If a guy doesn't want to argue, does it mean he doesn't care?

Hey There,

Just looking for a little insight.

I've been dating this guy for a little over 5 months. It seemed to me that we were steadily getting very close. We had talked about traveling and he wanted me to meet his family.

But one day last week, we had a conversation on the phone and I got irritated that he seemed uncaring about some issues I was dealing with. Nothing terribly major, all work related, but he was definitely making it clear that he wasn't interested in hearing about my woes. He just ended our convo by saying "Gotta get going, baby. Text me whenever you want to get together". I said "Ok, bye". But, after I hung up I felt so angry.

I guess you could say I wigged out and texted him with a snippy note saying I didn't want to talk to him if he didn't want to talk to me. (In the back of my head, I knew this was a stupid thing to do).

He just wrote me back saying "Fine". And that was it. I thought maybe I'd at least get a "WTF?!"

Later, I cooled down and called AND emailed with an apology, wanting to try and work this out, but he never replied.

I haven't heard from him in almost a week. I don't know if it's me or what. But, in previous relationships, it seemed like a pretty good effort was made by both sides to work something out no matter who was at fault.

My first guess is he doesn't really care about me and this was an easy way out. But, part of me hopes he's a guy who just doesn't know how to argue and maybe he will feel comfortable talking to me when he's ready.

This was the first time he pissed me off. I cooled off and now I miss him!

Do I try and reach out to him again or do I let go and wait to see if he contacts me?

Thanks, guys.

A week of radio silence? I think it might be over. I'd look for a new guy.

Looks like your plan to try and make him feel guilty and get a reaction backfired, now he's gone. Like you said, it's possible he ws looking for a way out anyway.

I can understand why you got pissed though and because when we are telling our woes, we at least like a listening and sympathetic ear and IMO a guy who cared, would give us that and not the response 'Gotta get going baby'. He showed a complete lack of caring...

Who needs a guy like this? One who doesn't want to hear your troubles and one who will run at the sign of trouble.

Maybe he just wanted to let the situation cool off a little so any further.

FWIW, many guys I know DESPISE conflict in relationships.

I dunno, but would you really want to continue a relationship with someone that wasn't willing to support you when you needed it??? And then when you were clearly upset, he completely ignored you. I think that's pretty mean actually. Find someone that isn't so self-absorbed.

After 5 months of sticking around, I would think he'd be able to at least lend you an ear to vent to when you needed one. Not like the problems were about your relationship either. You just needed to vent about work.

I think he was looking for an easy way out. I mean, you did say, "I don't want to talk to you if you don't want to talk to me". Sounds like he doesn't want to talk to you :( That sucks, but you'll get over him.

listening to your girlfriend vent about work is, for me, THE WORST boyfriend duty of them all.

My female housemate was venting about work only a little while ago. She recounted some long-winded he said/she said story which I didn't really follow mostly because I had absolutely no interest. I felt like interrupting her and saying, "this really isn't my job you know."

But listening to your girlfriend vent about work and recount long pointless stories is part and parcel of being a boyfriend. It comes with the territory. I think his behaviour shows he wan't really ready to be a boyfriend.

It sounds like he is gone, but I have to ask: how much complaining about work related issues do you engage in, anyway? I'm a girl, and even *I* hate that. My sister does it to me all the time, and it makes me want to jab a fork in her eye. You should really save that for people who can actually relate.

Thanks everyone.
With regards to my complaining about work, I guess it does come up a bit BUT we actually met AT work and experienced the same issues. Many of the things I discuss with him entail me searching for solutions to problems that he has also dealt with. So, I think, in this case it's understandable. However, we have, at one point, discussed how annoying it is to bring up work issues and as of last week I hadn't really had any work related issues in a long time. Also, keep in mind, what I was dealing with at the time he blew me off was an impending court date that would make or break my job. So, the more I think about it, the more I feel he was a real ass to me. And, I'm mad that I didn't see it coming. :-(

He sounds like a fair weather friend i.e someone that only sticks around when everything is going well. A hint of complaining or anything bad and they're off! Sounds like he did you a favour. Now you know what to avoid in a man!