Help me :( obsessive love.

okay so i've just created this account because i am in desperate need of some help right now :( i've been in an online relationship with another girl (i'm a girl too) and i've genuinely believed i've been in love with this girl :( we've been talking since January, practically all day everyday and in April we started dating. (i know it hasn't been very long but this is seriously killing me) i started getting anxiety and questioning my love and i thought i had ROCD or something and just tried to push the thoughts away but it only got worse. She asked me recently if i'm "obsessed" and not "in love" and i had no idea about being obsessed in terms of love or what it meant. when i soon read up about "obsessive love" i realised i am in fact obsessed :( not like most of the extremes people in real life relationships are. but i am so dependent on talking to her, i basically have given my whole self to her because i believed another person could be my whole happiness and complete me. obviously i've realised in order to love another you must love yourself. i am admitting to my obsession but i cannot let go of her :( i feel self-destructive and suicidal just like it says. idk if i could actually bring myself around to killing myself but i am going insane and i'm ripping my hair out over this. she has became what i live for. i'm 17, she's 18. i just cannot bring myself to fully believe this :( it's destroying me. i've even spoken about changing- learning to love myself. but whilst still talking to her, i cannot have her out of my life. i realise it came from boredom, insecurity, self-hate and feeling like one person can complete you and give you self-worth. i gave up my interests and isolated myself from the world before i met her. i avoid everything in life. for aslong as i can remember i spend everyday alone in my room on my laptop- ALL DAY. i know this isn't healthy and needs to change :( i just have so many problems and so much hate for myself, personality disorders, mental illness and now this! :( i don't even have any friends!

and i know you're probably all going to tell me to get help, but here's the thing. i am not "out" with my sexuality in real life. nobody knows. they don't even know i was in this relationship so i have to pretend to be happy but i am seriously so damn depressed, scared, hate myself...i feel like i have nothing without her. i cannot bare losing her :( how can i secretly get help? will i be able to open up to a therapist without my family or anybody i know finding out? they will not judge me will they? i feel like i have nothing to live for because of this obsession. is there any way i can help myself? or any tips on how to help me learn to love myself? it feels impossible to me. i have taken into account when i was younger i maybe didn't get the love needed, not enough love. i just don't know what to do :( there's no doubt i can still like her right? i mean we understand eachother- we know everything about eachother, she's my bestfriend, i love talking to her. i can talk to her about anything. if i even lost her as a friend it would destroy me even more. but you'll probably all tell me i'll never be able to get over my obsession for her and live my own healthy life if i don't let her go :( i just cannot believe the reality of all of this. you can tell me it's "an online relationship so let it go, it's not as important as the others" but it is exactly like everybody else with obsessive love. i've read up everything possible! i'm emotionally involved to a point i cannot let go.

I NEED HELP, PLEASE. ANYONE? :(

Hi, original poster. You don't need to worry about a therapist judging you or telling your family about sexuality. The only time a therapist might go to your family would be if you are presenting danger to yourself, such as if they think you might commit suicide. Then they would only tell your parents the things they needed to know to keep you safe. Something such as the fact that you have a girlfriend would be very unlikely to get back to your parents. Also, a therapist would know not to judge anybody. They are trained professionals who are there to be on your side and help you get better. There is absolutely no reason for you to be afraid of going to one.

Of course, you also don't have to mention your girlfriend when you are seeking out therapy. All you have to say if you are not comfortable telling people the rest is that you've been really depressed for a while. Tell your parents and they will get you the help you need. If you don't think they'll be supportive, then talk to a teacher or guidance counselor at your school that you trust.

I don't think I've ever heard the term ROCD before, and I've been reading a lot about relationships for the past 15 years or so. It's pretty normal to feel obsessive about somebody when you're falling for somebody. It feels good to dream about love, so almost everyone does it at some point. It can be problematic when you're using it to escape other problems in your life. Then the issue is that you're not taking care of the things that need to be done more than the romantic obsession. It's not something you should be beating yourself up for. You just need to start taking care of those things. You don't need to give up your relationship with your girlfriend. You can just start learning how to balance all of the areas in your life, which will better for both you and your relationship.

I think seeking out treatment for all of the other reasons you mentioned is a very good idea. I'm betting that you will see it's much better than you thought it would. If you don't like the first therapist you see, keep trying other ones until you find one you do like. Good luck!

i read this and i just couldn't believe it and how much a lot of it relates to me :( en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Obsessive_love

this type of obsession isn't what love is though. and most people are told to leave their partners because it ceases to be love. i have no love for myself to even know how to love another. and to love someone is to be able to walk away because as long as they are happy that's what matters, right? i can't walk away, because she is my whole life and for her to leave me or for me to leave her it's like taking my whole existence with her. when you love yourself you are already fulfilled and your life should compliment the one you love's life, right? i gave my whole self to her. it would be hurting my ego more than my heart to lose her, i'd think? to be without her. but it feels like my whole world is gone, i can already feel like my life is over without her and i haven't even lost her yet. it turned to obsession because i obviously felt it was something to give me self-worth and meaning since i feel like i have no place in the world and hate myself. i'm an isolated loner. and most people seem to think once you're over your partner who you're obsessed with and find yourself/love yourself that won't even have feelings for them anymore because you'll know who you really are, your wants, dreams, who you're compatible with. and i can't bare to think that :(

thanks for leaving a nice helpful response. those people telling me to kill myself are SO helpful -_- i don't know if i have the courage to even seek treatment or speak about this to anyone. i fear talking or opening up about my sexuality to even a therapist. no one in real life who's ever known me knows this about me. do you have any tips on how i could possibly try helping myself first? if it gets worse i will have to seek help.

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Originally Posted by Eng.Jackadmans [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

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Wow! Are these types of responses really allowed here? If they are that's pretty disgusting. Isn't this a forum to help others?

OP, trust me, you don't need as much help as some of the people who've responded to you. Be glad you are not one of them.

Don't do anything stupid. Life is so beautiful. You have to focus on the good in it and it will follow you.

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Originally Posted by ScorpioGirl [Dear Guest/Member you have to reply to see the link.click here to register]

Wow! Are these types of responses really allowed here? If they are that's pretty disgusting. Isn't this a forum to help others?

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No, they're not. It has been dealt with. Please report these posts as you see them.