She has a boyfriend, but feelings for me too...
First off, I appreciate anyone who takes the time to read this very long story and gives their opinion: Thank you!
Here is the story: I'm a 18 years old- went to college this year, met an amazing, beautiful girl. We have amazing chemistry together and instantly became best friends. I recently ended a 2 year relationship (but thats another story), and she has been there for me (as a friend) the entire way. She has a boyfriend of 1 and half years and is 'head over heals' in love with him. Clearly we both had emotions for each other, since from what I know, best friends dont cuddle, nap in the same bed, hold hands, and spoon feed each other ice cream. We both sort of admitted this to each other 2 weeks before Xmas break, and told each other that we should back off. That lasted about 2 days, and we gradually became closer and closer. Then, four nights before xmas break, we sat on my bed listening to music, and somehow our conversation got to how much I like her and 'how great a guy i am' but also how it can't be because of her boyfriend. We were interrupted by our friends and the convo ended.
(As a side-note, her relationship with her boyfriend goes like this: she goes home to see him every weekend but she has an online AIM relationship with him while shes at school because 'they aren't phone people'. From the friend perspective, I think this guy is bringing her down, because he is a 20 years old, doesn't have a job, doesn't go to college, sits home all day at his parents, smoking and sleeping, depressed. This girl has SO much potential and can REALLY be something, but I feel like her relationship with him holds her back, considering she goes home every weekend and doesn't study or anything. From the friend-side of the story, this slightly angers me.)
Anyway, the next day, we were in her room, and I brought up the whole thing again, and told her, "I guess what sucks the most is knowing I'll never have a chance, never be able to kiss you, never be able to hold you and call you my own, and that really sucks." Then she looked at me with our foreheads against each other and said, "You are making this so hard because I want to kiss you." I told her to think about it. She went in to kiss me and I pulled away. I told her to think about what she was doing and that I didn't want her to regret anything. She said, "If I do it, I'll regret it and if I don't do it, I'll regret it." So from there she looked at me for a minute and then kissed me. And it was great, perfect, amazing. Afterwards she said she was pissed because she was hoping I would suck, and apparently I didn't :D . From there we left it as, "it's our little secret, no regrets."
That night, we slept in our friends dorm because our friend pushed her and her roommates beds together to make a giant bed (we're a really close group of friends). So it was two girls, plus me and my crush (yes, I was pimpin, except not :cool: ). In the middle of the night, I was just starring at my crush. She was starring at me. Then she started playing this game with my finger and her lips, and it lead to us hooking up (with two of our friends on the bed sleeping, scary and sick, I know). I was really good. So for our remaining 2 days at school, we were kissing and talking whenever everybody had their backs turned. The entire time she kept saying, "we cant do this, I cant do this, I cant leave him, this has to stop over break. We have to get over each other. And we'll come back and be best friends again." When I last kissed her before the break, I said "the next time we kiss, I hope we don't have to hide it." (I said ALL the possible right things to say, I wrote her a song a while back and played it for her,(I'm a music major) it was about a day in which we took the bus together in the rain, and we were freezing cold, and we held each others hands to keep each other warm, once again, our chemistry is amazing. If all this wasn't going to get her to give me a chance, then I'm not quite sure what would).
So break started, and she was all I can think about (and still is). Since break, we've talked on the phone for 1-3 hours a day, just about random shit, but remember, she is apparently not a phone person (right?). Last night, we talked again about our situation, and how it sucks, and how she doesn't like herself for the fact of what she did and the fact that she talks to me on the phone more than her boyfriend and likes talking to me. And how she went on a trip to go snowboarding, and while she was falling she was thinking, 'god I wish he (being me) was here.'
That is the basic (very long) story! I don't know what to do. I can't control my emotions. I'm looking for advice. Am I crazy for thinking that she is stupid for not giving me a chance? Am I crazy for thinking that I can make her so much more happy that her current boy is making her? Am I crazy for liking the fact that everyone comes up to me and says 'you guys are cute together, are you dating yet?'
Am I crazy?
Let me know what you think, and thanks again for your time and advice!
