"Her guard is up"

There was this one girl I got into contact with through one of my friends that use to live in her area, I started talking to her when I was 16-17 casually then we started talking more and more for about 6months everyday hours a day. she had me wrapped around her finger per say before I even met her, she was just amazing. we talked about her hobbies and what not, usually about her boyfriend though cause he was a major douche bag. and I was the go to guy for talking about it with her.. anyways her emotionally abusive boyfriend found out she was talking to me a lot. and deleted me clean off everything I could contact her by. I remember sitting waiting for her to come, and she never.. hurt but I moved on.

Now I'm 21 and take a wild guess who contacted me this year march? Yep it was her!! I was so freakin speechless and I didn't even know what to talk about. so I brought up " so do you like scrap booking still? (her favorite hobby when she was 17 ) anyways yeah.. so 2 weeks went by and we just said the odd " Hey, How are you " and what not. never really got into things.. then one night she flatt out says " holy patty cat got your tongue " and still in shy mode I was like no just speechless still.

anyways... a month down the road around the beginning of August I went down to see her ( she lives about 5 hours from where I am ) and we really hit it off. I went around my work schedule and went to see her every pay day. Then one night I come home from work and she left me a message saying " We have to talk " and I remember being at work thinking about what she wanted to talk about. over thinking everything worried!.. and I get home and we talk.. and she asked me out cause she didn't wanna wait any longer ( this was late September about 2 months of us seeing each other. and yeah it was awesome Ive never been inlove to this day, but in my heart I knew she would be the one I would open up to. and let 100% in and now its only Late October and she messaged me saying " We have to talk " * YES AGAIN! * but this time when I said should I be worried? she said maybe. and right there I knew what she was going to say.. and the thing that hurts the most is. this past week I knew something was wrong and different, our nights we talked kept getting shorter, and it started when she asked me out to be honest, she asked me out and pretty much the first week was great, then after that it was different. and I even asked her, and she said no its fine, like I was spose to go see her this weekend coming up, and she made plans on the day I was coming to see her,. and that was another red flag. and all she said was " You have nothing to worry about, We might not be able to be with each other every weekend cause one of us might have plans. but we knew this before we got into this long distance relationship. and I agreed and said okay, and we talked about it. and not even a week later she sends me this message and I quote."

" Before I say anything I want you to know this has nothing to do with you your a great guy, an amazing person,you treat me really good, its just my feelings for you arent as advanced as your feelings for me. Ive tried letting you in but I just dont think Im ready for all of this. I think I need to focus on myself for awhile and get my priorities straight and deal with some feelings ive been bottling up for awhile because of how hurt ive been in the past. Its so hard to say this because I like you and I care about you but Im afraid my feelings for you wont grow until Ive dealt with my issues.
[10/18/2011 6:36:44 PM] Krissy: I know this is going to hurt you a lot which is why ive been debating on whether i should tell you this or if i should wait and see if my feelings change but i think it would be selfish of me to wait because if i wait and i still dont get those feelings ill hurt you more later on then if I tell you now.I really have no clue what to do cause like i said your an amazing guy and youve done everything right but my feelings still arent as advanced as they should be. I really dont want to hurt you Pat which is why Im telling you this now. and i know that doesnt mean anything because its going to hurt you either way and Im really really sorry. I feel so guilty and like a complete and total asshole for doing this. If you dont want to talk to or see me ever again
I completely understand, but if you decide you still wanna come down and hang out and talk Im okay with that too. Im going
to let you decide where to go from here because I think you deserve a choice too I just had to tell you before it got worse."

And when I read this it felt like my heart just dropped and I didn't even know what to say....

Situation what shes saying is, shes been hurt in relationships and her " Guard is up " but why talk to me these past 8 months, and why ask me out, and see me for the past 4-3 months? if she knew this. im so confused and I'm getting frustrated and losing even more sleep.