Friend>Best Friend> Not friend @ All- Long love story? Or Not?
Well, I'm new here and I'd like to give it a try.
I'm a foreign student south asia and went to a private boarding high school 5 years ago as a Junior, and I met this European girl (let's call her Susan) and we had become very best friend (Best guy friend to be clear); meanwhile there's another Asian girl (and she'd be Amy) who tried to be friend with me and I just never liked her.
I and Susan were best friend of each other, we were so close that we knew we liked each other (I knew I loved her and she said she loved me). But because of the school situation we couldn't date. But somehow Amy ended hanging out with me a lot (in a way I hate Amy because we just cannot communicate without me getting offended and I think she's very narrow minded, she would always say i was crazy if i don't agree with her) Every time i talk with Amy i would have to 'lose' as if we were arguing. But since I and Amy hung out a lot I presume that Susan saw us and got jealous.
One thing stregthened my love toward Susan is that once the school provided us with personality test, I and Susan got an Exact same type, which opposite Amy's.
Graduation came, I and Susan remained best friends and Amy kept being annoying to me and made me sick. I made a promise that I would go to the same college with Susan, in fact, I applied and I WAS so sure that I would be with Susan. But during the summer, I ended up having the same job with Amy and of course Susan found out. Tis when problems started. Some incidents happened to me and I got really really really upset and depressed, and Amy was there, so we started a relationship, I guess it's because she wanted to console me. We basically were couple but NOT in a sense that a normal could would do; she was like an older sister whom I kissed and fooled around with.
Summer ended, I ended up leaving the college Susan went and arrived to a university hundreds miles away, of course Amy went to another school far away from both Susan and me. As college started for all of us, I knew I only loved Susan but somehow I still called Amy as well, as if I was addicted to Amy. I talked with Amy a lot more even over night because Amy doesn't mind, and Susan tended to be a more self-control person.
One day I suddenly picked up my mind, i told myself that I had to tell Susan that I love her, to show her that I really do. I stutter for 10 minutes over the phone than I said it. We hunged up soon after coz she had to go. After that, We didn't talk over the phone for 6 months but we kept chatting over MSN and emailing each other, just to tell each other what's going on and stuff... But during this six month, I started having a Huge financial problem that I couldn't afford my school any more. So Amy gave me the idea to go to her school coz her school is so much cheaper so I did (I had to, otherwise I would have to go back to my country without a college degree)
I started going to Amy's school, I and Amy started "dating" in a sense that we held hands and kissed (With me Knowing that I DO NOT like her- I was such JERK). We broke up several times and got back together, I knew something was wrong because We were addicted to each other...and I had to pick up my mind again to tell Susan that I loved her but I didn't know how to face Susan since I was with Amy, and again, I and Amy couldn't break up. So I sent Susan a gift that worth like 200 dollars. Susan refused by sending me a check for the gift, so she didn't have to send it back to me, in other words to save both of our faces. Amy found out, so I had to asked for the camera back with shame.
I was so stressed out that I started writing love letters to Susan, repeatedly, for like 5 times. I believe that's what scared the hell outta Susan. She officially wrote me an email saying that she and I were Impossible, along with the gift I sent her. That's when we stop talking to each other. Amy and I had many big fights since then but we still are "couple" since we didn't want to be "isolated" from our friends @ this school.
One summer, i went back to the the highschool and we had a reunion. Things were different, Susan and I could no longer talk.
Until today, I and Amy are still "dating" but we know we don't like each other, unlike regular couples; and I just found out that Susan is already dating another guy (John)
I kept praying the whole time that Susan would be happy because people told me that if I love that person, I would let her have the best; and I know that John is a great guy and Suan and John just match so much.
And I really dont know what to do. because I really love Susan but I can't be with her because I can't face her and she's scared of me... I believe I am messed up... I really do need advise. I'm graduating from college soon, I really want to know others opinions. Please feel free to tell me what do you guys think? :sad2:
