So: here's my counter, Sea: As usual we often see eye to eye but can debate without getting angry at one another.. Hugs to you. Skip to the last paragraph if you just want my reasoning in a nut shell.
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That may be true in this case (I don't think it's true as a general rule), but it's just an assumption anyway. Based on the info we have, she doesn't mind him looking at other women, she just doesn't want him to hide things from her. Which is perfectly understandable.
I do think it's true as a general rule. I base my opinion on what I've read here (5 years of her checking up on him and 5 years of him hiding it) and all the other posts from women who say things like "I don't mind him looking but I hate it when he hides it" What possible good will come to this man if he confesses or when he doesn't hide it is the question that has yet to be answered.
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1. The OP doesn't hate her SO for looking at other women
symantics. I meant she hates it when he does it... not him particularily)
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(at least, as far as we know). She hates when he goes out of his way to hide things from her.
I'm sure he hates it just as much when she goes out of her way to look to see if he has hidden anything. Five years she's been going out of her way to shit test him to see if he's been hiding things. Maybe she's right, maybe she should consider not going ahead with this wedding if she can't stop looking and he can't stop doing it.
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2. A guy may have other reasons to hide his porn, other than not wanting his GF to make a scene. For example, he may feel embarrassed if she found out. This is not the case: why would anyone be embarrassed for looking at facebook friends' photos? Unless there was something to hide.....
Because he has to listen to her that's why. Surely you can understand being nagged to death about this. Men/people were taught that masturbating is something you do in private (for eg) (one time we were taught that it was sinful and bad and you'll go insane so thank goodness for some progress). Of couse he's wanting privacy... particulily if hes been made to feel what he's doing is wrong/bad/sinful/unloving/disrespectful. OP says she doesn't care if he looks. If that's the case then she shouldn't be looking to see if he's looked becasue she doesn't care if he does (or so she says). If she stopped that lookingthen she'd not know he's hidden anything and she'd not be asking "Is this being dishonest?
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The point is that the OP hates when her boyfriend hides things from her, NOT when he does those things per se. If he had just not told her (which is perfectly fine!), it wouldn't have been a problem. The problem is that he actually deliberately tried to HIDE it from her.
No.. that is HER making this a problem. She's not getting to control him when he won't do what she demands and its bothering her. When I'm on my husbands laptop I delete my browsing history as well and it's not because I have been being bad or disrespectful. I just don't think he needs to know where I've been and what I've been doing while there. If I want him to know everything then I'll tell him. Until then, he respects my privacy and trusts I'm not being disengenuous when he's not been included. Same goes for him when he's been on mine. i don't look to see where he's been or if he's hidden it.
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Again, this is just an assumption. As far as we know, the only thing that the OP has been questioning him about for 5 years is the fact that he hides things from her.
Logically assuming here: Step one ~ He would have had to have been questioned about this prior to ever hiding it. Step two: She would have had to be tracing his browsing history to even know that he deleted things. This is not what came first the chicken or the egg.
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Just so it's clear, I am not saying that he should inform her of anything he does. It's perfectly normal to not tell each other everything. It is not, however, normal to go out of one's way just to hide things from one's partner.
It is very normal to do that if one refuses to be controlled by someone else or someone has bee over-reacting about what he has been looking at. it's human nature to try and avoid unnecessary angst to one's SO particularilly when one thinks what they've been doing is nothing to get riled over.
The bottom line here is that for 5 years they've been unable to resolve this. That's the problem. Asking us "is this being dishonest" well the answer to that is in how much she actually trusts him not to be deleting things that would be considered an infidelity betrayal, illegal or immoral according to their mutally agreed to relationship boundaries. If they can't come together on a simple boundary, then that is the problem. not that she asks him not to hide it but he does anyway. Not whether or not if we think his actions are "dishonest." She does think they are. he's not changing for her so deal with him, come to a compromise with him or leave him.
I'll add that her subconscious reasoning for this thead came out in her subject line as far as I'm concerned; "Caught my boyfriend looking at friend's photo on facebook" If she was just concerned with him hiding what he does then wouldn't "Caught my boyfriend hiding stuff again" have been more on topic to what she's peddaling here? *Op if you're lurking I'm not attacking you but simply giving you some thngs to think about that may be answers to you're question about why he needs to hide things from you.