Caught him texting women, but it was verbal comments that made me leave him :(

Hi, :) just started to post on here today and thought, i hope you can shed some light on here as I feel quite low today and hope i have made the right decision leaving?

I had seen my partner for about 1 year and a couple of months, he is 38 this year, I am a year older. He has another 1.5 years until he fully qualifies as a GP, he is a doctor at the moment moving around different surgeries and hospitals whilst still studying. Its very stressful for him and has taken its toll on his health over the years. He has diverticulitis (due to issues from his wild days of drinking, drugs, smoking and bad health and diet) and use to party hard in his 20's since his brother committed suicide when he was 20, hence his wild years or his way of handling things.

When I first met him, he pursued me which was very charming indeed and felt so lovely, but has to be said I didnt really fancy him so much more found him intelligent and very different from my usual type. 4 months on, he tells me he is on anti depressants, to which made sense because of his unpredictable ways in the way his mind would be very obsessive with thoughts from over thinking to analysing everything around him. He was very jealous of any comment I may have said about someone, to thinking I was being chatted up at the gym, just because I enjoyed it there. I do get attention and in the end I didnt tell him that people chatted me up because I knew this would make him insecure, and also never told him if I enjoyed the gym/work anymore for this particular reason as I would only get 5000 questions on my return which drained me. If anyone looked at me, he would comment.....worse when I received my new car, he asked me is this normal when I am not around you, that you get these comments?? or people staring, I didnt reply...I said no...

He worked long hours, 12 hours days, late nights at work and at times weekends too, when it came to weekends, he was very tired and just wanted to chillout or read/films/eat/sleep which is understandable given his hours etc. He would watch films back to back all day Sunday to watching XBOX all day to make him recluse and escape from the week, his words. Which made him completely detached at times and like he wasnt quite in the room, he needed to do this alot....then he wanted to study, he thought I wouldnt like this when he did it, but really I would just head to the gym only for him to call me, ask am I still there and when am I back, or who I texting when in the car on the way to the gym as took ages to drive away...what the???

In the year we were together, we started to argue weekly, I had my own place, he didnt and still lived at home with his parents, he tried living with me and we were going to buy together but unsettled wasnt the word, I felt shattered, drained, emotionally and physically and ended up feeling very low with emotions and self esteem. The good times he was highly romantic, bought me presants and we had sex, but not what I would call everyday in the honeymoon period, more twice a week, something wasnt quite what I was use to when you first meet someone, I always wanted more.....(hope that wasnt too greedy!! or sounded greedy!) Whenever we argued I was called the C word, whore and trust me there were more words. I retreated, became passive only for him to say sorry, buy me something the next day and we carried on going back out. This became a regular occurence and I started to stick up for myself and tried my hardest for this not to effect me. I went to the gym more, worked more, went out and didnt see him so much as I ended up finding it hard to be in the same room as him and feel somewhat detached all the time. Almost like I couldnt be myself or talk to him, my dad use to say I was in awe of him....

These last few months, he has detached himself completely, he was off anti depressants for a few months and I noticed a difference, detachment, no sex, he developed warts down below (I dont have any history and had myself checked over lately and was clear, this was due to his immune system) and he started to go to bed earlier, up early with me feeling constantly deflated, alone and ugly. Come valentines day, he gives me a lovely necklace, which was very expensive only for him to hand me a card with it, to say "you dont deserve it really!", to then say, I was joking!!

Now it was at this point last week, that I thought, he is this cocky, arrogant, rude, detached doctor that I cant believe is either getting worse or cant handle stress, he says in this card he wrote to me, that things will get better, he just cant help being stressed at the moment and things will get better. He has his operation for diverticulitis in March, he will be off for 2 months from work, and he is now moving into his own flat rented which he so needs.

I feel drained, now this sounds awful but I had to do it, for my own peace of mind to officially leave him. I went through his mobile, he left it on my bedside table, there were texts from 2 women, it was the days I was working and I wasnt responding because he upset me, he said he was glad I wasnt around, because he cant handle my PMT when really I just couldnt handly him. I do remember his dad saying he was a handful....so i know its not me as I am calm when not around him and focused and not upset.

I wouldnt go so far as to say I am scared of him, I would say more so my confidence and self esteem has gone. The text messages I saw, were him asking what these women were doing, that night he didnt see me, and carried them on, only for me to find out that he had been smoking again when we had a little break before Christmas time because he couldnt handle the break up. He says these women were just work colleagues and they were fat??? interesting I thought.....and he said he would never be unfaithful....

My other concern which was a definite to leave him was he was out with his friends, the week before christmas, and told me with a smirk across his face that, that night he was out all night, drinking, and took MDMA drugs (his words - just dabbed in it, but didnt really have any effect) it was more his expression on his face, than him doing drugs themselves. That upset me and wound me up, and didnt he know it! he wanted me wound up and to react...I am sure half the time he loved to make me feel this way....

So after all this, I have lost my confidence, with the lack of sex, to the arguements, to the put downs to him reducing me to tears every time we argued as he always had a better comment or nastier comment or degrading one only for me to go passive. I then had to walk away all the time or take time away to recharge again and gain some kind of balance and confidence back into my life.

When I saw those texts, was told I was a whore and f*****g c**t upon seeing this and that I was a cheap tart, was the last of the relationship for me. I earn more money than him, I have a lovely family, dont do drugs, drink or do anything wreckless, that was the only thing he could attack me with for me to feel worthless. I use to dance before he met me, and he said if I had known you were a dancer before I met you, I wouldnt have gone out with you...(I was a dancer in a nightclub) - did it for a month...like thats so bad I was 20 at the time!!!

He would accuse me of being unfaithful, then being cocky with it finding it funny, when really I was fuming with him, only for me to find these two women on his phone.

I feel like I dont know who I am after being with him for that short time, I know he needs his ego stroked all the time as he also goes on about everyone at his GP practise loving him and finding him hilarious (this I cant believe or he wants me to believe to make himself feel better) and he just would go on about it all the time....it was becoming quite irrating. He bought a flat, then asked me to see it with him, then burst into tears saying his head is messed up and pulled out of buying after I said no thats a horrific place to live, he couldnt make up his mind, he kept on changing it unless he went back on the meds.... and since being a doctor he feels he goes neurotic....interesting statement. So he put himself back on the meds since we broke up last week, again he feels the need to tell me.

I cant rescue him anymore or understand him, I did love him but I need time to heal and be healthy again, all I remember is crying, feeling rejected in the end and unloved to being called names and been told before I saw these two texts that I would be better off with a man who worked 9-5 and pampered me and that a doctors life was too stressful for me (???)....

I cant quite move on just yet, I feel numb, low and betrayed and wished when we broke up in Oct 2013 that I had stayed away, but he wanted me back and I missed him too, as we were very intense/love or so I thought when we first met.....now I feel was it all a lie of drugs, bad past, brother committing suicide affecting his mind, as well as lies, addictive qualities and personality disorder, I wouldnt know what to call it?!?

exhausted and at the same time my lovely father is in hospital this week and he tells me leave this man, you deserve better and for once I believe this to be true, just need to work on my self esteem now and confidence....after reading this you probably feel shattered yourself....imagine being with someone like that. At the beginning he was lovely, calm but his erratic thinking was the most weirdest thing ever, as well as drugs, anti depressants involved.....??? his dad is also on them too.

hope my confidence comes back soon, sorry for the long message....

thank you for reading....