Why do I feel this way?

My name is Austin. When I was 16 years old my girlfriend Maggie broke up with me. It was a long distance relationship. She lived in Woodbridge, Virginia and I in Hindman, Kentucky. I met her online when I was 14 and she was 13. We talked for a while that night and fell asleep. The next morning I woke up to find she had messaged me again. From that moment I knew my life would never be the same. We would video chat or call each other every single day. This went on for around four months and I realized I was falling in love with this girl. I asked her to be my girlfriend and she said yes. When I told my parents my mother was supportive but my fat her hated the idea of me dating a girl I had never met in person and forbade me from seeing her so we did the best we could. Her parents on the other hand thought it was great she had finally found someone. We would call or skype each other every night for one hour, from 9:00pm to 10:00pm and we would send each other care packages. Keeping it secret from my father of course. She would send me snacks or a blanket she had made and the occasional shirt along with a souvenir from Washington DC, my favorite being a Jurassic Park shirt she bought me at Universal. I would send her a shirt or hoodie of mine along with other gifts such as jewelry. She would spray her perfume on the shirts and it was the sweetest thing I ever smelled in my life. I was falling more and more in love with her every single day. She was the most beautiful and perfect thing I have ever seen. Her face was so beautiful, her voice was the sweetest sound I had ever heard, her eyes so full of life. I could not find a single flaw. But as time went on I could tell she was losing the flame in her heart. She broke up with me during my 16th birthday party. I was so heart broken I couldnt eat my cake or open my presents with a smile. I dwelled on it for months. For around two years after she would message me on and off, as soon as she could feel she was falling for me again she would leave me with an open wound. I fell for this several ties over. I graduated highschool and went to college and met someone new. Soon after I enlisted in the U.S. Army and went to train that summer. While I was gone I found that I was soon to be a father but the pregnancy failed. Regardless I could not find the love and passion in my heart for that woman as I had for Maggie. The flames still burned bright. I wrote her letters while I was on training that I did not send for I knew she or her parents would throw them out and I would be left with no response, so I saved myself the disappointment. Soon after I got home my relationship failed and I realized I wasn't looking for someone new, I was looking for Maggie in someone else. Something I will never find. I am a very picky and judgmental person, but Maggie was the only perfect thing I had ever seen. I have attempted to reach out to her but she never responds. It has been almost two years since I've heard from her. But I still love her. I will never stop loving her. I wish we could push everything that ever happened aside and start over. But I know she has moved on and feels nothing for me. It has been 6 months since the last time I tried to make contact. I am now 20 years old still serving in the U.S. Army. She is 19 now. I have no idea where she is or who she has become. I only know the love that I had and always will have for her but she will never know. Even four years after our breakup I find myself thinking about her daily and experiencing sleepless nights due to my heart break. Why do I still feel this way, after all this time?

Feeling this way could be due to the feeling that she is perfect in your mind and she's lost. You guys had sweet moments together when you were young and all other relationships don't compare to this young perfectness from a distance. I get that.

We idealize people, especially when they're filled with a great amount of good times, but it becomes a problem when nothing else in life will be satisfactory because the "best" was already had. You don't have to think anything negative about this person, not what I'm advocating, but you seem to have had a real loss. Your guy's relationship, she's disappeared. You have something real to mourn about, but mourning means accepting that it's gone. It's painful as hell. Are you going to be willing to mourn the loss?

Without mourning the loss, you're investing in not finding another real Love. There's a lot of ways that we keep ourselves in an Unlovable state. If we never mourn and let go of a past relationship, we never let a new person love us, they're always kept at a distance for we're distant from them. This is an investment in a lot of pain in our lives for the sake of a memory...for the sake of keeping your heart ache. I can't even blame you, because the heart ache is so bitter sweet. If you want to live in that seductive bitter sweetness, never mourn or move on, if you want to give yourself a chance of finding a greater love, there's a lot of pain to go through.

Hope this helps, let me know if I was unclear or didn't say enough about anything.

I wish I could tell you there was a way to stop loving her but there isn't. I can tell you from experience that the heart does what it wants! It's not a bad thing, but I can tell you that time is the best cure. 2 ,years seems like along time when we are teens. I know what it feels like to be "in love" with a man who never showed interest back( for about 3 years!) Thanks one day I just didn't feel anything. It was like my love had expired or something. A year later he messaged me saying he had aways been attracted to me and wanted with me, but I couldn't feel anything. Also during that time I remember being "obsessed" with one of my girlfriends from church and the attraction couldn't be acted on! She even told me she felt the same way! It took me years to get over not being able to be with her, and I still do have feelings, but they are distant almost like from another life....
Also you never actually met her in person which means you probably only got to see her good sides. And lastly it's okay to be picky! Never settle for anything less than what you want there are millions of girls out there, and who knows what the future holds

Contact Dr. DUGO on E-mail: dugo_d@yahoo.com, he has the spiritual charm to make everything right back for you. Trust me

trying to fill up my 15 posts to PM sorry.