I dont know where to go from here

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10-03-12, 04:14 AM
myrtleturtle

I dont know where to go from here

I married my husband in November, in Feb I found chat logs from him and a girl he works with, basically talking about how much they wanted to sleep with each other, I was heart broken, in my eyes he has been unfaithful, if you are happy in your home life you dont need to speak like that to anyone.
I confronted him about it and at the time he was very remorseful, he knew he had done wrong and he apologised and promised to try hard to make things right.
As of yesterday I found he was lying, he is still seeing her, doesnt think he has done anything wrong, infact our argument yesterday ended up with me being wrong, me being an awful miserable person who made him unhappy.
He confronted me, yes I checked up on him, he has always been so secretive and time and time again, and I know I am wrong, he never talks to me, I didnt know what else to do.
and here is the problem, do I try and save my marriage? or do I let it go?
We have 2 children and I dont want to cause them any hurt, but I am hurting myself and he is telling me to just 'get over it' because he already has, he doesnt understand that its not just like the snap of my fingers and its forgotten, he doesnt understand that he has hurt me, he is not willing to stop seeing this girl 'on the principal of it', he wont let me control who he can or cant see (his words, fair enough I guess) but I feel sick to my stomach when he leaves every morning, is he going to work or going to see her?
He told me he married me hoping I would change, hoping I would go back to the person he first met and was in those first few months, the honeymoon period me, life has changed, we have our children, we have responsibilities, life is hard and we are barely getting by, it has taken its toll and I am not the happy carefree person I was then.
10-03-12, 04:22 AM
stuckies

This guy is a liar and a jerk.
10-03-12, 05:31 AM
carl1222

Wait a minute ... he's cheating on you emotionally (and likely sexually) and he has the ba**s to blame you for objecting to it? And now he has to keep seeing her as a matter of principal? How frickin' noble of him!

You've done NOTHING wrong, don't let him tell you otherwise.

Tell him how close he is coming to losing his children if he doesn't stop this nonsense right away. Now is not the time to blame yourself or to be sad ... now is the time for you to get pissed off!
10-03-12, 05:42 AM
smackie9

The marriage is a fail....a sham. He has shown you that he can be manipulative, and has taken you for granted. Not only that has no regard for family values, he doesn't care what this is doing to you or your children. Don't stay with him. Your children are better off being raised in a stable home by one parent, rather than with 2 parents who's marriage is in termoil. They know something is up and know you two are unhappy.

And BTW he is cheating. He is having an emotional affair....so mentally he has already left your marriage.
10-03-12, 05:48 AM
Amber2011

He's the one who's messing around, not you. He's the one who wants his cake and eat it, not you.

He is betraying you and your children.

There is no trust so therefore there is no marriage as a good marriage is based on mutual trust and love.

If you carry on the way things are, the children will know that there is something wrong. Better one happy parent than two unhappy ones.

For what it's worth, I think your husband is a selfish man who will probably never stay faithful to anyone.
10-03-12, 05:52 AM
smackie9

Quote:

Originally Posted by carl1222 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Tell him how close he is coming to losing his children if he doesn't stop this nonsense right away. Now is not the time to blame yourself or to be sad ... now is the time for you to get pissed off!

Oh that's right use the children as leverage...lets use manipulation.....sorry but you can't deny a father's right to see his children, not even under these circumstances. She shouldn't lower her standards and use threats like that or she's no better than him.

No she should handle this in a mature manner....call a divorce lawyer.
10-03-12, 06:17 AM
IndiReloaded

Quote:

Originally Posted by smackie9 [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Oh that's right use the children as leverage...lets use manipulation.....sorry but you can't deny a father's right to see his children, not even under these circumstances.

This. Take the high road, and yes hes a cheating jerk. Ditch him asap.
10-03-12, 06:30 AM
haxan

People that get married, hoping it will fix things, usually end up in a worse situation. It's up to you if you want to tolerate it for the children. Some people do, but those usually end up being A&E or LMN specials.
10-03-12, 07:52 AM
myrtleturtle

thanks

noone has said anything that hasnt already gone through my head
and now I know Im not being unreasonable
thankws for listening and giving me the kick in the butt I needed
10-03-12, 02:38 PM
stuckies

then good luck with whatever you choose to do.