Did i come off too strong ending our friendship ?

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19-05-18, 08:01 PM
OKK

Did i come off too strong ending our friendship ?

We have the same group of friends, we are postgraduate students and not coworkers. I got rejected by her she played me around for attention. I tried moving on but that wasn't even possible. We started texting again and I finally asked her out yet again for coffee. She said she would love to go out for coffee but wouldn't do anything with a coworker. And the day she asks me for coffee, I rejected her offer and even her friendship, telling her that I was not interested in her as friends and I just couldn't pretend to be her friend anymore. If she changes her mind, she has my number and she could shoot me a text. Her reply, sure no problem, see you around. That was the end of it.

Now the question is that some of my friends think that I did the right thing being direct and going after what I wanted. If she was not interested why settle for less and why not move on. However, a few of my other friends tell me that I should had gone out with her even if it was a friendly coffee to get to know her. Things could had escalated from there and all relationships begin with a friendship. But my gut feeling was telling me that she wasn't just into me and I was going to waste my time.

Now we don't speak with each other anymore. She doesn't even spend time with the group and avoids me and our common friends at all costs. She has made new friends and is also talking with this other guy lately. Its like I did something terrible and I feel like a bad person. Is there any way that I can resolve this issue ?
20-05-18, 01:14 AM
GLYC

"And the day she asks me for coffee, I rejected her offer and even her friendship, telling her that I was not interested in her as friends and I just couldn't pretend to be her friend anymore."

Wait, she asked you out for coffee but explicitly stated just as friends?

I actually agree with your friends, it's better to just be direct and go for what you want.
You weren't really interested in just being friends with her, so why torture yourself? Be objective to your goal. Finding a great romantic partner.

Why it sucks right now? You no longer have social interactions with her, when you were friend's with her you were able to interact with her, however, stay true to your purpose. Were those the interactions you've always wanted? When you're with a woman that's dying to spend time with you, wants to be your teammate, and has romantic interest in you and expresses it, it's infinitely times better than whatever that connection was.
20-05-18, 02:27 AM
OKK

Quote:

Originally Posted by GLYC [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

"And the day she asks me for coffee, I rejected her offer and even her friendship, telling her that I was not interested in her as friends and I just couldn't pretend to be her friend anymore."

Wait, she asked you out for coffee but explicitly stated just as friends?

I actually agree with your friends, it's better to just be direct and go for what you want.
You weren't really interested in just being friends with her, so why torture yourself? Be objective to your goal. Finding a great romantic partner.

Why it sucks right now? You no longer have social interactions with her, when you were friend's with her you were able to interact with her, however, stay true to your purpose. Were those the interactions you've always wanted? When you're with a woman that's dying to spend time with you, wants to be your teammate, and has romantic interest in you and expresses it, it's infinitely times better than whatever that connection was.

She mentioned the term, are you still up for the friendly coffee ? I mean her adding the term friendly coffee - I just had enough by then. She basically meant we won't be any thing other than friends which is why I paused, decided to text her after an hour of thinking on what to do. I decided to end this fake friendship since I couldn't pretend to be a fake friend anymore. I like her and wanted to date her but she just wasn't really into me nor going out...

Of course, would had never turned down that coffee if I saw some positive vibe from her. It was just that she basically never initiated contact with me and I just thought she might be going out with me just to keep me happy and get it over with... Would rather have someone who is willing to jump fences for me and not sit on fences and decide whether to jump or not. I won't settle for less in life…

I have to say this though, I just feel like I am a bad person for doing this. For her not able to interact with the others because of me. Now she is probably dating this other guy and she spends most of her time with him. Coming from a friend who tells me that she might just be using him the way she used me as she is texting him quite often now and just to use him. I don't care about that, yes I did feel a bit jealous in the beginning but then I looked myself in the mirror and convinced myself that I can do better than this… I miss interacting with her however, whether it was fake or not, I invested a great deal into her but it was all for nothing and I am only taking positive things from all of this.