Did he use me?

Hello guys,

Being a typical girl, I overanalyze everything, lol.. It's not a trait of mine that I love, but I tend to do it a lot :P

I recently met up with a guy that I used to go to school with at a lounge. We hit it off right away, dancing, flirting, kissing, touching all night. I ended up leaving with a few girlfriends because we were all pretty drunk, without saying goodbye, so I messaged him in the morning. I apologized because I felt a little embarrassed because I knew we were all over eachother, lol. We exchanged numbers and he texted me almost everyday; in the morning, throughout the day, even to say goodnight to eachother. I've actually never texted with a guy this much before just getting to know each other... It was a good feeling that he wanted to know so much about me, and vice versa...

So fast forward to the weekend after we meet at the lounge and we arrange to meet up at a bar again. Chemistry was strong once again (but we were drunk, again..) and with a few of his friends. We ended up spending the night at his friends and just cuddling on the couch. He told me he had a lot of fun with me, and wanted to hang out all weekend so I basically spent the whole weekend with him at his place, which is like an hour out of the city. We were all shitfaced all weekend with his friends, but I know we all had a really good time, even though I can't remember most of the night haha. We ended up having sex apparently because he brought me to his place that Saturday night. Thing is, I don't remember having sex with him, at all.. I know I wasn't drugged or anything.. I just didn't drink responsibly, which I know was irresponsible :( We cuddled a bit in the morning and he drove me home, but he seemed a bit off on the ride back (like his head was somewhere else). I was expecting him to text me that day but he didn't till almost midnight asking how I was feeling, but it was a very short conversation. Last thing I said to him was how I didn't remember anything still and that I felt stupid and he made a remark about the sex but that was the last thing he said to me.. Even after I asked him how his night went, he didn't reply. I don't know if I'm overreacting.. I know he has a life and isn't going to devote it to texting me 24/7 but it just felt like he ignored my text all day because he was on Facebook, so he must've seen them :S

Does it sound like he used me for sex, like that was all he wanted, got it, and he's done talking to me via text? Another stupid thing that I did when drunk was tease him about how much he texted me lol, I wasnt being mean (I don't remember exactly what or how I said it) but I feel that could've hurt his feelings too and that's why he's pulling back from texting me now.. What does it sound like to you guys? & sorry for such a storybook :P I appreciate your thoughts!

Thanks :)

Yeah you'll find this situation to be very very common. He was excited by you and chasing you. Then when u got wasted again and slept with him right away... The chase is over..
i know your just having fun.. But he probably isn't taking u too seriously as girlfriend potential because u get wasted a lot and have sex easily.. It's very weird u have no memory whatsoever...

Thanks for the advice purple_roses! I forgot to add in there that this guy and I have both just got out of pretty long-term relationships. The whole situation sucks between us because we really did have a lot in common :( He even said so himself.. I just don't understand why he would even waste his time texting me if the chase is over? Him texting me that following evening shouldve been completely unnecessary right? Or am I just holding onto false hope in hopes he likes me? I actually have been drinking quite a bit lately too but that's only because I'm so stressed in life, and I know he loves to drink as well, so I didn't see it as a turnoff or anything when we did it together all weekend (if that makes any sense). :P I usually don't give it up right away like that either.. I feel so dirty and its really effecting me :( Especially because I don't remember any of it. I think he at least owes me some answers beside the jokingly 2 second conversation we had about leg shaking, lol.. Like I seriously need to know if we used a condom or not, etc. But I don't know how to approach him now and initiate that conversation in fear of coming off as a crazy, obsessive chick :( Any help with that? What should I do?

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Oh and to answer your question about blacking out, I've been smoking weed while drinking lately and its that combo guaranteed, so I won't be doing that anymore. I forgot to add one more thing about the weekend.. He mentioned to me the next day that I made out with his buddy for literally 5 seconds and that I was just being a big flirty tease about it. I remember at the time I thought I would've made him a little jealous, but that obviously backfired severely in my face lol. I guess I'm just asking myself the question over and over again: was it because of my actions that he's not texting me, or solely his choice?

What have you learned from this debacle?

I'll help you:

1. Stop getting drunk and then going to peoples homes that you don't even really know. For all you know, by now after all this time not knowing him, he could be a rapist or murderer.

2. Stop putting yourself in precarious positions where you are unable to make solid judgements about your own best interests.

