Psyching Yourself Up

If your mind instantly fills with images of tripping over your own feet, getting spaghetti sauce on your shirt, or, worse, feeling stupid about not knowing what to say, relax. A first date is bound to be fraught with some anxieties. Here are some ways to calm yourself down while psyching yourself up:

* Remember our basic principle: Treat the date as simply a way to get to know each other better, having a good time together, sharing an experience, and learning about yourself and each other.

* Remind yourself that your date already likes something about you, or he wouldn't have agreed to go out in the first place.

* You don't want to drive yourself crazy thinking about your upcoming date too much, but as with everything in life, a little pre-planning goes a long way. Think through where you will go and what you will wear, and make some mental notes about what interesting things you might want to talk about. Then put it out of your mind. Don't keep changing your mind or trying to make things perfect.

* If you are excited about the particular person, indulge fleeting thoughts or fantasies about how you want things to go, or how terrific if would be if it all worked out. Then remind yourself to stay grounded in reality, and curb your expectations.

* Resist worrying about what would happen if things don't work out.
* You can allow yourself a fleeting sad thought about the frustrations of dating, but avoid over-generalizing that nothing ever works out anyway.

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