Both Men and Ladies.... I need your advice! (The ex and I are meeting up this week)

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28-07-10, 08:54 AM
Chris_

Both Men and Ladies.... I need your advice! (The ex and I are meeting up this week)

I broke up with my ex-gf 5 weeks ago. Her and I didn't see eye-to-eye on a lot of things and she was emotionally unavilable the vast majority of the time. The breakup wasn't on the best of terms, but I made it clear to her that I thought she was a good person at the core, but that we didn't gel that well as a couple. She took it hard, yet has texted me once a week ever since. She asked to go out for coffee/dinner three times, yet cancelled all three times.... which I viewed as her trying to get back at me somehow.

There was a social gathering of about 200 people this past weekend. She hates these sort of events and wasn't friends with most of the people there. In fact, she stated once while we were going out that, 'You couldn't pay me to go to one of those things.... I avoid them at all costs'. Yet, there she was, showing up unannounced. We made eye contact once when I went to approach her, but she turned her head as if she didn't want anything to do with me. Fair enough. Moving along.....

Throughout the night, I noticed that she would look over to see if I was looking. She went as far as standing 2 ft right behind me without saying a word. I was under the impression that she was there to try and start something.... some sort of pay back. I didn't play into it whatsoever and didn't look or talk to her. She left at about 12:30 that night and texted me immediately after and said, 'Just wanted to say hey! Sorry we didn't get a chance to talk (She was there for 2.5 hrs). Hope you're having a good time!'. I told her that I went to approach her, but that she didn't seem interested in talking when we made eye contact. She denied ever making contact with me and said that she had tried to make eye contact with me the entire time. The whole thing seems childish.... I know. But please keep in mind that I had gone there not expecting to see her there and that I just wanted to keep things civil and kosher.

She then suggested that we do up coffee later this week. I was cautious to agree, but did so anyway. I am under the full impression that she will make the coffee meet-up quite short (which I'm fine with).

Here's my problem: I don't know what to expect. I have the feeling that she is going to show up and brag/boast about her new life without me, her happiness and her future plans. I just want to be on good terms with the girl, so this is her one and only shot. If she DOES act like this, how would you suggest I deal with rants like this? Basically, I'm looking for everyones take on what her motives might be, what to expect and how it would be best to react to such comments. Many thanks in advance!
28-07-10, 08:58 AM
Mish

It sounds like the break up was too abrupt for her and she is trying to find a way of moving on slowly. You're saying that you want to be on good terms with this girl, but it doesn't mean you have to meet up with her, you can be on good terms from a distance.
28-07-10, 09:14 AM
RdHrshyKss

but since he's already committed to meeting up with her, it will be more detrimental if he cancels. i say meet up with her and just let her know what you said here. that you want things to be civil between you guys. if she starts playing games, just let her know that you feel as if she is trying to stir trouble and you just want some closure, so you can both move on in the healthiest way possible. if she continues to play games, then tell her you need to leave and that you wish her all the best, and no regrets. at that point i'd just cut contact with her. if she texts, keep message short, sweet and indifferent. be firm with how you want things to go from there and stick to it.
28-07-10, 09:49 AM
omgamandaa

Let her know where you stand and want the relationship to go. Also, if she starts to make you feel bad because she's talking about how happy she is and what not, just tell her that you're happy for her and act like you don't care.
28-07-10, 10:04 AM
Chris_

I appreiciate everyones take on things thus far. My main curiousity what her reasoning might have been behind showing up at the function this past weekend. The whole thing reaks of ulterior motives. :/
28-07-10, 10:08 AM
amoamo1980

She could have been trying to make contact. Just because she hasnt been giving out good signs she might be too scared to do it... Worried it will hurt too much to try and talk to you. She could be trying inside.

Anyway, like the others said, go and talk and see how it goes. If she is unreasonable then you have the options of pointing out what she is doing in case it is subconscious, retaliating or leaving. After that it is your choice i guess. Nobody should tell you who should or shouldnt be in your life... Especially over the internet! After meeting with her everything might be cleaner!
30-07-10, 05:59 AM
Chris_

I would like to be able to think that all she wants to do is make civil contact, but recent history would suggest otherwise. I'm just looking to walk out of the meet up with a smile on my face and being able to deflect any ill will that may be directed my way.
30-07-10, 06:46 AM
IndiReloaded

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chris_ [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Here's my problem: I don't know what to expect. I have the feeling that she is going to show up and brag/boast about her new life without me, her happiness and her future plans. I just want to be on good terms with the girl, so this is her one and only shot. If she DOES act like this, how would you suggest I deal with rants like this? Basically, I'm looking for everyones take on what her motives might be, what to expect and how it would be best to react to such comments. Many thanks in advance!

So? Let her brag about it. Tell her 'hey, that's really great, I'm happy for you'. After all, you said you broke off with her, right. Do you understand the concept of allowing someone to 'save face'? That's what classy people do, especially if they have dumped someone.
30-07-10, 06:47 AM
IndiReloaded

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chris_ [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

I would like to be able to think that all she wants to do is make civil contact, but recent history would suggest otherwise. I'm just looking to walk out of the meet up with a smile on my face and being able to deflect any ill will that may be directed my way.

You sound kind of self-absorbed. Did she do something awful to you that caused the break-up? Like cheat on you? If not, then just suck it up a bit as I said. If yes, I don't understand why you'd want to be friends with someone like this in any case.
30-07-10, 07:03 AM
xxazurexx

You sound as though you are the 'dumped' in this situation and she was the 'dumper'...

Sounds as though you are also expecting her to run up your arse and talk to you, despite your having dumped her. And then you ask how you should react and if she mentions she is moving on...WTF???

Or did you dump her and wanting her to crawl back. That would explain why you want her to make all the moves and why you wouldn't particularly want to hear that she was moving on.
30-07-10, 08:32 AM
Fene

Not sure who broke up with who here but as for the meet up.. If she tries boasting to you about any guys she's seeing etc.. just say that you're very happy for her and wish her the best. She will be saying these things to get a reaction out of you and that's why being happy for her is the best thing you can do as you're not rising to the bait. Hopefully she won't try these silly games and as for the meet up just keep it short and trying to have a laugh then go your seperate ways.