, so I hope that is a good sign. :)

I think all you can do is wait and see... I think it's nice of you though to be there for her like this while she's going through something like that.

The only thing that is a concern in my eyes is that you said you never want to go through a situation like this with her again. There is someone very close to me who suffers from extreme depression, and when he is on medication he's fine. But then he goes off the medication and basically turns into the most miserable, horrible person I've ever seen. And apparently, going off the medication because you feel "you don't need it anymore" is common in people who suffer from depression. But hopefully everything will work out great for you and her. :)

Thanks for all the responses. Yeah i don't think i can go through 4 breakups in a month. I rather we not be together until she is absolutley sure we are going to stay together. Well the good news is she wants to come over and talk to me about STUFF and spend time with me. So I hope it is going to be a good talk.

Good luck man, let us know how it goes.

Hi all, well she just left ad it went great. We cuddled and did stuff :) She told me the reason she wanted to see me because when she woke up this morning I was on her mind and she missed me. I gotta tell you, that was the best thing I have heard her say in a long time.

Good stuff man, I know the feeling.

Don't take a second of it for granted.

If i was you i would get out of the relationship,it totally messe's with your head because i bet all you think about is her you spend all your time thinking how can i make this relationship work if she is depressed it slowly takes over your life and in the end she will finish you because of her depression again.

Trust me on this get out of the relationship if you love her then i know its hard but its the only way just be mates with her but a relationship is very hard with someone who is depressed and it takes over your life.

Just my advice but be carefull you may love her and stuff but don't let it take over your life trying to make her happy because sadly as i found out you never will.

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Originally Posted by pepsi55

If i was you i would get out of the relationship,it totally messe's with your head because i bet all you think about is her you spend all your time thinking how can i make this relationship work if she is depressed it slowly takes over your life and in the end she will finish you because of her depression again.

Trust me on this get out of the relationship if you love her then i know its hard but its the only way just be mates with her but a relationship is very hard with someone who is depressed and it takes over your life.

Just my advice but be carefull you may love her and stuff but don't let it take over your life trying to make her happy because sadly as i found out you never will.

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I'd agree with pepsi on this one. I started to see how different I am now from I first dated my ex. She too had depression and she took me in for a rollercoaster ride. In the end she left me anyway.

I have depression, but I don't allow it to control my life. Besides with medication she should be ok. I know it can be tough being with someone who is depressed, but if she is willing to get professional help for it, you should be ok.

Thanks for all the comments. I understand how some of you say to leave her because this could be a demon that comes back again and again, but I am the kind of person that sticks it out till the end, until there is no more chance. If she would have said that we should end it because she doesn't know if she ever would be ok again, then yes I would have to grant her wish, but she still tells me she loves me and I love her, so as long as she is seeing a therapist and taking medication then I will hang on. Besides ever since Monday, she has been really missing me and tells me that she is doing better and better everyday. I will not abandon her right now, because I hope she knows that I will always be there for her through good or bad. I will update more as things progress. Thanks all for the responses so far again.

Best medication = being around Tony!

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Originally Posted by sifu74

Thanks for all the comments. I understand how some of you say to leave her because this could be a demon that comes back again and again, but I am the kind of person that sticks it out till the end, until there is no more chance. If she would have said that we should end it because she doesn't know if she ever would be ok again, then yes I would have to grant her wish, but she still tells me she loves me and I love her, so as long as she is seeing a therapist and taking medication then I will hang on. Besides ever since Monday, she has been really missing me and tells me that she is doing better and better everyday. I will not abandon her right now, because I hope she knows that I will always be there for her through good or bad. I will update more as things progress. Thanks all for the responses so far again.

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You're a good man. Best of luck.

Hi Sifu74,

I have deperession before but that happened when I felt my relationship is not working out as good as it is. You are a nice guy indeed. My ex just dumped me when I confronted him about my depression. He asked me not to go for doctor or medication. He never suggested any cure for me and instead he just dumped me. I guess the culture in my country is different. People think of depression as crazy here. I forgaved his shallow mind. But its hard for me to bear the break.

