So there's this girl that I've fallen in love with, and we're currently good friends, and I've asked her out, but she said she wasn't really interested in starting any serious relationships at that time, and that she didn't want to make things awkward with me and her hanging out with our other 2 close friends. Anyways, we all went on a trip last weekend, and we all got drunk, and right beside me, she and my good friend just started hooking up. It tore me to pieces. I wanted to kill both of them. She claims though that she regrets doing it and that it was only because she was drunk. Anyways, if I send her this message, do yall think she'd freak out? I've never told her how I REALLY feel about her, just that I wanted to start something with her.
Here it is:
BEGIN
I have to get this out because I just can't hold it in any longer:
Since I've gotten to know you, I've found you to be the most incredible and most beautiful girl I've ever met. You're more beautiful that any supermodel I've ever seen. You're like none other. You've helped me at times when I'm down, and have made me feel like a better person. It may not seem like it to you, but you're my best friend at times. I go crazy thinking about you. We've had good times and we've had bad times. I've done some stupid stuff that I hope I can just forget. You probably didn't know this but I beat the living hell outta my fists at that motel because of you. Seeing you and 1 hook up and more next to me on the bed while yall were drunk just killed me. After beating the wall till my knuckles were bleeding I went in my car, and drove around for 20 mins.....during that 20 mins, all I did was cry. I cried and cried....I felt like someone had just ripped my heart out. And yeah, I'm the reason 2 found out about it....he claims he got it from 3, but he got it from me. It was never my place to tell him such a thing, I had no right to. I promise you I'll never do something like that again. I'm so sorry If I hurt you in any way by doing that. I wanted it to be me instead so bad....I tried to kiss you several times when we were on my futon that night and when we watched a movie alone and got stuck at the refuge, but I never could work myself up to do it because I was afraid you might pull away. I don't want to get drunk and take advantage of the situation in order for stuff to happen. Sure it's fun, but the next day you both usually regret what you did.
Lately I've been trying to do stuff with you and it seems you always do stuff with 1 instead. What is it about him that's so much fun? You sit there and talk about how he'd better not bring weed on a trip and how he's always doing drugs and smoking and stuff.....all of it being stuff I know you don't even like. What am I not doing? I want to get to know you better. I want to know what makes you happy, what makes you sad, what makes you laugh and what makes you cry. I want to be able to be there when you need someone to talk to. I wanna lay next to you and look into your eyes and tell you how much you mean to me. I want to do stuff with you. I wanna go to the movie with you, go bowling, go dancing, go to the mall, watch movies at each other's houses, get drunk, and other fun stuff that I love to do with you. Am I shy? I can't tell because I'm not conscious of it if I am. I wanna get close to you, but I feel like if I do then you'll freak out and then we won't be able to do stuff anymore.
I feel like you don't want to do stuff with me. I feel like you don't really prefer talking to me if you don't have to. Or are you feeling like I'm not talking to you anymore, because I kinda feel that I'm isolating myself accidentally.
I know you said that you weren't interested in a relationship right now, but I just have to let you know that I still wanna give it a shot, because I know I can make it work....you say you don't wanna risk friendship, but I say I'd rather risk a friendship for a chance at a long period of happiness
Since I've already just poured myself out, I wanna sum up the way I feel by a quote I found:
Tell her why you think she’s so cool. Smell her hair. Talk to her in movie theaters. Pick her up and pretend you’re going to throw her in the river; she`ll scream and fight you but secretly, she`ll love it. Just hold her hand. Pick flowers from other people’s gardens and give them to her. Tell her she's pretty. Let her pay if she wants to. Introduce her to your friends as the coolest girl you know. Sit in the park and talk to her. JUST TALK TO HER. Take her to the library. TAKE HER ANYWHERE. Tell her dirty jokes. TELL HER HAPPY STORIES. TELL HER SAD STORIES. TELL HER YOUR STORIES. TELL HER ANYTHING. Tell her stupid jokes. Write poems about her. Just walk with her. Throw pebbles at her window. When she starts yelling at you, tell her you love her. Let her fall asleep in your arms. Call her. Call her back if she calls you. Sing to her, no matter how bad you are. Carve your names into a tree. Get her mad, then kiss her. Give her piggy-back rides. Give her space if she needs it. Push her on swings. Stay up with her all night when she’s sick. Make up pet names for her, but cool ones, not sappy ones. Lend her your cds. Write on her. WRITE ABOUT HER. Make her mixtapes. Write her letters. Take her to cool shops, and let her take you to even cooler ones. Just hang out with her. Listen to all the bands she mentions. Dont tell her that her favorite bands suck. When shes sad, hang out with her or stay on the phone with her, even if shes not saying anything. Buy her ice cream. Let her take all the photos of you she wants. Look into her eyes. Slow dance with her, even if the music is fast. TELL HER A SECRET. Kiss her in the rain... JUST KISS HER. TRUST HER. CARE ABOUT HER. BE YOURSELF AROUND HER. CHERISH HER...and when you fall in love with her, tell her.
Thats how I feel............I LOVE YOU....
and i hope if this doesn't work out that we can still be friends, really good friends at that, considering we know some of our deepest secrets and feelings now.
END
