A lve story, a life story, MY story PART 2

(cont from part 1)
At around the same time all of this happened, Jack got his first girlfriend that lasted only a week, but it showed he was growing up. Also, I began emailing my father. I asked him questions, I tried to get to know him, and he responded. He even gave me his phone number and told me he'd love to see me! I was elated, but it didn't last long. His responses got weirder and weirder. My mom said it was the alcohol.

I began seeing a counselor, but I had to stop because it was $100 per session. She helped me, but she didn't help enough. I called my father behind my mom's back, and he gave some good advice but repeatedly called me "Cynthia". Nevertheless, I continued to pursue the relationship, no matter how much he hurt me each time.

One day that same year, my mom sat me down and told me I'd be going to private school for high school. She wanted a better education for me because she didn't think I was being challenged enough at school. Like I said before, I have always been a gifted student.

I was so sad and shocked by this new information. I couldn't imagine starting high school, of all years, without all the familiar faces I grew up with, specifically Jack, Joseph, and my friend Maggie. Jack was shocked, too. I remember him continuously asking me, "So you're really leaving?" like he couldn't believe it.

On the last day of school, we walked down to the ice cream place and grabbed a bite to eat. I went with Jack and five other friends, who were all people I grew up with. When I left after eating, Jack hugged me for the first time. Believe it or not, after all the years we had known each other, he never hugged me. Jack wasn't much of a physical guy, so this was a big sign to me that he'd really miss me. Earlier that day, Joseph had given me a super long hug too, like he didn't want to let me go.

These hugs made me more sad. I cried on the ride home, and my mom looked at me with a sad face, but I trusted she knew what was best for me.

I attended private school volleyball camp that summer. It was an all girls school, which I was ify about, but I was automatically welcomed the second I walked into the gym. Everyone was so nice and welcoming, which was a completely different environment compared to coed public school. No one cared what they looked like, there wasn't any competition, and surprisingly, there wasn't any drama.

That summer I cried all the time. But to my surprise, I always thought of Joseph when I cried, never Jack. I thought about the day I spent with Joseph at the fair, the times he made me laugh, and when we went skating for my 14th birthday. I listened to "I never told you" by Colbie Callait because music helps me cry, and that song reminds me of him to this day. I never really told Joseph I liked him or how much he made me happy. I just told him "10th grade", meaning in 10th grade..we'd date. That's next year by the way..

The last 2 months of summer, I worked as a camp counselor at an athletic club, which was the same athletic club Jack went to. I was always hoping to see him, but I never did..until one day. I was preparing the kids' snacks, and when I looked up from the water fountain, Jack was walking out of the locker room.

It was an awkward run-in, but when he walked away I was thinking, "No wait, come back! I miss you more than you'll ever know!"

But, I wanted to play it cool. After chasing after him for so long, I decided to let him chase me (my mom's advice).

I went home sad again, but this time, I played "I never told you" and I thought of Jack. I realized that I never mourned over Jack because apart of me knew that Jack would always be there in my life. Joseph never went to the athletic club or any other place I normally went to, so I knew there was a slimmer chance of me running into him. But Jack? He had always been there for me, so I thought that wouldn't change. But then I realized that I needed to face my feelings toward Jack. I was angry we were still "just friends" after loving him for so long, I had always loved him, and I always would.

I remember telling Jack that in seventh grade, but I don't think he took me seriously.

School started in August, and I sincerely liked it and made friends easily. On the second day of school, I called Jack and asked him about how school, his summer, and everything overall was going. I hadn't talked to him since the run-in in the beginning of the summer of 2011. I missed him and wanted to hear his voice.

To my surprise, he told me he met someone at the beach that summer and he kissed her. That meant that this Florida girl was his first kiss since ours in second grade! I was generally happy for him! I had kissed other people since him, so why couldn't he?

After that conversation, we lost touch again. Then, in December of that year, he texted me. He told me that he missed me and wanted to hangout soon.

We planned to meet up at the athletic club, and then I'd walk to his house, which was across the street. His house? What? Jack wanted me to come over? He'd never invited me to do stuff before.. I immediately asked him why and he started saying stuff like "you're attractive, and we both knew this had to happen eventually" and "we at least have to kiss before college". He was hitting on me.. Jack never hitted on me. I was kind of shocked, but I welcomed it. I had always wanted this to happen, so I agreed.

On February 11, 2011, I walked to his house. We talked for a great 3 hours about everything. We listened to his favorite music, we shared stories about school, he laughed at my jokes and mine at his, everything. It was like we were never apart. That comfortable feeling never went away; the was no awkwardness whatsoever.

