Quote:
I appreciate everyone's comment. I do not, however, think there is any reason to be rude and insulting. Share your opinions yes, but could you at least try not to be hurtful and accusatory? I am unsure about this idea which is the very reason why I posted it on this forum to seek others opinions. I have been in therapy for a long time and have been getting considerably better.
then by all means, do discuss your idea with your therapist, you're paying him/her good money to do just that.. and he/she will do it without making you feel as if you've been insulted.
Quote:
This is not a no-strings-attached situation. Yes, sex is also an emotional bonding, but regardless of whether or not I date him, I will continue to have feelings for him. We have already decided that we'll still spend time together, cooking, taking walks etc.
You add sex to that and the only bloody thing that has changed is your label. What is the point of your being on your own to soul search and become emotionally independent if you're still doing everything you always did with one another? Can you explain your reasonining for your opening post?
Quote:
Those are emotional bonding activities as well. Saying that I should decide on all or nothing is a dangerous oversimplification of relationships. Are you stating that to work on myself, I need to not do any activities with him that would be emotionally bonding? Should I just cut myself off from him entirely?
If you want to have a goal as stated in your opening post then yes, you should
Quote:
Surely this suggestion is not a good idea, since no person should become isolated, regardless of how depressed or non-depressed they are.
What is the point of your opening post. Really, what exactly are you trying to accomplish here? No one said ANYTHING about becoming isolated, friends and family are important to gaining emotional maturity. FB's, FWB and a man are not. Learning to be happy and emotionally fulfilled with yourself is the goal. A male partner is just the icing on your already happy and fulfilled life.
Quote:
That's not unfathomable. Obviously, if I have sex with him, those feelings will still be there. Heck, even if I don't have sex with him, those feelings will still be there.
but your goal was to become emotionally independent. How can you do that while you're contining doing the very things that lead you to be emotionally dependent in the first place?
Quote:
I will still love and cherish him no matter what our relationship status is. What's the differences between the label and not using the label?
You tell us, you're the one that is dillusional in your thinking, perhaps you would be more credible in your assertions if you actually explained how you plan on becoming emotionally independent while remaining being emotionally dependent.
Quote:
It makes a difference to me because the label adds pressure for me even though technically I won't behave that differently.
this is called denial and it's part of being codependent. Does your therapist have experience in working with people who are codependent? If the label adds pressure then maybe you should also talk to your therapist about fear of commitment.????
Quote:
Obviously, that is a problem that I am working on figuring out. One of you asked, why couldn't I just be with him and work on myself? I think that's a fair suggestion. I wonder that as well.
You can't be with him and accomplish what you're attempting. I seriously suggest you talk to your therapist so that she can make you understand that.
If you were'nt already emotionally dependent on this man, then have your sex while being emotionally independent but with your depression and your apparent codependency... you'll be at square one.. nothing is being changed so nothing will change. So do carry on because you've not changed a thing. lol