Believe me when I say that it was hard accepting the break, but when she said she wants to seek help to get her feelings back, I knew there would be a 50/50 chance that we could get through this, I just needed to give her time. Any medical conditon is treatable thats why I hung on. But if it was a regular breakup where she said she didn't want to be with me, I would be out the door and started by grieveing process. It sucks that your ex didn't stick with you to help you get through this? Are you better now?

I think your a very good man SIFU, It's rare to find someone that will stick by someone when they are having a hard time and I think what your doing is a great! Good Luck to you!

alright, from what i have studies, yes, depression is a disease, HOWEVER, i feel that many people use this as an excuse because they don't really wanna cope with the real life problems. like how people say that have ADHD because they can't or don't want to concentrate in life.

i will tell you this though, i was with a girl who was depressed in life. she wasn't majorly depressed but she was my gf. i gave her everything that she wanted and when the magic ended, i was her ultimate fear. yes, i was the *sshole in which she was worrying that i wouldn't become. i treated her very very badly and she probably hated me for it, yet she still wanted to be with me? weird huh? well now that time has passed and our relationship ended a long time ago, i think that she is much much stronger. it probably helped her become a stronger person in that her next bf treated her even worse that i did. however, she did learn to stand up for herself and i am happy that she finally did. it will differ from person to person but to each their own.

raverboy

So she went from you treating her like crap to another abusive relationship where the guy was even worse. You said she stood up for herself, did she leave the relationship or just tell him to stop being mean?

Well guys, a little update. Me and the ex are finally back together. After some successful sessions with her therapist, he made her realized what she had with me was not worth giving up. I guess she needed a third party person that was not a friend of either of us to look into the relationship. Also her depression has improved, she is the same as when we first met. Of course I asked her if this is what she really wants and the way she feels about me is genuine, all she said is that right now in time, she could not see herself without me in her life. So there is some good news in the dumping forum for ya'll.

I really commend you for sticking this one out, sifu74. You have just given her a huge dose of trust and security in your relationship together - and in you, specifically. Good for you!!

In my younger years I battled with depression on and off, and men are typically NOT supportive at all. And it may just be my area (the south) but men kinda flip when you are not cooking every night, keeping all the laundry up, doing all the shopping and basically "running the home". I've heard so many times in my life that even crying or having a bad day is "just PMS" or "you've got a problem!" (in a very derogatory tone).

It's nice to know there are men out there that give a damn about their woman, and that will be there for her to support and love her through *anything*. I'm happy for her... and I'm happy for ME just knowing there's guys like you out there LOL *grin*

Try not to nag or be nosey about it, but do see that she stays on track with her meds and therapy... and keep on being yourself. You're a good guy, and that alone should help her tremendously!

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Originally Posted by sifu74

Of course I asked her if this is what she really wants and the way she feels about me is genuine, all she said is that right now in time, she could not see herself without me in her life. So there is some good news in the dumping forum for ya'll.

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Find out from her what she was diagnosed with by her therapist, if she has a personality disorder you will be in for a long ride and will have to repeat this proccess in the future. You seem like a positive person and I think this will help you in your journey. However, I tend to take quotes such as "right now in time I am this way, but uncertain for the future" as warning signs that the person may have experienced these episodes on a few occasions and more are still to come.

no, she doesn't have a personality disorder. she told me it is one of those times in life when everything comes crashing down on someone, and she thought i might not be there to support her. her previous relationship was crap, because he basically made her feel inferior when she was the one paying all the bills and making money. but that was over 2 years ago, and she thought every guy ould be like that till she met me. i swear there are alot of shitbags out there that treats a girl bad and makes the rest of us decent guys work that much harder to reconvince them to give us a chance. anyways, everything is fine now...i hope.