3. You're on your way to having a drinking problem so limit your intake to two drinks maximum so that you're in control of your thoughts and actions at ALL times. If you can't do that, then consider stopping altogether because you're nurturing an addiction.

4. If you don't want to be a booty call then quit the actions that show a man that you want to be just booty.

5. You've set yourself up to be a booty call with this guy. Because you're incapable of just having sex for the fun of it without creating expectations that the guy will want more, I suggest you stop having uncommitted sex and keep your wits about you.

He may call/text you again but if its not to take you out on a solid one-on-one date outside of the venue he knows you always get drunk at and leave to go have sex then he's just wanting you for sex and nothing more. If he texts you to hang, suggest you go to the show or out to dinner and expect to pay because you're doing the inviting. If you just go back to his place then he'll consider you someone to fvck and not much more.

Thanks Wakeup, you're 150% right. I put myself in a dumbazz situation that couldve gone from bad to worse in 0.5 seconds. He actually texted me this morning shortly after I posted this.. He hasn't asked to hang out or anything, just random conversation about how our days were going.. So I don't know how to decipher what his actual intentions are. Its so confusing, but thanks for your help again guys!

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Being a typical girl, I overanalyze everything, lol..

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Actually, scientists think this is a function of brain wiring. Theory: Women have many more neural connections between cells, this allows them to manage many items on a list, multitask better, and think of many things at once. While men are better at focusing on one item at a time. If you ask a man to multi-task, don't be surprised if he fails. Example: if you talk to him while he's playing video games he may not remember what you said. You might be interested in these:

A tale of two brains, segment. Marc Gungor. [url=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3XjUFYxSxDk]A Tale of Two Brains - YouTube[/url] Hilarious! 13 minutes. **Watch this if nothing else.**
A tale of two brains, longer version. [url=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WY24RS7Qfa0]1 02 Tail of Two Brains 2 - YouTube[/url] Also hilarious and informative. 55 minutes.

Now to your question. I do know that MANY younger guys are terrible at follow up. Or he really might have used you. You really don't want to date a guy bad at follow up because that sends mixed messages.

So, call him and see if you can talk to him. Ask him if he's still interested in seeing you, without sex. I think you will get a better answer then.

Also, not all guys like to chase. Some really hate it. All guys are different, and never assume something about someone.

I think you should step back a little. Let him do the work if hes interested. Dont get all stroppy and emotional. He didnt use you. You were both wasted and both behaved irresponsibly. It was stupid to go to his house. If your looking for a relationship then you need to take it slow. Otherwise this happens-its awkward, weird and confusion and its both your fault

Hi not sure if its ok for a female to answer on this board but heck I think I know more about how the male mind works ;-) OK so I will tell you what I am reading. You are out of a long term relationship and you are trying hard to get back into circulation, so much so, you add dutch courage in the form of drugs or drink! Not unusual but not entirely sensible either. As you have found out, you wake up and think FFS what have I done now! Similarly this guy you say is just out of a long term relationship - same problem, clutching at anything that makes him feel better even if its just for a nano second! Most guys contrary to what they portray don't want to form long term relationships with anyone who is A)messed up or B) drunk constantly (even if they have fun at the time).
My advice is to stop worrying if HE used YOU, you both used each other to make yourselves feel better albeit temporarily. You will end up dreading waking up, wondering what you have done this time! Try to take things a bit slower honey, you will get over your ex in time but grabbing random people in drunken stupors is not the answer. Trust me....I know!

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Sorry I said "most guys" re read that as "most people"!

Condom or no condom? Oops, you wouldn't know because you don't remember having sex with the guy. What have you learned so far?

BTW, get yourself checked for STD, just in case....

Err....First things first. HE NEVER USED YOU.

Both sides used each other for temporal succor. While, i admit that a large chunk of one night stands ends in utter disaster (during or afterwards), most guys after a ONS tend to emotionally disappear from the lady (to clear their heads).

Just calm down. Don't smother him. Infact, only respond when he contacts you. And if he wants a meet, ensure it is in a responsible atmosphere (restaurant or something related where you guys can think with clear heads).

Unfortunately, while guys fantasize about having "wild sex" with random girls, they tend to want stable relationships with stable women (and i'm not sure about your flirty display, and affinity for drugs and alcohol). He may be weighing all these with the possibility of starting something worthwhile.

As i said earlier, just prepare yourself to move on. This is one of those ones we tend to chuck in the LOSS column.