I am so confused.. need a woman's perspective..

Hi,

This is my first post here, but would just like to say thanks for any replies in advance..

I've been in an on and off relationship for about two years, I really love this girl, and I believe deep down she really loves me too, but in the past few months it has been completely off. We have been through a lot of tough times together, but also a lot of great ones too, and I feel I have fixed the problems that caused the problems, however I cannot take full responsibility for everything at the same time.

She told me a couple of times that she no longer felt attracted to me in that way.. She even went as far as dating another guy for a while. I wrote her a letter, telling her how I felt but also asking her not to contact me.. well she did contact me but it was only to tell me that she was leaving the country, and also that it was her plan to stay overseas either permanently or for atleast a few years.. Instead of this being the only contact we had we tried to maintain the friendship, and we did have a placebo type friendship for a while, but I couldn't do it.. so for the girls 21st I went around to roughly 30 different destinations and took photos, and put them all in a photo album and had little subtitles with what had happened there and so on.. I also had "The Beginning..." at the beginning of the album and "The End...?" at the end of the album, accompanied with a letter explaining to her how much I do still love her, and how I can't keep continuing the way we have been, and basically that I would leave the country with her in a heartbeat if she told me she still loved me. I also told her that if she didn't feel the same, to not contact me..

Four days passed, and then I saw a message from her on MSN one night say "Hi how are you?".. sadly she had sent this while I was out so by the time I saw it she was offline... so I wrote her an email just explaining that I was sorry to miss her message, however at the same time could she please respect what I wrote in the album..

One night later, I was again out, but when I returned home I saw another message from her saying "sorry for messaging you last night.. and now.. I have been feeling down lately", again she was offline by the time I saw it, so I wrote her another email saying that I was sorry to hear she was down, and that I hoped that she felt well soon, but at the same time asking her why she was telling me about it? I told her that she had made a choice by not being with me, but also that she had every opportunity to change that choice or try to change it, if that's what was bothering her. I also said that this would be the last e-mail I would write her, and that if she really wanted me back it would take a leap from her.

Since then, she hasn't messaged me or e-mailed me, it's been about 3 days, however I have seen her on MSN around once a day during those times.. I have no idea where this is headed.. I see lots of mixed signals, but maybe I'm just making them up to have some hope? I really love the girl and would love nothing more than to spend the rest of my life with her, but at the same time, I'm not getting much back from her, but it's like she showed me tiny signs.. I'm very very confused.

Any help would be much appreciated! Looking forward to hearing of your opinions..

This is such a tough one L-d, I think you have answered it all yourself by telling her that its up to her now. Seeing her on MSN doesn't really give you any meaningful sign either way that I can think of. If she wants you back, she HAS to contact you, you have made it plane to her, and she hasn't, at least yet. I'm sorry I cant sound more hopeful for you, I know the pain. So far, you have been very dignified from what I can see and that is something you can both respect, no matter what happens the album is a beautiful thought - even if she is sure about what she is doing, it would have been difficult for her not to waver (and send out a mixed up signal) when she got that...
Take care,
Time and distance takes care of us.
Freck