1yr relationship ended b/c of an online game/"flirting"

Hi

This is actually my first time here, but I figured why not? Couldn't hurt right? Sry about it being long too

Here's the situation

I was working overseas and I started talking to my girlfriend online. We'd actually been really good friends before and we dated for a few months years ago, but we were young and things just didn't work out. So I ended up coming back to be with her because well I loved her and I'd lost her before didnt want to lose her again plus I wasn't happy with my job

So she was actually thinking about going to school in a town she'd never been to. I asked her if she wanted to live together and to see how that would be she said sure. So we moved in together and things were great. Initially we did stuff together all the time which might have been excess, but it eventually evened out once she started school. I started to notice we were pretty much only doing stuff that she liked to do so I suggested we do something I like. It's not that I didn't enjoy spending time with her, but you know I felt like I was only playing with barbies and I wanted to play with GI Joes too. I usually like playing basketball or riding my bike but she didnt want to do that with me (anymore she used to) and I didnt mind that. So I asked her to play a video game (an mmorpg) with me (she likes playing them too) so I found a game that we would both like and we started playing together.

It was really fun although I once again just gave in to what she wanted and decided to play on the side I didnt like playing, but like I said it was fun. Eventually I started getting bored with the game (not with playing with her) so I started trying different sides of the game which meant I couldnt play with her anymore. I didnt play with her for about a week then I realized that we were getting distant and I remembered I only started playing to do something with her. I tried to come back and play with her, but when I did she said she didnt want me to play with her. So I accepted that as well even though I told her I didnt like it.

Fast forward 4 months

So now I've just been finding hobbies and she plays the game about 8-12 hours a day. I try to get her off of the game, but she won't. If she does get off its her number 1 priority to get back online so she can play/talk with her in game friends. Most of these “friends” are guy and I had no problem with that until she started getting txt msgs in the middle of the night from them. Initially I paid it no mind but it was happening too frequently and it bothered me. So I actually looked at her phone to see what the txt msgs said (she doesnt like me looking at her msgs or any of her stuff). Most of them were friendly enough but some were “I miss you” “ I miss hearing your voice” “When can we talk again?” and this was from her “friends” in game. I kept looking through her stuff and pretty much she was being hit on by alotta guys and flirting back with them (4 that I can count). The 1 message that made me confront her was 1 night she was playing the game while drinking and she was asking one of the guys for naughty pictures and telling him shes horny. She'd already sent him pics of herself and he sent her pics of himself but she wanted more.

I told her I knew about the guys and the flirting and I honestly didn't think it would be a relationship ender I just wanted to know why she was doing it. She said the guys didnt matter to her she was just doing it “because”. Mind you she actually sent 1 of these “in game” friends a “personalized” christmas present (although this guy is gay). She cried I cried and a few days later she dumped me. We still live together now and I honestly cant take living with her anymore.

I've been playing online games since I was about 12 or so. I know how to control my “urges” to play and I honestly wouldn't consider someone I meet in a month to be one of my best friends. Although I have met some really cool people online playing games and have been friends with them going on 3 years (didnt actually become friends until probably a year or so after knowing them)

I'm not even sure why im posting this. I guess I just needed to get it out. Oh yeah btw I know someone will say she probably did it because I wasn't giving her attention, but that wasn't the case. I tried to spend time with her and be with her. Gave her compliments on how beautiful she was and how much I loved her etc.

So thoughts on this? Criticisms welcomed as well

Thanks!

I don't know about the flirting part, but I remember getting really into a game during a relationship. It was just mastering a task that became a bit of an obsession.

Perhaps the flirting is just a game to her as well ... Does it make for good strategy? To her, it's nothing, but it's tearing you up ... If it's a dealbreaker to you, then it is what it is.

I know your pain, buddy - I recently lost my girlfriend and now she's at the beginning stages of a relationship with a guy from out of state that she met on Xbox Live while we were together. She would play this one game till the wee hours of the morning while I was in the other room sleeping. The irony of it is that I was the one who got her into online games and it was MY XBOX! Since we broke up, she hasn't been able to play, but she's still talking to this guy every day. It sucks.

It sounds like she doesn't feel like you are fulfilling her needs anymore but she wasn't being honest and upfront about it. She had you all the time doing stuff that she wanted to do and she got bored of it. The excitement wasn't there. It sounds like you were trying, and I don't think there was much you could do. I think you kind of lost your identity there and that's something you don't want to do in a relationship. It's a fine balance between doing stuff for you and doing stuff for her. We all do alot of stuff for the other at first but that kind of fades overtime and we try to get back into things we like. And there's nothing wrong with that. You are you for a reason, and you are a good guy otherwise she wouldn't have fallen in love with you in the first place.

There was a communication breakdown. She wasn't honest with how she felt, and she let it fade to the point where she has other interests and is emotionally cheating on you by giving these guys attention (and naughty pictures?). That's not right and she needs to understand that. Whether she wants to or not is a different story. And if she doesn't she most likely will never be happy as the same issues will continue to pop up.

It sounds like you guys moved in with each other a little premmaturely. Like you were still in the honeymoon phase and the infatuation was there. That's a pretty big decision. Usually you have to have a pretty solid foundation to your relationship before you jump into something like that. You both also need to have your priorities in line for it to work too. It doesn't sound like she does considering she plays an online game 8-12 hours a day. That's not healthy and other aspects of her life are suffering.

I guess you have to find some time for yourself as what I feel is that unless she really change and decide you are the one for her, she will come back to you. Because once the spark between her and the other online guy fade off, she will find out who she really want to be with.. If you really do not wish to give up. Show her you still care about her but nothing else...