Disolving a Marriage

My wife and I never were right for each other. I see it now more than ever and I cannot fight anymore and now that there is another woman involved (only after I made the decision to divorce), I want to do amicably and fully. I truly want to repair the friendship portion and hope my wife and I can develop some sort of mutual respect for each other over the years.

We have 2 kids 5 and (almost) 2. My 2 boys mean everything to me. When we had only 1, our problems started and I stayed (since May/2013) because I did not want to leave him. We had out second ONLY because we didn't want our oldest to be an only child. Our sex life is non-existent and since we cannot have kids naturally, she didn't even want to try. This has been a constant source of pain for me. My oldest, although we needed a fertility clinic, there is still a possibility (although very unlikely), that he was conceived naturally. Anyway, I made the choice to dissolve my marriage and my wife is not accepting it. She blames me and tells me all of my faults. She tells me all the things I can do to help. I offered to go to counseling. I offered to get her a gym membership to help her relieve some of her stress and get healthier and back in shape. I suggested she go out with her friends, go to the library or anything to get out of the house for a few days. She declined. She stresses and she takes it on me. The fighting and bickering is too much and I stopped all efforts to try.

We don't kiss. We don't hold hands. I only call her by name and only speak of the business of marriage and our children. I told her that we should speak over email about our marriage as it will less likely lead to yelling.

Now...

I made 100K a year - didn't finish college. She has a master's degree and makes about 45K. We have a house and after our second was born, we accumulated debt due to day care (27K/year). We have a house and cars. We're in NY.

What should I expect financially?

Also, I was thinking about taking her to dinner and having the conversation face to face. She needs to accept the fact that our marriage is over. She does not know about the other woman. I would tell her, but my GF does not want me to as it will just cause more issues. My GF knows it will be a while before she can meet my boys as I am not trying to confuse them any more then this will be.

How long after my wife and split should I wait to introduce a new love interest to them?

Any other advice?