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NC sucks but its for the best.. It's like taking bitter medicine. My NC was for about a year.. Well she sorta wished me happy birthday on my birthday and I replied and that was the end of it, though I don't know if that's considered breaking NC but no conversation continued after that.. Back to the topic, I went NC from March until well.. Right now. First month is PURE HELL.. It's the month where I was cracking, bursting, raging etc.. Second month, I decided to bring in some self-improvement.. And the third month pretty much gained momentum.
I felt during NC that just about anything that boosts my self-esteem had helped heaps.. And it even has its long term benefits (eg. working out) My abs are harder now. And well, I usually don't prevent myself from thinking of her.. When the thought comes, I just sorta embrace it, be it anger or sadness whatever. Also found reading forums and certain how-to websites useful.
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Half of the time of your relationship :-), you won't even feel anything when you see his/ her pictures lol. That's me.
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Just an update,
After 2 weeks went NC, I feel much better. Hanging out with close friends has helped me a lot. Right after I felt better on day 14, she texted me (on day 15). What a timing, huh? At first I was hesitant in replying her text. But then I took that risk since I was already feel better. She told me she's depressed and sad etc etc (mind you, she's the dumper). I text her back, we chat for awhile. But I didn't show/tell her I was also depressed and missed her like crazy. On the contrary, I gave her word of encouragement (she's a strong woman, she will get through this, etc). And she asked me to meet up the next day (which is today). And I went to see her.
The weird thing is, when I see her, my heart wasn't pounding. As if it's numb. She looks awful, sad, and depressed. And she cried a few times. Seeing her like that gave me a sense of joy (I feel bad saying this, but honestly that's how I felt). Finally, she hits rock bottom just like I did for the past 1,5 months. She told me (while crying) she was sorry for cheating on me, for ruining us. She also told that I made her happy for the whole 3,5 years we were together. I just sat and listen. I told her, I forgive her. And this made her cry even harder. For the first time, I feel so powerful.
In some of the conversation, she mentioned about the woman she cheated on me with. She said she couldn't see herself being with her, blah blah blah. It still hurts to hear her mentioned that woman's name, but then for some weird reasons, I feel like there's a wall protecting my heart from being affected by it. She also mentioned the possibilities of us to get back together again. But I won't let myself fall into the trap of false hope. I told her, I don't know what will happen in the future and refuse to talk about it farther.
Before I went home, I hug her and she cried again. Me? I didn't shed a single tear. (Looking back, I was the one who begged her to stay and literally holding onto her knees while I was begging and crying so hard)
Now I'm home, I feel relieved. I don't plan to contact her, but if she contact me again, I will reply casually while still being detached (now I know how to do it).
Thank you all for taking the time to read this thread and gave me advice. It really helps a lot! :)
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Keep up the optimism and stay strong!
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You still have emotions and feelings and you will experience a rollercoaster of emotions, but all i can say it will eventually get better and you will look back and realise it was for the best, although at the moment you probably don’t think so.
