Selfish relationship (long)
Hello everyone!! I am new and desperately need to vent. Anyone reading thank you in advance.
I have been married for 2 years and have known my husband for 3 years. I am 22 years old. Basically the main issue with us is selfishness. It sounds simple but its quite complicated. I am 8 years younger than my husband and when we first met I was working as a secretary and he was the bread winner; fast forward I am currently making significantly more than he is and this is not only affecting his ego but our entire relationship. I do a lot, full time student, work like a dog in sales and try to keep up with the house. He works then comes home and relaxes, which is fine if it was really the case. He misses work to the point that his salary is cut by 30-50% each pay check. He is very comfortable because I pick up where he slacks off automatically. He NEVER has a dollar to his name, I cannot even ask him to bring me anything ever because he doesnt even have enough change in his car (huge turn off). When he does get paid he spends it on guns (and asks me for money), or puts money into his car. I am beyond surprised that I am even sitting here after all I have gone through. For a whole year we lived with my parents, the plan was to save to buy a home but that never happened, instead he used all his money and borrowed money to build a car. I spent a whole year struggling and giving him money for a car that was a clunker, then he gets another car and gets us into more debt owing family members thousands of dollars for the down payment to get what he wanted and the money he got from selling the other car (4k) he put into his new car, while we had no place to stay!! When he wants something he will step on anyone, including me. Extreme selfishness!! Anyone who sees this will surely think I am dumb for allowing this but its complicated, he manipulates the situation so this seems normal. I should not be forced to work so hard, I sacrifice myself and I shouldnt have to. To put the icing on the cake from the extreme stress I began to suffer from stomach issues, a couple months ago I was in the hospital and he didnt even want to stay with me; he acted as though he really didnt care and while feeling dizzy and with a terrible fever he was screaming that all I needed was a cold shower and I had to wait hours for him to take me. Then on friday I was feeling terrible again and after arguing he took me to the hospital. He sat down on his ipad and really didnt seem to care how much pain I was in, kept reminding me what a waste of money that trip was. I was at a loss of words and couldnt think about anything but the pain, both times they said it was colitis and its triggered by stress. I have finals, work, the house way too much on my shoulders and I dont have a partner I can lean on. Things arent equal or even close to being equal and I feel used in every way. I dont mind at all that he makes less, its the fact that he misses work and is selfish that bothers me. I keep comparing situations to problems I had with my ex and I keep beating myself up for loosing him and getting into a crappier relationship. I think when your in moments of crisis (hospital or just a difficult time) you can see the true colors in people. When I was in the hospital while in my previous relationship I had an accident and he rushed to take me to the hospital, trembling and asking the nurse a bunch of questions he couldnt even sit. They had to do a painful procedure on me and I remember him holding my hand and crying with me. A moment I will never forget. Comparing moments like that to the situation now makes me want to leave running, get on a plane and find my ex. Its so hard to be in a relationship where one person is too giving and the other too selfish. I paid for everything to move into our home, 3 months, furniture I mean I have done too much already. I feel as though I deserve better and there is someone out there for me that will value me. I really want to live a relaxed life, every other aspect of my life is great and I am moving ahead but this relationship is a huge weight on me. I went to therapy and they said to give the relationship 6 months, I cant wait. I know that this wont last and the longer I procrastinate the more we get hurt. Any advice would be great! I know there is no simple response. Just needed to vent.
