Hurt and confused

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20-04-15, 01:13 AM
Kpth

Hurt and confused

I met a guy through fb. He has quite a number of mutual frds. So I accepted his friend request. He has always been asking me to see outside but i was always making excuses as I just recovered from a year heartbreak and being careful. Last month he was in a situation to come to my work. He asked me to see during my lunch break which I agreed. The lunch feels a bit awkward for me as I have never dated a stranger before but we managed to chat about likes and hobbies. He texted me minutes after it that it was nice seeing me and i replied.
He didn't texted me for days and so I thought he wasn't interested in me. But after 3 days he send me fb message if we can meet again. I was a bit busy at that time and told him I will get back to him but I wasn't able to. after a week he ask me when I finished my work and he is coming to place near it and if I am interested in joining him. But I had to go back home early that day because and so I had to declined again. I apologized him a lot which he says its ok.We always chatted after that and even joke. But lately he stopped texting me and I was the first to initiate the conversation.
What did I do wrong? Did I give him the impression that I don't like him? Or do I seem too busy that I lost interest in me?
I can't stop thinking about him. What can I do?
20-04-15, 01:26 AM
eve.ashley

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kpth [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I met a guy through fb. He has quite a number of mutual frds. So I accepted his friend request. He has always been asking me to see outside but i was always making excuses as I just recovered from a year heartbreak and being careful. Last month he was in a situation to come to my work. He asked me to see during my lunch break which I agreed. The lunch feels a bit awkward for me as I have never dated a stranger before but we managed to chat about likes and hobbies. He texted me minutes after it that it was nice seeing me and i replied.
He didn't texted me for days and so I thought he wasn't interested in me. But after 3 days he send me fb message if we can meet again. I was a bit busy at that time and told him I will get back to him but I wasn't able to. after a week he ask me when I finished my work and he is coming to place near it and if I am interested in joining him. But I had to go back home early that day because and so I had to declined again. I apologized him a lot which he says its ok.We always chatted after that and even joke. But lately he stopped texting me and I was the first to initiate the conversation.
What did I do wrong? Did I give him the impression that I don't like him? Or do I seem too busy that I lost interest in me?
I can't stop thinking about him. What can I do?

yes, he probably thinks you are not that into him. you need to take the initiative now and ask him out...telling him, i can't stop thinking about you, sounds a good way to start.
20-04-15, 01:26 AM
basilandthyme

You totally gave him the impression you aren't into him. Nobody is so busy that they can't find time to respond to a text message. He has backed off because of this.

General rule of thumb if you're interested is to say "I can't make the date you suggested, but I'm free on X and Y. How does that work for you?" From what you write, all you offered were apologies and excuses but you didn't make suggestions for a future date.

If you want to date him, you must now take the lead and prove that you are interested. If something comes up which prevents you going on another date with him, then just give up. We all know that if someone wants to date us, they will make time.
20-04-15, 02:02 AM
Kpth

Thanks basil for your suggestion. It is relieving that he had not lost interest in me. I don't know why he thinks I'm not interested though I keep on messaging him but I will take my courage to say like 'about seeing again which time will it ok for you on ..... day' Fingers crossed it will work.

- - - Updated - - -

Quote:

Originally Posted by eve.ashley [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

yes, he probably thinks you are not that into him. you need to take the initiative now and ask him out...telling him, i can't stop thinking about you, sounds a good way to start.

thanks for your suggestion. I think I will make an initiation. I don't think I will tell him I miss him though cos it will be embarrassing if he doesn't. :)
20-04-15, 08:07 AM
Wakeup

What did you do wrong? You blew him off twice without making an alternative time that would be more convenient to you.

If you're interested in going out with him again then YOU ask HIM out on a date this time. Do NOT say "I can't stop thinking about you." You put yourself in a vulnerable position far too soon by doing that and you take away any intrigue. The very act of you asking him out is enough for him to know that at least you are interested. Prior to that you gave the distinct impression that you were not.
20-04-15, 01:57 PM
basilandthyme

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kpth [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

It is relieving that he had not lost interest in me. I don't know why he thinks I'm not interested though I keep on messaging him but I will take my courage to say like 'about seeing again which time will it ok for you on ..... day' Fingers crossed it will work.

Hang on - I didn't say that he is still interested. The fact that you blew him off, didn't offer alternative dates and were too busy to return his messages could well have caused him to lose interest in you. He may have decided that chasing you is a waste of time and has moved on.

You may well have ruined this beyond redemption. But the only way to find out is to ask him out.