When his dad came home, I sneaked out his back door and walked back to the gym. Two hours later, I suggested he sneaked me back in. He did. We had to be more quiet, so we settled in his bed, just laying down talking. He kept saying "I've known you for so long" and "is this really happening?" Before, when we were texting, we agreed to try being "friends with benefits". I agreed, but I told him that I still cared about him. He responded by saying, "okay well we can go from there someday". I took this as a positive thing.

Two minutes before I had to leave, after telling him "the guy makes the first move" over and over, he finally kissed me. There were sparks and passion. It was exactly what I wanted and had been waiting for all these years. It was perfect and indescribable.

The next day, I had a crazy idea to sneak out to his house. "Are you nuts?" he asked. But after convincing him, he finally agreed. I walked over at 11, and he snuck me in through his garage door. We went up to his room immediately to his bed. It was a cold night, but his room was warm because of the heater. I felt so comfortable in his bed. I wasn't scared. I felt like I was exactly where I needed to be.

And just like the day before, we talked for three hours, but this time, we talked about deeper stuff. I told him how things were progressing with my father and how I got adopted. Also, Ryan and my mom had a baby. He asked me questions and genuinely listened to me while I talked. It was so great to be able to talk to a male figure I could trust about all the confusions, anger, and sadness in my life. I loved how he made me feel. And after that, his mystery started to unravel. He told me about his plans for college, his parents' divorce, and his hatred toward his step sister's abusive father. He had a lot of things going on in his life that I never knew about, even after knowing him for so long. He opened up to me, and I felt so special that he trusted me with his personal information.

Suddenly, at two o'clock, he said "Okay, I'm not waiting longer than two to kiss you". T was 1:59. Ten seconds later, we were kissing..passionately. All of the feelings we had felt for each other were let out in our kisses. He undid my bra clasp and touched me like no man had ever touched me. I let him close to me, moving his hands up and down my body, creating a sensational, passionate, and desiring feeling. I didn't want to stop, and neither did he. I kissed him hard and then slow. We changed positions, but each time he held me close. My hands were entwined in his hair and his in mine.

When it was 4:30, we had to pull apart. The next day, we both had school, so he walked me home and hugged me goodbye, but that hug was special. It was better than the first hug he gave me on the last day of eighth grade; this hug was tight. He wanted me, and I wanted him.

The next day I realized I left my iPod at his house.

The next week he would travel to Colorado, so I couldn't see him or get it back. I wanted so badly to listen to "I never told you" to cry of HAPPINESS this time. I was in love, and I didn't want to deny it.

Weeks passed, and I still didn't see him; he was sincerely busy for about a month to present. Today is March 22, 2011. The last day I sort of saw him was the day before he left for Colorado at a parade. He hadn't told me he'd be there because he was with Joseph and his other friends. We agreed no one would know about our "situation".

I said a brief hello to them and then continued on my way out of the parade chaos with my other friends. But as I walked, I began to cry.

Jack not wanting me in public hurt so much, and I guess it was the first time I was coming to terms with this harsh reality. I wanted all of him, and I wanted everyone to know..

That night we talked about it, and he apologized. He told me that he just didn't want anyone to know until/ if we decided to date and become official. I guess I understood this after everything that happened with Joseph..

The next few weeks just got worse. We sent a few texts here and there.. Him asking if I could go to the gym, and me asking if I could walk over. With my mom, the baby, and his busy schedule, it was so hard to make plans.

So finally after him telling me no about 3 weeks in a row, I told him that I wasn't going to ask anymore. I told him that he knew how I felt, and I trusted that after all these years and what happened that if he wanted to see me, he'd tell me. I asked him not to forget about our friendship either.

He didn't reply to that. There wasn't much to reply to. He was busy, and I was in pain.

I got my iPod back one night about two weeks ago. He was tired, it was a Sunday night, and I was determined to see him. Even though he told me he was going to bed and had left the iPod in his mailbox, I was stubborn enough to go just in case he MIGHT come outside. But, unfortunately, he didn't. I got the iPod, told him I was there, and never received a reply.

I walked away from his house as if I was walking away from him.. Sad, afraid, lost, confused, and angry, I began to cry but quickly stopped and called my friend Daly. I told her what happened, and she told me to rely on God for my faith.

At that moment, it hit me. I had begun to distance myself from everyone, including God. At that moment, I felt so lost.

Got home and played "I never told you", but for the first time, I couldn't cry listening to that song,

Was it over? It sure felt like it.

This week he's at his dad's, but I'm grounded from my phone so I can't receive his texts, I guess it's just not meant to be..

But at the same time, I feel like in a month he'll come back (as usual) the same 'ole Jack like nothing ever happened..

And of course, I'll take him back, for I love him, and I will never ever give up on him.