I fell for someone who's already taken.
Ok. I know the title is a little cliche but let's admit it- we've all been there or will probably be at least once in our lives. Falling for someone who's already in a relationship sucks and can sometimes be harder to move on from than a breakup from an actual relationship.
My situation is a little bit more complicated than that and now I find myself keeping my above water just an inch bit because this whole thing is really too overwhelming for me. Here's the story:
I met him at work, we belong to the same team. It was a harmless crush, like seriously am I the only one who has a gazillion of crushes (?), and basically he's just one of them. I like him because he's smart, tall and attractive. I also like the way he carries himself- confident but not cocky, and I do adore his work ethics and wit. I love how we connected intellectually.
I knew he has a girlfriend, which by the way, was the reason why I was so confident I will never fall for him. I respected his being in a relationship. There was even a time in the beginning of our friendship when he asked me to proofread a letter he was gonna give his girlfriend. And that's probably when I admired him even more. He was so sweet and he had the perfect grammar (me, being a grammar nazi).
So yes, we were friends. We occassionally hung out with other teammates. It started out as harmless texting. We talked about random stuff - life goals, regrets, the cosmos (oh yes, we did), and everytime we texted, I felt really happy in my own skin. I loved how there was no pretense. It went on for weeks. Until he said he wanted to hold my hand and hug me. That's when I realized things had escalated between us without me noticing. I knew it was a mistake and I felt guilty, but the attraction was so strong. I convinced myself that I was single and if all this was to be taken against us one day, I could just simply shrug it off with the excuse that I AM single and can do whatever I want. He was the one compromising his relationship.
We gave in. We held hands, hugged, kissed-even. The butterflies were everywhere. We were both in cloud nine everytime we were together. I can never imagine myself going to work so motivated and full of energy, but he makes it happen so effortlessly. And this has been going on for months now. We are easily into each other but, at the same time, carrying the guilt of the whole situation.
Not once did we talk about him being in a relationship. We both know this has to stop but neither of us is ready to end whatever this is.
Have you heard of the song "Rewrite the Stars"? He said that's our song. Damn straight, it is.
So...I don't know. I'm trying my best to keep a safe distance from him now. It's been a week since we haven't texted. I'm not sure what to do. The thing is, we still interact at work like we're friends, maybe just a tad awkward, but friends still.
Please. PLEASE. Give me advice before judging me.
M.
