"It's all or nothing with me"?

I have been in a mixed signals relationship for several months now. I finally had enough of the confusion and had a five hour talk with the girl of my affections. She denied having any feelings for me whatsoever. While I have a really hard time believing it, as do others who know us both and see us on a regular basis. I have no choice but to respect her words and give up my romantic pursuits of her.

My problem is this. I'm not sure that I can be the FRIEND that she deserves. I made this mistake of becoming friends with a girl who I have romantic feelings for. I explained to her that these desires would always make me uncomfortable and left desiring more. Part of me wants to be a good friend to her, but I know in my heart if either of us started to see someone else romantically things would be strained and not the same anymore. Even if we both remained single like we have been, I'm so convinced she often acts in a way that makes me wonder what her intentions are. She told me that after the talk, she wouldn't change the way she acts around me. That seemed like a nice a noble thing to say, but I just reminded me that to carry on as is would just mean I'd be living my life going in circles. At the same time, I know she has huge trust issues with guys, and said guys who don't want to just be her friend are only out for sex. The last thing I want is for her to think that. Yet... I feel a need to move on. I'm so convinced by instinct and example that she has SOME feelings for me which she refuses to admit. That's why I think it has to be all or nothing. I'd always be there for her in an emergency if she really needed me, and I'd be a distant friend. Yet, I'd refuse to be her emotional tampon and I'd refuse to continue the relationship we've had up until recently where we're so close people confuse us as a couple.

Is there a right way to tell a girl it's all or nothing? Is there something I can say that basically tells her I'm done with being the reliable friend, but would like to leave the door open should she decide to give me a chance? I'll admit I'm being a bit selfish, but it's the kind of selfish that's preventing me from going insane over the games I think she's played with me in the past. Is it even worth having this talk, or should I just back off completely until I'm much more emotionally removed from her without really explaining it?

Thanks in advance guys.

Alright my friend. You are definitely in an emotional bind.

I have one question for you, and only one.

Will you be able to watch her be with another guy while being 'just' friends ?

From what you have told me, I don't see you being able to do that. Your emotions are going to get in the way. It is only natural for you to feel jealous towards her (and bitter towards the guy) if you see her with another guy.

Jealousy is a natural conviction of love my friend. So don't be ashamed to admit to your answer to the question above. You are only human, thus, you will only act like a human.

I say, take time away from her. Whenever you feel you want to be her friend again, ask yourself the same question as above. If you still feel that tinge of jealousy when trying to answer it, then do not bother with her at that time. You are still not over her. This could take months, or years.

If she is truly an empathetic girl, she will understand that you are doing this to spare yourself emotional distress, not sexual distress. If she is of the stuck-up kind, then she will take it as a personal insult. On a side note, if you do plan to take time away from her, you should definitely tell her so as to clear up any confusion. It is up to her whether or not she will be willing to believe you.

Stay strong, and be sure of your decision. TRY to act selfish for once --- being selfless can be just as dangerous. Right now, you have to think of yourself. If being her friend right now is going to be misery, then don't be her friend right now. In essence, it is a simple situation. Emotional however, it is a maze.

Your brother,

Thanks man. Some of the best advice I've had in a long time.

Grrrr... I can't believe she asked me if I wanted to lick her neck/ear to taste her perfume. Crazy attention whore.