Long distance.. difficult partner

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08-04-16, 12:44 AM
Clairabear

Long distance.. difficult partner

Ive been in a relationship with P from the start of January. Weve been on and off 3 times...
When we first got together Things go of to a roaring start and things were great we were both very happy

My boyfriend seems to have a different attitude to how he deals with things.. He runs his own business with partners so it can get very heated or stressful if there no work and he struggles to get time of to visit he cant leave the partners on their own etc... We have not officially met yet.

When things get on top of him he likes to hide away from everyone even me.. The first time he was working away from home he through his phone out the window and then fell at work i didn't hear from him for 2 weeks and it wasn't until he messaged our mutual friend to see if i had moved on or was angry before he then messaged me He apologized. But then he did it again and i messaged him demanding to know what was going on as it was unfair to leave me hanging and were we ok. He eventually replied saying no he couldn't do the long distance.

We are friend with the same people and in the same Facebook groups so i saw him every day and we had been best friends before, so i messaged him asking if we could still be friends we eventually became and item again we talked about a lot of this that goes on in his head and at work etc and he promised he was never going to disappear again

Tuesday to say he was not ignoring me he loved me but he had work on from 5am till 9pm 2 days running and he had to get the job finished. He didn't say when he would be in touch.

My question is i never know whats going on.. has he flipped out again... last time i think it was a mistake to message im and pressure him into giving me and answer... my friends say i deserve some more respect but the way i see it.. this is his only fault and everyone has them etc.. and i accept him for who he is... i just dont know whether to message him or not.. and yet?? He knows iam going away to London for the weekend with some girlfriends so if all is ok between us iam sure he would want to hear from me before i leave.. i just don't know how to go about this to meet him in the middle if someone could advice please?
08-04-16, 01:19 AM
drleo

Just message him there is nothing wrong with that
08-04-16, 07:46 AM
smarta$$

Quote:

Originally Posted by Clairabear [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Ive been in a relationship with P from the start of January. ... We have not officially met yet.

This is NOT a relationship if you have never even met yet. This is emotional attachment to an unknown person. Quit fooling yourself, and instead, consider WHY you avoid actual relationships in favor of imaginary ones.
08-04-16, 09:47 AM
Clairabear

Quote:

Originally Posted by smarta$$ [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

This is NOT a relationship if you have never even met yet. This is emotional attachment to an unknown person. Quit fooling yourself, and instead, consider WHY you avoid actual relationships in favor of imaginary ones.

I did not ask for your opinion on this. I have no problem meeting people but sadly there are rather a lot of rude ignorant vulgar people in the world right now. Ive known many people who do long distance for the same reason.
10-04-16, 07:01 PM
smarta$$

Long distance relationships might work for some people, but usually that is only if the distance is for a finite length of time, and only if they actually KNOW each other. YOu are engaging in large amounts of drama for someone you don't even know.

For the record, you posted on a public forum. Last I checked, that means you're asking for people's opinion. lol
12-04-16, 08:35 AM
TheEvilJester

I know this may not be the advice you want to hear, but I have to agree with smarta$$. Believe me, I understand maybe you feel like there is something you see in this fella. I understand that you want that connection with somebody. The thing is, with all the drama this guy puts you through, I'd be telling you to think twice...... EVEN IF you two were able to regularly see each other. As smarta$$ points out, you've yet to be able to meet each other face to face, yet already there is all this drama in your relationship?

Don't you deserve somebody who makes you happy? Not somebody who only makes you feel MORE alone? Yeah, sure nobody is perfect. Everybody has their flaws. However, completely disappearing on your partner is not just a sort of "Oh, well, everybody has a flaw" kind of situation. That is NOT okay if he expects to have any kind of real relationship with you.

Maybe that's just my opinion. I don't know. Maybe you see something in him worth continuing to try to keep things going. Still, I don't think anything excuses his just completely disappearing on you. He obviously realizes it is wrong (being as he apologizes later) but he still does it anyway. Apologies mean nothing if there is no legitimate effort to learn from your mistakes. Otherwise, an apology is just empty.

Good luck to you. I do hope you find somebody who makes you happy/ If that DOES wind up being him, great. If not, though, please don't settle for somebody who doesn't deserve you just because you'd rather have somebody than nobody. Believe me, you are (as anybody would be) much better off alone than you are settling for somebody who doesn't deserve you.