What am I supposed to do?

Hello everyone, My name is Sam and im 19 years old
I never actually used one of these forums like ever... so I'm giving it a shot and see if it helps!


I was 18 years old when I started university, i was pretty sad that I couldn't travel and study abroad, It would've been a very nice experience to have, but hey shit happens.
I met this girl that slid in my Dm's and got my attention, I liked her but not like loved her or omg i must marry you cringe, no she was pretty funny and shared the same kind of weird and niche humor, eventually we got together like little kids and started having fun, she warned me of her nothing being genuine or fake in her action, those hugs and holding hands like couple do, she said she doesnt want to fake them but guess what? She did
She always said that her number 1 goal is never to hurt me, but she kissed me blindly and held me with her with all these lovely things, she basically was lacking attention and love, and I for sure did give her what she exactly wanted, 3 months into it she confessed and basically said the following "I dont love you, I love the attention and love you gave to me Sam", It really did hit hard and i started feeling numb, she made sure to contact me everyday tell me how I am doing ? or whats new update me sam!?... that was in our spring vacation, going back to university for fall semster, we had the same classes together, and im actually starting to feel a little bit better, guess you can say i accepted the fact that I was played and she really really played me well, like a volin.
Anyways i basically started moving on and was actually still friends with her, her name is Sarah and I wish I never met Sarah, later when she saw me being flirted at and flirting back at other girls and most of them were hot mind you, she got triggered as if we had something, i demanded an explenation and a major red flag was "Are you over it already"? LMAO WHAT ????

are you braindead or something didn't you want me to be over it and just be friends?? I don't ****ing know what I mean to this girl anymore, fast forward 3 months and she came back, telling me I want us back and that she loves me and shit, and I actually love this girl, I dont know why or how after what she did but I see a sad girl behind her, a sad girl that needs help, I accepted what she had to say and gave her a second chance, load in 2 months she is acting distant and cold all of a sudden... why ?? no answer everything alright ?? yes!
DO I NEED TO KNOW SOMETHING?? No... you'll know later!

all these things that made me depressed and anxious not being able to study well all of that falls on her, she comes out of making me overthink for like a month now and goes like "What are we, we arent we texting Sam?" wtf am i supposed to respond lmao you're the one being distant and shit and refuse to talk about it, trying to escape reality or something Grow the hell up... We asked for time and distance this is the second day since we first talked... this is the 2nd day we actually didnt say anything to one another ...

I'm meeting her after 2 or 3 weeks for a talk, maybe have fun idk... if that's possible anyways, I think she might offer me to stay as a friend... which would be ****ing dumb on my part if I ever accepted, but somehow i feel like i might, this girl means so much to mee and im just a tool for her broken heart, a comedian for her bordom, and a tiddy bear for her security



Thanks for reading everyone.

I think you should just tell her about everything you feel. Transparency and honesty is important in problem solving relationships. If she doesn't know how much of a toy she treats you or how much you get hurt by it, then you need to tell her. This is also a good indicator of whether or not you should stay with her as well. If she doesn't seem interested in changing after multiple serious conversations where you're trying to be honest, then I suggest you leave her. But that's advice from a stranger, get some advice from someone who cares about your well being, and knows a lot about life and wisdom.

She warned you about her behavior. She is a manipulator, possessive for selfish reasons. She craves attention, and doesn't like the loss of control...so she tells you exactly what you want to hear to keep that control over you. She is a user, and is cray cray. You don't stay with someone when they make you sad, confused and upset. It's toxic. You already admit you have trouble studying because she has messed you up so bad. She has you under her thumb....you need to get out from under that.