I'd like to.
But I can't.
I am so frustrated right now.
I constantly have these headaches.
It's 6:30pm and I'm already considering goin' to bed.
Nobody else knows but you guys.
Because I keep on smiling.
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I'd like to.
But I can't.
I am so frustrated right now.
I constantly have these headaches.
It's 6:30pm and I'm already considering goin' to bed.
Nobody else knows but you guys.
Because I keep on smiling.
Let me see if I can work you out.
Emotion. You don't want it but you do. You find "feelings" and "emotions" in general get in the way and cause unecessarily commotion. However, whilst you try and devoid yourself of emotion there come times (normally times when you are by yourself or feeling lonely) when you do want to "feel". Then a struggle forms. You start to question whether ignoring what you feel is the right thing to do (you know bottling things up aren't, but you continue to do so). Because of your stance on Emotion you go online to seek some sort of "connection" maybe or simply just someone who will lend an ear. But not someone you know personally as you might be afraid of what they think, as you find showing "emotion" or feelings in general "pussy-ish". The reason why you think this way is maybe due to your relationship with your parents whilst you were younger. You felt as if you were neglected, ignored, not given the proper emotional support you deserved. You post online something regarding how you feel. Then you wake up and re-read over what you posted and feel "embarrased" by what you have said... and the cycle continues.
But despite all that you find yourself maybe subconciously looking for someone YOU can talk to about how you feel, about your emotions without the fear of ridicule. Most likely a partner.
I'm right huhhuhuhuh? Because thats me in a nutshell.
Plus and minus a few things, yeah.Quote:
Originally Posted by Eurasian [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Pretty much.
I'm tired of trying to reach out to others without the gesture being returned.
People I thought I could confide in, I'm beginning to realize are no longer there for me.
It feels somewhat like betrayal.
I feel the same way right now. Life is getting really lonely.Quote:
Originally Posted by Frasbee [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
I know what you mean. But instead of reaching out for others, I seem to be pushing people away... which in turn has caused me to become quite hateful and vindictive. For example last night with my Uncle. The other week he tried commiting suicide and yesterday he goes to me, "Haven't you got some dishes to clean?" and I reply with "Haven't you got your wrists to cut?". That comment got me into deep shit, now I'm being threated of being kicked out for good because of my attitude. Bottling things up ain't doing me no good. It's just causing resent towards people I know, especially family. But I know there is no way in hell I would talk to anyone I know, especially family about how I "feel". I'm thinkin' about seeing a counseler about my issues. But not until Uni because I don't want anyone knowing.Quote:
Originally Posted by Frasbee [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Damn, I'm so gonna' feel like an idiot in the morning when I read over this shit.
I also feel as if most everyone I know are not there for me. I feel life is becoming more and more lonely. I feel lost and I am crying right now. I know ALOT of people but I don't really know anyone. Alot of people know me but no one really knows me. I need someone.
I think half of the reason...probably more so of why I look for companionship is simply to share all of this with. Y'know, somebody who can act as an emotional crutch when I need it.Quote:
Originally Posted by Eurasian [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
I had it for a little bit. And it was such a relief on my conscience.
Now that the relationship has changed, it's gone.
Why do girls think all that stuff can stay the same after things have changed?
Like, they really think we can still be "friends", and that the only thing different is the lack of physical affection.
With my real friends, my guy friends, the inability to discuss these things doesn't really bother me, I'm comfortable with our relationships as is, know what I mean?
Am I looking for a motherly type figure?
I guess I am.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Frasbee [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
All guys are. They just deny it.
I think everyone wants and needs to feel deeply connected to another human being, and I think the time when we feel the least connected and the most desperate is right about the age you guys are right now. (Kiechi and Frasbee. I don't know how old you are Zach, but I bet you are in the same age range.) Sometimes I think it really helps to talk to a professional, and there is nothing at all to be ashamed about.
I don't deny it at all.Quote:
Originally Posted by vashti [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Quote:
Originally Posted by vashti [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
Your right I am 19. I do also simply believe it is because of this era of my life. I am better now, I have been quite bipolar feeling since I was dumped by my gf of 2 years. So that my excuse. :smug:
I'm sure you can cry if someone tells you a very good joke or remark. Cry laughing that is! :DQuote:
Originally Posted by Frasbee [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
That's how I feel right now, I really can't be arsed with work tomorrow and all the ****ing idiots I have to deal with.Quote:
Originally Posted by Frasbee [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]
I'm right there with you guys.
I was fine for a long while, but a couple of years ago my closest friend went off rehab which not only caught me by surprise but led to shit getting progressively worse.
It really does feel that way often, that even though you know all these people who are fun and cool, you have no one you can really lean on.
Because at this point in our lives since we're all in the same boat, it's really hard to find the support needed. Everyone else is dealing with their shit and they don't have it in them to help us with ours.
I believe that spreading it around is the answer. Leaning too hard on any one person is bound to lead to trouble.
Friends are investments. You put in the time and energy, they will be there for you when you need it. Just don't invest in the wrong people. I've learned to choose with care.