After 7 days of NC

So, It's been a month and a half since my ex dumped me.
For the first month or so, we had LC. I begged, pushed her away, she came back, nothing changed, she left again, etc.
Well we had NC for about a week now and today she texted me.
"Happy Valentines Day and for all its worth... I love you."

No big deal, right? No over analyzing. I didn't write back.

20 minutes later I get another text. " Can we have lunch tomorrow I would like to talk"

I still don't write back. Idk. I just dont wanna be hurt again I dont wanna look weak.

5 minutes ago she texts me again. "Ok fine if your doing this to prove I cant just have you when I want you i understand. Its not about that anyway. If your over me then fine. The only reason I didnt call you back that one day was because ralf... i guess this is it then. i tried. bye andre. :-) "

Ralf is her brother, and last week we spoke and she said she'd call me back. He got her angry that day and she didnt call me back. But that's not an excuse, cuz its been a whole week wtf?

Idk what to do.. I didnt write back cuz Im scared of being hurt and I dont wanna look weak. Im tired of her playing games and I feel if she really wants this to work then she'll keep trying.. But what confuses me is when she said " Its not about that anyway". Wtf would it be about? Maybe she wrote that just to scare me and make me write back?
Oh and, she clearly knows I don't want to be friends. I've told her it numerous times and she totally understands that.
ANy advice?

Did you try being honest and just telling her that you don't want to get into a cycle of shit and nothing changing?

If her talking to you is bothering you, shouldn't you be honest and tell her that?

All you can do is really be honest about things. Honesty and sincerity are what relationships thrive on the most.

So instead of ignoring, I should text her how I feel?

It's not really fair to you to have her doing this and saying this. It's wrong. It's okay to be a little angry at it.

You sound like you're done with her, so I would simply reiterate that you do not want contact with her, then block her texts or delete them immediately when they come in.

Honestly, I don't even think she deserves a response to her passive/aggressive texts so feel free to ignore her, too. But make sure you delete her texts, too, so that they don't get under your skin.

If you honestly do want something more with her, as cmac said, I would talk to her and let her know how you feel.

Let her know you want to work on your relationship as whole and that you aren't getting back together just to fulfill yours and hers loneliness without each other.


I think the ignoring part needs to stop at this point. Isn't the point of NC to make you get over them and make them miss you at the same time? Well she has clearly showed you that she misses you. The ignoring must stop. Now its time to start something new and see where things take you without rushing into things.

And as I said before, this is ONLY IF you still want something more with her.

I do want more.
I want to be with her more than ever, but I think I deserve better.
I just spoke with her and she told me that she thinks of me everyday and compares everything to me. And that she wants to work things out.
And I found out she had sex with the guy she was seeing, and I was VERY disappointed..
I told her I'm confused and I dont know what I want anymore. I told her I love her but I deserve alot better . She was crying her eyes out to me and I said "Sorry, but just like you needed space and time to think, I do too. You know how it is, so please respect my decision" and she said "Please dont leave me Andre please I love you I want to work this out" And I said, "Wow that sounds like something I said a few weeks ago. Im sorry, Ill ttyl . " and I clicked.

And she's been calling me ever since.
I want her back.. But I want her to feel the pain to. I want her to know that she just can't do all this and expect me back right away, you know? She took me for granted and I dont wanna get back with her if she thinks she can just do this whenever she wants. Basically, I want her to learn her lesson, and then we can start talking about starting something new.

EDIT: She just texted me.
"Ok so since you wont answer ill text u saying how i feel. Today everything you have been trying to tell me hit me all at once. I cant see my life without you. Please take me back im williong to do anthing to fix things with you. I belong in your family. I made some huge mistakes but im willing to do anything to make it up to you. Ur my everything. and it shouldnt have taken a month and two weeks to realize it. Im in love with you".

Dude, this is exactly why no-contact should be adhered to. You've done it... she misses you and she realises how much you meant/mean to her.
Having said that, there is now the added complication that she has been with someone else in the meantime.

Is that something you can accept? You need to follow your head in these situations a bit more than your heart.

BTW... teaching her a lesson could prove to be a good thing. Just don't push it too much.

You need to be honest with her about your reasons for needing space. If you aren't sure yet if you want her back or not, tell her that. Her behavior at this point will be helpful for you in determining whether she's worth keeping around or not. If she can respect your wishes and be understanding, then that bodes well for her. But if she turns into a crying mess every time you don't respond to a text message, then perhaps that is all the answer you need too. Just whatever you do, make sure you don't make the decision based on what she wants. Do it for you. Bravo for sticking to the NC and for not immediately melting when she did come back to you. I can only hope that I'll be as strong if/when my ex reaches that point.

Also, while it is understandable that you want her to "feel the pain," you also must understand that you shouldn't drag it out longer than necessary if you've already made your choice on staying with her or not. If you let it go too long, she will eventually go back to realizing that she doesn't need you. You've got a small window of opportunity to decide what you're going to do. Tread carefully.

Well last night, she texted me "Ok sunshine I'm gonna give you your space to think but I hope we can work this out and I hope I can see you tomorrow. My life sucks without you, I can't live with this broken heart anymore :( Please sunshine you're my everything and I'm sorry it took this long for me to realize it but I promise you I will never leave your side again. Goodnight I love you forever and ever"

She called me the next morning, and I thought things overnight. I decided to go to her place. I went to her house, we talked it over and are now together again :) .
Thank god for NC!! LOL. But yeah, I know she was with someone else before and I still accept her. I respect her for her decisions and she jumped to someone else after the breakup probably because of the void she wanted to fill. I'm more than happy and never thought this day would come :) Thank you for all your support guys. I'm glad I found this forum!

Congratulations. You are far from back to normal though.

Look at how she said "I can't have my life without you. I love you." <----Desparate times call for desparate measures and it's a trick to get you back.

I give it a month or two before things go back to the way before. I think you should have gone on a couple dates first before you decided to be back with her. Get a feel for her.

Congratulations on your re-hookup. Just remember that people are responsible for their actions no matter how down or phased they are when making decisions, so don't make excuses for someone's actions.

She's admitted to her mistake, accepted it, and asked for your forgiveness.

Your're a better man than I for giving it.

Top job, at any rate.

great post, i'm going through the same.. been NC for a week now